Chapter 2 #2
I snatched the cheap decoration from his hands.
“Are you crazy?” I pushed him aside, opening and closing the door to make sure no one heard or saw the foolishness that Nick loved bringing my way.
I faced him with my arms crossed, tired of being an accomplice to his antics.
“Be bold this year and tell your folks you’re gay. We don’t live in the Middle Ages anymore. People are pretty progressive.”
Farmerton was a small, somewhat conservative town but wasn’t as backward as Nick thought it was. Sure, most people were traditional and super religious, but many were models of progress.
Haven of Hope and Blessings Christian Church was one example.
The megachurch’s pastor, Caleb Stallings, was out-of-the-box.
His highly educated wife, Dr. Grace Stallings, admitted to struggling with suicidal ideation before she became First Lady.
She reached out to the community, pushing people to embrace diversity and mental wellness in all its forms. I knew of them firsthand since their daughter, Esther, was in my class.
The love of God rested on the Stallings family.
They had been nothing but kind in their brief interactions with me.
My gut told me Nick was more of the problem than his family and wasn’t ready to share the truth about his sexuality with them.
“Admit to being a Black gay man in rural Georgia? Girl, please.” He rolled his eyes and shook his head with his lips poked out.
“Don’t talk to me about progress. You can’t even tell people your very alive husband isn’t dead.
Why don’t I call Mr. Starks up right now and ask him how he’s doing?
” Nick pulled his cell phone from the pocket of his dark slacks.
I knocked the phone down with my hands.
“Why are you so messy? I’m trying to support you.” I whisper shouted in a low voice despite no one being in the room with us.
Nick was two seconds away from being cursed out on school grounds.
I took a deep breath, remembering that if I so much as mumbled the word “ass,” people would latch on to what I was talking about quicker than a tick clinging to a dog’s behind. I straightened my spine and clasped my hands, putting on my calmest teacher’s voice.
“We are role models. Don’t come over here trying to kiss me. I don’t want folks thinking we have something going on. I value my privacy.”
“Chill, girl, with your old lady, uptight self. Why don’t you move out of your big ol’ haunted house into the retirement home next door? I swear the real Ruby Starks was abducted by aliens when you moved to Atlanta. What the hell really happened to you?”
Life, I wanted to say, but held my tongue, knowing that most people in Farmerton could not handle the full story about my scandalous life after graduation.
“Come to my folks’ house and let your hair down. Literally.”
I palmed the tight chignon on the back of my head and frowned.
Nick was one of the few people who’d let me present myself as more than a prim and proper school teacher.
When I was in college, I was the life of the party and could hang with the wildest of people to have a good time, but life changed me.
I shook my head.
“I’m too old for all that.”
Nick stomped his foot like one of my impertinent first graders.
“It’s your choice to turn into an ugly Christmas sweater-wearing old lady who smells like mothballs and carries around peppermints in her oversized leather bag.”
I pressed my hand to my chest, disturbed at how overdramatic Nick was.
“You’re foul for that.”
“All I’m saying is that you’re never too old to have fun.
You should know that more than anyone. Remember how you dipped and popped that coochie when that pro basketball player wanted a taste of your fat behind senior year?
” Nick spread his legs and twerked before lifting and waving his right hand up and down.
As he dipped and whipped his medium-sized body, I took in his show with my mouth open. He finally stopped, huffing and puffing like a steam engine with his hands on his waist.
“What you need to do is work out before you pass out trying to show out.”
“Stop deflecting. You know good and well how hot you were in the tail. I thought you were going to leave your math ed degree behind and elope with that man and his nasty little harem. He loved himself some Ruby Belle Starks.”
Nick wasn’t lying. I didn’t hesitate to flirt with guys who could give me what I wanted out of life. That was what got me in trouble with Larenz Starks too.
“I’m still mad that you didn’t drop it like it was hot so we could get season tickets to the Falcons’ game for life. We were this close.” He pinched his fingers and squinted.
When Nick shook his head in disappointment, I shook my head at his assessment of my past.
“You don’t know the real me, so don’t judge me.” I spoke the words with precision.
