4. Like These Guys
4
LIKE THESE GUYS
Diana
“ Oh my God , Diana , how could a completely untenable situation get more untenable?” Nicole demanded to know in my ear.
Yes , Nicole had once been my father’s PA .
Yes , Nicole had been the only one of them who’d achieved the aim of earning a ring and a trip down the aisle to exchange vows with a man who had no intention of keeping them.
Yes , Nicole had been Dad’s PA when Dad was still married to Mom .
Yes , in the beginning, this was a big issue for me.
And last, yes, Nicole had won me over along the way, because she was just that awesome.
Part of that awesome was owning her shit, learning life’s lessons when they slapped you across the face, sharing that knowledge and being there for me even, I hated to admit it, in the important times my mother wasn’t.
Like when I started my period, when I went on my first date, when I needed the perfect prom dress, and when my first boyfriend broke my heart.
FYI : all of that happened after Dad scraped her off.
Including , obviously, when she was there for me after I was sexually assaulted on a study date.
I lost Mom to Dad’s betrayal and her spiral afterward that she never pulled herself out of (and I could say that even if she currently lived what she took pains to show was an idyllic life in Idaho , though she was doing this with an alcoholic asshole who had a side coke habit and a Neanderthal’s take on the role of a woman in society—but he had money, Mom had three Birkin bags, so for her, it was all good).
But in all that, I gained Nicole .
I never tried to figure out if that balanced the scales.
It was just what it was: my life. So I lived it.
And in the end, Nicole always gave me the steady when I was never sure of my footing with a father who expected things from me I wasn’t certain he should expect, but nevertheless, I constantly fell short. Also , when I had a mom who I adored, but who my father broke beyond repair.
Needless to say, Nicole , who I told everything, was not a yay vote on me wading into Suzette’s situation.
And she was not a yay vote on all I’d just told her, including me visiting Dad for the first time in a decade by hijacking his office, me laying the unblemished truth on Janie , and me accepting the assistance of a bunch of bikers I didn’t know from Adam .
“ You need to talk to that Detective Scott again,” Nicole advised.
“ Suzette doesn’t trust him,” I reminded her.
“ I’m sure the police know just how bad a man this guy is. They want him out of commission, and they’ll do everything they can to keep her safe so she can testify.”
“ I agree. But she doesn’t trust them.”
“ Diana …”
Uh -oh.
She said my name in that brace, I’m about to impart wisdom tone.
I was all in for wisdom, but sometimes getting it wasn’t a lot of fun.
“… I could verbally flay Nolan for hours for the way he mishandled what happened to you at school.”
Yep .
She was about to impart wisdom.
“ But that can’t be changed,” she went on. “ Not by him. And also, sweetheart, not by you.”
I was in my bedroom. I’d retreated there after the men left so I could call Nicole and get my head straight before I started dinner and tried to coax Suzette into coming out to help, even though Muzzle was still there, and then coax her to staying out when Hugger returned.
The thought of Hugger returning made a little happy wiggle dance in my belly, something I staunchly ignored.
To aid in that endeavor, I moved to the wall of windows that led to the small balcony, rested a shoulder against one, and stared unseeing at the courtyard.
“ You’re so like your dad. I wish you both saw that so you could both celebrate it,” she stated.
My head twitched in shock.
“ I’m like him?” I asked.
“ Scary smart. Check . Headstrong . Double check. Stubborn . Triple check. Mostly the good kind of stubborn, though. Except in this case. But definitely when you get your teeth into something, you don’t let go. You also don’t let anyone walk all over you. You stand up for yourself. He came from nothing and built an enviable life. You gave up everything and did the same.”
As noted, sometimes, wisdom sucked.
Like now.
One thing in this world I didn’t want to be was like my dad.
But she was not wrong in any of that.
I’d just never noticed.
“ I don’t know what he expected you to be,” she carried on. “ I fell in love with him and married him, and I’m not even sure what he expected me to be. I just know it’s all about expectations with Nolan , and the only one who meets them is him. He just doesn’t see that’s because he can control what’s expected of him, he can decide if it’s worthwhile pursuing, then, if it is, meet that challenge. He can’t do that to other human beings. You have to make your own goals and reach for them. He can’t do it for you.”
