Fifty-Six
F IFTY - S IX
CALDRIS
Estrella did not emerge from that river. There had been so much pain in the moments before our bond went dark, absolute agony and burning. The very idea that the Fates and Primordials had decided to subject her to something that would bring her this much suffering made me murderous.
What purpose could there be in this? What could she possibly prove by surviving pain the likes of which no creature should ever feel?
How could her own fucking father decide that this was what was right for his daughter?
She was his own flesh and blood, the one child he had supposedly borne with the woman he loved.
I paced at the riverbank, having descended the narrow path the moment Estrella dove into the river. The skulls and bones crushed beneath my feet as I moved, the crunch and snap of them drawing a wince from Nemain with every step. In her inability to speak, she seemed far more greatly affected by the noises around her, as if her own forced silence amplified all else. “She should be back by now,” I hissed, turning to Medusa with a glare.
The Gorgon woman met my stare, her mouth twisting in her own concern as she nodded. “You feel nothing in the bond?” she asked, taking a step toward the river as if she might jump in after Estrella.
As if I wouldn’t have done it myself if I’d been able, but only those who were called to the trials could enter the rivers without risking being lost to them. If I entered, I would never find the path to the trial.
I would simply perish for daring to interfere.
“It’s silent. Like she’s asleep,” I said, shaking my head. Medusa paced along with me, her own anxiety rising in response to the silence. Minutes turned to hours, leaving me with nothing to do but wait and hope.
When change finally came, it was in the parting of the river. The red waters and lava split down the middle, revealing a narrow path of rock at the bottom. A man emerged from the river, walking upon the sands with casual ease.
It was the woman cradled in his arms that made me take a step forward, stopping only when Medusa thrust her arm out in front of me, ceasing my progress. Estrella was limp as he carried her, and if it had not been for the deep, intuitive knowledge that she still breathed, that our bond still remained, I would have thought her dead. Her head hung back where it was draped over the man’s arm, her arm dangling at her side. As he made his way out of the river, the waters crashed back together behind him, a wave rocking through it that somehow never reached us. Instead, it lapped against the cliff on the other side, leaving behind a stain of red that looked like blood smeared along a wall.
Khaos shifted Estrella in his hold, glaring at me as he handed her over. She moaned, a deep, pained sound as I took her from his arms, cradling her close. She smelled of fire, that burning acrid scent clinging to her skin in a way that made me clench my jaw.
“Was she successful?” Medusa asked, approaching the man she shared a child with. Khaos nodded, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a single vial filled with ash. He placed it in Medusa’s open palm, allowing the woman to cradle it for a brief moment before she handed it to Badb, letting the Morrigan put it with the other items Estrella had collected in her trials.
“She was,” he said, his voice deep and emotionless. He didn’t seem to regret the obvious pain Estrella had suffered, didn’t seem to care one way or another that she would continue to put herself in danger for the sake of proving her worth to him. He should have valued her for who she was, not only needing to see what she could do. “Only the Cocytus stands between her and the Cradle of Creation now, God of the Dead. You would do well to remember that she is not a damsel in need of saving. She is a catalyst who will change everything about the world as you know it. These trials—”
“Are the product of a male who does not care for his own child,” I snapped, ignoring the cautionary hand Medusa placed on my forearm.
Khaos studied me for a moment, his face impassive. There was nothing there for a moment, and then his burnished golden eyes burned deeper, his nostrils flaring.
“I care,” he spat, the response coming with more emotion than I’d have thought him capable of. “There is not much in this world I care for in the slightest, but for my wife and my daughter.” He reached out with his hand, cupping Medusa’s cheek in his palm. The genuine affection as she leaned into that touch was everything we’d been told Primordials could not feel, everything my parents had claimed they’d never had from their own sires.
Love didn’t exist for the very beings who were not human in any way, but simply wore a human form as they wished. They were the personification of the world, pure power contained into one creation.
“You have a funny way of showing that love,” I said, adjusting Estrella in my grip. She groaned as she snuggled into my chest, sinking deeper and recognizing the familiarity of my arms. I wanted nothing more than to lay her down and snuggle up with her, to offer her a comfortable place to heal, but there was nothing but rock and bone nearby.
“One day, you may understand that we have greater responsibilities to the world than we do to our loved ones. Estrella may be my daughter, but she is also capable of bringing great harm to the world if I do not weigh her carefully. I must know what she is capable of to know if she is ready for the responsibility I will soon lay at her feet,” he said, releasing Medusa finally to give me the full force of his glare. “Your world depends on it.”
He shook his head, taking a step back from us. I thought he might disappear into the river once more, but instead he let his eyes fall closed. His body burst into darkness, exploding out into the night of a thousand stars before my eyes.
It was the perfect reminder that the body that housed him wasn’t truly him , that he existed beyond physical confines. He was so much more than he appeared, a destiny in the wind.
And then he was gone, fading into the dim light and leaving us behind. I hiked Estrella higher into my arms, turning to her mother fully as my mate slept.
“Whatever you’re hiding, whatever you have planned for Estrella, know this,” I warned, my voice a stern command that I knew Estrella would scold me for if she’d been awake. “She will not tolerate your secrets or your lies. She will not allow herself to be a pawn in whatever game it is the two of you are playing. You may think you have her right where you want her, but I promise you, if you back her into a corner, she will make you regret it.”
Medusa’s answering smile was sad and the way she reached up to pat my cheek was motherly rather than condescending.
