20. Reese
A week of fucking agony. I knew the pit in my stomach when Winnie left my place wasn’t something I made up. Somehow, I knew something would happen and I wouldn’t see her again.
I just don’t know what changed, and it’s fucking killing me. I’ve texted her more times than I can count. I’ve called. I’ve sent flowers and other gifts to her place, but they get sent back every time.
I even considered going over there, but the last teddy bear I sent had its head cut off, and I know that was Elijah’s doing. He’s probably sitting at home, sharpening his pocket knife and waiting for me to show up so he can test it out. As much as I want to get to the bottom of whatever is going on, me getting stabbed isn’t going to get me anywhere but the hospital.
Maybe if I was in the hospital I could set her as my emergency contact, and then she would come see me.
Holy shit, I need to go outside.
The only time I’ve left the house this week was to take Eeyore on those walks Winnie told me he needed. As far as my teachers know, I’ve been “sick” all week. I’ve been so bored I even did the assignments they sent me.
My roommates are doing their best to not pay my bad mood attention, but I can tell my moping is getting on their nerves. I don’t know what else to do. I could drop by her class, though I don’t know her schedule. We didn’t get that far, but I do know what her Friday afternoon class is. I glance at the clock across my room. It’s nearly twelve thirty, so I have about an hour to get showered and head over. Which is something else I haven’t done and another reason my roommates are miserable. The smell isn’t pleasant, but it’s nowhere near as awful as the weight in my chest.
The worst part of this all is not knowing how to go about it. I don’t know what could have possibly happened after she left here that caused her to block me on everything. I tried sending her money through an app with messages telling her to unblock me so we could talk. But she never did, and I was losing too much money to continue if I want to be able to buy us a house one day.
“What’s that smell?” Schmidt sniffs into the air when I step into sight. He slaps Gavin”s and Sawyer’s chests, making them do the same thing. “Did Reese finally wash his ass?”
“Funny,” I grumble on my way past.
“We’re just kidding, man. Where are you heading? Conditioning isn’t for another few hours.”
“Out.”
I catch them giving each other the side-eye.
“I gotta see her.” I allow the vulnerability to shine through for just a moment before I shut it back down.
Sawyer stands from the couch and wanders into the kitchen where I am. I’ve not eaten shit this week, but if I’m going to survive conditioning, I gotta get something in my system.
“You really wanna do that? After she ghosted you?”
These guys don’t get it. No one gets it. Winnie wouldn’t ghost me if there wasn’t a real reason—or something she thinks is a real reason, anyway. They think she ghosted me like I did her, and no matter how many times I tell them that’s not something Winnie would do, they don’t listen. Sure, the thought occurred to me, but Winnie doesn’t have a revengeful bone in her body. I saw the way she looked at me. I felt the love pour from her during sex, and I know when she kissed my cheek and promised to talk later, she meant it. So something had to have happened after she left.
“Elijah is her brother, and he hates me. It wouldn’t surprise me if he said something that made her do it.”
He blows out a long breath. “Is she really worth it, Reese?”
I whip around from the microwave, and he holds up his hands.
“Listen before you go all ‘Rapture’ on me.”
I don’t think I could even if I wanted to with how weak my body is feeling. Pizza rolls are probably not what I need to give me energy, but I can’t be bothered to make anything else.
“Even if Elijah gave her a legitimate reason, you sure you want to get involved in all that? A girl who is going to take her brother’s word without even letting you explain what you need to?”
If Sawyer knew the extent of everything between Elijah and me, he wouldn’t be questioning me right now. In fact, he might hate me as much as Elijah—okay, probably not, but I might not be far off.
“She’s everything to me. You met me without Winnie, but you don’t know me when I’m with her. Everything is better. She makes me want to be the best version of myself. To you, I’m the hockey guy. You think that’s the one thing in life I love, but it’s not. Hockey is my life, but she’s my world, man.” I shudder. “It’s fucking me up. I know Winnie seems flakey to you, or whatever, but I’d bet money that she’s in worse shape than me.”
Famous last words.
“Well, okay. I just want to see you not so messed up. I’m meant to be the miserable one. It’s my thing, and you are stealing my thunder.”
I chuckle as best as I can and slap his shoulder on my way by. “Give me a few days to get to the bottom of whatever the fuck is happening, and then you can have your miserable title back.”
