Chapter 40 Savannah
FORTY
SAVANNAH
Where is that goddamn box?
Heart thumping against my sternum, I stumble through the guest bedroom where we stuffed the belongings I didn’t need immediately. It’s got to be in here somewhere.
My skin itches and my stomach rolls. I don’t need to see the damn doll to know it has pink hair, but I can’t fight the urge to dig it out, praying I’m wrong.
I’m grasping at straws here because the stories are too coincidental.
Or maybe they’re not. Maybe Camden’s almost child is a female roughly my age, who grew up in Las Vegas, was raised by selfish parents, and isn’t actually me. It’s possible. My story isn’t unique.
I vividly remember the nights in the bars. When my mom would hand me a toy and tell me to be quiet. The nights where she’d tell me to sit in a booth while she went outside with yet another strange man.
A time or two, she even left without me. I would find my way home, terrified and in the dark, because I was more scared of being taken from her than I should have been.
She’d stumble through the door, surprised to find me home.
Looking back now, it almost seemed like she was waiting for someone to take me away.
Maybe she would have been relieved. Then she wouldn’t have had to be responsible for me.
She tried to pawn me off on my father countless times, but he was just as uninterested.
I squeeze my eyes shut. No, I will not cry over them. They don’t deserve it. But Camden. Fuck. If I’m really his ex’s daughter…
I swallow down the rest of the sentence. No. It can’t fucking be true. I can’t lose him. I won’t let her take anything else from me.
Even as I make that vow, I can’t help but remind myself that life has never been that kind to me.
I’ve always lost the things that matter to me most. I don’t ever get to keep them.
But over the last month or so, I let my guard down.
I got cocky and deluded myself into believing I was free of her. But I’ll never be.
As if the universe is taunting me, my phone rings and her name appears on the screen.
Heart in my throat, I answer. “Hi, Mom.”
“You know better than to call me that. Mom makes me sound old. I’m too young to have a twenty-seven-year-old child.”
“And yet you do.” I slump onto the guest bed, willing the dread building in my chest to subside. This has to be a coincidence. It’s my brain playing tricks on me. Telling me I don’t deserve good things. But I do.
I grab a pillow and squeeze it to my chest. The scent alone brings tears to my eyes. It smells like Camden. It’s not his pillow, but in general, the house smells like home, which is what he smells like.
God, I’m emotional.
“You know what I mean,” she says, ignoring my sarcasm.
“Fine, Tara,” I say with a sigh. “How was your Christmas?”
“Oh,” she says, her tone suddenly bright. “It was good. I spent it with the pilot I’ve been seeing for a bit. He was supposed to be home with his family, but he got stuck here because of weather. It worked out nicely for us.”
I blanch. She’s awful. And yet pointing that out won’t do me any good. So I swallow down my commentary and say one thing I do truly mean. “I’m glad you weren’t alone.”
“Never am.”
A shocked laugh tries to escape me, but I do a brilliant job of choking it back.
“Anyway, I’m calling because I ran into an old friend a few weeks ago. My ex-boyfriend’s sister, actually.”
The uneasiness in my stomach returns. “Huh?”
Clearly not sensing my panic, she babbles on. “Anyway, I looked her up online after seeing her. Her brother has always been the one who got away.”
More like the one who ran away, and for good reason.
“He lives in Boston.”
My stomach drops. Fuck. Shit. Fuck. No. I gulp down oxygen, trying to get my bearings. It could still be a coincidence.
My mother barrels on, totally unaware of the pain she’s leaving in her wake.
“Isn’t it a small world? I knew he played hockey there for a while, but I never knew what happened to him after that.
” With every word, her pitch gets a little higher.
“Now that I know he still lives there, I decided I’d surprise him. ”
The hope and delusional belief that this wouldn’t blow up in my face is gone in a flash. “What?” I ask, panicked. “Why?”
She laughs. “Because I want to see him, Savannah. And I can see you while I’m here too.”
Of course. I don’t have enough energy to be bothered by the fact that my mother is finally making a trip out here because of a man, not to see her own daughter.
