Chapter 15
Casey Joe
“How the hell is a fried piece of flattened pork so damn good?” Bryce asked around a huge bite of tenderloin.
For a moment, I allowed my eyes to linger on his lips, but I pulled myself out of wondering what they’d feel like on mine and chuckled before taking another bite of my own sandwich.
Hudson and Jack had brought us food earlier—a huge tenderloin sandwich to split, peach shakeups…although, Jack had been sipping a lemon one…and a basket of spiral fried potatoes. I appreciated they’d brought us items we could share so I wasn’t loaded down with unhealthy food.
Something I’d caught on to with Bryce cooking was to plan for healthy meals, pick good-for-you foods when possible, and not get too down on yourself if you had mess ups now and then.
I’d loaded up with eggs, oatmeal, and fruit for breakfast, so splitting the tenderloin and potatoes with Bryce wasn’t going to derail me completely—the exercise Bryce had us doing every day made it a lot easier to splurge on tasty snacks like festival food.
Jack would serve us up slivers of cake at the Roadhouse. While I didn’t like the smaller portions, I appreciated Jack’s way of watching out for me. And a sliver of cake was better than no cake at all. Jack and Henry had also been working on a complete menu of fun non-alcoholic drinks.
When I’d groused they didn’t have to fuckin’ baby me—I was perfectly god damn able to pick water or tea sweetened with monk fruit or some shit—Henry had pulled Jack to his side, kissed the top of his blond head, and said, “Not everything is about you, Dad, if you can believe it.”
Jack had giggled into Henry’s armpit before gathering himself and turning to me. “The new drinks have been a huge hit. Something I should have thought of a long time ago. Honestly, most nights, the mocktails outsell the alcohol in quantity about two-to-one.”
That had stopped me short. I hadn’t thought about so many folks wanting fun drinks without the alcohol.
Whatever the reason people were choosing not to drink wasn’t my business, but getting more people to order the mocktails definitely was.
I’d set up some social media posts about the new drinks and sat back with a triumphant smile when sales had skyrocketed.
Jack had even had several requests for the mocktails to be available at his Lemon Drop Social Club gatherings. He’d only had two get togethers so far, but the second one had been even better attended than the first.
He was an honorary Riggs just like Lance, so it wasn’t surprising the town flocked to him, respected him, and wanted to take part in pretty much anything he did. Just like Hudson’s orchard and store, Henry’s bar, and Lance’s ice cream shop, Jack’s endeavors continued to be a hit.
And I had every intention of making sure Bryce’s business was just as successful.
Armstrong Health & Fitness was already highly anticipated, but I wanted it to absolutely blow Bryce’s goals out of the fuckin’ water.
I might have had a bunch of fuckups in my past, but I was damn well going to make sure my family and friends were successful.
For the longest time, just barely surviving was the best I could do, but these days, I was determined my family would get the best of me for however much longer I could give it.
What about you? Are you getting the best of you?
Shoving aside the niggling voice at the back of my head, I took a final bite of my tenderloin, finished the peachy drink, and offered the last potato spiral to Bryce.
Once we’d thrown our trash away, gathered up all the swag and shit from the table, and packed everything up, Lance came up the hill to help us get the strongman game to my truck.
Damn thing was awkward as hell to move, but it had been a huge hit. Had me wondering if purchasing our own would be a better investment than renting.
By the time we’d wrapped everything up at the Fall Fest, the setting sun cast golden shadows between the leaves, and the breeze had more of a bite.
Quite a few folks would stay for the church service Brother Larry liked to have at the end of the festivities, but I was damn ready to chill out at the Roadhouse.
“Did you try that apple cinnamon tea yet?” Lance asked as we headed toward Henry’s place.
Before I could answer, Bryce piped up. “I did. It’s really good. Will be absolutely perfect on a cold autumn night by the fire.”
And fuck if I didn’t want that.
Right then and there.
Bryce and me.
Sitting by the fire at my place, sipping fuckin’ apple cinnamon tea.
Who the fuck was I, and where the actual fuck was Casey Joe Riggs?
I trundled ahead, trying my damn best to push the image from my head.
Instead, I ended up imagining us pulling the swing over by the fire and cuddling up together under a blanket. I could almost smell the sweet and spicy apple cinnamon mixed with Bryce’s citrus and cedar scent.
“Damn, man, where’s the fire?” Lance called after me.
“Fuck off. I gotta piss.” I yanked open the door to the Roadhouse and stomped to the damn bathroom. With the door locked, I leaned over the sink taking ragged gulps of air.
I wanted something with Bryce.
Holy fuck, I wanted something with Bryce.
