Snapshot

8. Winnie

No one is better at the silent treatment than Elijah. Probably helps I’ve seen him go weeks without uttering a single word. I, on the other hand, struggle to go minutes. At least Mason isn’t ignoring me, but he’s usually at his girlfriend’s, and when they are here, they are locked away in his room doing God knows what.

I sigh for probably the thirtieth time in the last twenty minutes. Mason glares at me, then at my brother, and after the next time, he drops his spoon in his bowl with a clang.

“Dude. Fucking answer her.”

“What, Winnie?” Elijah snaps.

I smile at Mason, but he doesn’t return it. “I could really use my big brother’s help with hanging my photo wall.” Cupping my hands, I bring them under my chin and flutter my eyelashes, but Elijah rolls his eyes, not paying any attention.

He pushes from the table. “Let’s go. This better not take long. I got shit to do.”

I don’t know what he has to do at four p.m. on a Thursday, but whatever. Things haven’t been the best between us since that party. I think we’re avoiding talking about it, and that’s fine. But he won’t talk to me about anything else, either, and it’s killing me. I can only call Mom so many times during the day. The last time I called, she told me I needed to make up with Eli because I was interrupting her day too many times. My mother should always have time for me, but apparently, that’s not the case. I guess she is adjusting well since my first few weeks here when she was calling me constantly. She might even be doing more now than she has since Dad died.

Seems everyone has an exciting life besides me.

We walk into my room, and I immediately start with the directions on where I want everything. I have three different corkboards full of photos from over the years; some I took, others I didn’t, but they are all great memories for me. They are the same boards that hung on my walls at home. Elijah even smiles at a few of the photos, but then he sees one that involves Reese, and it swipes it away like Swiper from Dora. But instead of stealing items, he is stealing good moods.

Reese was involved in almost everything growing up, so yeah, he’s in a lot of the images. Photographs are my favorite keepsake. People might forget why other items are sentimental, but they’ll never forget the moment surrounding a photo.

Like the one Elijah is looking at now. It’s the three of us in bathing suits from the time Mom and Dad took us to a waterpark. I’m probably twelve, so they would be fifteen or so. Big smiles on all three of our faces. We look so happy, and I remember just after this photo was taken, we went down the largest slide there, and Eli and Reese had to hold my hand the entire way down because I was terrified.

He doesn’t say anything when he turns away, and neither do I.

I step back to eye the third board, and after some adjustments and lots of arguing from Elijah, we get it hung. I consider telling him it’s off-center but figure it’s probably for the best I don’t ruffle his already ruffled feathers.

“What else?” he asks as he heads for my bed, where I have a handful of photos laid out.

“Nothing, I can get those ones.”

“I’m already here. Just let me help.”

He’s not going to like what he sees. And I know the moment he finds the photo of Reese and me because his jaw locks. It’s one of the few photos we took after the kiss. His arm is tightly wrapped around my body. He’s smiling at the camera, but I’m looking at him with so much love in my eyes it makes me cringe.

“It was so obvious, and I was blind to it.”

I don’t think I was meant to hear that, so I ignore it and head his way.

He picks up another photo, this one of just Reese.

As much as I would love to say the photo isn’t great, which I wouldn’t like at all since I took it, I couldn’t even if I wanted to. It’s a beautiful picture of Reese, and it won me the trip to New York. No matter how I feel about him, this snapshot gave me one of my best life experiences.

It’s black and white, which I don’t really care for usually, but it works in this instance. The harsh contrast between light and dark brings out every pore, shadow, and highlight so beautifully. It’s perfectly imperfect. And his smile is huge. I caught him off guard, and it’s obvious it’s a real smile and not forced for the sake of the photo. I still remember the essay I wrote to go along with it. Something about how even when all the flaws are visible, it takes a special eye to see the perfection. I guess that’s how I used to feel about him.

If I were to write the essay today, it definitely wouldn’t be like that. But seventeen-year-old Reese was different from the man he is now. He was sweet and kind and—

“You’re basically drooling,” Elijah growls and drops the photo. “I’m leaving, so if you need me, don’t.”

“Eli.”

He pauses in my doorway but doesn’t turn.

“I’m sorry, you know? That’s not how you should have found out.”

He pauses for a long beat before saying, “There should have been nothing to find out, Win. Not after everything.” He takes a step and mumbles, “I love you,” then disappears without letting me reply.

