Chapter 27
Carli
You are my anchor
when the waves come crashing down.
~ Court Young
My office is an older one, right next to the bathrooms on the second floor of the county offices.
The walls are painted this odd seafoam color that makes me wonder if they got a discontinued batch of paint on clearance.
No one would intentionally choose this color.
My two file cabinets don’t match. My chair squeaks.
And I love all of it.
I’ll hang some pictures in here eventually. Maybe stick a realistic-looking ficus tree in the corner. But, for now, it’s still my first office and I love that it’s mine.
I’m filing some end-of-the-week reports this morning and going over my schedule of inspections for the coming week when my personal cell rings.
I glance at the screen: Mom.
“Hey,” I answer. “Everything okay?” They rarely call me, especially while I’m at work.
“It’s fine. We’re fine. Dad’s fine.”
“Dad?”
My throat tightens and my gut feels suddenly hollow.
“He had an episode. But he’s stable.”
My chair squeaks and stutters backward. I’m up, grabbing my purse.
“Where are you?” I ask.
“We’re at the doctor. Don’t worry, Carli. I just wanted to let you know. Jace drove us here.”
“Mom. I’m coming.”
“No, Carli.” There’s a gravity to her voice that has me sitting back down in my chair.
As much as I ache to be with my family, I’m letting Mom make the call.
“What happened? Is he really okay? Do they know what’s wrong?”
My questions fire off one after the other. I grip my purse strap, ready to take off even though she told me not to come.
“He woke from a nap and just couldn’t catch his breath.”
“He’s been short of breath a lot lately,” I say, almost to myself.
“We’ve all been on him. He’s a stubborn man.”
“What does the doctor say?”
“They’re doing an EKG right now. They did a chest X-ray and blood work. They think it’s a heart condition. But they say they think they caught it soon enough that he will be okay.”
Her light sob is unmistakable.
“Mom,” I say, my heart tugging physically inside my chest. “I want to come sit with you.”
“Jace is here, Carli. If you could make a difference, I’d tell you to come. I’ll need you at the farm later. And I’ll give you a big hug when we’re all home tonight. Stay and do your job.”
She’s not mad or resentful. Still, a wave of guilt rushes through me—a chill sending shivers from my head to my toes.
I wipe a tear from my cheek.
“Carli, I know you want to comfort us. I feel your love from here. Stay at work. We’ll see you at dinner.”
“Okay, Mom.” I relent. “But call me if anything changes.”
“Of course I will. I would have called you sooner, it was just …”
“You don’t have to explain. I understand. You had to get him to the doctor and be present.”
“Oh! The nurse is calling me in. I’ll see you when you get home.”
“Okay, Mom. I love you.”
“Love you, too.”
I’m frozen for a moment.
My hand moves of its own accord, pulling my phone out from my purse to call Cody. I don’t second-guess my impulse.
He answers after the first ring.
“Hey?” Confusion fills his voice.
We don’t call one another at work. We barely call one another at all. Texting keeps things manageable and safely shielded.
“Can you meet me?” I ask.
“Are you okay?”
He must hear it in my voice.
“I am. Dad went to the doctor. Mom says something happened with his heart. They’re doing tests.”
“I can meet you. Of course. Now, or when?”
“Whenever you can get away. Now is good. But … when you can. I know you’re at work.”
“Now works. I’m sending you an address—the old train depot. Meet me there. I’m leaving now.”
“I’m leaving now too,” I tell him.
“Are you okay to drive?”
“Yeah. I am. I just need to see you.”
“I’ll be right there.”
Cody sends me the address of the old train depot outside town. It’s only about seven minutes from my work. The building still stands, but the windows are boarded up and the platform is rotting. Grass tufts peek through the cracks in the broken asphalt of the parking lot.
I pull in and kill my engine. Cody’s truck pulls up next to mine moments later. He hops out and jogs over to me. I open the door of my truck and he reaches up and hoists me down into his arms.
I wrap myself around him, and he holds me.
He doesn’t set me down, but after a minute, he asks, “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Yes.” I nod into his neck.
He lets me down slowly and steps back to lean against the side of my truck. I wrap my arms around myself.
“I shouldn’t have taken the job. My parents need me. Jace needs me.” My words rush out, tumbling on top of one another.
Cody’s quiet, steady. He reaches out and rests his hand on my arm. He doesn’t tell me I’m wrong. He doesn’t say I’m right either. He just stays with me, his soft warm gaze stilling everything that’s rattling loose inside me.
He steps in again and I sink into his embrace.
His words are soft into my hair. “You could not have stopped this.”
I let out a soft sob. I feel small, but safe in his arms.
