Chapter 9 #2
“Well, I have a boyfriend,” I say, and because I know that won’t be good enough for Symone, I add the thought that has been playing on repeat in my head ever since the night our text detoured from the friendzone. “We are just really good friends, nothing more.”
“Maybe, maybe not. But I guess you’ll never know,” she says slyly, then takes another sip of her coffee like she knows me better than I know myself.
“Well, Jordan’s trying to prove himself to me, and for the first time in a while, I’m excited to see where things are going with us.”
At this point, I’m not sure if I’m trying to convince myself or my best friend.
Mav
I don’t know how, but I swear this woman gets more and more beautiful every time I see her. I’m being a total creep as I stand by while Joey meticulously brushes my horse, Roman.
Shay’s talking to Bellamy, who’s saddling up Mia to work on barrels in the arena, allowing me a view of her freshly tanned skin that’s glistening from our ride in the sun just minutes ago.
After three weeks of not seeing Shay and Joey, I woke up early to do the ranch chores I’ve been helping with on weekends when I’m at home.
I was buzzing with excitement. It was like Christmas morning the year me and Cash were seven and Jules was six.
We got a trampoline; it was the only thing all of us asked for.
I remember our parents yelling at us at three a.m. to get our asses back up the stairs or Santa would come back and take all our presents with him.
A smile spreads across my lips at the memory of Jules gasping in distress over that thought.
Then she wanted to devise a plan to catch Santa in a trap if he came back that night.
Thankfully, Cash, the sensible one of the three of us, talked us out of it.
And we all fell asleep on the couches in the bonus room, watching The Grinch.
I should write that down in my journal Bellamy gave me.
Bellamy gifted me and Cash journals to write memories of our sister in. Although mine are more like notes to her. People would probably think I’m crazy, writing to my dead sister, but in some fucked-up way, it gives me comfort, especially in the dark hours.
And at five a.m. this morning, I had the idea to write a note to someone else. I took one out of my boy Nathan Outlaw’s playbook with this. Now I just have to find the right moment to give it to her. I’m hoping we get some time alone today.
“Maverick…” Joey’s voice calls my name.
His eyebrows are pinched together as he studies me, and I wonder what he sees.
“Do you get dreamy eyes for all the pretty girls?” Joey asks innocently.
I smile, shaking my head. “Nope, your sister puts me in a permanent daydream.”
But chocolate eyes and short brunette hair flit through my mind for a split second.
He nods in understanding. “One of my teachers says I daydream too much.”
I chuckle. “Class does that to me sometimes, too.”
“You two almost done?” Shay asks as she begins walking out with Bellamy and Mia.
“Yep!” Joey answers proudly, assessing how well-groomed Roman looks.
“Okay, come watch our next barrel racing champ,” she calls out, and Bellamy blows her a kiss.
Once Bellamy’s wrist injury healed, she decided she wanted to get back into barrel racing. She’s been training hard with my brother right by her side.
“Alright, buddy, let’s go cheer Amy on.”
“Okay, but one more question?”
“Yeah, bud, what’s up?”
“Why does your brother kiss your sister?”
Thank God, I’m not eating or drinking because, no doubt, I’d choke right here and now.
I try to compose myself, not wanting to make him feel silly for his very valid question. Man, what I’d give to see Cash’s face if he asked him this question.
I pat him on the shoulder. “I get that’s a bit confusing, but she’s our stepsister. Our parents got together when we were older. Does that make sense?”
“Yeah, I think so.”
He smiles, and it tugs at my heart. I’d go to the end of the earth to keep him safe and happy.
Like I wish I could’ve protected Jules.
“Cash, your woman is a complete badass.” Shay whistles as my twin trots over on his horse, Dom.
“I couldn’t agree more,” he says, approaching the fence we’re standing on so Joey can pet his Appaloosa.
“I’m dreading not having this view daily,” my brother says wistfully, looking over at Bellamy.
“It’s not like it’s a far drive,” I retort, rolling my eyes at his lovesick ass. We have to be back on campus full time next week for hockey workouts, and I know a big part of him is dreading it.
“I know, the month off just flew by.” Cash huffs, and I swear, sometimes, if it wasn’t for me, I think he’d give up hockey all together.
“I feel you on that,” Shay chimes in. “We start basketball workouts in two weeks too. I love it, but damn, if the break hasn’t been nice.”
“Well, some of us decided to do summer school, so no break here. I’ll be happy to have y’all back on campus. The house has been quiet.”
“Speaking of, I volunteered you to help Hudson move his shit next week.” I give my brother a shit-eating grin.
“Of course you did,” he groans, but that’s just my brother being his grumpy self. He’d be there to help Hudson, no matter what.
Dom whinnies draw our attention as he nudges his hand into Joey.
“Joey, we’ve missed you around here. Did you enjoy your trip?” Cash asks.
“Yeah, it was good. We went to a national seashore. Not as cool as a national park, but I taught Shay all about the turtles who come there every year to hatch.” He beams proudly, and my brother listens attentively.
“And me and Shay jumped the waves on the beach every day. Well, until Jordan showed up.”
The smile on my face falls at the mention of his name.
“Shay isn’t as fun when he’s around.” He shrugs with indifference, which is only a fraction of what I feel regarding Jordan.
“Hey, that’s not nice,” she says, but I see the concern on her face at his accusation.
Cash just laughs and cautiously glances in my direction, trying to gauge my reaction. He and Bellamy have attempted to talk to me about Shay, but I always brush them off, not wanting to admit how bad it hurts that she’s with him.
I thought this summer was going to push them further apart, but apparently, that may not be the case.
When am I going to let this thing go and accept that all we will ever be is friends?
I’ve been asking myself more and more lately, probably because my subconscious likes to remind me there’s another girl in my life, slowly taking up space in my brain.
Hence why I wrote that letter this morning.
I decided now is finally the time to put it all out there and tell Shay how I feel.
Now or never. But suddenly, I’m questioning all of that.
Cash invites Joey into the stables to help him with Dom, so of course, Joey jumps at the chance, leaving Shay and I by ourselves. My stomach stirs with unease.
Needing to know, I take a deep breath and ask, “So Jordan came on the family vacay, huh?”
Shay doesn’t take her eyes off Bellamy as she answers, “Yeah. You know he’s from Alabama, so he decided to chance it and make the drive. Shockingly, my parents let him stay with us for a few days.”
“Nice, how was that?” I try to keep my tone neutral, not wanting to give away an ounce of how it makes me feel.
She smiles, and as much as I normally love that smile, this time, it makes me sick. Like I just drank a jug of sour milk.
“It was really good. He was very thoughtful. We even had a long talk about my friendship with you, and that went really well.”
“Oh yeah?” I may actually vomit.
“Yeah, he said he would lay off me and respect our friendship more.”
“Cool,” I respond, but really, I feel anything but cool. There’s no way I can give her that letter now. She’s not ready.
She studies me for a few seconds, her brow furrowing. “I thought you’d be happier about that.”
I put on my fake smile, the one I normally wear to convince my family I’m not drowning in grief. “I am happy. All I want is for you to be happy.”
Shay’s eyes search mine like they’re waiting on something, and then she says, “And I want the same for you, Mav.”
Yeah, me too. And I guess I’m going to have to open my heart to finding that somewhere else.