Chapter 18
EZRA
A week had passed since the gay bar incident and there’d been no sightings of Tate. Had we finally pushed him from our lives forever? Leo had made good on his promise of recommending me to his brother’s band, and I’d been able to fit them in for a quick promo shoot.
Rapping echoed through my studio. I jumped from my desk, jogged to the door, and opened it.
Six men stood outside, one wearing heavy makeup, a skirt and combats boots.
Another stood in front with long black bangs, blue eyes and a vintage Sex Pistols t-shirt.
A bullet belt slung low on his hips, over his black skinny jeans.
He held out his fist. “Hey, man, name’s Axel.
I’m Leo’s brother.” He gave me a sly grin.
“Oh, hi.” I fist bumped him. He didn’t resemble Leo at all. “I’m Ezra. Come on in.”
As they walked into the studio, some with guitars in cases, they each introduced themselves.
Devin, the one in the skirt, was the singer, Caleb was the bass player and had a similar haircut to Axel’s but lighter hair, and then Silas, the other guitar player, had dirty-blond hair falling to his shoulders.
Bringing up the rear was their keyboard player, Milo and Gabe, the drummer.
They each had their own style, with Milo being the flashy one in a pink sequined crop top.
Silas eyed me, his brown eyes taking me in. “Before we get started, I’m not doing anything stupid.”
I stared at him. “Why would I have you—”
“Silas, shut it. I’m sure Ezra knows what he’s doing.” With a scoff, Axel crossed his arms. “Don’t listen to him. He’s an ornery fuck.”
“You just want sexy shots. We need to look tough. We’re a fucking punk-pop band, not a boy band.” Silas rolled his eyes and shifted his weight.
“We can do whatever poses you think will sell your music best.” My gaze cut to Silas and then focused on Axel. I got the feeling Axel was the leader here. I should direct my questions to him.
Caleb stepped toward me. “Don’t mind them. They’re not happy unless they’re bickering.” He chuckled.
With his hand held over his mouth, Milo giggled. “Got that right.” He studied me. “I like your necklaces. Those are cool. Where’d you get them?”
“Uh, a secondhand shop in Tempe. I got them when I was in art school.” Milo seemed nice, like a guy I could hang out with. I glanced at my makeup desk. “We should put some powder on you all.”
Devin twisted his lips. “I, uh, already have powder on.”
“I think you can skip it then.” He’d done a great job on his makeup. “So, let’s get started.”
We ordered pizza to the studio after a few hours of shooting the band. The guys stood around my monitor, going through the photos I’d already taken and making comments.
My phone vibrated in my pocket, and I slipped it out. Mom scrolled across the screen. “Holy fuck.” My heart jumped into my throat. With a glance at the band, I answered the call. “Uh, hi, M-Mom.” Her name was foreign to my tongue. I hadn’t spoken to her since I’d left.
“Ezra? Oh, my God.” Her voice cracked. “Do you hate me?”
“What?” I twisted toward a wall, my vision growing hazy and a deep ache filling my chest. “N-no, I don’t hate you.” But I’d closed my heart to her. Was it the same?
“I’m so very, very sorry.” Her breath snagged. “What I did to you, what I let your father do to you, it was wrong.” She sobbed. “We were wrong, Ezra. You’re my son. How could I send you away like that?”
I blinked, and a hot tear rolled down my cheek.
Swallowing a lump in my throat, I dropped to the floor on my free hand and knees.
How was this happening now? I was mid-shoot.
I had to hold it together. “I…what are you saying?” Sitting on my tucked legs, I brushed my bangs off my forehead with a trembling hand.
“I want to see you. I want to reconnect and salvage our relationship. I want you to know that I accept—”
The phone fell from my hands, and my chest heaved with a sob. Holy fuck, I couldn’t stop it. I covered my face in my hands as tears escaped.
“Ezra? Hey man, are you okay?” Axel’s murmured voice came from behind me.
“Shit, he’s not okay. Look at him,” Silas growled.
In a beat, the band members hovered around me, Silas dropping to his knees beside me. “What happened? You can talk to us. We’ve seen it all, believe me.” He planted a hand on my shoulder.
Axel picked up my phone. “His mom’s on the line.” He held the phone to his ear. “Hello? Mrs. Turner?”
I pulled myself together and sniffled. “I’m sorry. This seems unprofessional, doesn’t it?” I couldn’t involve them in my drama.
“Your son is still here. He’s pretty upset. Can you give him a minute?” Axel widened his eyes. “Holy fuck, are you serious?” He knitted his brows. “Uh, sorry, ma’am, I didn’t mean to swear.” His attention drew to me.
“What the hell is going on?” Caleb knelt beside me.
Axel set the phone on mute. “His Mom is apologizing for rejecting him after he came out.”
“Jesus.” Devin pushed Silas out of the way, crouched beside me, and held me to his chest. “I was raised Mormon. I hid my true self from my parents as long as I could and when they found out, my father almost beat me.”
“Yeah, that’s how my dad reacted, too.” I closed my eyes, letting his warmth soothe me. These guys understood. I didn’t have to hide what I was going through.
“What you’re being given today is a gift. Take it.” He squeezed me. “What can we do? Do you want to talk to her some more, or do you need time? It’s okay to need time.”
“I…I think I need to talk to her.” It was a gift? Inhaling deeply, I freed myself from Devin and ticked my head at Axel, still holding the phone.
