Chapter 20
Bryce
I woke to thunder.
No.
Not thunder.
What the hell was that?
Pounding.
Someone was about to break down the outside door to my apartment.
“What the fuck?” I asked as I sat up.
Then I realized Casey wasn’t in bed with me.
Well, shit.
As I rolled from bed and yanked on an old pair of Casey’s sweats I found on the floor, I did my very best to calm the terrified thoughts rushing through my head.
Where was Casey?
Drinking?
An accident.
A medical emergency.
Casey getting in his truck and driving off, running from his past. Trying to escape his reality.
Throwing a t-shirt on, I swallowed thickly and took a deep breath as I hurried down the stairs.
By the time I reached for the door handle, I was fully prepared to see the county sheriff, Brother Larry, or even my dad come to break bad news to me.
Finding Henry Riggs with his hand raised like he was preparing to knock the door down like my very own big bad wolf was not what I was expecting.
“Henry?” My scrambled brain tried to make sense of what I was seeing. “What’s wrong?” Despite it being a friend at my door, I knew he could still be the bearer of bad news.
Henry ran his hand over his face. “Hudson texted me and Jack asking why Dad is at his old place, sitting in the cold in pajama pants.”
Knowing Casey was just up the hill calmed me a bit. Worry still coursed through me, but at least I knew where he was. I stepped back to let Henry enter. “Come up while I make coffee.”
It was clear Casey’s son would have rather just gotten a quick answer, but he made his way upstairs behind me. “What happened?” he asked as we entered the kitchen.
The heat in my cheeks might as well have been Rudolph’s nose. I busied myself preparing the coffee and did my best to avoid making eye contact. Henry was my friend, but I wasn’t comfortable telling him his dad was maybe having a major freakout because he fucked my brains out a few hours ago.
Honestly, I wanted to tell the whole world Casey was mine and we’d spend whatever time we had left loving each other, but it wasn’t really my place to share that information with his sons or anyone else.
Henry must have caught my red cheeks because his brows shot up and he snapped his mouth shut. “Oh.” He blinked slowly. “Oh, shit. Okay. It’s okay. We all figured this was coming…”
Guilt washed over me. “I—”
“It’s fine,” Henry assured me. “I won’t tell him I know anything. It’s not like you told me, I’m just pretty good at reading people.”
“What if it’s not fine?” I scooped ground coffee into the machine and poured in water.
“What do you mean?” Henry crossed his arms over his chest. “Did you guys have a fight?”
Pulling the thermos from the cabinet, I shook my head. “No, no, nothing like that.” The comforting scent of coffee filled the air. “Things are good. Well, things were good,” I amended. “But he’s there, and I’m here, and maybe things aren’t as okay as I’d let myself believe.”
Henry leaned against the counter as I fought the urge to add cream and sugar to the thermos.
“Dad needs time to himself sometimes. You’re the best damn thing that’s happened to him outside of a near-death experience kicking his ass into gear.
Everyone in town can see it. Hell, even he sees it.
But Dad is Dad. He’s probably doing some big time thinking about life and what he wants going forward. ”
“Or he’s freaking out.” I tried unsuccessfully to tamp down the worry.
Henry started to protest but clamped his mouth shut with a shrug. “Not gonna lie, he might be. He’s dealt with a lot of shit in life. He’s been dealing with a lot of changes lately—not saying the changes have been bad, just that Dad isn’t the most flexible.”
A fond smile teased my lips. “I should go over there.” It was a simple statement, but it hung in the air like an uncertain question.
“Lance was heading that way when I came over here.” Henry nodded toward the cabinet. “Let’s have some coffee and give those two some time to talk,” he suggested.
I wanted to fill the thermos, push past him, and run all the way to Casey’s house to see for myself the man I loved was okay.
And if he told me he’d made a mistake?
Told me he misspoke and didn’t really love me?
Sneered in disgust at what we’d shared?
Blamed me for coercing him into a situation he hadn’t wanted?
No.
Casey Joe might have been freaking out, but it wasn’t because of what we did or because he loved me.
Well, no, that wasn’t accurate.
