Chapter 18
Cody
I can’t carry it for you, but I can carry you.
~ J. R. R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
I wake with a smile on my face. Not just a shy grin, either. I’m in my bed and my face is stretched wide with happiness. Yesterday with Carli felt natural, and yet it exceeded every day I’ve lived up until now. How did I live down the road from her all these years and not act on my feelings?
I dress and walk over to the family house, stopping at a pasture to check a few mother-calf pairs along the way.
“Morning!” I shout when I walk in the door. Maybe my voice is too chipper.
“Morning,” my brothers say in unison.
Ethan looks up, studying me with an odd expression on his face. “Give me whatever you’re sprinkling in his Cheerios,” he says to Mom.
“Good morning, sweetie,” she says, ignoring Ethan’s snark.
I walk over and place a kiss on Mom’s cheek, pulling a plate off the stack and loading it with eggs, sausage and toast.
“Looks good,” I tell her.
“Okay,” Garrett says. “What gives?”
I look around. All three sets of eyes are trained on me. Mom’s not paying them any attention.
“What?” I ask.
Luke looks between Ethan and Garrett. “I told you he was seeing someone.”
“What?” Mom perks up. She can go from completely uninvolved to overhearing every pertinent detail in a nanosecond. It’s a gift—or a curse.
“Luke thinks your baby boy here’s got himself a woman and he’s not sharing,” Garrett fills Mom in.
I shove the toast in my mouth and take a bite. Probably not the most innocent-looking maneuver in light of their accusation, but I’m working on the fly here.
Images of Carli in my arms on the blanket yesterday flood my mind. Not helping.
“See that?” Luke says, pointing at me. “That smile right there?”
“I see it,” Garrett says.
“Is it true?” Mom asks. “You can tell us. We won’t push. Who is she?”
It’s one thing to blow off my brothers. They’re nosy.
I’m the youngest boy, meaning I’m the brunt of their overprotectiveness and teasing, even at this age.
But lying to my mom? That never sits well with me.
As much as I’d like to tell them—and they think they want to know—disclosing that I’m dating my younger sister’s best friend is not a bomb I should drop today.
Not with McKenna’s wedding around the corner.
Not with the farrowing season and calving underway.
Too much hangs in the balance for both our families.
“Haven’t been out on the town in months,” I say, looking at my mom. It’s not a direct lie, but it’s misleading enough to make my bite of toast sit like a ball in my stomach.
Mom’s face falls just the slightest, so I add, “You’re still my best girl.”
She smiles and Luke shouts, “Way to suck up!”
“You’re not her favorite,” Garrett declares, staring at me. “Is he Mom?”
“I have no favorites.”
“He’s her favorite,” Ethan declares.
I just smile around at my brothers. I feel like her favorite and that’s all that matters.
We all wash our dishes after a breakfast filled with shoptalk about cows and tractors and which bulls might be put up for sale.
Ethan retires to the office with Dad where they’ll make final decisions based on post-breeding status.
Luke, Garrett and I meet some hands out in one of the main pastures to run bulls through the chute for health checks.
Just before lunch, I shoot Jace a text.
Cody: Where are you?
Jace: Barns, why?
Cody: I’ll be there in a few.
He doesn’t answer me. Typical Jace.
He’s buried in the farrowing season. Same grind, no break. My time with Carli only reinforced my concern for her brother—my best friend since childhood. I’ve seen it when I’ve been over there. He’s heading for burnout and doesn’t even recognize the danger.
“I’m going to check in on Jace,” I tell Luke.
He nods. “Let’s call your new girl Jace, shall we?”
I just laugh, shaking my head. “I’m seriously going to take Jace to lunch.”
“Lunch date?” Garrett asks. “Better clean up. No woman wants to kiss a man that smells like bull.”
“I don’t think Jace and I will be swappin’ spit,” I tell my brothers.
They eye me, their features twisting into twin expressions of disbelief.
Ironic. I actually am taking Jace to lunch.
I pull onto the Buckners’ farm about ten minutes later. My hands are washed, but I’m still wearing the henley and flannel I had on when I was running bulls.
Chet’s walking from the main barn to the house when I hop down out of my truck.
“Hey, Chet!” I shout out to him.
“Aw, heya Cody. What’s goin’ on?”
“I’m here to try to get your boss to take a break. Can you cover for him for a few hours?”
“Jace? Sure thing. He needs some time off the farm.”
“My thoughts exactly.”
“He’s in the farrowing barn. Want me to get him?”
“Nah. You go on. I’ll get him.”
I walk in the farrowing barn and look around. Jace is crouched low with a sow, saying something to her in his soft, in-charge voice.
“Am I interrupting you?” I ask.
“I was just proposing,” he says, standing. “It’s only right since I’m responsible for her pregnancy.”
We both laugh. It’s the first time I’ve seen him laugh a full laugh in months.
“Well, I hate to pull you away from your fiancée, but I came to take you to lunch.”
“Can’t.”
He brushes his hands and starts to walk toward the next stall.
I step in front of him. “Don’t make me hog-tie you, Jace.”
“Cody,” he sighs a heavy sigh. “I know you mean well.”