Reese is… Reese. And Elijah has every right to be mad at him right now for the other night, even without me telling him what happened after he left, but we will never agree when it comes to his hatred. He blames Reese for everything when in reality, he was a casualty of a really bad circumstance. It’s not Reese’s fault he was born to the worst person I’ve ever known. I’ll never be able to hold that over his head, and I wouldn’t want to anyway. Maybe there is a part of me that is protecting him, even now, but there was also a time when Reese was like family. As weird as it is to say. I can’t just erase him from my memories when he’s damn near a part of them all.

Ross and Rachel were on a break, and I don’t know why this is even a debate. That’s not an excuse for him to be a sleaze bag, but it’s the facts. What the argument should be over is whether or not they should have ever gotten back together. I would love to say absolutely not, no. But I’m weak and love them together. It’s not like it’s real life, so I can say that, but I also love those few episodes with Rachel and Joey. Though I’m not sure if I would have liked them ending up together. I don’t know, but what I do know is my mom ships Rachel and Pablo, and that’s the worst duo in the entire series, so at least I’m not like my mom.

Elijah left hours ago, and not too long after, Mason headed to his girlfriend’s house. I’ve been sitting on the couch with a pint of ice cream and a bucket of popcorn watching Friends ever since. This is my life now. Maybe I’ll gain the freshman fifteen and finally grow some boobs. If only I could be so lucky.

I’m in the middle of shoveling a handful of popcorn into my mouth when the doorbell rings. Frowning, I pause the TV, move all my snacks, and head for the door. It’s a little late to be having visitors. At least that’s what I think until I glance at the clock and see 8:01 p.m. It’s official, I’m lame.

I really need to get out and make some friends. Class starts Monday, and I’m hopeful I’ll meet some in my classes. I mean, we are in the same class, so we have to have something in common.

I peek through the eyehole but come up short when the only thing I can see is a giant stuffed animal sitting in the middle of the floor. Rolling my eyes, I tug the door open and look around because I’m not a complete idiot. This is the fifth night something has shown up on my doorstep, and I don’t have to guess to know who the giant Eeyore is from. If he wasn’t so annoying, I might smile. He always hated that nickname, but if I was going to be Pooh Bear and Eli was Tigger, Reese had to be something. It’s funny because now he and Elijah could switch nicknames since their personalities seem to have flipped completely.

The stuffed animal is honestly a little creepy, and I have no idea where he found a life-size Eeyore. Sighing, I take a step forward and pray this thing isn’t as heavy as it looks. But then I swear the leg moves, and I freeze.

My heart slams against my chest at an accelerated speed, but I take another step because I know it’s just my mind freaking me out. At least that’s how I feel until his arm moves as I’m looking right at it.

A blood-curdling scream rips from my throat, and I look around for anything to hit it with. Coming up empty-handed in the hall, I sprint inside and grab the first thing I can reach, which happens to be Eli’s guitar from Guitar Hero. He’s going to be pissed, but I start swinging, ramming it into the doll over and over, not caring if the damn thing breaks over this weird, possessed Eeyore.

“Fuck, stop! Winnie, stop. It’s me!” The head is ripped off, and I scream again. Reese stares up at me with wild eyes.

I’m tempted to continue to wail on him but figure I don’t want to go to jail, so I drop the guitar to my side.

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

He climbs to his feet, still wearing the stupid costume. “I thought you would drag me inside, and then you’d have no choice but to talk with me.”

“You thought I would be able to drag your two-hundred-pound body, not including the weight of the costume, into my apartment?” I deadpan, giving him a look like he’s an idiot—because he is. “Are you drunk?”

“You’re still wearing your pants, so no.”

I think he’s trying to make a joke, but I don’t laugh.

“Too soon? Okay.”

“Go home, Reese.”

I turn for the door, but he beats me to it, blocking the entire thing with his stupid Eeyore body. “Come on, Win. I just want to apologize.”

“Go on, then. You don’t need to come in for that.”

He drops his head and looks down his nose at me. I think he’s trying to do my puppy-dog face, but he’s failing miserably.

“Fine. As long as you never, ever make that face again. It’s creepy.”

He moves, and I push open the door, letting him go first. I grab the Eeyore head and the guitar from the ground before following him in. Somehow, he’s already ditched the costume on the floor and is nowhere to be seen. I don’t have to guess to know where he probably found himself.

Stopping in my doorway, I try not to focus on how natural it is seeing Reese wander around my bedroom again. Maybe it’s the hockey shirt and gym shorts he’s wearing, or the shagginess of his medium-brown hair poking out from under his backward cap that is confusing me because, from behind, he looks so much like he did in high school. From the front, he’s more angled and sharp. A dusting of facial hair.

