CHAPTER 21 Ford Bradley
Permission
She missed me. She missed me.
She kissed me. She kissed me.
I’m trying to hold onto my shock, to keep a filter on it—unsuccessfully, I might add—because holy shit, she kissed me. It wasn’t for show, or because of a sex cake, but because she missed me. Because she wanted to.
I wanted her to.
What the fuck is happening?
I’m nervous. I don’t want to fuck this up. I don’t know how to handle this, so I’m letting her take the lead.
I hold her close until the bags start to drop onto the baggage carousel. She rushes toward a bag, tugs at it awkwardly, and I reach in to help her with it.
“I have two bags,” she says a little sheepishly, and I still can’t believe she’s here and she just kissed me. Would it be too soon to take her back to my place and offer her a spot in my bed beside me rather than in the guest room?
Jesus.
I’ve been waiting for this moment for far too long, and I’m afraid I’m going to scare her off. The intensity with which I want her is scaring me off, to be honest.
Her second bag comes, and I take the lead toward my Range Rover, parked close by in the parking deck.
It’s on the way home when I can stare out at the road and not feel the awkward rush of eye contact when I get up the nerve to ask the one thing I need to know. “Can I ask you a question?” I begin. I’m leaning on the console armrest, and I reach over and take her hand in mine.
“Anything.” She laces her fingers through mine, and she rubs the back of my hand with her other hand.
“What changed?” I can’t help but glance over at her, and she’s staring down at our hands.
She twists her lips before she answers. “I realized that I have feelings for you.” Her voice is soft.
“What made you realize?” I press.
She clears her throat. “Archer. He, uh…he said he wanted me back, and I said we were better off as friends. And then he wanted to know why I kept running to you, and he told me you’ve, um…
had feelings for me for some time. It made me realize that I’ve pushed away my feelings for you because I thought I had to.
But when he gave me permission to be with you and said he wanted me to be happy, even if it was with a sibling, then he was okay with that, and I guess that made me think about what I want. ”
“And you want…” I ask, trailing off as I wait to hear what I’ve wanted to hear for far too long.
“You.”
My breath hitches, and I wish I wasn’t driving right now so I could kiss her again. As if she can read my thoughts, she pulls our joined hands to her lips, and she kisses the back of my hand.
“I want you, Ford,” she says softly.
She can have me. All of me.
“I want you, too,” I rasp.
I pull into the parking garage, and we get her bags out of the back of my SUV.
We head to the elevator and take it up to my floor, and the moment my front door latches shut behind her, her mouth is on mine again, initiated by her for the second time.
Her hands are on my jaw, and I loop one arm around her waist to haul her to me as my other hand curls around her neck.
She moans into me as I deepen the kiss, our tongues moving in a slow dance together, the urgency and need there even as we take our time and hands start to move and explore.
One of my hands stays around her neck while my other fingertips move under her shirt and along the warm skin of her back.
I shift my hips as my cock becomes painfully hard, seeking her out as I push against her.
She moans at the feel of me, and one of her hands trails down toward my waistband, sending a shot of need up my spine as my cock gets somehow even harder.
Fuck, I want this. This is all I’ve ever wanted, for her to realize there’s something here between us, that it’s not just me hopelessly in love with someone I can’t have but that there’s a real chance for us to be together.
I need this. I need her.
I slip my hand around to the front under her shirt and up toward her tits, and I cup one of them over her bra as she gives me a soft moan.
I want to hear more. I want to make her moan while she’s naked beneath me, her lips parted and her head tossed back in pleasure as I drive into her over and over.
Night after night, for a lifetime.
It’s that exact thought that forces reality to plow into me.
I reluctantly drop my hand from her tit, and I slow the kiss before I end it. I rest my forehead to hers as I draw in a shaky breath.
“Why are you stopping?” she whispers, and her hand curls around my neck to pull me back down to her.
I kiss her lightly and pull back again, straightening as I draw in a breath. She lets me go, and I think this might be the single hardest thing I’ve ever done.
“Fuck,” I mutter, running a hand through my hair as I walk over toward the windows.
“What are you doing?” she murmurs.
I glance out the floor-to-ceiling windows spanning one side of my condo, and then I turn back to her. “We shouldn’t need someone else’s permission to be together.” My voice is soft and raspy as I choke out the words.
“We don’t,” she says.
“You said it in the car. You said Archer gave you permission to be with me. Like that somehow makes it all okay.”
She lifts a shoulder. “Well, it does. It lets us be together without the guilt of having to hide something from one of your siblings.”
It’s a logical enough argument, sure. But for me in this moment, it’s the wrong one.
“If it’s right, there shouldn’t be any guilt. I can’t be some rebound for you. It’s not how I pictured any of this.”
“You pictured it?” She seems well and truly surprised by that.
“Archer wasn’t wrong when he said I have feelings for you.”
She moves toward me and wraps her arms around me. I feel my resolve weakening as my eyes meet hers, as I study those gorgeous freckles up close.
“What kind of feelings?” she whispers as she stares up into my eyes.
I’m quiet a beat, and then I eviscerate myself, choosing to turn my gaze to the window as I make this confession. “I’ve been in love with you for ten years. Maybe more. Fuck, maybe since I met you almost half my life ago.”
I glance at her, and her eyes soften as if in understanding. “You’ve waited that long for me?”
I clench my jaw, the muscles working back and forth as I contemplate how to answer that. “No. I couldn’t wait. I had to try to find some connection like I felt with you. I’m still looking.”
“But I want this, too, Ford. I see it now. I see you.”
“Then let’s take our time. As much as I want to take you to my bedroom, strip you naked, and fuck you until morning, I won’t allow this to be less than everything it is.”
She pushes up to press a soft kiss to my mouth. “I’ll wait until you’re ready.”
She has no idea how fucking ready I am. How ready I’ve been. It’s a contradiction to the words I’m speaking.
The right thing is often the hard thing, and this feels like the right thing. I finally nod as I try to search for what it is that will be the signal to me that she’s ready, the moment I know she’s well and truly over my brother and ready to move on.
I’m not sure I have an answer for when that will be, but I feel like I’ll know it when I see it.
“I’ll wait until you’re ready, too,” I say softly, and I press one more kiss to her lips before I let go of her. I carry her suitcases back to the guest room—her room, now—and then I head to my own room to take a long, cold shower where I can give my cock the release he so desperately needs.