Chapter 14
14
NIKO
My son hasn’t taken me by surprise in over a decade.
Being handed Tanya’s positive pregnancy test beneath rusted football field bleachers had me wondering if I’d shit my pants from utter shock. The sight of Travis’s first scraped and bloody knee at two years old was enough to have me rushing us to the hospital, only to be scolded for overreacting.
I was expecting Tanya to leave me and for our son to choose to move in with only her. When he stopped accepting my invites to hang out on a rare weekend when I wasn’t working, I took it on the chin as if it was a fair punishment for my lack of free time. Maybe he had wanted me to fight his mother for split custody, and I’d let him down by allowing her to have her way, or maybe he just simply didn’t like me.
Regardless of the why, I learned to stop expecting much from our relationship. We’re strangers forced together by social events and holidays.
I take the small moments he offers me to try and learn something about him, but he’s never shared that initiative. I’ve failed us, and I wear that with a deep sense of shame.
If I thought he cared about closing the chasm between us, I’d try harder. But after this long, I know that’s not something he’s interested in. What he walked in on only reinforced his disappointment in me.
I can’t apologize for this choice, though. It’s not a mistake, and I refuse to make it into one.
Ivy’s worried frown has my annoyance with my son growing tenfold. She’s lost in her head while she dresses, her movements rushed and anxious after telling me it was Travis who caught us in the act.
Sure, it doesn’t help that she doesn’t have any clothes here besides the dress she showed up in yesterday. I’m caveman enough to have suggested she put my shirt back on.
She didn’t entertain me with a reply to that. Hell, I barely got confirmation that it was my son who walked in on us, so I knew not to push for anything else.
My jeans are constricting as I sit perched on the edge of the bed and scrape a hand over my bearded jaw. It’s scraggly from not being groomed in two days, but fuck it. My son just saw me balls-deep in his ex-girlfriend’s ass, so something tells me an untrimmed beard won’t matter much.
“Why is he even here?” Ivy asks accusingly, but it’s hard to tell who or what she’s actually accusing.
“I didn’t invite him, angel. I’m surprised the roads were plowed enough for him to get here. They must have been out before the snow even stopped.”
She sighs heavily and pushes her hair behind her shoulders. It’s messy and knotted but still glossy. Beneath the mess of old makeup, under-eye circles, and pale skin, there’s something different about her now than there was three weeks ago. It’s obvious to me. She’s happy.
I did that. I’ve made her happy.
And Travis being here is not only a reminder of a time in her life when she was hurting, but it also ruins my plans of ravaging her all fucking day until she demanded we finish getting everything ready for the Christmas event. It’s only one day away, and with the storm, everything is going to be rushed.
I’m prepared to do everything I can to help her get it figured out.
“I’m sorry he saw us like that,” she murmurs, fidgeting with the sleeve of her dress.
I release a disgruntled noise. “Don’t be. Fuckin’ awkward as it is, I didn’t miss the irony of it.”
“Irony?”
“He hates anal and big tits but caught me takin’ your ass’s virginity while suckin’ on your nipples.”
There’s a beat of silence, and then she’s belting out in loud, unabashed laughter. Something tight releases in my chest at the sight and sound, and I let myself smile.
“This is going to be the weirdest conversation I’ve ever had,” she wheezes, slowly coming back down to earth.
“You’re tellin’ me.”
“What are we going to say to him?”
I slide a hand into my pocket. “The truth.”
“All of it?”
“He’s goin’ to learn about the baby anyway, Ivy. Better to tell him now and deal with the brunt of the backlash while he’s already here.”
She chews on her lip before nodding. “You’re right. I’m just—I don’t feel guilty about what we’ve done, even though I probably should. It’s just my inability to not people please that’s upsetting me. Travis may not deserve my kindness, but he’s still your son. And while that’s so damn complicated, it also makes it harder to hate him. He could become my family in a really weird way.”
I cross the room and wrap an arm around her shoulders, tucking her into my chest. She holds my middle and buries her face in my chest, exhaling slowly.
“Just remember that you don’t owe him anythin’. If he disrespects you, he can fuck off. Son or not, I won’t stand here and listen to anyone mouthin’ off about you.”