I drop my head forward and close my eyes. But he’s not, Win. This isn’t my Reese. It’s just so hard to remember.

“Your room looks the same. Except you’re missing the yellow walls.”

My parents somehow convinced me that my favorite color is yellow. It worked, because it is, but they laid into the Winnie the Pooh theme hardcore, all because my dad’s name is Christopher.

He stops at my corkboards and takes his time looking at every photo. Making comments about a few of them and smiling at others.

When he gets to my bed, he pauses, and I cringe, knowing what he’s looking at.

“This one started it all,” he mutters, then flicks his gaze up at me.

“What do you mean?”

“Everything, Win. The moment this snapshot was taken, our fates were set. It led to you kissing me. Which led to a year of turmoil fighting the feelings it brought to the surface. Led to the night we finally took that step.”

My stomach fills with a thousand flutters, as if ten thousand moths were floating around in there. I can’t tell if it’s a good thing or not. No, it’s bad. Remember the other night? He pantsed you and threw that night he’s referring to in your brother’s face like it meant nothing at all, and wasn’t the most special night you remember it to be.

“A night that never should have happened.” I reach across the bed and try to snag the photo from his hand, but he pulls it away before I can.

“Awe, baby, don’t say that.”

“Stop calling me that.”

He has the audacity to look confused by my request.

I rip the photo from his hands and glare down at it, my emotions swirling behind my eyes, but I’m not going to cry. “This photo didn’t set our fate, it altered our timeline. Without it, I never would have kissed you, you never would have gotten confused, we would have never hooked up, and that’s how it should have been. We messed it up, Reese. I messed it up.”

Reese walks around the bed and stops behind me. He’s not touching me, but he might as well be for how his body heat is warming my backside. With each passing moment of awkward silence that stretches between us, my stomach tightens to an uncomfortable degree. He’s so happy in this photo, and as much as I love it, I also hate it. I wish I could go back and take back that kiss. “Don’t do this, Win. Don’t tell me you regret anything, because it’ll kill me.”

It’s not fair for him to guilt me. It’s not fair for him to be making me the bad guy right now.

And yet, all I want to do is cry, let him pull me into his body, and accept what he is calling our fate.

But I won’t. I straighten and drop the photo onto my bed like I don’t care about it.

“Why are you here, Reese?” I spin to face him.

“To give you—”

“No. Why are you here? What do you think is going to happen from these weird gifts I’ve gotten all week?”

Hurt beats across his sharp features. “Do you not like them?”

“That’s not what I said.” I shake my head. “But answer the question. Why. Are. You. Here?”

“School starts Monday. Hockey season starts soon after, and I’m going to be busy with practice a lot. I won’t get the chance to send you stuff or drop by in costumes anymore.” Darn. “But I don’t want you thinking I’ve given up.”

“It would be easier on both of us if you did.” I wrap my arms around my waist, wishing it would make the ache low in my chest disappear.

With a hesitant hand, he tilts my chin up so I’m forced to meet his warm honey eyes. “I can’t give up on us, Win. I have to prove to you that we are it. You and I are the goal, baby.”

Why does he have to sound so sure about it? I force my eyes closed, unable to stand looking at him any longer. Tears trickle down my face.

I gasp when his hot breath dusts over my cheeks. He kisses each side, soaking up any wetness. Then he brushes his lips over mine, and I’m frozen solid in a trance. It’s not quite a kiss, but it’s the closest thing I’ve had since that night.

“I’d wait an eternity for you. But please don’t make me.”

Fall might be my favorite season. Something about the crisp mornings without having to shovel snow and the fallen leaves that brush the ground with each step. My closet full of sweaters also comes in handy. Mom never understood why I would come home with a new hoodie or sweater whenever I went shopping, but I don’t get how she doesn’t understand there isn’t a more comforting piece of clothing than a large sweater that warms your body.

“Winnie?”

My feet falter, and I look behind me to the voice. Not many people, if any at all, know my name, so who is…

Emma and her friend from the party wave excitedly before making their way to me.

“Hey.”

“You know you are, like, one of the few people on campus with red hair. I swear I’ve only seen, like, five.”

I giggle but nod. “Yeah. It’s like that most places I go. We stand out a lot.”

Emma hooks her arm through mine like it’s a totally normal thing to do to someone you met once for five minutes.

Laney trails on the other side of Emma but smiles at me. “Hey, Winnie.”

Before I can respond, Emma scrunches up her face and asks, “What are we doing at the library?”

“Am I missing where people go to the library for things other than studying?”