Truth be told, I’d probably wanted something with him since the first time I laid eyes on him. But what I wanted went way beyond whatever he’d offered the other day.
But what did his offer actually mean? Distract me, get us off, and then go back to whatever we’d been building? Just a friends with benefits thing? Would I be able to make do with that? Was it enough?
The icy cold water I splashed on my face did nothing to calm my pulse or the thoughts racing through my head. I needed a drink or a smoke, preferably both.
No.
I needed to get my damn self under control, go out there, enjoy time with my family. Bryce and I would talk. We had to. No doubt, he’d been trying to talk to me ever since he made his offer.
The thought of acknowledging his offer—let alone taking him up on it—terrified me. But more than that? The idea of not doing anything was worse.
Fifty more years of wondering? Longing? Pushing everything down deep and pretending it wasn’t part of me?
That was the real terror.
But was I what Bryce wanted? Was what we had as friends too good to risk?
And…
And.
That fuckin’ word teased and prodded.
Such a heavy word. So many years buried in one tiny syllable.
So much I needed to admit to myself. So much needed fixing.
Instead, I splashed my face with cold water again, dried myself the best I could, and unlocked the door. For now, I’d hide behind mocktails and family.
When I swung open the door, Hudson and Jack stood on the other side. Jack’s eyes flew wide as I stepped out of the restroom, but Hudson cocked his head and studied me.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to make you wait.” I gestured toward the restroom.
“What’s going on?” Hudson stepped between me and my escape to the dining room.
“Nothin’.” The way Jack flinched sent guilt straight to my gut. “Nothin’ is wrong.” I did my best to keep my voice less snappy.
“Don’t lie to us.” Jack’s words were soft and pleading, a tiny frown between his brows, and regret washed over me.
Lies.
All the lies.
A lifetime of lies.
Henry stepped around the corner, menacing vibes radiating from him.
I’d never been afraid of my sons, and I hoped they’d never feared me, but at that moment, my gut knew for sure not to mess with my boys. I wasn’t getting out of this one.
Like they’d choreographed it and practiced a million times, my three boys somehow herded me to the back office. Henry leaned against his desk and pointed at the chair like I was a damn fuckin’ dog he thought was going to sit on command.
I turned to leave, but Hudson stood blocking the door.
Then Jack—that damn sweetheart with the damaged heart and so much love to give—took my arm and led me to the chair. He pulled a stool to sit at an angle to me with our knees touching.
Fuck.
This wasn’t good.
“What the hell is this?” I clenched my fists, focusing on my nails biting into my flesh and doing my damn best to ignore the lump in my throat.
My heart pounded like a jack rabbit, and sweat prickled on my forehead.
“Fuck.” I pinched the bridge of my nose and took a deep breath to quell the nausea. “Must’ve gotten bad pork or some shit.”
Hudson snorted behind me.
“Fuck off.”
“Dad, you didn’t get bad pork,” Henry said, always the quieter one, the peacemaker. “Something’s going on with you, and we want to help.”
For a moment as long as eternity, the room was silent except for the pounding in my ears. When the roaring eased, Jack had my hand in his.
“Everyone here loves you. We want you to be healthy and happy.”
Hudson cleared his throat. “You don’t have to come to any conclusions tonight. We just wanted you to know we see you and we love you.”
Henry crossed his thick arms over his chest, but his eyes were soft as he watched Jack. “You always loved us just as we were and we love you the same.”
All I could do was nod and blow out a long, slow breath.
“Let’s get some cake,” Hudson suggested.
I huffed out a weak laugh. “Yeah, just give me a fuckin’ second.”
The door creaked, and heavy footfalls sounded as Henry and Hudson exited the office.
Jack remained.
I glanced up to see him watching me, his hand on the doorknob. “I’ll be there in a minute.”
He nodded.
But he didn’t leave.
Fuckin’ kid.
“When I got to Haven Grove, it was the first time in my life I felt truly safe to be myself. This is a safe place.”
And then he was gone.
Alone, I sat there with my head in my hands. My eyes stung, my head throbbed, and a vice squeezed tightly around my chest. But my boys had just confirmed for me what I’d known deep down. They loved me for me just as I loved each of them and Lance just as they were.
Whatever I decided was fine.
I’d be okay.
But if I wanted to have the life I’d never even let myself dream of having, I knew in the depths of my soul I had some heavy lifting of the emotional kind to do.
And I was getting closer and closer to acknowledging I wasn’t getting through this without some help.
By the time I made it out to the dining room, Jack had a small piece of chocolate cake with orange pistachio frosting paired with a lemon peach sparkling mocktail at my seat.
Which happened to be next to Bryce.
Right where I belonged.
My heart was willing to die on that hill even if my head wasn’t completely on board just yet.