Chapter 30 Lucy
His stormy blue eyes are dark out here under the falling sun and twinkle lights. I want him to kiss me more than I’ve wanted anything in a really long time.
For a bachelor, his house is splendidly homey. The dark leather couches inside look well loved, a few pictures dot the walls, and his kitchen appears well used.
He steps away, opens the grill and a wave of heat fills the space between us. Watching him place the steaks on the grill along with various other things, the muscles under his shirt move and where he’s rolled up his shirt, I can see the veins in his forearms.
God, I’m such a slut for forearms.
“So, I know it’s none of my business, but can I ask what you meant when you said you don’t drink anymore?” His voice snaps me out of my perusal of him and I take a seat on one of the cushioned chairs near the glass table.
“Yeah, of course,” I nod, and he closes the grill joining me at the table.
“After everythin’ happened with Levi, I started drinkin’.
At first it was just to calm my nerves, and quiet the thoughts.
Then it turned into needing a drink to sleep, and then a few drinks, and eventually it got to a point when I was rarely–if ever–truly sober. ”
I can see his hands bunch through the table, but I don’t comment.
“I’d get blackout drunk, sloppy, throwin’ myself at anyone who’d look my way. It wasn’t until Briar found me one day that I realized I had a problem.” I won’t ever be able to forget the pain I saw in Briar’s eyes that night. The terror in her eyes when I’d struck her father without thinking.
The disappointment. It woke me up.
Pausing, I glance at his face, only to find his eyes trained on mine. “It was stupid, and reckless. I’m not proud of it but I–”
“Everyone has their trials,” he stops me, “not everyone deserves an explanation. Thank you for trusting me with yours, Lucy.”
Shaking my head, I watch him. “I want you to know me, and this is a part of me.”
He nods, placing one hand over mine. “It was a season in your life, that doesn’t define you. Hell, everyone’s got somethin’ in their life they aren’t proud of.”
I suck in a deep breath, his hand’s warm on mine making my skin pebble. “And you? What aren’t you proud of?”
He leans back with a deep sigh, his hand slipping away from mine.
“That is a loaded question, Goldie.”
Fuck.
I shouldn’t have asked that. Though to my surprise, he starts talking.
“Yates isn’t my biological father,” I swear I can see tears build, but he shakes his head and they’re gone.
“Levi and I are only half-brothers but I loved him the minute I found out about him. Then I left for the rodeo when he was only just turning four, and I rarely ever came back to visit. When he got a bit older he would send me letters askin’ when I was comin’ home, if I’d be there to teach him to ride.
I got so busy and caught up in the limelight I never answered, and eventually he stopped writin’. ”
He runs his fingers through his hair and grips the back of his neck, but continues, “It’s not that I forgot about them, we had so many years between us, I figured he didn’t remember me.
Then Jarrett came along and I had already been out of the house for so long…
I didn’t really have anythin’ to do with them.
Sometimes I wonder, if I’d been there, would Levi have turned out the way he did? ”
“You once told me Levi’s demons were his own,” I remind him.
He smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes as he continues, “My mother ran away from my biological father because he beat her. She doesn’t know how much I remember, but I always go back to that.
She got away, got us away, but if she hadn’t, would I have turned out just like him? Would I be the same man I am today?”
“I’m sorry, Reese. I shouldn’t have asked–”
“You didn’t ask somethin’ I’m not willing to share,” he smiles, it’s a small smile, one that makes me feel like it’s just for me.
“I used to believe I could’ve changed Levi, but once I had time to process, I realized he would have been the same way whether I was there or not. He made his own choices.”
The air hangs heavy between us as the sky gets darker and he gets up to check the food. Pulling the veggies to the side, he opens the foil and billowing steam floods out. They smell divine, filling the air with seasonings, making my mouth water.
“Is this weird for you?” I ask, if we’re going to pursue each other, Levi can’t always be hovering between us. “Talkin’ about him. Talkin’ about both of them?”
He turns once he’s flipped the meat, “I think it’s good to get it out in the open. Makes it easier to move forward.”
I nod, fully agreeing.
“Have you ever wanted to contact your biological father?” I ask, curious since he brought it up. His shoulders stiffen and then relax.
“No,” he says, turning back and pulling the meat from the grill. Plating the food, he walks back over and offers me a plate. “He’s not a man I want anywhere near my life.”
“I can understand that, especially if–” I stop myself. If he saw his father hurt his mother I don’t blame that choice one bit.
The steak cuts like butter, and melts in my mouth. It’s rare that I have a meal I didn’t have a hand in making, and this one is so good I moan around the mouthful. Looking up, I find Reese’s eyes focused on me, his fork paused halfway to his mouth, and my cheeks heat.
“What? This is delicious,” I giggle.
“I’m glad you like it,” he says with another smile that makes my insides melt.
He watches me take a few more bites, and seems pleased with himself. I usually wouldn’t eat like this in front of a date, but he makes me feel comfortable enough to do so.
That alone, has me fighting my desire to climb into his lap, and kiss him stupid.