Laney giggles. “That’s what most people do at the library, Em.”

“I can think of a few things that don’t involve studying.” She grins, big and wide.

Like she manifested them, a group of guys walks in front of us, taking their time to check each of us out and not being shy about it at all. One of them whistles, and Emma wiggles her fingers in their direction. Mortified, I tug on her arm, dragging the girls completely around the group of guys and hurrying toward the library.

“Absolutely not. I’m here to study, and that’s it.” My heart pounds in my chest, and I glance over my shoulder, happy to see the guys have moved on.

“Bor-ing. What are we doing after?”

I lift an eyebrow at Emma. “We?”

She drops her head back as if I’m exhausting her. “Come on, Win! You’re a college freshman and it’s Thursday night!”

Thursday night? Aren’t Friday and Saturday the party nights? “Since when is Thursday a party night?”

Her eyes blow wide. “You’ve never heard of thirsty Thursday?”

“Uh, should I have?”

“Even I have.” Laney nods.

“See?” Not really. “Anyway, I’ll make you a deal. I will study as long as you do, but after, you have to come out with us.”

“I’m not really a going-out type.”

“Me either,” Laney throws out.

“I need new friends,” Emma grumbles. I guess making my first college friend wasn’t that hard after all. Even comes with a bonus friend. Sweet. I’ve failed miserably at making any in class. There are a few people who are friendly, but it’s mostly a hello and how are you. Not much more than that. “But I can ease you—both—into it. Pleeaassee? I promise no shit-faced guys trying to take your pants off.” She pauses and pulls me to a stop too. “Well, no. I can’t promise that, because men are pigs. But it’ll be fun turning them all down.”

I’ve never been one to give in to peer pressure, but going out kind of sounds fun. My first party experience was taken from me. Maybe tonight will be better.

“Why are you so adamant about going out, anyway?”

Laney leans forward and gives me a timid smile. “The guys are busy with hockey practice tonight, so there’s no one around to tell her no.”

Oh, that’s right. Her brother is on Reese’s team. It’s been a week since Reese stopped by the apartment, and he was right after all; I’ve not received anything after the weekend. I’d be lying if I said every day I get home from class, I didn’t hope there is something on the doorstep, but there never is. It’s not fair for me to wish for that when I’m the one who told him to give up. I’m only getting exactly what I asked for, so why does it suck so bad?

Emma nods, agreeing with whatever Laney said. “Sawyer is a bit overprotective. He doesn’t like me going out without him, and I can’t drink and flirt with boys like I want to when he’s around.”

“She still totally does, don’t let her lie to you.”

Emma grins, not bothered at all that her best friend just threw her under the bus. “I do, but he is such a cock block. I had to basically throw my virginity at the first guy I saw when he left for college.”

Oh my. Elijah is protective, but nothing like that. I’ll still probably let him know where I’m going to be, but he most likely won’t even reply. Our relationship still isn’t great, but it’s better. Though I didn’t tell him about Eeyore showing up.

“Are you a virgin?” she asks me.

I speed ahead of them, hurrying toward the library, but they jog after.

“Are you?” she asks again.

“No, I’m not.”

Emma squeals. “No way, who did you lose it to?” She gasps as if just remembering something. “Was it Reese? Is that the night he was talking about?”

Damn him. There’s no point in denying it. My face is probably close to matching my hair with how hot it feels. “Yeah, it was that night.”

She squeals again, and I’m tempted to plug my ears because she’s so loud. “Are you guys—”

Nope, not even entertaining that question. “What about you, Laney? Virgin or no?”

Emma snaps her mouth shut and turns to Laney.

“Uh, yeah.” Her voice is soft like maybe she’s embarrassed, but she shouldn’t be. Me giving my virginity to Reese, only for him to turn around and disappear for two years the next day, is way more embarrassing.

I don’t have a lot of homework or studying to do since it’s only the first week of school, but I take a little longer than I need just to drive Emma a bit crazier. She’s been bouncing in her seat pretty much the entire time. I doubt she got any studying done, so really I could back out of the night, but I’m a little excited.

Emma mentioned dancing, and I love dancing. I’m not really good at it, but I’m banking on everyone else around me being drunk enough that they don’t notice my two left feet.

“You guys can wait here or come up, but I’ll warn you, my brother isn’t friendly like yours.”

“Oh, we know all about your brother,” Emma says, shooting Laney a sideways look I don’t understand.

“What do you mean?”

She shrugs her thin shoulders. “He’s known around campus. That’s all.”

