Chapter Twenty #3
“This is delicious,” Kim said, still grinning. “I can’t wait to ask Holly about it when I go back to work after Christmas.”
“You can ask her before that,” Audrey informed her mom. “She’s dropping dinner off for us on her way to that big party at the Shelter Inn tonight.”
Holly was coming here? This was the first he had heard about it.
“Oh, it must be the annual potluck,” Kim said.
“Right. I remember we went last year. There was so much food. I hung out with my friend Jenny, since her grandma and grandpa live at the Shelter Inn.”
“Are you okay if we miss it this year? I’m not sure I’m up for a big party tonight. I’m sorry.”
“Totally fine,” Audrey assured her mother. “I didn’t think you would want to go either, so Holly offered to drop off some of the soup and breadsticks she’s taking to the dinner.”
Exactly the sort of thoughtfulness he might have expected from Holly. Every day he found something else to admire about her.
“I’m making dessert,” Audrey said. “Which reminds me. I have one more batch of peanut butter cookies to put in the oven.”
She hurried into the kitchen, leaving him and Kim beside the cheerful Christmas tree.
“I can’t believe Holly is bringing dinner. That is so sweet of her,” Kim said. “I adore that woman. While I was in rehab, I had time to write down my blessings and Holly is right at the top. She’s a dear friend and a wonderful boss. A truly amazing person.”
Kim seemed to expect a response from him. How could he possible tell his sister about all the jumbled emotions inside him when he thought of Holly? He wasn’t even ready to examine them himself.
“Yes,” he finally said. “Amazing.”
“It’s too bad you were only pretending to be in a relationship. Holly would be perfect for you. And you would be perfect for her.”
He stared at her, even as her words filled him with raw yearning. “Wow. Maybe you’ve been away from reality a little too long. Holly and I are completely the wrong people for each other.”
“Why? You deserve someone wonderful in your life and Holly deserves a good man like you. I’ve been shipping the two of you since the first day I met her.”
“You should know better than that,” he said, his voice more curt than he intended.
“Why?”
“I really don’t want to talk about this right now,” he said. Somehow his words only seemed to intrigue his sister.
When the doorbell rang seconds later, his pulse kicked up like he was trying to thread his bird through the eye of a storm on a moonless night.
“I’ll get it,” Audrey said cheerfully. She pulled open the door where Holly stood holding a large pot of something while Lydia stood at her side cradling a bag in her arms like a baby doll.
“Hi, Holly. Hi, Lydia,” Audrey said.
“Hi there. We were just talking about you.” Kim sent him an impish grin.
Holly looked disconcerted. “Were you?”
“Yes,” Ryan said, rather desperate to steer the conversation away from how right or wrong he and Holly were for each other. “I was telling Kim how helpful you were in decking our halls.”
It wasn’t a lie. Exactly. They had talked about it a few minutes earlier, before his sister made such a ridiculous claim about them being perfect for each other.
As he had hoped, his words distracted Kim. “Oh, Holly. Thank you for everything. The house is beautiful.”
“You’re more than welcome. I’m so glad you’re home before Christmas.”
“So am I. And you brought dinner, too. You’re an angel.”
Suddenly aware he had left her holding the pot too long, he stepped forward to take it from her. As he reached for it, his hand brushed hers and a spark leaped between them. Her gaze flashed to his and for an instant, he thought he saw an answering awareness there before she turned to hug Kim.
“I have to say, you look terrific.”
Kim rolled her eyes. “You’re not the only one who has told me that. I’ve looked in the mirror. If everyone thinks I look good now, I must really have been haggard before.”
“You were beautiful then and you’re beautiful now,” Holly said firmly. Ryan could tell it wasn’t an idle compliment, that she meant the words completely.
“I don’t know what it is now,” she went on. “You seem more... content, somehow.”
Before Kim could respond, Lydia apparently felt she had been quiet long enough. She held up the bundle in her arm.
“I have breadsticks.”
Kim looked at the girl with the same warm smile everyone seemed to give Lydia. “How wonderful. Breadsticks sound perfect. Thank you, Miss Lydia.”
“Give them to Kim or Audrey,” her mother said. “We need to go or we’ll be late for the potluck.”
Lydia nodded. “My friends named Hazel and Nora will be there.”
“I love those girls,” Kim said. “I hope you have a great time playing with them.”
“I will,” Lydia assured her. “You should come, too.”
“Not this year, honey.” Kim turned to Holly. “I am sorry to miss the potluck but I don’t think I’m quite ready to face everyone yet.”
Holly’s lovely features softened with compassion and she gave Kim another quick hug. “I completely understand. And so will everyone else. Whenever you’re ready, everyone will be thrilled to see you.”
“Thanks.”
“Also, I wanted to make sure you know you can take all the time off you need after Christmas. I expect that for the next month we will be slow as honey dripping on a cold morning.”
“I would like to come back right after Christmas. I need to return to some kind of routine.”
“Totally understandable. I’ll add you back to the schedule, then. I’ll be in touch with details after Christmas.”
“I’m thinking about going back to school.”
Kim said the words in a rush, as if afraid how they would land with her boss and employer.
“Oh, Kim. I think that’s a great idea!”
“I had a lot of time to think about our future. Mine and Audrey’s. I love working at Evergreen and Ivy. I hope you know how much. But I’ve always kind of wanted to be a nurse.”
That was the first Ryan had heard that particular dream but somehow he could easily picture Kim in that profession. She was smart, caring and compassionate.
“You would make a wonderful nurse!” Holly said with enthusiasm. “What a great idea. Can you do that from here?”
“One of the counselors at rehab was telling me there’s a program where most of it is online, at least for the first year. I would go one Saturday a month to Boise for the hands-on training and also do some clinical work at the local hospital here.”
“That sounds perfect. I’m so excited for you, though I’ll miss you at the store when you eventually leave.”
“I have a long way to go before that point,” Kim said. “It’s overwhelming, when I think about it.”
“One day at a time,” Ryan reminded her, earning a grateful smile.
“Right. I want to enjoy Christmas this year to the fullest.”
Holly smiled. “I hope you have a wonderful holiday together.”
“Thanks, Hol. And I hope you and Lydia do, too.”
His sister’s words made him wonder what Holly had decided to do about her ex-husband’s request. He wanted to ask but didn’t want to bring up the question now, in front of Audrey and Lydia.
It wasn’t any of his business, he reminded himself. They were two people brought together by chance in one particular moment of time, whose paths soon would be diverging again. After he returned to San Diego, he likely would never see either Holly or Lydia again.
The thought of leaving Shelter Springs behind, of leaving them behind, settled in his chest like a weight he couldn’t shake. He had grown to love the sound of Lydia’s laughter ringing through a room and the way Holly’s eyes lit up when she smiled.
His life without those things, without them , seemed suddenly colorless and bleak.
Walking away would be the right thing to do, the smart thing to do.
That didn’t make it any easier.