“Just so you know, I texted Leo, and he’s letting Mason and Lucas know what happened. I’m pretty sure Lucas is on his way here.” Caleb gave me a warm grin. “We can finish the shoot later if you want.”
“Can you give me about an hour? I think I’ll be okay to finish.” I had my professional reputation to uphold. Looking at each of them, I said, “Thank you. You’re all so very kind.”
“It’s what we do, man.” With a smirk, Axel handed me my phone and patted my back. “We’re here for you. We’re family.”
With a nod, I rose and paced to the studio’s entrance. I should take the rest of this call outside, where I could get some fresh air.
The band murmured with each other, throwing glances my way and ambling to their pizza.
Stepping out the door into the bright sunlight, I held my head high and unmuted my phone. I was ready now. “M-Mom? Hi, I’m back.”
“Ezra? Thank God. I was afraid you hung up on me.”
“No, we need to talk.” This is a gift. I paced along the building, my gaze on my sneakers and the pavement beneath my feet, the little cracks and pebbles. “Was it the PFLAG meeting that changed your mind?”
“It was. A woman in a similar situation to mine was there, and we’ve been talking.
I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to call you.
But I was afraid if your father found out, it would start an argument.
” She sighed. “Or worse…We haven’t gotten along very well since you left.
He found out about the money I gave you—”
“He did?” My brows lifted. Could this break their marriage?
“He did. Oh, it doesn’t matter now. What’s important is that you know I love you and I support you. I want to see you. Maddy says you’ve become quite a photographer.”
“I…yeah, I have my own studio and make enough to support myself with my work.” I glanced at the studio door and the sign above it. My name was on this place.
“I’m so proud of you. You always were a strong-willed boy.” She freed a soft laugh. “I’m coming out there with Maddy. We’re telling your father it’s a girl’s vacation of sorts.”
“So, he won’t know about it?” My heart stung. He might never accept me and maybe it would be okay. I’d have Mom and Maddy in my life. I had so many others around me.
“He won’t. Not for now. But I’m going to work on him. I don’t know, maybe someday…”
“Yeah, maybe someday.” I wouldn’t get my hopes up about him. “Mom, I can’t wait to see you.” I twisted and paced toward the studio’s door, my heart beating in a steady rhythm.
A black Jeep pulled into the parking lot.
Lucas. “Hey, Mom, I’ve got to go. My boyfriend just got here.” A broad smile broke out over my face.
“The hockey player Maddy told me about?”
“Yep, that’s him. He’s the love of my life, Mom. I can’t wait for you to meet him.” We had so much more to talk about and dig through. But it could wait until she visited. “Send me your travel information and we’ll take it from there.”
“Sure. Love you, son.”
“Love you too, M-Mom,” I croaked. Fuck, my emotions were getting the best of me again. I breathed through a knot in my throat. “Bye now.”
“Bye.”
Dropping my phone to my side, I sped to Lucas, my vision hazing and chest squeezing the breath out of me. Where were all these emotions coming from?
“Ezra?” Lucas stepped out of his Jeep as I dove into his open arms. Enveloping me in a tight embrace, he said, “Oh my God, babe. Let it out.” He kissed the side of my hair.
My chest thumped against his with quiet weeping as I buried my face in his neck.
All these years, I’d thought I’d lost my mother forever.
Turned out, Maddy was right. I’d been too afraid to believe it.
After a minute of Lucas shushing me, I calmed and lifted my head. “Fuck, I’m sorry I lost my shit.”
“It’s okay. I’m here. Talk to me.” With his forehead wrinkled, he swiped the hair from my face.
Tucking my phone into the pocket of my jeans, I said, “My mother apologized for kicking me out. She wants to see me. She wants to mend our relationship.” I held my breath, willing the tears and the ache in my heart to subside. “She’s coming here with my sister.”
“Shit, babe, that’s awesome.” He furrowed his brows, and his gaze bolted on mine. “How do you feel about that? Are you still angry about what happened?”
“I…” Staring into the distance at the fluttering fronds on a palm, I said, “I don’t know.
I need more time to contemplate this. I was too shocked.
” Mom had said little when I came out. She’d been quiet and let Dad berate me.
“My mom didn’t stand up for me. She should have, right? ” I focused on him again.
“I guess so, but I’m unfamiliar with your family dynamics. Maybe she was afraid to speak up? Is your dad, uh, well, abusive?” He winced.
“He’s…harsh. He yelled a lot when we grew up. He was never a warm person.” I slumped against Lucas. “She might have been afraid of him.” But was she still?
“That’s something you need to unpack with her. Have you thought more about therapy? Maybe you could see one together?” Cupping my cheek, he swept his thumb across it, wiping away the wetness.
Nodding, I said, “I’ll find someone reasonable to see and set up an appointment.” I exhaled. I had found some coverage with my health plan, after all. And if not, I had the damn money.
“Good. I’ll check with Mason and his friends, too. They must know someone.” He freed me and hooked his arm around my waist. “You all right now?”
“I’m good.” I patted his chest. “Fuck, what a day.” I chuckled. “I have a photo shoot to finish.” The guys should get a discount for helping me out today.
“I’ll be your assistant.” With a smile, he walked with me into the studio, holding my hand.
The band members, some standing with guitars slung over their shoulders, and in a circle, were singing an acoustic rendition of Green Day’s Good Riddance. As we walked in, they all looked at us with faint smiles.
Lucas squeezed my hand, and we stopped and watched. It was perfect.