“Thank you.”
“Don’t got to thank me for takin’ care of you.”
“Yes, I do,” she whispers.
“Goin’ to keep doin’ it.”
“And I’ll take care of you, too, Niko. If he thinks he can be rude to you like he was the last few times you were around us, I’ll tell him off.”
She was always scolding him for his lowball comments and attitude when they were together. If he knew that it made me hard to see her standing up for me, he would have put an end to me ever coming near her.
I set my chin on the top of her head and huff a soft laugh. “Thank you, baby girl.”
Her hands sweep up and down my back in comforting motions that have me ready to barrel down this door and tell my son to fuck right off. But I don’t.
Easing back, I pinch Ivy’s chin and drop my head for a kiss. She hums against my lips and blinks up at me with twinkling eyes.
A clang sounds from out in the bar, and I stiffen, eyeing up the closed office door. “Think he’s shatterin’ glasses out there?”
She snorts. “More like drinking all your beer.”
“Can’t believe you were pretendin’ to like that shit for so long.”
“Not anymore,” she sings, bumping me with her hip on her way to open the door.
Before she can open it, I’m palming her ass through her dress. “Never again.”
“Is it too early for a virgin peppermint daiquiri?” she asks.
I close my hand over hers on the door handle, and we twist it together. With my mouth grazing the back of her ear, I mutter, “Not at all.”
She’d be damn near skipping out of the room if it weren’t for my son waiting for us. We’re too quiet as we make our way down the hall and into the bar.
Travis is waiting for us with a long neck in his hand despite the early morning setting. There’s a trail of snow leading to where he’s perched over the bar, glaring at the shelves of alcohol on the wall.
His shaggy blond hair hangs in his eyes and curls at his neck, in desperate need of a trim. The stubble on his jaw has been there since he was sixteen and boasting about sprouting hair on his face before I did. In reality, I’d started growing a mustache at the exact same age, but I let him believe he was just better than me.
In a well-fitted, red henley shirt and dark jeans that don’t rise above his ankles when he sits, he appears well-dressed, as if he either stopped here on his way somewhere else or has magically started caring about the way he dresses. Usually, he’s in sweatpants and a hoodie.
“What are you doin’ here?” I ask gruffly, pulling a stool out at the end of the bar for Ivy.
Once she’s taken it with a pat on my forearm, I start on her drink. I’m taking advantage of her lack of sickness so far this morning, even if I’d rather use the chance to get some food in her belly instead of a slushy drink.
Travis doesn’t flinch at my tone. He’s so busy staring down Ivy where she sits that I doubt he even heard me. His curling lip has me on alert.
“Hey, Travis,” Ivy says, offering a half-smile.
“Hey, Travis? That’s what you want your first words to be?” he snaps, shaking his head incredulously.
Ivy lays her hand flat on the bar. “What would you prefer I say?”
“Fuck, I dunno. I’m sorry for fucking your dad? What the shit!” he thunders, smacking his bottle onto the bar. His head is on a swivel when he adds, “How are the two of you so calm right now? You do know that I caught you sleeping together, right? How are you making a fucking drink right now!”
I wet my lips and finish pouring the syrup into the blender. His outburst is expected, and I try to remind myself of that even as my own temper flares.
“I’m only calm because I’m not ashamed, Travis. I didn’t do anything wrong as far as I’m concerned. We broke up months ago, and you were a total asshole to me,” Ivy says, shoulders straightening.
My son laughs cruelly. “So, I should go fuck your mom, then?”
“Travis,” I spit, slamming the lid on the blender. “Watch your mouth.”
Ivy winces when Travis puts all his focus on me now. A storm rages in his brown eyes, and then he opens his mouth and spews everything I was expecting.
“So, Ivy’s not ashamed. What about you, old man? Are you feeling guilty, considering you’re not only fucking my ex-girlfriend but someone way too young for you?”
“I’m not too young for him. He can keep up with me better than you could,” Ivy attacks, cheeks flushing red with anger.
It’s the worst time for my cock to get hard, but fuck, she’s such a sweet little thing. So protective of her man.
