Chapter 17
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
TAYA
There is a band around my chest that has been there since I woke up from fainting after my brother told me that my father was gone.
It is like I can’t breathe. Colors are dim, scents are muted. I am a walking zombie.
Even my pigs do not bring me any comfort, but that will change when we find Evander and I bleed him dry before feeding him to my babies. They will have a feast. I will spoil them with their favorite foods once it is done.
The world will be a better place without that piece of shit who thinks his shit does not stink.
People fill my family house, each person knew my father, and they want to pay their respects but fuck me, I just want everyone gone. I want to breathe without someone hugging me, touching my shoulder, offering support.
These people were there for my father, they have always supported his business, and he theirs. We are a farm community.
The only people I do not want here are the Three Kings MC. Seeing each of the members brings a new level of pain. Seeing him makes my heart crack open more. I have not yet dealt with him and what I found out the day my father was taken from me and my brothers.
My head and heart have been lost in all things surrounding my father.
Corbin’s hit was through and through, but he lost of a lot of blood and only got out of the hospital yesterday. Carson took a bullet to the shoulder, so he needs to wear a sling. One farm hand was shot in the leg, but everyone else was unharmed.
We only lost my father.
Leaning against the kitchen counter, I look around the room, seeing people talking about my father, sharing stories of him. Seeing my brothers both sitting on the sofa in their usual places, my father’s chair empty, I get hit with a new wave of pain.
My chest tightens even more, breathing becomes harder to do. My palms are clammy, my eyes fill with fresh tears that can’t seem to stop.
I need air.
Leaving the kitchen, I walk with determination toward the barn, needing to get away from everyone.
I feel eyes on me, and I have had that feeling for days, but this time it feels different, it has my heart picking up speed. Pushing the feeling down, I slip into the barn. The smells of the horses, along with ammonia, the wood chips, and hay, fill my senses.
I spy Silver Lina my horse, a very pretty and spoiled Lipizzaner. She was given to me by my father when I turned sixteen. She is all white, with a silvery mane, hence her name.
“Hey, pretty girl.” My palm runs up her nose between her eyes and back again.
She presses forward, burying her head into my neck, offering support. We have always had a great connection, and she can feel my pain.
“I know, girl, I miss him too.” I sob, not trying to dry my face. “He is with Mama now. I bet she is spoiling him something rotten like she did when she was alive.”
A hiccup escapes, and Lina’s head jerks up.
Turning my head to see where she is now looking, I see Smoke leaning against the barn door.
My heart skips a beat seeing how handsome he is.
Dressed in a sparkling white button-down shirt under his cut, he has the black satin ribbon around his bicep in respect for my father.
“What are you doing here, Smoke?” I ask, watching him wince when I use his club name.
“I came to check on you. See if you are okay.”
I scoff, turning away from him, giving Lina my attention. He steps closer but I keep my focus on the horse in front of me. She comforts me when it should be the man behind me who does that job, but he lost that right when he lied and used me.
“I know that you are not okay, baby.”
I cut him off. “Do not call me that,” I snap at him, my body tight with tension, as I turn to face him.
His eyes go wide for a split second before he frowns, moving even closer.
“Why not?” he challenges.
“It means nothing to you.”
He thinks over what I said, his eyes bouncing between mine.
“Tell me why you left that night?” His voice drops low, making my body shiver.
“It doesn’t matter, Smoke.”
“Dustin,” he growls.
I scoff, waving my hand in his direction, turning to face Lina again.
“As I said, it does not matter. It all is meaningless now.”
I feel the heat at my side when he steps closer. His musky leathery scent hits my senses, causing my nipples to harden. My body is being a traitor, reacting to him this way, and I freaking hate it.
He hurt me and I will not let that happen again.
Pushing down my body’s reaction, I snap at him.
“Step back,” I hiss.
“Tell me,” he tries again, his voice deeper this time.
Turning my head, I look at him and see for the first time that he looks tired. He looks like hell warmed over. I frown, looking at him in confusion. What does he have to look tired about?
