23. Danny
23
DANNY
B anging my knuckles against Knight’s door, I wait, then bang again, needing him to open this fucking door and let me in before I turn around and go and fuck Parker like she begged me to.
I don’t know what the hell else I need to do to make her understand how I feel about her. I’ve shown her over and over since she got here that I want her. I’ve told her she’s mine. I’ve told her I love her, and the more I confess my feelings, the more confused she looks, like I’m talking in a different language.
She said people would think she was my fuck toy. That’s so messed up that I thought I was going to throw up. I’ve never once treated her like a toy. Never. And her reasoning was so fucking stupid it took everything in me not to spank her ass red for being so fucking dense.
I shouldn’t have to justify loving her curves, even if I’ve never dated a woman who looks like her before. Surely, I could accuse her of the same thing. Her exes don’t look like me. Maybe she’s using me. Maybe I’m her toy, and she’s just pushing her own feelings onto me.
I told her I loved her, and she just stared at me, like she had no idea what the fuck I’d said.
I’m done with her mixed signals. She told me she was mine. The moment she walked through the door, she told me she was mine, then she pulled this toy bullshit when I tried to talk to her.
A part of me knows that leaving probably wasn’t the best solution, but if I’d have stayed, I’d have probably ended up fucking her, and I don’t want that. I want us to be more than just a hot-and-sweaty hookup, and for a moment I thought she felt the same way. Now I have no fucking clue what’s going through her head.
The door swings open, and Knight looks at me, his all-seeing gaze running over me, before pushing the door wide and motioning for me to come in.
Not speaking, he opens a door to a cupboard he’s built under his stairs and pulls out a pillow, sheet, and blanket. Handing it to me, he lifts his chin in the direction of the couch, turns on his heel, and heads upstairs.
Relief at not having to explain why I’m here or why I need to sleep in his house when I can see my own front door from here washes over me. That’s why I came to Knight and not to Anders or Oz, or any of the other people in Rockhead Point that I consider family. Because I knew Knight wouldn’t push me to explain why I needed to be here, he’d just let me, because that’s who he is.
Quickly setting up the couch as a makeshift bed, I strip out of my clothes, then slip beneath the blanket in just my boxers. Sighing wearily, I lift my arm up and prop it behind my head. Staring into the darkness of the room, I try to push all thoughts of Parker out of my head, but instead I replay the look on her face every time I’ve tried to tell her how I feel.
I’ve never told a woman I love her before. Maybe I did it wrong. Maybe it’s supposed to be some grand gesture, not words spoken in the middle of an argument, like I was trying to make a point.
The more I think about it, the more I accept that love declarations shouldn’t be the explanation point in the middle of a fight. But no matter how or when I told her, it doesn’t make my feelings any less true. I love her. I’m in love with her, and I have no idea what the fuck I’m going to do if she doesn’t feel the same way.
Sleep eludes me until the sun is starting to paint the sky, and my body is so exhausted that I fall into a dreamless annihilation. I jolt awake what only feels like minutes later to the sound of Knight noisily cooking in the kitchen.
The smell of smoke and burned toast fills the air, and my nose wrinkles as I sit up and twist around to see my friend spreading butter onto a blackened chunk of what I think was originally bread.
“Morning,” I croak.
“Toast?” Knight asks, as brusque as always.
“That’s not toast, that’s charcoal.”
“This is how I’ve always eaten toast,” he says, blinking at me like he expects me to agree.
“I’m not hungry, but is it okay if I grab a coffee?” I ask, swinging around so that I can put my feet on the floor. Grabbing the sweatpants I’d discarded last night, I pull them on, then quickly fold up the blanket, sheet, and pillow and place them in a neat pile at the end of the couch.
“Pots already on,” Knight says, checking his watch before he sits down on the stool at the breakfast bar and starts to eat his blackened husk of burned bread.
“Thanks for letting me crash here last night,” I say, grabbing a mug and filling it to the brim with coffee, the rich scent filling my nose as I bring it to my lips. Unlike most people, I don’t have a standard way I like my coffee. Sometimes I’ll be in the mood for a sweet, creamy cup of sugar, but other times, like now, I know that a bitter, caffeinated cup of joe is exactly what I need.
“It’s fine,” he says, not asking questions.
“Parker and I are having some problems,” I admit.
“Okay,” he says, taking another bite of the toast and making me cringe as I imagine the taste of the powdery burned flavor filling my mouth.