It was very likely exactly because of what we did and because he loved me.
But it wasn’t a freakout about being with a man or falling for a man.
Casey was so sure he’d wasted his life away. Convinced he’d spent his fifty-some years being a rotten father and wallowing in heartache instead of living life. He dug his hole deep, deep, deeper, and filled it with anger, alcohol, and self-loathing.
Yeah, Casey was maybe freaking out, but I didn’t think it was in a negative way about me or us.
Did I know that for sure?
No.
Was he very possibly sitting outside his house trying to figure out how to tell me he couldn’t truly love me? Didn’t want to live with me? Needed some space?
Yes. It was possible.
Hell, anything was possible.
If I walked my ass to Casey’s house on the hill and he told me he couldn’t be with me in a romantic or sexual way…well, I wasn’t sure I wanted to think about that.
Would I be crushed, but understanding? Let him know I still wanted to be friends?
Or would I get angry and demand he be true to himself? Push back at him and force him to see how good we were together?
Instead of answering those questions—in all honesty, I had no clue what the answer would be—I sat at my kitchen table and drank coffee with Henry while my stomach churned in anticipation of what was to come.
Things were up in the air.
Tension buzzed through me.
Change was inevitable—sometimes good, sometimes bad, but always unavoidable.
I wanted more than anything to promise myself Casey and I would be okay, even if we returned to our simple friendship.
But my heart was camped out in my throat, and worry trickled through my soul.
Things between Casey Joe and me had been going so well. There was no guarantee we were off track, but also no promise everything was copacetic.
The unknown was scary as hell.
When Henry turned down a third cup of coffee, I did my best to hide my relief. The smirk, only slightly hidden by his beard, told me he knew I was about to go insane waiting for him to leave.
I knew Lance was with Casey Joe, and the friends needed time to chat, but that didn’t make me want to run up the hill any less.
“Jack wants you and Dad to come try his sugar-free dark chocolate raspberry cake with the warm peach bourbon drink we’ve got for the fall.” He must have caught the look on my face. “We’ve got a mocktail version too.”
I walked him to the door. “Sounds amazing.” I loved the fact Henry and Jack had so easily adapted to making healthier food and drink options for Casey. “Tell Jack hi for us.”
Henry paused in the hallway. “You’re really good for him,” he said.
There was no reason to pretend like I didn’t know who he was talking about. “He’s good for me too,” I said. “But we’re no better off together if we can’t be good for ourselves.”
Henry smiled and nodded. “I rest my case.”
With Henry gone, I washed my face, brushed my teeth, and pulled on socks and boots before shoving my phone in my pocket. After putting on a zip-up hoodie, grabbing the thermos, and deciding at the last minute to take a flannel shirt for Case, I locked the door behind me and headed down the stairs.
Crossing the street, I absently noted four cars in the Glazed Buns drive-thru line. Good for them. I was glad their decision to add the drive-thru option had proven successful.
The door to the bakery and coffee shop swung open, and my brain did a record skip when I saw Dizzy walking toward me.
“There’s my Brycey,” she called out with a wave.
I buried the groan deep inside and offered my aunt a smile. “What are you doing here so early?” Clearly, the Universe was making sure Lance and Casey got their discussion time.
After a quick hug, my aunt and I moved away from the street to stand off the corner of the sidewalk.
“Barb and I have breakfast or lunch at least once a week. It’s a breakfast week and my turn to visit her.” Dizzy held up a bag and drink carrier. “Glazed Buns is my absolute favorite. I’ll deny it if you tell anyone back home, but this place is hands down better.”
“You better make the trip over here once my gym opens,” I teased.
“You better believe it.” She patted my cheek. “It’s only a fifteen-minute drive.”
I raised a brow. “Damn, woman. How fast are you driving?”
She waved me off, ignoring my question. “My living arrangement is perfect, but I have to say, I really like it here in Haven Grove. Coming here is never a problem, and now that you and Barb are both here, I’ll be visiting all the time.
” She shook the bag. “Have to work off these breakfast sammies and cinnamon rolls.” Dizzy took in the flannel and thermos. “Where you headed this early?”