My son pins her beneath a glare, and she meets him with one of her own. I choose this moment to start the blender. The noise rips through the bar, forcing everyone to take a breath.
“I’ll ask you again, Travis, what are you doin’ here? Did I miss a text or call?” I ask once I’ve finished with the blender.
The collection of daiquiri glasses I picked up for Ivy the morning after she left three weeks ago sit on the bar top, and I take one to fill with her drink.
“I was here looking at a new place and saw them finishing up with the plow out front. Figured you’d be here like you always are,” he answers tightly.
Him considering moving here is news to me. Didn’t think he’d ever do that.
Ivy takes her drink with a soft smile, and I force myself not to take her right here on the bar with how beautiful she looks. And when she slips the straw into her mouth . . . Fuck me.
“Don’t take cheap shots at your dad right now,” she tells Travis, frowning.
He rolls his jaw. “I don’t need you to lecture me, Ivy. You’re not my mother despite fucking my father.”
“I’m not goin’ to tell you again to watch your mouth,” I warn, coming to Ivy’s side.
Travis watches me closely, inspecting every single twitch of my limbs. And when I set a reassuring hand on her back, he cocks his head.
“How long?”
“Not long,” I answer.
Ivy rests a hand on the one I place beside her on the bar. “A few weeks.”
“Just fucking?” Travis’s throat strains with an uncomfortable swallow.
I meet his gaze and hold it. “No.”
“For fuck’s sake.”
“Why does it bother you so much? You haven’t given a shit about your old man in years.” Ivy puts air quotes around the old man.
“Don’t try to tell me what I should or shouldn’t give a shit about. This isn’t right,” Travis states.
She narrows her eyes. “Says who? You?”
“Yes, me. Your boyfriend’s son. It’s not right to be fucking a father and a son.”
“Good thing I’m not fucking the both of you, then,” she sasses.
He looks at me now, disbelief heavy in his gaze. “This doesn’t bother you at all?”
“That she’s had us both?”
“Obviously.”
I stroke her spine, leaning toward her. “No. And I’d suggest you leave it at that before I get into the specific reason as to why. You’ve already seen more than you ever should have, and I’d like to move on and forget that that ever happened.”
“Unlikely. That shit is burned into my fucking memory!”
“Then unburn it,” Ivy mutters before taking another sip of her drink.
Travis looks up at the ceiling. “This is bizarre and so messed up.”
“I’d try to make peace with it. It’s not going to just disappear now that you know. Especially since Ivy’s pregnant,” I say.
She tenses beneath my hand and whips her head around to gape up at me. “Niko! You don’t have to be so blunt about it.”
The legs of Travis’s bar stool screech across the floor when he stumbles to his feet. I see the move coming before he can make it. As soon as he’s reeling his arm back to punch me in the face, I’ve got it pulled back behind his back and the front of his body pressed to the bar.
“Don’t be a fool, Travis. Think your shit through,” I grunt.
“I’ve thought it through! And I’m going to punch you!” he shouts, even as his cheek is smooshed to the bar.
Ivy’s standing now, her cup pressed to her chest. Guilt lines her pretty eyes, and I wait until my son has stopped thrashing in my hold before releasing him.
He stands and immediately spins around, huffing like a bull. When he stabs a finger into my chest, I let him.
“You’re not allowed to fuck my girlfriends and knock them up! That’s not something fathers do! What the fuck is wrong with you?”
My nostrils flare as I struggle to keep my cool. “You haven’t wanted anything to do with me for a long time, Travis. Am I even a father to you at this point or just the man you got your genes from? That choice has been up to you for a long damn time.”
“This isn’t about our past shit, Dad. This is about you and your current actions!”
“His actions don’t have anything to do with you. Sorry. You weren’t a thought in my head when this started, and even if you had been the closest father-and-son duo out there, it wouldn’t have kept me from Niko. Sure, I would have considered my choices a bit more out of respect for you, but at the same time, where was your respect for me when you were telling your friends all of those things about me? You don’t get to treat people poorly and expect to be given special treatment from them in return,” Ivy says, stepping in.
Travis’s problem isn’t with her, regardless of what he’s saying. His issues are with me, and I don’t blame him for them. I’m the one who’s betrayed him. Even if we’re not close, Ivy is someone that at one point, I do believe he cared for.