Oh yeah.
Wisdom sometimes totally sucked.
I mean, I knew all of this, of course. But having it confirmed was another matter, and for some reason, it didn’t make me feel validated.
It reminded me of how I used to feel.
Like I’d forever be a disappointment to Dad , no matter how hard I tried not to be.
And this in turn reminded me, just that day, he’d told me he was proud of me in a way I knew he meant it, something I’d wanted from him all my life.
“ You should have dinner with him, Di ,” she said softly.
“ Nic .” That was all I could get out, because, yeah…
I still heard the entreaty in his tone when he asked me. I could also feel the sharp pang it sent through me.
“ And as much as it alarms me four strange men showed in your complex to offer to help, I trust you’re a good judge of character. So you need to work with these bikers to get Suzette somewhere so people who can truly help her are helping her,” she concluded.
I’d already figured that part out.
“ I’m on board with that,” I shared. “ I don’t know what I was thinking. I should have let Detective Scott take care of her.”
“ Has she explained why she’s all on her own yet?”
Suzette hadn’t exactly opened up. And when I said that, I meant at all .
I just knew there was no boyfriend, apparently no close friends, and her parents were a no-go subject. I didn’t even know if she was ditching a job by holing herself up at my place, or where she lived before she came to me.
So yeah again…
Oh yeah.
This was a complete mess, and I’d stepped right into it.
“ I haven’t thought it wise to push her,” I said.
“ It probably isn’t, but eventually, she’s going to have to come back to the land of the living. What’s going to be required of her to see this through takes mettle. Everyone needs time to lick their wounds. But you can’t keep licking them, or they’ll never close.”
They’ll never close .
Dang , crap, shit.
Shit .
Sensing my epiphany with her kickass ex-stepmom powers, she called, “ Di ?”
“ I did that, didn’t I ? After what happened in Tucson , not with that guy. With Dad . I didn’t let the wounds close.”
“ No , baby, you didn’t,” she said gently.
I let my forehead fall forward until it butted against the glass. “ I think Dad misses me.”
Nicole was silent.
“ Nic ?”
“ We can’t make people love us the way we want. We either accept their love as it comes, or we reject it. With that said, Diana , he loves you. He’s always loved you. It might not be how you need him to do it, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t there.”
Dang , crap, shit .
I was going to cry.
I couldn’t cry, not only because I hated crying, but Hugger was going to be back, and I didn’t want him to see me all puffy-eyed.
I also didn’t want to spend time thinking about why I didn’t want Hugger to see me like that.
Fortunately (but also unfortunately with the confusing things she said), Nicole spoke again so I didn’t have to consider that.
“ You’re old enough now, I think what he has to say, you’re mature enough to hear.”
That made my head come up from the glass because, what the hell did that mean?
“ What are you talking about?” I asked.
“ I’m not sure I know,” she said, sounding uncomfortably like she was hedging. “ What I do know is that being frozen out by you for a decade undoubtedly gutted him, and that’s not a guilt trip, sweetheart. He’s been perfectly capable of extending an olive branch over these years, he didn’t do it, and it was his place to do. So that isn’t on you. But now that seal has been broken. Reconnect with your dad. If it’s still damaging to you, step away. But I know you. If you don’t try, you’ll regret it. And if you let it last too long, and you two can find some footing you both are good with, you’ll regret you lost even more years you could have had with your dad.”
“ You having it together can get really trying,” I groused and heard her soft laugh.
“ He’s a flawed man, but we all have flaws, including me,” she declared. “ One of them, falling in love with a man who was not right for me. It brought me into your life, so I don’t regret what I did, because it earned me you.”
“ You need to stop being awesome so I can see while I make tacos for a woman with a target on her back and a biker. No one wants tears in their tacos. I suspect, not even bikers.”
I heard the humor in her tone when she replied, “ Okay , I’ll let you go. Larry sends his love.”
Nicole met Larry about a year after Dad divorced her. They got married two years later. I was a junior bridesmaid.
He was good-looking, worshiped the ground Nicole walked on, and had two kids from a previous marriage. He didn’t want more. Nicole didn’t want any of her own, but she was all in to spread her awe-inspiring stepmom goodness around, so she did that with Larry’s kids, just like she did with me. They adored her. Larry (and the kids) adored me. I adored all of them.
