Chapter 22
EZRA
The day had come when I was meeting my mother for the first time since leaving Alabama behind. She was heading to my apartment with Maddy straight from the airport and I’d made tea sandwiches and a fruit salad.
According to my therapist, it was an appropriate meal for the conversation we needed to have. Not too heavy and not too light.
I’d done extensive forgiveness work, and today would put it to the test. I set a platter holding the sandwiches on my dinette along with plates and the bowl of fruit.
“Hey, babe, I think I see them coming.” Lucas, standing at the window, slid his phone from his jean’s pocket. “I’m letting Stella know, and then she’ll be ready to come over later.”
“Great.” I slid my sweaty palms down the hips of my jeans, my pulse ratcheting. What would Mom look like now? It had been eight long years. I peeked out the window and into the sunny afternoon, the tall trees throwing shade over the swimming pool.
Maddy strolled along the walkway, chatting excitedly with Mom, her brown hair peppered with gray streaks, a long sweater hugging her thin frame and black leggings underneath.
With a deep inhale, I flung the door open and stepped into the entry.
Maddy’s brown eyes sparkled, and her smile grew. Her brown hair was in a high ponytail and fell around her shoulders. She must have grown it out. She wore a light sweatshirt and yoga pants. “Ezra?” She clapped her hands over her chest.
“Hey, Maddy.” With my heart drumming against my ribcage, I stepped toward them.
Maddy ran at me, threw her arms around my waist, and gave me a fierce hug. “Oh my God, it’s been too long.” She buried her face in my neck. “You look so good, Ezra. Better in person.” She freed me, holding my shoulders and trailing her gaze over me. “My God…”
My gaze swept to Mom, standing on the pathway, her fingers held to her mouth, tears glimmering on her cheeks.
“Ezra? Can I hug you too?” She took a step toward me.
Was she as nervous as I was? With a hard swallow and a quick nod, I fell into her arms, my eyes stinging. When her arms enveloped me, emotion simmered in my chest and spilled over. Hot tears tumbled down my cheeks, falling into her hair as I rested my head on her shoulder.
With soft sobs, she wept with me for a beat, hugging me tightly.
I glanced at Maddy and Lucas, both wiping tears from their faces.
I had to get ahold of myself. With a calming breath, I freed Mom and stepped back. “Uh, sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry.” Mom swiped her cheeks. “My mascara is going to run.” She chuckled.
“Mom, I told you to wear waterproof for today.” Maddy clicked her tongue and pointed her thumb at Mom. “She thought she’d be strong and not cry. Ha!”
Mom dipped her head, and then her gaze crawled to mine.
“I didn’t know what to expect. I thought you might still be angry with me.
” She worried her lip. “Even though we spoke on the phone and you agreed to meet me, I thought you might…I don’t know.
Yell at me when I got here.” She clasped her hands at her waist. “I’d deserve it.
What sort of person kicks their child out when they need them most? ” She wiped under her eye.
“Mom, we have a lot to talk about. I’m working with a therapist on how to forgive.
We can’t change the past, but we can acknowledge what happened, learn from it and start new.
” I glanced at Lucas, giving silent support.
“I’m not going to lie. I’m still angry and hurt, but I want to heal.
” I focused on her. “Mom, I was going to ask this later, but…would you see my therapist with me?”
Tilting her head and wrinkling her forehead, she said, “Of course. Anything you need me to do, I’ll do it.” Stepping to me, she squeezed my hand. “I love you, son.” Her gaze swung to Lucas. “And you look like a fine young man.”
“Oh, this is Lucas, Mom. He’s my boyfriend.” My lips tugged at the corners. Lucas was my rock.
“Hello, ma’am. It’s so nice to finally meet you.” Lucas walked to Mom.
“Call me Anna. Hug?” She held her arms out.
“Absolutely. Nothing better than a mom hug.” Lucas hugged Mom briefly and then turned to my sister. “Maddy? Pleased to meet you as well.”
With a giggle, she flew at Lucas and gave him a swift embrace. When she backed away, she said, “You’re all muscle. Damn, Ezra. You scored.” She smirked at me.
“I sure did.” With a grin, I glanced at Stella’s apartment.
She stood in the window and waved at me with a big smile on her face.
Warmth bloomed in my chest. That woman had been instrumental in me being here today. With a wave, I said, “Come on in. I have some tea sandwiches and fruit salad.”
“Oh, my favorite. Do you have some with cucumber?” Maddy giggled. “Did you make them yourself?”
“I have cucumber and yes, I made them. I had help from Lucas.” Snatching Lucas’s hand, I led everyone inside my apartment.
After getting everyone drinks, water and iced teas, we sat around the dinette, Mom across from me, Maddy on one side and Lucas on the other. I held Lucas’s hand on the table.
Mom glanced at our entwined hands and took a bite of her sandwich. “I keep wanting to tell you how sorry I am.” Her gaze lowered to the table. “But I was hoping to explain myself.”
“Okay, go ahead.” I sipped my iced tea. This would be interesting.
Her attention drew to me. “I was raised in the church, the church you left behind.” She pushed her lips together. “I don’t fault you for it. It’s just a fact.” She lifted her chin. “Before you, I’d never known a gay person. And I was told many terrible things about them, their lifestyle, you know.”
“What sort of things, Anna?” Lucas set his sandwich on his plate and studied Mom.
“Uh…” Her gaze darted across the table. “I don’t want to say. It’s not nice.”
“Mom, just tell them. I think Ezra should know the full story.” Maddy placed her hand on Mom’s.
With a sad glance at Maddy, Mom said, “They told me you were all pedophiles.” Lines formed between her brows. “But how could you be a pedophile at eighteen? You were only a child yourself.”
“I’m not, Mom.” Pain sliced through my chest. Fuck, how was this bullshit still being spread?
