Chapter 39
After getting everything from the rodeo, it’s time to pack up and head home.
I hate that Lucy didn’t stay, and I really hated her seeing me like that…
It bothers me. But, she seemed distracted by something else and she told me she believed me when I said I’m not that angry guy she saw.
My only saving grace is that she asked if we could have dinner tomorrow so I’m cautiously optimistic that we’re still okay.
Most of the trainees are still with their parents, and I’ll let them have the rest of the day together. I already let the parents know they need to be back before bedding down.
Mason and Lin follow behind me the whole way home, it’s not a long drive and it’s still early as we pull away from Goldspur Ridge. I should have explained who I was arguing with to Goldie, I’m just not ready to bring that into her life.
I know I need to be honest, and I will, just…
Not yet.
The ranch looks different without at least half of the trainees running around doing chores or heading for the chow house.
Backing the trailer into the training arena, we unload the animals and let them out into the pastures for the day.
They’ve been in pens for a while, so we let them roam when they get back.
The horses run and jump, kicking their back legs out seeing the others left behind. I laugh and move the trailer so Mason can unload next, and Lin heads to the opposite side of the ranch to drop the bulls.
Colt jumps out to help, and Jarrett walks to the house. I still need to talk to him, maybe after dinner I’ll be able to get something out of him. I thought he was making progress here and settling in. After we talked about Levi it felt like maybe we could start to build a real relationship.
Dropping the trailers off under the overhang we’ve got to keep them from the elements, I park the truck in front of the house. I could use a nap, but I’ve got an idea that needs some helping hands.
“Jare!” I holler after grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge and downing half of it in one go.
“Yeah?” He hollers from the stairs. “What?”
“Come on down here? I’ve got a project for us.”
It takes a moment, but eventually I hear his boots slap against the wooden steps and he appears near the bottom.
“What kinda project?” He asks me and my smile spreads. Goldie’s gonna love this.
“You’ll see,” I promise and head out the door. Jare follows, I can hear his sigh, but he’ll enjoy this. Or at least, I hope he will.
Picking up a few things and putting them into the back of the truck, Jare eyes me like I might be losing my mind. Hell I might be, but on the slim chance it makes Goldie smile, it’ll be worth it.
Driving behind the house a ways, I park in the open field where none of the animals roam, hop out and nod for Jare to do the same. He looks around, but pops open the door and steps out.
“What’re we doin’ out here?” He pauses seeing the tiller in the back along with manure and shovels.
“We’re gonna make Goldie her very own garden, just over there.” I announce and his eyes snap up to mine. It’s a big deal, I’m aware, but she deserves to have a space that feels like home here. I intend for her to be mine until the day I take my last breath, and then all this will be hers.
“That’s a little… overeager.” Jare grins and looks back toward the house. “You really like her, don’t you?”
I nod and my smile hasn’t left since we started. I know she’ll love it.
He shakes his head, but helps me get the tiller off the back and grabs a shovel. “So, how do we start this?”
His willingness to join me in this makes me think we’ve got a chance. A real chance to be brothers and not whatever we are right now.
Guardian and ward? I don’t know, but I do know Jarrett has done some growing up in the weeks he’s been here, I’ve seen it.
“Let’s mark the lines, I’m thinking six to start,” I grab a shovel and walk around the truck to the spot where I think she’ll get the most growth. “Drag the shovel through here,” I show him by stabbing the earth and dragging the shovel up about six yards.
“How far apart?” He yells, and I swear I saw a hint of a smile cross his face.
“Let’s try four feet, see how far that gives the tiller to churn up the dirt.”
We work together, marking the ground and when we’re finished I crank up the tiller and slowly follow the lines we made to mix up the dirt so she can plant whatever her heart desires.
Jare takes over after the first three lines are done and I watch, supervising so he doesn’t accidentally get himself caught under the blades or something. He does exactly as I did, until his three lines are done and he cuts the motor.
