Chapter 3
Smokehouse
C hanging my mind, I walked away from the clubhouse door and went around the back of the building. I shoved the paper into my pocket and went over to where the picnic tables were. Settling on top of one, I sat, staring out over the property into the desert that lay beyond our fences.
I didn’t know how long I stared, mind blank, before I dropped my head into my hands.
What had I fucking done? More importantly, how had I not known that I hadn’t worn a condom?
I couldn’t even go back and walk through the steps of that night because I’d been partying hard and had been so damn drunk I couldn’t remember much.
The only thing I did remember was being woken up for church the next morning, the massive hangover I’d had, and the disappointment of coming back to my room to find the woman from the previous night gone. I also remembered how much I liked her. That was the reason I’d tried to find her again.
“What are you doing out here?”
I didn’t bother to lift my head. “Nothing.”
The table groaned as both Ricochet and Hellfire climbed up and sat on either side of me on top of it. That was a lot of damn weight for the thing to hold since none of us were small men, but Hellfire alone was like a fucking semi-truck.
“If this thing collapses I’m kicking your asses.”
Hell chuckled and leaned back on his hands, causing the table to shift and groan again. “Who was the chick?”
“Don’t want to talk about it.” I lifted my head in time to catch them giving each other a look. Gritting my teeth, I ignored it and tried to tune them out.
“She seemed pretty fired up about something,” Hell tried again. “And considering you’re out here looking like she just up and told you she’s pregnant-” His eyes widened when I glowered at him. “No shit. Did she seriously just come here to tell you that?”
“That would explain why Butcher and Toxic just shoved us out the door, insisting we come talk to you,” Ricochet said in an awed tone.
Sighing, I shifted, wincing when the table creaked, and dug the stick from my pocket. I handed it over to Ricochet.
He blew out a breath. “Fuck.” We all sat in silence for a few minutes. “Well, shit. Congratulations, Brother.”
I scowled at him. “Don’t fucking congratulate me. This isn’t a fucking good thing.”
Ricochet narrowed his eyes, then leaned forward, elbows on his knees as he stared out at the landscape. “I know you’re freaked out, Smoke, but-”
“I don’t need a pep talk,” I snarled, ripping the test out of his hand and putting it back in my pocket. “I don’t know this woman. Even if I did, I’ve never been the type who’s wanted kids.”
“Why not?” Hell asked. For once they were taking things seriously. I almost wished Butcher and Toxic were back out here. Taking this seriously was making it worse.
The incredulous look I gave him didn’t seem to bother him.
“I’m not fucking father material.” I motioned to myself.
“What about this screams father of the year? I drink, smoke, cuss, fuck far more often than I should, apparently. What the hell do I have to offer a kid? Or an old lady for that matter?”
“Doesn’t seem like you’re giving yourself enough credit,” Hell said with a shrug. “You have plenty to offer. Besides you can stop fucking around, stop smoking…reduce the drinking,” he offered with a grin. “No one needs to stop drinking.”
I shook my head. “You see these dads out with their kids places and they’re in fucking polos and dad jeans. They don’t have tattoos everywhere. They don’t fucking start fights with people just because they’re bored.”
“When are you going to tell Hush and Riptide? Or Priest for that matter?” Ricochet asked.
Giving him a confused look, I replied, “Huh?”
“Well, someone should tell them that because they drink and have tatts, and are in a club, they shouldn’t be fathers.
Someone should probably let Seek and Sloane know, too.
Though, with Seek at almost seven months pregnant I’m going to vote for you to tell her.
She might be waddling at this point, but she’s fast and she’s a little mean. ”
Hell snorted out a laugh. “That’s the truth.
You should probably also let Bear, Dash, Mel, and George know, too.
Tell Priest’s girls that they shouldn’t be allowed to shoot fireworks at people or cheat Butcher at poker.
Plus, make an announcement to the rest of these poor bastards that they can’t become fathers in the future. ”
“Enough,” I muttered. “I get your fucking point.” Scraping a hand through my hair, I glared at the ground. “It was a lame excuse.” That was what my brothers were for. They never let me get away with shit like that. Pity parties didn’t last long around here.
“Your Dad raised you and Kit,” Ricochet pointed out. “Did you hate your life?”