“I know you were a wannabe ho when you left Farmerton. It’s always the quiet ones.” Nick clicked his tongue and frowned like I deserved his judgment.
“This is exactly why I need winter break. Nobody comes to work to be harassed.” I rolled my eyes, then smiled.
“Who, me? Chile, if it weren’t for me, you’d have the most boring life below the Mason-Dixon line.
I know them little craft projects get more tongue action than your dried-up puss.
Don’t get me started about you and them damn coupons either.
You might as well get food stamps for how cheap you are.
” Nick pressed his palms together on the side of his face, closing his eyes like he was asleep.
I packed the gifts from my students into the empty box on my desk.
“Don’t knock food stamps. Trust me, I tried to apply for assistance but made too much money. School teachers don’t get paid enough for the mess we go through.”
He raised his hand and high-fived me.
“True dat. If you ever want to turn up and go to Atlanta, let me know. We can hit up all the clubs. Between the two of us, we’ll reel the men in like fish.” He whispered his last words so quietly, yet so loudly, that I barely heard him.
I shooed him away like a fly.
“Go home, Mr. Braxton.”
“Bah humbug, Ms. Starks.”
I tried to ignore Nick, but he lingered and reached for my hands.
“Seriously, Ruby, you’re good people. Smart and funny with one of the biggest hearts I know. Please don’t let the past dim your light.”
Nick knew exactly what to say so I didn’t crumble up and wither away. I wiped my suddenly damp eyes with the pads of my fingers.
“Boy, if you don’t get out of here and put on your corny elf costume for that parade, I’m going to have to wear my shades out of the building. Bye.” I waved him away.
Instead of walking out, he embraced me. I held him as a couple of tears left my eyes.
“I pray you’ll have a Christmas miracle. LaRue deserves to be celebrated for the short life she lived.”
Before I could respond, Nick kissed my cheek and stepped out of my classroom with little fanfare.
Although I had been ready to shut Nick out, I couldn’t. He was one of the few people who saw me for who I was in this season.
I took a final look at my classroom before picking up my work bag and my box of gifts. Before I walked out of the room, I turned off the light and took a final whiff of the pine-filled air.
This started my lonely season, the time that reminded me of what could have been and who I was. I yearned to be the old me again.
When I pulled onto my concrete driveway and turned off the ignition to my Hyundai, I was in a funky mood. The familiar ping of sadness and angst about the holiday season still weighed heavily on my spirit. Even my carefully curated list of old-school jazz songs couldn’t shake how down I felt.
I mindlessly unloaded the bags of groceries from my car, thankful I found eggs, milk, and bread on the nearly bare shelves.
It was like the Hunger Games when temperatures got below freezing.
As I entered my home and put up my groceries for the week, I pictured how crowded the town square was as members of the community celebrated the holiday at the annual Christmas parade that would start soon.
Half the kids in my class would be riding on floats and cars, throwing out candy to their friends, bundled up in warm winter coats and mittens along the parade route.
As everyone else froze their hands and feet off, I’d be nestled in my home, clipping coupons and crafting, sipping a cup of hot chocolate in my favorite little porcelain cup.
Unlike my over-the-top classroom, my home wasn’t festive.
If anything, it was subdued like my mood.
Like a bear in hibernation, I’d retreat into my cozy cave to hide out from the world and ponder what my future might look like.
Like the spinster I swore to Nick I wasn’t, I looked forward to a silent night.
I soaked in my tub with champagne and mint bath salts that had my skin feeling as smooth as silk.
After rubbing myself down with cucumber-scented lotion, I slipped into the luxurious lace bra and panty set from the online adult store owned by my homegirl, Lena Langston.
Sensual underwear was my guilty pleasure, although I had no one to show it to.
Since comfort made sense to me too, I put on my favorite vintage housecoat, which provided the perfect amount of warmth.
I sauntered down the stairs in my slippered feet, noticing that the snow was falling quicker than when I went upstairs.
I rubbed my hands in anticipation of the big pot of spicy chili I planned to make for dinner.
It would be the perfect meal to comfort my soul and body after a long semester of pouring into my young charges.
I’d freeze whatever was left over for the rest of the week.