“Turns out, the flash wasn’t on.” Oliver laughs, and I force one out as well. I don’t know if what he said was actually funny, though. I wasn’t listening.
“So, uh, before you go, I was sorta hoping to ask you something.”
Oh, God. Is he going to ask me out? I’ve never been asked out before. Not, like, officially or anything. I think some kid in eighth grade tried to ask me to the movies, but it was a movie Elijah and Reese had been talking about seeing, so I agreed to go, then invited them. It was weird, and I didn’t know it was meant to be a date until Elijah told me after. Then he told me I wasn’t allowed to talk to that kid ever again, which wasn’t a problem since I brought my brother and his best friend on what he thought was a date. He mostly avoided me after that day. As did most guys in school. I guess word got out about the weird date, and they figured it wasn’t worth even asking.
Oliver is nice and handsome enough, with his swoopy blond hair and bright blue eyes, but I’m in no place to even consider dating.
“Sorry, Oliver. As flattered as I am, I’m just really not interested in dating right now.”
He was in the middle of saying something, but he freezes. Mouth still half-open and his eyes wide with surprise. Geesh, has he never been turned down before?
“I was just going to ask if I could copy off you on the test on Monday…”
Oh.
Kill me. “Uh, yeah. Sure, that’s fine.”
He takes a step away, and an awkward pause stretches between us. “Well, I’ll see you Monday, then.”
“Yep.”
Then he turns and books it out of the building like he can’t get away fast enough. “Way to go, Win,” I mutter to myself.
But someone else answers anyway.
“He was definitely asking you out.”
I spin, clutching my chest, and gasp at Reese leaning against the wall outside of the door.
“What are you doing here?”
“You blocked me. You won’t talk to me and—”
Mr. Hudson steps out of the classroom directly between Reese and me. With his nose in his phone, he doesn’t seem to notice, but then he presses the power button and drops it into his pants pocket. Noticing me, he smiles. “Hello, Winnie. Did you have a question for me?”
Oliver is cute in the boy-next-door way. Mr. Hudson? He is hot in the “I’ll bend you over my desk and make you call me daddy” type of way. Not my type, but not a sight for sore eyes, for sure.
“Uh, no, sir.”
“You’re doing amazing in class, by the way. If you ever have a question, my door is always open.”
Pride blooms inside my chest, and I smile. “Thank you, Mr. Hudson, but no questions.” I take a hesitant step back, not realizing Reese has moved behind me and bump right into his warm chest.
Mr. Hudson flicks his focus from me to Reese and cocks an eyebrow.
“And you are?”
“Her boyfriend,” Reese bites out.
I gasp and shoot a look at him. He glares down at me as if to say don’t push it, but I don’t care what he’s saying.
“No he’s not.” I clench my teeth. “Sorry, Mr. Hudson. Would you excuse us?”
He seems far too amused with whatever is happening in front of him, but I can’t even blame him because, from the outside, it probably is entertaining.
“Of course. I will see you next Friday, Winnie.”
I offer a smile and a small wave before grabbing Reese’s hand and forcing him to follow me outside. It’s not easy trying to drag a two-hundred-pound man, but eventually, we break into the cool autumn air.
“What the hell is your problem, Reese? We are not dating. Don’t tell people that.”
“You sure couldn’t wait to tell that prick we weren’t, too,” he bites out.
My mouth drops open as I rear back, dumbfounded that he has the audacity to be jealous right now. “You’re joking, right? That ‘prick’ is my teacher, and he was just being friendly.”
“Please, Winnie.” He scoffs. “Don’t be so naive. He was hitting on you, and we both know it. If I wasn’t there, would you have fucked your teacher?”
My eyes blow wide, and I stumble back as if he hit me. “How dare you.”
I spin on my heel and head for my car. Reese catches me around the wrist and spins me to face him again before I get too far. But, thankfully, he drops my hand before I have the chance to pull it away.
“Fuck, sorry. I’m not sleeping well, and that guy really rubbed me wrong. Sorry, none of that is your fault.”
“No, it’s not,” I repeat, just so he gets whatever is going on is definitely not my fault.
He drags a hand over his face and sighs. He does look tired. Deep bags rest under his usually bright eyes that are now a dull hazel. A black cap sits backwards on top of his head, hiding what I’m sure is messy hair. What the hell is happening to him? He said he wasn’t sleeping, but why?
“I know.”
“Okay.” I spin, continuing to my car.