“Unfortunately, Estrella’s time in Tartarus will be the extent of my time with her. I will not leave my home to journey back to your world with her. Whatever consequences there may be for doing what is necessary to guide her to her destiny, they won’t matter for me in the end. Estrella will leave Tartarus as she came,” Medusa said, her look pointed. I understood the message in it, the warning she wanted to convey, even if she didn’t elaborate.
I understood the word she didn’t speak, the one that hung between us that neither of us wanted to lend voice to.
Alone.
I opened my mouth, fully prepared to risk it all to have that conversation. But a figure raced down the steps carved into the cliff, hurrying and looking over his shoulder as if he expected to be followed. I’d have recognized him anywhere, even if I’d only seen him briefly in that first night after I found Estrella.
He’d died so quickly, a fact that I both regretted for my mate’s sake but could also appreciate, given his hesitation in allowing her to be near me. Had he lived, I had no doubt he would have proved to be a large inconvenience to my interest in her.
Had he lived, I might have needed to kill him myself, and when that truth came out, Estrella would have never forgiven me.
He hurried across the bones, wincing and jumping as each one cracked beneath his feet. Medusa rolled her eyes toward the sky, as if she too couldn’t find any joy to be had in his presence. But I knew that Estrella would likely be pleased to find him safe.
“Why is he not suffering?” Medusa asked, and I wondered what she meant.
Badb laughed, crossing her arms over her chest as he approached. “Your daughter freed him from the eternal torment Khaos gave him,” she said, making me smile.
Of fucking course she had.
“Brann,” I said, leaning down to run my nose alongside Estrella’s. The feral urge to lay claim to the woman was illogical, particularly knowing that she viewed Brann as nothing more than a brother even if they were not blood related. He paused, studying me intently and measuring me up. His eyes widened as realization dawned, and it occurred to me that Estrella had not informed him of who I was. I’d assumed he’d known, that he’d been able to see through my glamour and that was why he’d been so adamant that they needed to leave me behind that night. But the shock written into the lines of his face said the opposite, that he was horrified to see the bond between us glowing bright and completed. I couldn’t help the arrogant smirk that I knew transformed my face, watching him so disturbed by the sight of my mate in my arms.
“Caldris,” he breathed, my name coming out as a horrified sigh. “What have you done?”
“Bold of you to assume I would do anything to harm my mate, Lunar Witch,” I snapped, watching as Medusa rolled her eyes. She shucked off the cloak she’d draped over her shoulders in spite of the heat, laying it down on the smoothest patch of bones and dust she could find. I followed without a word, laying Estrella down on it so that she could rest in peace. Positioning myself between her and Brann, I crossed my arms over my chest. “Whereas the last I saw of you, you attempted to drive a knife through my mate’s heart.”
Brann swallowed, pursing his lips as if ashamed of his actions. “Can you really blame me? You of all people know what Mab is capable of. I was trying to save her from that fate,” he said.
“You were trying to save yourself from being dragged into that situation along with her. You never cared if Mab found her. It was only a matter of time before she did and you knew it. She was never meant to remain in Nothrek forever. She was meant to be with me,” I hissed, hating the futility of the argument. None of it mattered now in truth, except that maybe, just maybe, we could have defeated Mab centuries ago. We could have saved countless lives and spent decades together.
We could have had children already, the thought hitting me with a pang of longing. Instead, I had a mate who thought herself only to be in her twenties with an eternity spread out before her. We had all the time in the world, and I would not allow her to rush into motherhood for the sake of my desire for children.
All because of what he’d robbed me of. All because he’d been selfish and stolen her from the other Lunar Witches so that he could remain hidden away and never have to face Mab.
“That isn’t true,” he said, shaking his head. He looked around the side of me, studying Estrella’s face with a somber expression. “I never wanted this for her. I wanted her to have a normal life. To just get to be without words like fate and destiny hanging over her. You don’t understand what it’s like to watch someone grow. To help raise them from a baby to a woman over and over and fucking over again and then watch her die. She may have seen me as a brother, but she was always more like a daughter to me. And there was never anything I could do to stop the ticking of the clock, but at least I knew she would come back. I knew she’d reincarnate, and I’d get to see her again. But if the Veil came down and she died…” He trailed off.
“She’d be gone,” Medusa said, finishing the thought as understanding filled her face.
“And what excuse did you use to justify not returning her to Alfheimr when she came into her last life? There would be no reincarnation for her after that final death, and you tried to kill her,” I said, half hoping I could drive the man to violence.
It would have been stupid, and it wouldn’t have taken even a flick of my finger to knock him on his ass, but sometimes, you just wanted to punch another man in the fucking throat and watch him choke.
“I wanted one last life with her, and I wasn’t willing to let that go until I had no choice. When the time came, I knew death would be a kindness compared to what Mab had in store for her,” he admitted, shrugging his shoulders as Estrella stirred behind us. “She may be your mate, and I understand that her place is at your side now. But for thirteen lives, she has been my responsibility. I couldn’t bear to admit that I’d done wrong by her when I took her from the rebellion. I couldn’t return her to Imelda and just say I was sorry for taking her away.”
“Yeah, I’d have been afraid of what Imelda would do to me, too, if I’d pulled the same shit you did,” I said, letting the conversation fall into silence. I moved to Estrella’s side, sitting next to her and pulling her head into my lap so that she could be more comfortable. Her skin was pink where it was visible, like it was fresh and new and warm to the touch.
I didn’t dare to think of what she’d survived in that trial. What she’d had to accomplish to survive yet again.