“Nope,” I say. “I don’t mean well. I mean to take you off this farm. Now go quietly, or go kicking, but you’re coming to Judy’s with me. Chet already said he’d keep an eye on things.”
Jace sighs again.
“I think I remember a time when you gave me a lecture about balance and life existing beyond the fence line.”
“I was naive.”
“Or wise. Let’s talk about which one it was over a burger. What do you say?”
He sighs again. I swear he’s going to hyperventilate.
“Okay. Alright,” he says with obvious resignation.
“Yeah?” I smile widely at him. “Okay.”
Jace follows me out to my truck with as much enthusiasm as a child being dragged to the dentist.
We climb into my cab. It doesn’t smell like Carli anymore, and I’m mostly grateful for that.
We’re quiet on the drive. I let the scenery do its work. Jace’s shoulders relax just a touch. He gazes out the window like a tourist in his own hometown.
“I should’ve done this a while ago,” I tell him.
“Kidnapped me?”
“Yeah. Kidnapped you.”
We chuckle.
I pull into the parking lot. It’s nearly always full. The place is old and not that pretty, a hodgepodge of decorations and wobbly tables, but the food’s good and it’s a staple in our community.
“Jace Buckner,” the hostess says with a smile. “It’s been a coon’s age since we saw your face around here.”
“Been busy,” he says by way of explanation.
“Table or booth?” she asks him.
He just glances around, so I say, “Booth, please.”
“Sure thing, hun.” She grabs two menus and we follow her to the back of the restaurant. I slide into the booth opposite Jace. He pulls up a menu and starts reading.
I don’t have to look. I know what I’m having.
“Rule number one,” I say when he lays the menu down on the table edge. “No talking about the farm, pigs, your dad, or anything related to any of that.”
“It’s fixin’ to be a quiet meal, then,” he says.
“I bet we can think of a few other topics.”
He shrugs, taking a sip of his water.
The waitress comes. “Why, Jace Buckner. I’ll be. We haven’t seen you in here in ages.”
“Yeah. So Stacey said. I’ve been busy with farrowing.”
“Well, don’t be a stranger. What can I get you?”
Jace orders a burger and fries. I do the same. We both get a sweet tea and the waitress walks off with our menus, putting a little sway in her hips for Jace’s benefit.
“She’s interested,” I tell him.
“Is she?”
“So’s Stacey,” I tell him. “Are you blind?”
“Just unavailable,” he exhales a short puff of air through his nose. “I probably will end up engaged to a sow at this rate.”
“Choices.” I don’t say anything else. “Oops. We’re talking about the farm. Next one to mention farms or pigs gets the tab.”
“Deal,” he says, glancing around. “And thanks. I needed this.”
“I wasn’t kidding about hog-tieing you. I would have enjoyed that.”
“Maybe next time,” he smiles a half-smile. “So, what’s new with you?”
Dating your sister. I skip that and go right into telling him the story of the kids at Local Hero Day. We both laugh hard and it feels better than I remember—being here with him, cutting up.
“Kids,” he says. “I don’t know how you kept a straight face.”
“You planning on going to the barn dance?” I ask him as our burgers arrive.
“I don’t know. I might. I honestly haven’t had time to think much about it. Every day’s the same right now. Wake—tend to the sows and piglets, then work the other barn. Lunch. Rinse. Repeat.”
“Yeah,” I say. “Well, the dance is at night, so I think you ought to come. Just for an hour or two, even.”
“Yeah. I might.” He takes a bite of his burger. Then he looks me in the eye. “I ought to anyway. Carli’s been acting weird lately.” He shrugs. “Maybe it’s the new job. But it feels like something else.” He looks down and then back at me. “I get the feeling she’s seeing someone and not telling me.”
I nearly choke on my bite. I grab my napkin as the coughing spell works through me.
“You okay?” Jace asks.
“Yeah. Yeah. Just swallowed wrong.”
“Have you heard anything about her being with someone? You’re out around town all the time.”
“Yeah. I haven’t …” my voice trails off. I can’t look him dead in the eye and finish that sentence.
He nods, obviously assuming I know nothing.
Our conversation shifts to McKenna’s wedding and then we swap stories about some old childhood memories. By the time our plates are empty, Jace is leaning back in the booth, his arms spread wide and his face more relaxed than I’ve seen him in a while.
“Pigs and hogs,” I say, just before the waitress drops the check.
“What?”
“I brought it up. I pay.”
“Nah, Cody. I’ve got this. You did me a solid getting me out of the barns.”
“That’s what friends are for,” I tell him.
“Brothers,” he says.
“Brothers.”
We always used to play like we were actually brothers growing up. He’d call himself Jace Lawson. And I’d say Cody Buckner.
I pay the bill and we head out to my truck.
Our ride back is just as quiet as the one over, but there’s a different feel to it.
“Let’s do this again,” I say when I drop him off.
“Yeah. I’d like that,” Jace says, opening the truck door and stepping out onto the gravel driveway.
On the drive back to my ranch I think about Carli and Jace.
One day I’ll have to come clean and tell him.
Just not now.