I shake my head. No way. I’ll talk her out of it. Then I need to figure out if Camden is really her ex.
“Mom—Tara,” I correct. “It’s been decades. He’s probably married with kids by now.”
“He’s not.” The devious laugh she lets out chills my blood. “Even if he was, I guarantee I’d be hotter than his wife. I look far better than most women my age. That was the one good thing that came of having you at nineteen. My body bounced back right away.”
“I’m so glad you found one positive aspect of my existence,” I mutter, standing up.
She sighs. “Stop making everything about you. This would benefit you too. He’s got loads of money, I’m sure. I always told you he’d have made a better dad than your lowlife father.”
I pull my phone away from my ear and gape at it. How in the hell am I related to this woman? It’s mortifying.
“And maybe Camden can set you up with someone on the team. Pro hockey players make a ton of money, and from what I found online, he still works for the Bolts.”
My abdomen spasms and my breakfast threatens to make a reappearance. “Mom, I’ve got to go.”
“Wait—”
I end the call without a second of hesitation. I can’t talk to her right now. God, I wish I never had to talk to her again. But I’m not that lucky. I’ll have to deal with all of this eventually. First, I need to throw up.
When the doorbell rings while I’m brushing my teeth, I say a prayer that it’s not my mother. That would be my fucking luck.
My phone has been blowing up since I ended our call, but I can’t look at it. I can’t talk to her. Honestly I can’t talk to anyone. But I can’t ignore the door either. If Camden checks the camera, he’ll see her standing there, and I don’t know how the fuck to deal with any of this right now.
I can’t imagine Camden will take the news well. But maybe if I explain that I had no idea who he was and that I have virtually no relationship with her, he can get past the shitty details.
With a steadying breath, I head downstairs, taking the steps two at a time. “I’m coming,” I call as the doorbell chimes again.
I swing the door open, and when I find a teenage boy on the doorstep rather than my backstabbing mother, I let out a relieved groan.
“Whoa. Who are you?” the kid says as I slap my hands to my knees and bend in two, sucking in lungfuls of air.
I peer up at him, heart still racing. “Savannah, Cam’s girlfriend. And you are?”
“Oh.” He straightens and grins. “I’m Maverick, his godson.”
I point at him, a memory surfacing. “Right, Daniel and Hannah’s kid.”
He chuckles. “I guess we can go with that. Is Cam here?”
Standing, I shake my head, feeling only slightly better. At least this kid is a distraction.
“No, he’s at work, I think.” Maybe. I was too preoccupied this morning to pay attention when he told me his plans. I barely got through the night without breaking down and confessing my suspicions to him.
“Damn.” He sighs. “I just wanted to drop off these forms.” He holds out a large manilla envelope. “I appreciate what you’re doing, by the way.”
Frowning, I take it from him. “What I’m doing?”
He nods, his thankful expression genuine. “Yeah, I don’t know what he’s paying you or anything like that, but thanks. You have no idea how much this means to me.”
Discomfort builds in my chest, making it feel tight. “Paying me for what?”
He looks at me like I’ve got two heads. “The bet.”
“What bet?”
“The one Cam made with my mom. That he could make a relationship last three months.” His expression falls.
“Ya know, so that I can enter the draft…” His words die and his eyes go wide, like he’s realizing that I have no fucking clue what he’s talking about.
“I, uh. Forget it,” he says, taking a step back.
“Just tell Camden I dropped off the—” He shakes his head.
“Actually, ya know what? Don’t tell him anything. In fact, forget everything I said.”
With that, he’s gone, rushing down the steps, and I’m left nodding at the empty porch, my thoughts scrambled.
I’m pretty sure this kid just told me that my boyfriend, who used to date my mother, is only dating me to win a bet.
Wow. When shit goes wrong, I’m not usually surprised. I’ve come to expect that everything inevitably goes south. But I really didn’t see this coming.
Turns out it really was him and not me. I officially lost the guy. Then again, I guess Camden was never really mine to lose.
You can’t lose something you never had.