I glanced toward the hill. “Up to Casey’s place.”
My aunt narrowed her eyes. “Thought he was staying with you? You two have a spat or something?”
Guilt coursed through me. “Um, I gotta be honest with you about that.” I hoped Casey wouldn’t be mad, but I couldn’t keep up with the lie.
Dizzy put her breakfast and drinks on the nearby bench and faced me with her arms crossed. “Go on.”
I swallowed thickly. “Um, Casey and I were never really dating.”
She eyed me suspiciously. “You seemed pretty date-y.”
Shaking my head, I smiled. “Case felt bad for me when you were trying to set me up with guys, so he opened his mouth and said something stupid.” Stupid, overprotective, and rash, but damn if I didn’t love the fact he’d stood up for me.
And the farce had been enough to push us together, so I couldn’t be too upset about it.
Regret washed over Dizzy’s face. “Well, damn. I sure didn’t mean to put you in a bad spot. I’m sorry if I caused you any trouble.”
“No, you’re fine. Just probably better if I find my own dates.”
She cocked her head to the side. “Wait, so you don’t have a thing for Casey Joe?”
I huffed a laugh. “Oh, I definitely have a thing for him. I just felt bad lying to you.”
She nodded. “I don’t like being lied to, but I can see how I put you both in a pickle.” Dizzy paused and let her gaze travel toward Casey’s house. “So, he doesn’t have a thing for you? Damn sure coulda fooled me,” she muttered.
Graphic images of our time together splashed through my head, and I was grateful for the cool air against my fiery cheeks.
I cleared my throat. “We might have something going on now,” I admitted. “But I didn’t want to keep the lie going.” I glanced up the hill again. “And the ball is kinda in Casey’s court now.”
Dizzy nodded sagely. “If it’s not right, it’s just not right.”
For a moment, those words hurt, but then I realized they didn’t describe Casey and me.
“I don’t think it’s as much about things not being right between us,” I mused as I pictured Casey on his hill.
“Pretty sure I’ve never felt anything so good and right.
” When Dizzy gave me a questioning look, I went on.
“It’s one of those things where it’s more about the timing.
Things are very, very right, but maybe it’s just not the right time. ”
For a moment, sadness washed over me.
Maybe Casey was right about wasting so much time or not having much time left.
Did we still have so much to work on with ourselves that we’d need to accept things between us just couldn’t happen the way we wanted them to?
Dizzy hummed softly and picked up her bag and drinks.
“Back when you were in your twenties, I would have told you something completely different than what I’m about to say.
But different advice for different phases of life sometimes.
If you two have found something right together, I say fight for it.
We don’t have forever—just ask me how many friends I’ve lost and how many are knocking on heaven’s door these days—so, maybe you need to accept the timing for what it is and realize nothing will ever be perfect.
” She tucked the bag under her arm, balanced the drink carrier in one hand, and reached up to pat my cheek.
“If we keep waiting for everything to be perfect, we’ll find ourselves at the end of it all wishing we’d just lived our lives instead of looking for perfection. ”
I smiled sadly. “You’re preaching to the choir.”
Dizzy gave me one last pat. “Well then, don’t you two get hung up on some myth of perfect timing.
Spend your time livin’ and lovin’,” she said with a wink.
“Pretty sure your parents expect you at dinner sometime soon.” And then she headed off in the opposite direction towards Barb’s place over the Dairy Palace.
Dizzy’s words rolled around in my head.
I didn’t know what to expect when I got up to Casey’s place, but I had a gut-deep longing to be near him and talk through whatever was bothering him. Maybe it was corny and cliché, but the idea we could get through anything as long as we were together had sprouted roots and taken hold in my head.
Pushing aside the doubt and worry, I opted to focus on how amazing things had been between Casey and me over the last twenty-four hours—and long before things had taken a turn toward the hot and steamy.
Yeah, we had to build this thing on more than just sex, but we’d already set a strong foundation with our friendship.
Every cell in my being was confident Casey and I had something real and worth fighting for.
I was ready and willing to fight.
Was he?
I started toward the hill.