Elijah is known around campus? What the hell does that mean? Known for what? I don’t get a chance to ask because Emma jumps out of my car, and when I look at Laney, she scurries out after her. Well, okay then.

Elijah is sitting on the couch shirtless, his hand shoved down his pants. Thankfully, he’s not watching porn, but it doesn’t make it any less awkward when Emma and Laney trail in after me and he scowls at them. Making no move to remove his hand.

“The fuck, Win? I told you no girlish slumber parties.”

“Don’t be rude, Eli. We’re just stopping by so I can change.” I don’t bother introducing them because he’s already gone back to watching The Walking Dead and ignoring us.

I wait until we are in my room before turning to the girls. “See, I told you he wasn’t friendly.”

“I can fucking hear you, shithead.”

“That was the point, dickface,” I shout back, then slam the door before he can reply. I flick my lock and face them, plastering on an obviously fake smile. “Charming, isn’t he?”

“I like him,” Emma says, her blue eyes wide as if she just met Santa Claus.

“Trust me, you don’t.” I head for my closet, and they fall onto my bed. It’s weird how normal this feels. I’ve never had girls in my room. I’ve had guys—or the same two guys—numerous times, but one of them is my brother. It’s weird I’ve never had a girl friend, though. Someone to gossip and paint my nails with. Not that I paint my nails… but maybe if I had a girl friend, I might. I never really tried to make friends in school. I always had Reese and Eli, and after they were gone, I had lost my dad and wasn’t interested in making friends. Mom needed me, and truthfully, I needed her just as much.

“What do we wear to go out?”

“As close to nothing as legally possible,” Emma states.

“I think a cute dress,” Laney offers, probably reading the mortification I’m feeling. Laney seems more my speed when it comes to this kind of stuff.

“Well, considering half the campus probably saw my ass, something that makes sure that doesn’t happen again.”

“You mean the whole campus?” Emma snorts. She gets up from my bed to look at my photo wall. “Wow, you and Reese really were close.”

I swallow the lump and nod, even though she can’t see it. “What do you mean whole campus? I know there were a lot of people there, but unless there were thirty thousand people in that room…”

Emma and Laney once again swap faces. It’s mildly annoying how they converse without actually speaking.

“Did you not see the post from the EU Student News?” Laney’s eyebrows furrow.

“Student News? What’s that?”

My stomach sinks and my head swims with the possibility of whatever they are talking about. Surely, my ass can’t be posted anywhere, right? That would be illegal. I think. Laney drops her eyes to her phone, and after a second, she holds it up.

Forget my stomach sinking, it nearly drops out my ass now. I scramble across my room and grab the phone from her. I gasp loudly, then remember my brother is next door, and if he saw this, he would go ballistic.

“What the hell is this?” Most of it is shit about Reese and the team, or the party in general. My name isn’t mentioned anywhere. Not even in the comments under the post. A lot of them are guys giving heart eyes or laughing faces. Some compliments, but they do nothing to stop the mortification from suffocating me. My ass is on a website. If my name gets attached to this in any way, there goes any future career I might want.

Emma walks to my side and sighs. “EU Student News. I can’t believe you’ve never heard about it. It’s like the Pinecove version of Gossip Girl. A bunch of anonymous posts of things happening around campus, mostly gossipy things that make people look bad. It’s the worst, but it’s even worse that they now have a printed version.”

Wait… printed? “You’re telling me my ass is printed on the front page of some kind of weird newspaper?”

“Uh, yeah? Haven’t you been around campus at all this week? There aren’t many newsstands, but you should have seen one.” Her brow knits. I walked past a few newsstands that had the school colors on top, but they were all empty when I saw them. Either my ass sold out, or they weren’t in the ones I saw. I guess if they weren’t there, then maybe they weren’t everywhere like Emma said.

“I am not going out tonight.” I toss Laney’s phone back to her, and she catches it.

“Noooo,” Emma cries. “This is a good thing, Win. Think about it, your ass is out there being complimented by basically everyone in a fifteen-mile radius, and no one knows it’s your ass. Your ass is famous!”

Emma’s a little bit delusional, but she’s good at making a drastic situation—like my bare ass being printed on newspapers—seem small.

“A new story always comes out after the weekend, and there will be another ass for people to chat about. So I say enjoy your time in the spotlight.”

Maybe she’s a lot bit delusional. But right now, delusional works for me. “Fine, but I’m not wearing anything that could lead to me flashing anything.”

“Boring, but okay.” She grins. “And we can get drunk enough you won’t even care if you do.”

I’ve never gotten drunk before, but I just might tonight.

I’m sure this night is going to end super well.