“No,” I admitted. “He did a damn good job. I loved growing up in the club environment. Didn’t like that Kit did, but I did my best to protect her. Still do. Not that we ever had to worry about our own members. They were like uncles to her, same as we are to Priest’s kids.”
“Then what’s the hold up?” Ricochet asked.
I shrugged my shoulders. “It’s a lot of responsibility.”
“True,” Hell said. “You’re just afraid of growing up.”
Shooting him a dark look, I replied, “I’m thirty years old.”
“Age doesn’t mean you’re grown up,” Hell shot back. “Once you have to take care of someone other than yourself. That’s being an adult.”
“I was in the military, same as you. I’m not a fucking kid.” Not to mention I’d almost gone the old lady route once upon a time. Proposed to my girl at the time. She’d ended up dumping me two weeks before the wedding and never looked back. I wasn’t in a hurry to sign up for that again.
“No, but you still party like you are. You bring home a new woman almost every-” Ricochet broke off and looked over at me. “You haven’t brought anyone home in a while, have you?”
“How the hell would you know?” I muttered.
“Shit. This girl has her hooks in you,” Hellfire said, ignoring my question. He and Ricochet grinned at each other. “Even before she told you she was pregnant. You were thinking about her.”
I rolled my eyes. “Even I take a break from women now and again. Even if we’re having a kid together, I’m not looking for an old lady.”
Both their brows shot up and they completely ignored my last sentence. “You recall any breaks?” Ricochet asked Hell.
“Nope.”
“Look,” I snapped, “it’s been a fuck of a day. Can you lay off before I use you both as target practice?”
“Yeah sure, not as if the girls won’t be planning a baby shower by the end of the night.
” They both laughed, but I knew my friends well.
They wouldn’t mention this to anyone before I was ready.
They also weren’t going to give me the break I’d requested.
They were going to hand me a mental ass kicking.
“So what’s your plan?” Ricochet asked after a few minutes.
I sighed, loudly, dropping my head back and staring at the sky. “Fuck if I know. I don’t know how to be in a relationship anymore. Pretty sure I don’t ever want one again. My last was with Rachel. Definitely don’t know how to be a dad. I don’t even know if she’s planning to keep it.”
“Rachel,” Hell grunted out. “She was a real piece of work.” He arched a brow. “She have anything to do with all this?”
“Not really,” I lied. There were some things I wouldn’t share, even with them. How badly my ex had hurt me was one of those things. I wasn’t good at talking about feelings and emotions. Especially not my own.
“Do you want her to keep the baby? I’m not going to lie, I’m looking forward to being Uncle Ricochet,” he mentioned, changing the subject. Even if I didn’t admit it to them, they both knew how much she had fucked me up. Especially after what had happened with my mom.
“You’re already an uncle. You don’t need me to have a kid for you to get that title.
” My lips twitched. At least I knew my brothers would have my back.
Even fucking Butcher and Toxic. They’d known better than to let me sulk out here by myself and had sent these two out to me. At least I wouldn’t be in this alone.
The brotherhood was the exact reason my father never left the MC when our mother dumped us on his doorstep.
He hadn’t even known he’d had kids. Our mother kept us a secret for years.
She disappeared after she got pregnant with me, then showed back up on the clubhouse doorstep, leaving me with a friend to watch every time she went to see Dad.
Once she got pregnant with Kit she took off with us and didn’t show back up until she was tired of taking care of us.
She told Dad the truth of it all, claiming she was running away to Paris or some shit.
Kit had been too young to remember, but I did.
Ridgeback took us in with only minimal questions asked.
He did his best to get our mother to come back, be a part of it, but she was done.
He even offered to marry her, but according to him, she laughed in his face.
As far as I knew she was still in France.
I didn’t care to check in. The woman was dead to me.
So, we’d been raised by the club. It hadn’t been a bad childhood.
And we were still close as fuck with our dad even though he was always off on one adventure or another these days.
Currently, he was riding around Europe. I spoke to him every few days and he was having the time of his life.
Even found himself a little British girlfriend half his age to ride on the back of his bike.
I was happy for him. He deserved so much better than my useless mother gave him.
“The plan?” Ricochet prodded, bringing me out of my thoughts.
“Guess I have to go talk to her.” I made a face. “She’s not going to be happy to see me.”
“Why?” Hell asked.
“Sort of asked her how she knew it was mine.”
They both looked at me in silence for a few moments. Their shock was written all over their faces.