We stand there like that, Cody cocooning me until I’ve regained my center.
I look up at him. “Thank you.”
He nods. “Are you okay?”
I nod.
“You don’t need to decide about work or the farm right now, Carli.
Just take things one bite at a time. Finish up whatever’s needed at your job today, or tell your boss you need to leave early—family emergency.
Then take care of what you can around the farm tonight.
Wake up tomorrow and deal with tomorrow. ”
I nod again. “You’re right.”
“Big situations are better swallowed in bites,” he says. “And I’m just a phone call or text away.”
“Thanks.”
I smile at him and he reaches out and cups my cheek.
“And about the farm,” he says, his hand still cupping my face. “Your dad has a community behind him. You’re not the only support he has and neither is Jace. We’ll all pitch in. You know how it goes.”
He’s right. We’ve done it for others over the years. I’ve seen it when crops were thin on one farm or when blight hit another. We band together in celebration or crisis.
He steps away, searching my eyes to make sure I’m alright.
“And you can take time off,” he says, smiling softly. “Even if your dad’s at home resting and life resumes around him.”
I picture Dad on the couch, comfortable and slightly belligerent about having to rest, and something loosens in my chest.
“Farm work. Maybe meeting up with McKenna. I told her I’d try to come over as soon as I can get away. But that was before everything with my dad.”
Cody’s tone is soft. “I don’t want to take you away from my sister, but I’d like to see you.”
“Me too. I really want to see you.” I reach out and grasp his hand. He intertwines our fingers. “Let me see how the day goes.”
“Of course.” He nods and his smile at me is everything.
How can one smile do so much?
We hug again. I could stay in his arms forever, but I want to get home. Cody kisses the top of my head and we separate. He stands in the parking lot while I climb into my truck. I peek in my rearview before turning the corner. He’s in the same spot, watching me until we lose sight of one another.
My boss tells me to take off early, so I close up my reports and drive home to the farm.
Chet’s in the barn, carrying on without Dad or Jace when I walk in.
“Need anything?” I ask him.
“No thanks, Carli. I just topped the feed and water. Already checked the litters. We’re good for the afternoon.”
Jace pulls in a few minutes later. My parents get out of his back seat. Dad looks tired, but better than I expected.
Mom pulls me into a hug. When she steps back she says, “The doctor gave us a prescription. Said with the medication, lifestyle changes, and regular follow-ups, most people live full, active lives with the same condition your dad has.”
I look over at my dad. He smiles at me. “It’s going to take more than this to take me down, Carli. You’re not gonna be rid of me that easy.”
I shake my head and step into his arms. “Do you feel okay?”
“I feel the same as I’ve been feeling—with the added humiliation of spending an afternoon at the doctor’s while my farm needed me. But other than that, I’m good. Don’t you worry.”
“Don’t make me worry,” I scold him, giving him a squeeze.
He holds me and we don’t let go like we usually would.
“I’m going to check in with Chet,” Jace says.
“I just did,” I tell him, pulling back from Dad’s embrace. “He said everything’s good.”
“Come in and have some tea for a minute, Jace,” Mom says.
I’m prepared for him to turn her down, but he surprises me. “Tea sounds good.”
We all stay in the main house the rest of the afternoon. A neighbor brings by a rotisserie chicken and salad so Mom doesn’t have to cook. We linger together after dinner until Jace and Dad start yawning. Then Mom yawns and it sets me off.
“Okay, Buckner family,” Mom says. “We’ve had enough of a day. Let’s get some sleep.”
I give everyone hugs and drive home to my cottage. Before I fall asleep, I text Cody and McKenna, telling each of them that Dad’s doing okay.
My phone rings a few moments later.
“Hey, girl!” McKenna’s voice is bubbly as ever, but softer.
“Hey.”
“How are you holding up?”
“I’m ready for bed and I feel like I could sleep for weeks.”
“Do you still want to hang out tomorrow?”
“I’d love to. I need to help around here first, but then I’ll come by.”
“Sounds good. I’m glad your dad’s okay. That was scary.”
“It was.”
I close my eyes. I can almost feel Cody’s arms around me, the way he held me together through the worst of it.
“I’ll let you go,” she says. “Call me when you’re coming over.”
“I will. Love you.”
“Love you too.”
I’m getting ready for work the next day when my boss calls me and tells me to take a few days as personal leave. I tell him it’s not necessary, but he insists. So, I help Jace in the barn and then I wash up and head over to the Lawsons’ to see McKenna.
McKenna is in the barn when I show up. She’s walking around the space so focused on whatever she’s doing that she doesn’t even hear me enter.