Placing his hands on his hips, he looks at his work and there’s something content in his expression that makes me pause. He looks happy, and it makes my heart damn near explode.
We place the tiller back up on the truck and spread the manure out on the freshly dug lines. They look damn good, and after we’re done I hop up on the tailgate and offer Jare a water.
He gulps it down, sweat rolling from his hair to his cheek and I decide to ask what I’ve been needing to ever since his spat earlier with Colt.
“What’s goin’ on with you and Colt?” I ask, and he stops drinking, lowering the bottle into his lap, his eyes follow it.
“He was my best friend,” he starts, and that’s not what I was expecting him to say. “Now he’s not.”
Knocking his shoulder with mine I ask, “Okay, but why?”
He sighs, and looks the opposite way from me. “Shit happens, I guess.”
“It’s got to be more than ‘shit happens’ Jare. I may be older, but I’m not stupid. If he was your best friend, somethin’ big had to have happened for y’all to fight the way you do.”
He jumps down from the tailgate and starts walking away from me without a word. But I’m not gonna let up, he’s got to trust that I’m only trying to help.
“Jare,” I start catching up to him. “Whatever happened, I’m sure you two can reconcile.”
“We can’t. He left me, and I’m not interested in playing second fucking fiddle to–” He snips, but I don’t stop.
“Everything can be fixed–”
“Not this,” he stops, words gaining volume. “There’s nothing he can do to fix this now. He won’t ever–”
He stops, and looks down at his feet before looking back up at me, tears pooling in his eyes. My heart sinks in my chest, I know that look. I’ve seen it a few times in my life, but it doesn’t make sense unless... A tear snakes down his cheek and he angrily wipes it away.
“Oh, Jare.”
“Don’t–”
“You love him,” I whisper, and his eyes snap down to his feet, cheeks flaring red.
“No. I don’t.”
“Jare…” I start gently, “You’re in love with him.”
“I’m not!” He shouts, as more tears roll down his cheeks and he crumples to the ground. I follow him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders from behind, and holding on to him as his body shakes and his tears turn to sobs. “I’m not, I’m not, I’m not,” his voice squeaks.
I don’t respond, he’s not going to hear it anyway.
Not with his insistence that he’s not in love with his best friend.
But it’s all starting to make sense. The prank from last summer that Lucy told me about, the fight when Jare said things about Colt’s girl, their inability to work together or reconcile.
“Jare, I’m sorry.” I tell him, my heart breaks for my little brother. He’s been so lost, and all I’ve done is call him names, and tell him he’s spoiled and selfish, when in reality it’s all a facade.
He’s scared, he’s hurt, and he’s alone.
“Levi knew,” he whispers. “He knew and he didn’t care, it wasn’t a big deal to him. But… I can’t–” He hiccups on an inhale.
“Shhh,” I squeeze his shoulders and let him go. “You don’t owe me an explanation.”
“I can’t come out, Reese. I’ve tried… a few times,” he gulps and wipes at his eyes. “It was never the right time, and now it might be the thing that kills Dad.”
Shock sucker punches me in the gut. “Jare, Yates will love you, no matter who you choose to love.”
He shakes his head, sandy blond hair sticking to his forehead. “He won’t understand.”
“He will,” I’m adamant, because the Yates I know won’t care if his son is gay. He’s never been one to throw his nose up at anyone for who they love. “Yates loves you enough to send you here so you don’t have to see him suffer. Do you really think he’ll be upset with you because you’re gay?”
He looks away and closes his eyes, taking a deep breath he shakes his head.
“Just because Colt doesn’t love you the way you love him, doesn’t mean there’s no one out there for you, you know that, right?” I have to make sure he knows. Unrequited love sucks, I get it and at his age everything seems dire, but he’s got years ahead of him to find someone who will love him back.
He nods, hoists himself up onto the tailgate and I join him. Together we sit there until he turns his body my way and says, “I’m glad you know, and I’m glad you didn’t give up on me big brother.”