Chapter 33 Reese
Her breaths mingle with mine, chest heaving just as hard as my own.
“Goldie,” it’s a plea on my tongue, she’s got to know how badly I want her, how fucking wrecked I am by her.
“Seems you can teach an old man new tricks,” she pants, “that was one hell of a kiss.”
I laugh as she leans into me, banging my head back against the door. We stay like that for a minute, both of us breathing deeply. I know I should be shutting down the ranch for the evening with Mason and Lin, but here, with my Goldie pressed against my chest, I don’t want to move.
“I’m sorry about yesterday,” I start, “Jarrett shouldn’t…”
She looks up, her green eyes stop me in my tracks. “You can’t control what he says.”
Shaking my head, I smile down at her. “No, but I should have tried harder to understand him. He’s going through somethin’ and I want to help. I just don’t know how.”
She nods silently communicating that she understands, and it makes me want to kiss her all over again.
“He’s your brother.”
Resting my head against hers, we both smile and I place my hands on either side of her face. Brushing my lips over hers, I sigh. “As much as I really want to keep on kissin’ you, I’ve got to close down the ranch, and you’ve got to take Briar home.”
Stepping back she giggles, “I can do that, on one condition, Old Man.”
“Anythin’, Goldie.”
Leaning into her space I wait for her to give me her condition with my breath held.
“Let me cook you dinner next time, and make sure we’re alone.”
“Yes ma’am.” I can’t help it, kissing her one more time before we make our way out of the house.
Watching her drive away shouldn’t make me feel so empty, yet it does. Like a piece of my heart just ran away. I promised her I’d let her cook next time, and I hope like hell it’s soon.
Mason whistles, and Lin grins. The two of them ready to tease me relentlessly about Lucy.
“She’s only been to the ranch twice, Mason,” Lin starts, “but who knows, he seems pretty smitten, might up and put a ring on it. You know, since he’s reachin’ retirement age… again.”
A laugh bursts out of me, “You two wouldn’t know what to do if I retired from the ranch.” Sure they could do the training, but they couldn’t do everything else. Come to think of it, I might need to start handing some of those things over.
“He might run off into the sunset with his Goldie,” Mason ignores my barb and joins Lin’s ribbing.
“If it were any other time, I’d enjoy this back and forth, however, we’ve got barrel racin’ qualifiers tomorrow, along with the little ropers and riders.” Turning to Lin I ask, “How are we lookin’?”
“Pretty good Boss Man, I think we’ll have some crushed hearts to tend to tomorrow night, but other than that I think we’ll have a good turn out this year.” Her obvious joy makes my shoulders relax a little.
“How’s Colt settlin’ in?” I ask Mason next.
He shrugs, “He seems like an alright guy, you figured out why Jarrett hates him so much?”
With a shake of my head, I pull my hat off and swipe my hand over my hair before putting it back on my head. I do need to settle a few things with him. Especially with how we ended our last conversation.
“We’re not speakin’ at the moment,” I admit, and they both nod, catching what I don’t want to say. I’m no good at this guardian thing, but for Yates–hell, for Jarrett–I’ll keep trying. “Y’all need help lockin’ down for the night?”
“Nah, I think we’re almost done, Champ,” he knocks my arm with a fist and nudges Lin before turning and heading toward the bunks for head checks.
Back at the house, surprise has me catching my breath. Jarrett’s on the couch, flipping through the television. He never hangs out in the living room, not once since he got on his feet after we patched him up a couple weeks ago.
I’m not sure what to say, so I wait, walking to the fridge and pulling out a beer. Leaning on the counter, I look through to the couch. “You thirsty?”
Jarrett looks my way, down to the beer in my hand and asks, “Depends, can I have one of those?”
Looking down at the beer in my hand, I scoff, “Not a chance.”
He shrugs and turns back around, resuming his clicking. Cap’s nails click on the hardwood, coming from my bedroom. He stops just outside the door and stretches before jogging over to the kitchen where I’m standing.
Bending to my knee, I scratch behind his ears and think of what the hell I’m supposed to say to Jarrett.
“He’s a good dog,” Jarrett says, and I look over the counter to catch a glimpse of him. The remote’s on the table, a movie plays on the screen, but I can tell he’s not watching it.
“Cap’s been my best friend for a long time,” I agree.
The room falls into silence, the TV’s volume is down so low I can’t hear it. The air kicks on, even this late in the day June’s heat ain’t no joke.
“I’m sorry,” Jarrett whispers and I pause Cap’s scratches. But I don’t dare say anything, hoping he’ll continue. “I shouldn’t have gotten upset with you about Levi.”
Standing, I take a long swing of beer and join him in the living room.
“Everyone hates him, like he was only ever evil and not my brother…” he twists his mouth to the side but continues, “what he did isn’t right, but it also doesn’t cancel out the good in him that I remember.”
His words hit me square in the chest, barreling into me like a runaway horse.
“He loved me, I know he did. He helped me break into rodeo when Mama and Dad told me no,” he smiles and I know whatever memory he’s replaying has to have been a good one.
“What Levi did to those women is inexcusable, but you’re right, I know you got a different side of him, and if you need to talk about it, I’m here.”
“You mean it?” He asks, face lifted to meet my eyes.
I nod once, if he wants to talk about Levi I can listen. I can’t guarantee it’ll change my whole outlook, but I can sit with Jarrett while he processes all the things he needs to.
“I do.”
He takes a deep breath, and blows it out.
“Everythin’ feels so fucked up. Levi’s gone and people hate him.
But they only knew that one part of him.
It’s like they made him into this monster and that’s all he’ll ever be now.
I know what he did was bad, horrendous, but that wasn’t who he was.
At least, I don’t think so. But I can’t ask him now,” he balls his hands into fists in front of his legs and bites the inside of his cheek.
His teeth nash so hard the skin on his cheek indents.
“I can never ask him why. Why would he ruin himself doin’ those things?
Why would he get caught up with that drug dealer, and why the fuck would he allow someone to get close enough to him with a fuckin’ knife?
He wasn’t stupid, and every time I think about him, I second guess my own memories.
Did I remember Levi right? Because everyone’s always talkin’ about how awful he was. ”
“I don’t have those answers, Jare. I’m not even sure they would help if we had ‘em,” I tell him honestly. Because bottom line, Levi was a shitty man. Sure, Jare got a different version, but the majority of people, they got a version of him incapable of identifying right from wrong…
“What if all he really was, is a monster?” He whispers, and my heart breaks.
Our little brother, and both of us failed him.
He’s crying now, tears mark down his cheeks but he doesn’t wipe them away.
He sits there in his grief and allows me to see it.
“If I’m rememberin’ him wrong, does that make me a monster too? ”
“No,” I move to the couch beside him, throwing my arm around his shoulders.
He stiffens but doesn’t move away. Then, when I’m feeling kind of stupid for trying, he melts and rests his head on my shoulder.
“It makes you human, Jare. I understand you loved Levi, and the part of him that he gave to you was real. I believe that.”
“How about we split the slice of cake Lucy brought last night and you can tell me all of your favorite memories with Levi?” I ask.
He sits back and looks at me with wide wet eyes and nods. “Only if I get the end where the most icing is.”
I chuckle, “You’ll have to fight me for it.”