“My life has been turned upside down, Smoke.” I ignore the growl. “You wanting answers is the last thing I want to be dealing with right now. So why not go back to your club buddies and leave my property. Me and my brothers will deal with this with our people,” I inform him.
He steps back, his hands go to his trim waist, he looks down at his clean black biker boots, breathing deeply before he looks to me. I cannot work out what he is feeling or thinking, as his face is showing no emotion.
“Do you know what I can’t work out? Why you left. We had a good night, fuck, it was the best night, and you fucked off without a word. When you fell sleep in my arms, Taya, I thought you would be there in the morning, wanting to spend more time with me.”
“No, you wanted another round of fucking before you took me home” I spit at him.
He stares at me, disappointment clearly showing on his face.
“Is that what you think?” His hands drop at his sides.
My blood boils. How fucking dare he act innocent in all of this. How dare he act like he is the one who got his feelings hurt.
“Oh, fuck off, Smoke. You know I was a quick fuck to you. I am just some fragile little girl you agreed to protect for her father. I was a job to you, Smoke . Was fucking me a part of it, or just an added bonus?”
The air around us crackles, silent apart from the horses huffing. Silver Lina can sense my upset, and nudges forward into my head but I can’t tear my gaze away from the man standing in front of me.
“How did you find out?” His voice is gravelly.
“That is what you have to say first? Like I said, it does not matter anymore. That night was meaningless.”
He shakes his head, moving to within an inch of me.
“Do not ever say that fucked-up shit again. That night was fucking perfect, it would have been even better waking up with you.” His hands cup my face, turning me to face him.
My body heats up from his touch and it pisses me off. I am staying angry with him; anger is an emotion I can handle right now.
“You were never a job. Yes, your father came to the club asking for help. He was scared that Evander could get to you again and there would be no one around to keep you safe. He was scared out of his fucking mind, baby. Bobby-Jay did not get scared. He was a stubborn hard ass. He would have never forgiven himself if anything happened to you and he could have prevented it.
“When I have kids one day, I will do the same thing, no hesitation. My family will get the ultimate protection from me and my club. So will my Ol’ Lady. You can be pissed at me all you want, baby, I will take your hate, your anger. It will carry you through your grief. You can push me away, but I will not fall over.”
Holy shit.
I am breathless listening to him saying everything that I never expected to come from him.
Everything that has happened over the past few weeks has had my emotions on some kind of fast twisty fairground ride, and I am unable to find my feet.
So much has happened. Stepping back out of his hold, I look to the floor, suddenly feeling drained. My shoulders slump forward, feeling like the weight is becoming too much, as tears fill my eyes and my throat closes up.
“You lied to me. I felt used and worthless,” I admit to him.
He sighs, stepping to me. I back away, hitting the gate that leads to Lina’s stall.
“For what it is worth, Taya, I felt guilty for keeping it from you. I told them that you could handle knowing why I was around, but your father wanted to keep you in the dark.”
I can hear the emotion in his voice, and it makes me look up at him.
“When we went on our date, that guilt ate at me, but I pushed it down and made sure to give you a good night. Fucking you was a bonus but not in the sense that you think. I have felt something for you for years, Taya, but you shot me down every time, so then, a vicious cycle ensued. You turned me down, so I sought after a Dreamer or any pussy I could find. You would catch me or hear about it, and then the cycle started again.” He shrugs.
Leaning in, he kisses me, and just when I think he is going to deepen the kiss, he pulls back. My eyes close at his closeness, and I breathe in his manly scent.
“Just know that I wanted to be with you, with or without a deal with your father. You never saw me for me. You only saw the whore biker.” His voice is flat, and I fucking hate that I have made him feel like this.
Fresh waves of tears hit me, as I watch him walk away from me. My knees buckle and I hit the deck. Sobbing, my heart splits into a million pieces as his words bounce around inside my head, which is struggling to make sense of them right now.
I need to take some time to work out my emotions, deal with losing my father, and figure out what my next move is.