“I told her I loved her.”
“When’s the wedding?” he asks, like marrying someone days after you tell them you love them is just the norm around here, which I guess it sort of is.
“She didn’t say it back.”
“Have you considered impregnating her?” he asks, arching his eyebrow.
“No, I haven’t,” I say on a choked laugh.
“Maybe you should consider it.”
Laughing harder, I nod. “I’ll give it some thought.”
“It’s what I intend to do, once I inform my woman that she’s mine.”
“You have a woman?” I shriek, shocked.
“I do.”
“What the fuck?” I mutter under my breath. “Who?”
“I’d rather inform her before I make it public knowledge.”
My lips part in shock, but blinking, I find myself nodding. “Yeah, that makes sense. She’s not here in town then?”
“No.”
Inhaling sharply, I nod. “Well, I look forward to meeting her.”
The room falls silent, and oddly, it’s not as awkward as it should be. Knight is the perfect guy to be quiet with because he’s not intimidated by not speaking like most people are.
I didn’t know much about his life before he came to Montana. I don’t know his family, or if he has an ex-wife and two kids somewhere he just hasn’t bothered to mention. But sometimes, like now, it feels like he’s so used to being alone that it’s just normal to him.
“Have you thought about what you’ll do if the funding gets cut or you get too old to jump?” I blurt.
“I have.”
“And,” I prompt when he doesn’t say anything else.
“I’ve bought a parcel of land on the other side of the Barnett property.”
“You have?”
“Yes.”
“How big a parcel of land?”
“About ten thousand acres.”
Blinking, I spin around to face him fully. “You brought ten thousand acres of land?”
“Hal told me that he’d been offered it, but that his own ranch was big enough, so he wasn’t interested. He expressed that he’d rather not let the land go to a stranger, just in case someone moves onto the mountain who could cause problems for him and his cattle or the Barnetts. So, I bought it.”
“What are you going to do with it?”
“I’m building a house.”
“You are?”
“Yes. I anticipate it’ll be finished in a year or so, sooner if my woman gets pregnant straight away.”
“And you’re just going to sit on the rest of the thousands of acres?” I ask.
“No. I know that Oz, Buck, and Nero have all expressed an interest in remaining living on the mountain, even after they no longer work here, so now there’ll be space for them to build their own homes too.”
“You bought the land so we could all stay living together,” I say, not making it a question because I already know the answer.
“That’s what family does, isn’t it? The Barnetts all live together, and it works for them. Why couldn’t it for us?” he questions so earnestly.
“I think that’s a fucking awesome idea, bro. Count me in.”
“I’ll have my lawyers draw up something to gift the land to you. Just let me know how many acres you want,” he says, like it’s the easiest thing in the world.
After my very odd conversation with Knight, I thank him again for letting me stay, then head back to my place. It’s Saturday, and Parker’s still here. I don’t want to talk to her yet, but I refuse to be a pussy and avoid her any longer.
She’s in the kitchen when I step into the house. Her eyes are puffy and red, her lips swollen and raw from where she’s been worrying them with her teeth.
“Where were you?” she asks, her fingers curling around the edge of the counter.
“Knight’s.”
“He’s one of your teammates?” she asks.
Feeling like an asshole that she’s been here for two weeks already and I’ve only introduced her to two of my brothers, I nod. “Yeah. Our boss is Buck, he and his wife James live three doors down. Our second is Nero, he’s Buck’s brother, he and Cora, his girlfriend, live next to Buck. Oz and his wife Etta live next door. Knight, Anders, and Warrick live opposite. The houses in between are full of the B team. They work the opposite shift to us, so we don’t really see much of them. When we’re off, they’re working and vice versa. A couple of them have wives and kids, the rest are all single.”
“Why did you leave?” she asks.
“Because I was pissed at you. But I still want you, and I didn’t want to end up fucking you when I was mad,” I confess.
Her lips snap shut like she wasn’t expecting me to be quite that honest.
“Danny,” she starts.
“Can we just not today?” I ask.
“What?”
“I have to go to work in the morning, and we’ll have four days to think about all of our shit. So today, can we just have a day where we don’t bicker or argue? Can we just have a day where you’re mine and I’m yours, and all the other questions can just wait until I’m back off shift again?”
“Danny, that doesn’t seem?—”
I interrupt. “It’s probably unhealthy as fuck, but I just want a day, Parks. I think we owe each other a day.”