“I know you’re not.” Her gaze slipped to Lucas. “You have a nice man here with you. It’s like any other loving couple I know.” She lifted her brows. “I learned that love is love in my meetings and you know what? I truly believe it now, seeing you both together.”
“That’s right, Anna. Love is love.” With a slow grin, Lucas leaned in and kissed my cheek.
“We have plans for a future together. Once I’m steady in my NAPH contract, I’m buying us a house and Ezra’s going to decorate it.
I’ll come home to him every night. I’m in town and we have so many supportive friends. It’s not like Alabama here.”
“Ezra will do a fine job decorating.” Mom scanned my place.
“I love what you’ve done with your apartment.
” She chuckled. “You should have seen his room growing up. It was always tidy, and he framed some photos he’d taken down at the river.
They were the best photos.” She shook her head.
“I should have known a normal teenage boy would never have a tidy room like that.”
“Uh, I’m normal, Mom,” I said, tapping my index finger on the table. Correcting her way of thinking would take time, but I was here for it. In fact, it felt vindicating.
“Oh, I’m sorry.” She wrinkled her forehead. “I know that, I just…”
“Have a lifetime of prejudice to overcome?” I lifted my chin. Was I being harsh? Maybe. I should tone it down.
Nodding, she said, “Yes, I have a lifetime of prejudice to overcome.” She exhaled a rush of air and drank some iced tea. “I’ve been working on your father too, but he’s so hardheaded. He may never change.”
“Does he know you’re with me?” Or had they lied about it like Maddy had originally told me? I gnawed my lip.
“I…no, he doesn’t. He knows I’ve spoken with you on the phone.” She glanced at Maddy. “We’re working on him together. Give me time and maybe someday, if he can’t accept you, he’ll tolerate you.”
With my chest aching, I nodded. If that was all I could get, then fine. I didn’t need him, anyway. Therapy and Lucas would get me through it.
After an hour, our conversation lightened, and Lucas texted Stella to come over. Mom and Maddy were excited to meet her.
Knocking sounded through the apartment, and Lucas jumped from his chair. “That’s Stella.” He bounded to the door and opened it. “Hey, come on in.”
“Hello, Lucas. My, don’t you look handsome today?” She gave him a brief hug.
“Mom, Maddy, this is the woman who helped me with Tate. As I stated, she also has a gay son.” I rose along with Mom and Maddy.
Stella greeted everyone, and we moved to my couch with Lucas pulling up extra chairs from the dinette, so we all sat in a circle with Mom and Stella on the couch.
“Anna, you have the most wonderful son. Do you know he visits me once a week for tea?” Stella offered Mom a pleasant smile.
“Oh, I didn’t know that.” With a smirk, Mom glanced at me. “He’s always been a charmer. All the moms in our neighborhood used to comment about how well-mannered he was.”
As my cheeks heated, I peeked at Lucas. God damn, Mom was giving away all my secrets.
With a sly grin, Lucas pulled on my hand and kissed my cheek. In my ear, he whispered, “Were you a proper Southern boy growing up?”
“No.” I scoffed. Was I though? I suppose that’s the person I became at work. Hopelessly polite. Was it what allowed Tate to take advantage of me? I had so much to unpack with my next therapist visit.
“How was it when your son came out, Stella?” Mom focused on her.
“It was a surprise, but I supported him from the get-go and I settled my issues with it through PFLAG.” Stella chuckled. “He’s a big part of my life, even with him living in Tucson.” She glanced at me. “I’m still waiting for him to settle down with a nice man, but I’m sure it’ll happen.”
“Guess I’m lucky then.” Mom gave me a genuine smile. First one in eight years. “I’m so proud of everything you’ve become, Ezra.”
“Damn right, Mom.” Maddy patted my thigh.
“I’m proud of you too, Mom. I know it wasn’t easy for you to come here.
” I had to acknowledge her. Even though her past actions were wrong, now she was trying to make it right.
As I gazed at each person in my living room, emotion grew in my chest. I never thought I’d see this day. I’d never felt more loved in my life.
Stella and Mom fell into easy chatter, ruminating over what they’d learned at PFLAG meetings.
Lucas tilted toward me. “Hey, at what point should we break out the wine?”
“Wine?” Maddy’s brows lifted. “Where is it? In the fridge? I’ll get us all some.”
Mom stopped talking. “Oh please, I’d love some. How about you, Stella?”
“I never met a glass of wine I didn’t like.” Stella giggled.
“This might be a long day.” Standing along with Lucas, we headed into the kitchen with Maddy. I was pretty sure Mom and Stella could talk for a few more hours. But it was all good.
Maddy grabbed a wine bottle from the refrigerator. “So, guys, when’s the wedding?” She rummaged through my kitchen drawers.
My heart about stopped and my stare landed on Lucas’s. “Um…”
“I think we should live together for at least six months, don’t you, babe?” Grabbing my nape, Lucas pressed a hard kiss on my mouth.
“Yes, six months.” Holy hell, was he serious? He was.
Maddy poured three wines and handed them to each of us. “Okay, a toast then. To my brother’s engagement to the hot hockey player.”
“Maddy.” I freed a soft snort, holding up my wine. “We don’t have rings, and we haven’t—”
“Don’t worry, I’ve got it covered. If we’re going to live together, we might as well be engaged.” Wagging his brows at me, Lucas tapped his glass on mine and sipped his drink.
“What am I missing?” Mom stood.
“Oh, your son just got engaged. No biggy.” Maddy hit her glass on mine and drank it.
Were they all crazy? I gaped at Lucas.
“Babe, you know how the Hopkins boys are. We don’t stop until we get what we want.” Hooking his arm around my waist, he kissed my cheek. “And I want you.”