If he had treated her well the entire time they were together and hadn’t been an asshole and hurt her the way he did, I’d have been more reluctant to pursue her.
She still would have been mine, though. I wasn’t going to let her go a second time, and I don’t expect him to ever understand that. If I were him, I wouldn’t. Hell, I wouldn’t even bother trying to.
I’m the one who has to live with the consequences of my decisions, even if I stand behind them.
“I’m sorry, Travis. I know it’s upsettin’, and I don’t expect you to be okay with it,” I say, drawing his attention. He grits his teeth, his grip white-knuckled on his bar stool. “Feel how you need to feel. But I do hope you’ll warm up to us eventually.”
“Don’t hold your fucking breath,” he spits, reaching for the thick jacket that’s been slung over the closest booth and slipping it on.
Ivy grabs my hand, squeezing it tight. “For what it’s worth, Travis, I didn’t set out to do this.”
“You expect me to believe that?”
“It doesn’t matter what you believe because it’s the truth.”
He flicks his eyes to me, frustration swirling. “You know, I always wondered if you wanted her. Thought you were just putting on a show with the gentle tone and offers to help all the damn time. Turns out you were just panting after my girlfriend.”
“ Ex -girlfriend,” I correct coldly. “And the woman I’m goin’ to be raisin’ a baby with.”
Travis clears his throat and lets loose a dark laugh. “Good luck, Ivy. Lord knows he fucked it up with the first woman he tried that with.”
“Get out,” Ivy orders before I can get any words out. She takes three steps forward and gets into his face, spine straight and teeth bared. “I hope you get a lifetime’s worth of therapy sessions for Christmas. Maybe then you can work through your abundance of issues. Learn some self-love techniques while you’re at it, too. Until then, you can see yourself out.”
“You’re going to let her kick me out, Dad?” he guffaws.
“You were already leavin’.”
“Ridiculous. When Mom hears about this?—”
Ivy jolts forward, and he jumps back. “Make sure you give her my number while you’re at it. I’d love to chat with her.”
“You’re both insane.”
My girl beams up at him and wiggles her fingers directly in his face. “Merry Christmas, Travis.”
Travis shakes his head at her, disgust rippling over his expression before he glances at me and tosses a few parting words.
“Hope you’re happy.”
I move to rest at Ivy’s back and palm her hip while holding his gaze. “I am. And I hope you find your happiness soon.”
He doesn’t reply. Instead, he simply zips his jacket up and storms out of the bar, leaving nothing but a cold wind and another pile of snow in his wake.
The door doesn’t close behind him, so Ivy rushes to push it against the snow falling in through the doorway. It’s high on the sidewalk, the snowdrifts coming up to the window in the door. Travis would have had to force his way through just to reach it.
Guilt nips at me, knowing that he came here without being forced and found what he did. I can count on one hand the number of times he’s come to visit me here, even if that wasn’t why he came to town.
I’d love to know why he’s considering moving here of all places, but I doubt I’ll have the chance to ask.
“That was absolutely terrible,” Ivy mutters, spinning to face me with her back to the now closed door. “He tried to punch you.”
“Don’t blame him.”
“I do! Violence isn’t the answer to this.”
“There isn’t an answer for him. Not for somethin’ like this.”
She tips her chin up stubbornly. “Well, he’ll need to find one. You’re family.”
I take her face in my hands and dip my head to kiss her forehead. “Until he does, I’ve got another family to focus on. And while I’d like for him to fit into it soon, I got a feelin’ that’s wishful thinkin’.”
“He’ll come around. I know I gave him a hard time . . . I’m sorry. It’s just the way he was talking to you reminded me of when we were together.”
“I know. My protective angel,” I coo, bringing my mouth to hers and nipping at her bottom lip. “I’m sure you scared him shitless.”
“We can try to talk to him again. After Christmas and everyone’s had a chance to cool down. He might be an ass, but he’s your son,” she says on a breath.
“Thank you.”
“No, thank you, Niko. I’m excited for the future because of you.”
“A future together,” I confirm.
She grins, and I replicate it. “I’ve never heard of anything better than that.”