“I think that teacher is a scumbag, though.”
Of course he does. “Thanks for the warning.” Sarcasm drips heavily from my voice. “Why didn’t you step in when Oliver was asking me out?” I ask, narrowing my eyebrows as I look over at him.
“It was painfully obvious you weren’t listening, and he knew it. That’s why when you turned him down, he lied about not asking you out.” He shrugs. “You weren’t into him.”
“And you think I am into my teacher?”
His smile slips and his jaw clenches. “No, but I think the power balance, or lack thereof, could lead to situations you don’t want to be in.”
My stomach turns at the accusations he’s making. “I’m a big girl, Reese. I don’t need you looking out for me like when we were kids.”
We’re at my car now, but he’s standing in front of my door, blocking me from getting in.
He tilts my head back with two fingers, and his eyes fall to my lips. “Maybe, but you’ll never be too old for me to look out for you, Win. I care about you.”
My stomach clenches, but it’s not bad or good. I wish it were bad. I wish his words had no effect on me.
“I don’t want to hear this.” Tears threaten to burn my eyes, but I close them, refusing to let any fall. I said I wasn’t going to cry over him anymore, and I’ve done a good job.
That’s a lie. I’ve cried basically every night, but it’s been in the privacy of my own room when everyone else is asleep or out. I can’t risk Elijah seeing me cry again.
“Why are you here, Reese?”
“You blocked me. On everything.” He drops my chin and pulls his hat off to scratch his head underneath, something he does when he’s anxious. “You left me no choice but to show up to your class. Just be happy I waited until it was over.”
“I’m not thanking you for not disrupting my class when you shouldn’t be here anyway. I blocked you for a reason, Reese. I need to move on. We need to move on. We’re not good together.”
Reese moves closer, not touching me but my feet are frozen to the ground, holding me in place. “You don’t mean that.”
“Yes I do.” My voice shakes. I slip around him to move in front of my door now. “I’m tired of getting hurt by you, and I can’t be with someone I don’t trust.”
Agony rips through him, and he stumbles back. I think seeing his genuine pain hurts most of all, but it doesn’t make sense because how can he act so surprised by what I’m saying?
“What the fuck happened when you left, Win? We had such a good night, and you promised to call but didn’t. Why?”
I can’t believe he’s doing this to me. He knows why, and yet he’s acting so innocent. I bet this is his way of waiting to see what I say instead of having to own up to what he did.
I cross my arms over my chest. Gone are the sad tears, and in their place is anger. “You tell me.”
His jaw clenches. He flattens his hands above my head on my car and leans toward me. “If I knew, I would have fixed it a fucking week ago because this”—he gestures between us—“is killing me.”
Not as much as it killed me hearing you lied.
“You lied.” I wait for any kind of reaction, guilt maybe, but it doesn’t come. Only confusion.
“About what?”
I open my mouth but am cut off by his phone ringing. He digs into his pocket and mutes it. The third time it rings, he sighs and puts it to his ear but keeps me trapped so I can’t leave.
“What?”
His eyebrows furrow at whoever is on the phone. It’s a deep voice, and as much as I wish that doesn’t send a shot of relief through me, it does. “Why? Yeah, okay. I’ll be there soon.” He ends the call, then crowds me even closer than before, our bodies just barely touching. “That was Sawyer. I gotta get to practice early, but I’m not leaving here until you tell me what I lied about so I can fix it.”
“There’s nothing to fix.”
He slaps a hand against my window, and I jump. “Don’t play that fucking game. Tell me what happened. Did Elijah say something?” For the first time, a hint of guilt crowds his brown irises, and my stomach twists. If he’s feeling guilty when it comes to Elijah, then what Elijah told me must be true. Not that I didn’t believe him. I was just really hoping he had the situation wrong or something.
Apparently, it wasn’t. “I can’t do this with you, Reese.” My voice is small. “Please let me go.”
“I can’t.” His voice comes out equally as broken as mine, and I wish it didn’t affect me, but it does. Hearing Reese so torn up only reminds me of when we were kids, and that same little girl who would hold him while he would cry begs to reach out and grab him now. But this time he’s the one responsible for the tears that are refusing to fall.
“You have to try, Reese.” I grip his sweatshirt. I don’t know why, but this feels like goodbye, and I didn’t know the last time I got to touch him would be it. “I’m tired of crying myself to sleep over you.”