It was a win-win-win-win.
So …again, Nicole was the only steady I had in my life.
And it meant everything to me.
I sent my love back, disconnected and headed out of my room to the closed door to Suzette’s .
I knocked. “ Suze ? It’s me.”
“ Yeah ?” she called.
I opened the door to see her curled up on her bed with her (actually my ) iPad.
She was a pretty little thing, but so tiny.
Damn .
Lots of blonde hair, big blue eyes, and what had once been perfect peaches and cream skin.
I couldn’t imagine anyone laying a finger on her in anger, doing so to harm her in any way.
Just standing there in the door to her room, I wanted to gather her in my arms and will all her hurts away.
I couldn’t do that.
So I did the only thing I could do.
“ I’m making beer-battered cod tacos with slaw. Wanna help?” I asked.
“ Are they gone?”
I shook my head. “ No . Muzzle is still here. But he’s leaving when Hugger comes back.”
“ I think maybe I’ll stay in here. I’m not real hungry,” she replied.
Truth told, she didn’t eat much, which was beginning to get concerning. She was a wee thing. She needed to eat.
She’d also endured a massive trauma, was descending deeper by the day into a depression that was likely affecting her appetite, so she needed to be sure to eat even when she wasn’t hungry. She could tackle the depression later, but not if she starved to death.
I took a second, then entered the room, which used to be a workshop from which my boss let me do some projects at home, minor ones, but it was a nice option to have.
With the help of Nicole , Larry , Gram and some friends, we stored my stuff and got her a queen-size bed, nice bedclothes, nightstands, lamps, a dresser, and a TV .
It was all secondhand, but it looked good.
Girlie , welcoming, like she mattered.
The blinds were drawn, the curtains pulled over them, the lamps were on, and it being September , thus still light outside, but it was dark as a cave in there (outside the lamps).
“ I’m not going to be pushy,” I assured. She stiffened because she knew I was winding up to be kind of pushy. “ But I am going to encourage you to let the sun in and maybe get out of this room more often.”
“ I don’t understand why all of a sudden four huge guys show up and wanna help me out,” she remarked.
I didn’t totally understand it either.
“ Like I said, they have some history with…you know.”
I didn’t want to say his name. She winced when it was said, so I tried to avoid it.
“ So they’re using me to get at him?” she asked.
“ No . They’re genuinely, and I’d say extremely, from what I could read, pissed about what he did to you.”
There it was.
The wince.
Crap .
“ And that’s why they want to help you out,” I finished.
“ But they get something out of it.”
I pulled my shoulders forward in a shrug. “ I don’t know, honey. They don’t even know why, um…he-who-will-not-be-named turned his attention to them. They’re trying to figure that out too, like I explained when we talked about this earlier.”
“ This seems wonky to me.”
I smiled at her, came farther in and sat down on her bed. “ I agree. But in case you didn’t notice this, I’m not Jason Statham .”
Her lips tipped up.
“ We’re safe here, I truly believe that,” I told her. “ But I cannot deny we’re a lot safer with those guys hanging around.”
“ Yeah ,” she said quietly.
“ So , you gonna come out and help me with tacos?”
She bit the side of her lip while her right shoulder inched up before she let both go and requested, “ Can I try tomorrow night?”
“ No pressure. I said I wasn’t going to push, and I meant that. But warning, I won’t push, but my encouragement might take a harder slant.”
She smiled at that, not a big one, but it was a definite smile before she said, “ Consider me warned.”
“ I’ll bring you in some tacos,” I offered.
She nodded.
If she ate them, along with her smile, that would be a win for the night.
I left her room, returned to mine, changed out of my clothes and into some cutoff jean shorts and a cute black tee with ruffle sleeves and a plunging V neckline (and I was ignoring why I chose a semi-fancy tee with cleavage, when it was unlikely I’d wear it to hang around the house, it was more a going-out-for-coffee or a movie item of apparel), and I headed to the kitchen.
Muzzle was sprawled in all his faded-jeans-and-tee biker badass on my couch, his focus to the TV , where a true crime doc was playing.
“ True crime fan?” I asked as I moved toward the kitchen.
His gaze came to me, it dropped to my legs, his eyes got lazy then they came to mine.
So noted: Muzzle was a leg man.
“ Misery loves company,” he replied.
“ What ?” I queried.
“ It’s not good to know there are other sick fucks people have to deal with out there. It’s still good to know we’re not the only ones who are constantly dealing with sick fucks.”
Interesting .
“ So that means…?” I prompted.
“ People have problems, cops can’t sort it, or they don’t got the money for lawyers or private dicks, or whatever they need to get the problem gone, they come to us, and we get the problem gone.”
Interesting .
“ And that means?” I pressed.
He looked to the wall beyond, which was the guest bathroom, and beyond that was Suzette’s room, then back to me.
But he spoke no words.
I realized his look to the wall was his answer.
Sadly , it also wasn’t.
“ I’m afraid our short acquaintance has not guided me to understanding your meaningful glances,” I said as I began to move around the kitchen to get dinner started.
I returned my attention to him when he busted out laughing.
He also turned off the TV , rose to his hot-biker-guy height, and moved to the kitchen island.
“ Had a lady whose teenage daughter was being sexually blackmailed by some anonymous twat on social media. The girl couldn’t deal. She took her own life. The cops were going too slow, and bottom line, this fuck was doing it to other girls. We found the guy and put him out of commission. Gratis . She got justice, other girls got out from under his thumb. And done.”
I stared at him. “ How did you put him out of commission?”
He shot me a panty-melting, white smile. “ Now that, even old ladies don’t know. There’s brotherhood shit, Diana , where no one gets in. And it isn’t about keeping the women out. It’s about keeping anyone who isn’t a brother out. Learn that early.”
I wasn’t sure I needed that lesson for the hopefully short time it took us to get Suzette to someplace that was genuinely secure.
But I filed it away anyway.
“ What’s for dinner?” he asked.
This was a good question, because I needed to know quantities.
“ Are you eating?” I asked in return.
“ Depends on what’s for dinner.”
“ Beer -battered cod tacos.”
“ I’m eating.”
I smiled at him.
He tipped his head to the side. “ This gonna be homemade?”
“ The cod, yes. The slaw, yes. The salsa, afraid not.”
“ You want help?”
“ Do you cook?”
“ Not if I can help it. But if a woman with a great rack, a sweet ass, killer legs and a pretty smile asks, I can wing it.”
I’d never had a man speak about my person right to my face in such direct terms, and still, I felt highly complimented.
Even so, I narrowed my eyes at him. “ Are you flirting with me?”
“ Yes , but only out of habit,” he stated. “ If I was serious, you would know. But I can’t be serious because Hugger would feed me my balls for breakfast, and I like them where they are.”
My heart did a weird squeeze when he said that.
“ Why would he do that?”
“ Babe ,” was all he said.
“ Is that an answer to my question?”
“ Uh …yeah.”
“ I hate to inform you, it actually wasn’t.”
He winked at me, then went to the fridge, came out with a head of cabbage, and said, “ I’ll let you figure it out.”
Hmm .
I didn’t press because I promised Hugger dinner would be ready when he got back, he’d been gone a good twenty minutes, so we needed to get cracking.
I learned Muzzle was good with shredding cabbage and grating carrots.
I also learned he was what I expected he was: all man.
This happened when I got the fish salted, the batter resting, and he muscled me out of the way when I unearthed the skillet and oil.
Men did the frying.
Good to know.
Through this, surreptitiously, I took Muzzle in.
His strength was lean and defined, whereas Hugger’s was hulking and, well…also defined.
Muzzle had dark-brown hair; it was longish, unruly and thick. He was scruffy, with stubble but not a beard. He had hazel eyes that had a mesmerizing tawny center.
Clean him up a bit, put him in a button down and newer jeans, he’d be my type. Long , lean, dark and handsome.
Hugger was none of these things, and yet I found myself cooking beside Muzzle without the barest hint of that uncomfortable excitement you get when you’re around an attractive man you want to get to know.
Instead , it was just comfortable and friendly.
No . The tenterhooks I was riding was waiting to hear the front door open, heralding Hugger was back.
This was a problem.
I didn’t tend to be shy around guys I liked, so that wasn’t it.
No , it was that I was a realist.
Hugger lived in Denver .
I’d been around snow. It was pretty if you were sitting inside, drinking hot cocoa and watching Hallmark movies.
Other than that, I wanted no part of it.
That wasn’t the only reason I had no intention of leaving Phoenix . The others were more important, and they were named Nicole , Gram , Larry , and all my friends. Also my job.
Not to mention, I’d never heard that first story where a long-distance relationship worked out. I’d also never heard of it working when one or the other (and it was usually the woman) moved somewhere for her man. That was always a disaster, costly and emotional.
It had to be noted, the biggest part of the problem was, I wasn’t even sure he liked me, but instead, he thought I was an idiot.
The slaw was macerating. There were six crisp cod strips sitting on a paper towel, with three more in the oil, and I was seeing about warming up the tortillas when we heard the front door open.
My heart jumped.
Crap .
Hugger walked in carrying odd-shaped, square-ish, beat-up, black leather bags that were closed with straps and buckles, one in each hand.
He stopped, looked at me, looked at Muzzle , looked at the fish frying in the skillet, then looked back at me, first to my cleavage, then to my eyes.
“ Dinner isn’t ready,” he declared.
I started laughing.
Then I said, “ Come with me.”
I left the kitchen and went down the hall to my room.
I stopped at the door to my walk-in closet and turned back to see Hugger standing a couple of steps inside the room, looking around.
There was no happy wiggle in my belly at that.
Nope .
The happy wiggle I felt at Hugger in my bedroom was somewhere south.
“ I don’t think you should share a bathroom with Suzette ,” I stated, and his attention came to me. “ She needs her space and to feel totally safe in it. So you can park your crap in my closet and use my bathroom.”
“ Right ,” he replied.
“ If I’m not in here, feel free to come on back. If I am, and you need something, obviously, just knock.”
“ Right ,” he repeated.
“ Not to feed into antiquated gender norms, but I’ll put some towels out for you. Yours will be blue, mine will be white.”
“ Got it.”
“ I have two sinks in there. Go for it in unpacking. You’ll see which one isn’t used and that’s all yours.”
He said nothing, just stood there.
“ Do you need me to clear you some closet and drawer space?” I offered.
“ I’m not movin’ in.”
My brows drew down. “ I thought you were, at least temporarily.”
He didn’t respond to that.
He asked, “ You got a problem with my shit bein’ all over your closet floor?”
I gave that a second’s thought.
But I only needed half a second.
“ Totally .”
He shook his head in a this-bitch-is-a-trip way and said, “ Yeah . Clear me some space.”
“ I’ll do that after dinner,” I told him. “ And just so you know, I don’t have a pullout couch, but we’ll take the back cushions off and the seat is wide. I fall asleep there all the time. It’s super comfy.”
“ You’re a hundred pounds lighter than me.”
Aw , wasn’t he sweet?!
“ If it’s uncomfortable, maybe we can get an air mattress,” I suggested.
“ I’m not here on vacation,” he reminded me.
“ Everybody needs good sleep,” I reminded him.
“ I’ve crashed on couches. I’ve crashed in the back seats of cars. I’ve crashed on floors, in tents, out of tents on the ground in a sleeping bag. I crashed once on the top of a bar. I don’t have a problem getting to sleep just about anywhere that’s available. Don’t worry about it.”
Man , I wanted to know the story behind the “top of the bar” thing.
I didn’t ask after that.
“ Okeydoke ,” I replied.
“ We done here?”
“ Yep .”
“ Can I drop my shit so we can eat?”
I smiled at him. “ Yep .”
He didn’t move.
I also didn’t move because he was staring at my mouth in a way no man had ever stared at my mouth before, and that gave me so many happy wiggles all over my body, I wasn’t certain I could move.
He broke the spell, came toward me, I scooted out of the way and he “dropped his shit” in my closet.
He then walked out of my room, and I watched every step, marveling that such a big man could hold that kind of forceful grace.
Hugger’s new spell was broken when Muzzle shouted, “ Fish is getting cold, and I’m not slavin’ over this oil to present soggy-ass fish!”
This made me smile again because, call me crazy, but I was beginning to like these guys.