Chapter 29
LEXI
It had been weeks since New Year’s, and things were going surprisingly well still.
I hadn’t ended things with him, nor did I start dating him like an adult.
Avoidance Lexi was still running the show.
Thankfully, Brandon and I were keeping things pretty casual, and he still wasn’t pressuring me for more.
We even made it through Valentine’s Day without him pulling any romantic crap.
Sometimes we’d meet at one of our apartments, or we’d grab a drink at a local bar beforehand.
Nothing too datey, and we still hadn’t had any sleepovers.
Sometimes I’d catch him looking at me funny.
Like he was admiring a piece of art, but mostly he was holding up his end of our arrangement and keeping feelings out of it.
If he was catching feelings, he was doing a pretty good job of hiding it, which was fine with me. Or was it?
Over the past month, we’d only gotten closer. Although we didn’t really dig deep into our pasts, he was quickly becoming someone I’d call a friend. That was definitely a new concept for me—friends with benefits? I guess it was a step up from fuck buddies?
What the fuck was wrong with me? Brandon was a great guy. He was funny and kind and could fuck like no one I’d ever been with, and I was pushing him away at every turn. I needed to just chill and be the cool girl. Go with the flow.
My thoughts continued to spiral as we walked up the stairs to his apartment. We’d come from having drinks at the Basement, something we did pretty often these days. It was beginning to feel less weird spending so much time with him, and we were having so much fun.
Brandon opened the door and guided me in with his hand on the small of my back. As soon as the door shut, I turned and pushed him up against it, reverting to the only way I knew how to act with a guy. Thankfully, he didn’t stop me and leaned down to capture my mouth with his.
“Mmmm, need something, Sweetheart?” Brandon taunted as he lifted me into his arms.
“Yes, you, now,” I demanded.
Brandon chuckled against my lips as he carried me to his bedroom. “So needy tonight.”
“Tonight?” We both laughed, and then a yelp escaped me as I landed on his bed with a bounce.
“Well, you were a good girl at the bar tonight. Maybe you should get a reward?”
I nodded my head vigorously. I had been on my very best behavior and didn’t once try to make him jealous or act bratty. Actually, the thought hadn’t even crossed my mind. I was too busy enjoying his company. Fucking crazy.
“Strip,” he demanded, drawing me out of my thoughts.
I slowly undressed while he stood at the foot of the bed with hungry eyes, looking too good to be real.
But he was real, and he was all mine. Well, he’d be all mine if I weren’t such a fucking mess.
Did I want that? The more time we spent together, the more the line I’d drawn between us blurred.
When I was fully undressed, Brandon asked, “How do you want it, Sweetheart? It’s dealer’s choice tonight.”
I put my index finger between my teeth, thinking about how I wanted him. At that point, I thought we’d fucked each other in every way possible. Brandon adjusted himself through his jeans. “Better decide soon, or else you’ll be in for a punishment.”
“Ha! Like that’s a bad thing!” I laughed. He moved towards the bed, but I held up my hand. “Wait! I want you to do that thing you did the first night.”
“You’ll have to be more specific,” he chuckled.
“Fingerbang me into oblivion, Brando.”
“With pleasure,” he answered. He quickly stripped out of his clothes and joined me on the bed.
I lay back and spread my legs to give him access. Maintaining eye contact, he leaned down to inhale my scent. “I’ve been craving this sweet pussy all damn night, Lexi.”
“Mmmm. I’ve been thinking about this all day, too. Please don’t make me wait another minute.” My pussy ached for him. His proximity was almost unbearable, and I needed him to touch me.
Too gently, he swiped his tongue through my wetness, and I swear he actually growled. Damn, that was sexy as hell.
“More, please, Brandon,” I begged, because I knew how much he liked it when I did.
He rewarded me with more pressure and speed.
He pushed two fingers into my dripping pussy, almost sending me over the edge.
He knew every button to push to get me off, but he also knew when I was getting close and, annoyingly, would usually back off before I’d orgasm.
Hopefully, he’d let me come quickly this time.
My pussy clenched around his thick fingers. I was so close.
With his fingers working my insides roughly, he took my clit into his mouth, sucking it gently and then biting down on it with just the right amount of pressure to send me careening over the edge.
I shouted as a fierce orgasm enveloped me.
My whole body convulsed, and I reached down to hold Brandon’s head in place, desperate to ride this one out.
After my soul returned to my body, I released Brandon’s head. He sat back on his heels with a devilish grin. “You liked that?” He leaned over and retrieved a condom from the bedside table.
“You know I did. Don’t go getting cocky,” I tutted.
“Speaking of cocky,” he said as he stroked his cock, rolling the condom over himself.
A giggle escaped me. “You’re ridiculous. Now get that anaconda over here and defile me.”
That did it. He laughed out loud before tackling me. Without warning, he was gliding inside me. I didn’t think I’d ever get used to his size, but luckily, my pussy was a slip ’n slide and he slid right in.
With one hand on my hip and the other propping him up on the bed, he pounded into me. “Is this what you wanted, Sweetheart?”
“Yes! Fuck yes, Brandon.” I shouted as another orgasm crept up on me. His hand on my hip moved to roughly pinch my nipple, sending me over the edge.
“Fuck, when you come, your pussy squeezes me so hard, Lexi. You feel so good.” He fucked me through that orgasm and then another, before flipping me onto my stomach and entering me again from behind.
He pulled my hips up and fucked me within an inch of my life.
The feel of him stretching me with every thrust had me on the edge again, and as I tipped over into another orgasm, Brandon followed me with his own.
He stayed firmly seated inside of me for a few moments until we’d both come down.
He leaned over me and whispered into my neck, “I’ll be right back.
” Then jumped out of bed and trotted into the ensuite.
I could keep my head in the game while we were fucking, but afterwards, my mind raced again.
Who did I think I was? There was no way things would last with Brandon.
He wouldn’t let this be just sex forever, and I didn’t know if I could let it be more.
I felt the overwhelming urge to run out of there, but was determined to stay—to actually try with him.
He walked back into the bedroom, grinning. “Oh, you’re still here?” I knew he was joking, but it didn’t land as intended, because after just talking myself into giving this a go, I now felt like I’d made a huge mistake.
I moved to get up. “I can leave,” I huffed.
He was on me immediately—his body covering mine, making it impossible for me to move. “No. Please, Lexi, stay. It was a bad joke. Shit. I’m sorry.”
“Joke or not, that’s what I do, right?” I avoided his eyes. “I run away. I mean, why would I want to stick around? You’ll tire of this soon enough. Tire of me.”
“Hey, look at me.” He placed one hand on my cheek, turning my head so I met his gaze. “I know this is hard for you to hear, but you are worth so much more than you give yourself credit for. You deserve to feel special and cared for, and I’m not going anywhere.”
“See, that’s exactly what makes me want to run.
You’re too perfect, you make me feel seen like no one ever has, and that scares the shit out of me.
If I let you in, I don’t think I’d survive losing you.
I’m fucked up, Brandon. Something is seriously wrong with me. Why else would I push everyone away?”
“There is nothing wrong with you, Lexi. I think you’ve been let down in the past, and it’s making you hesitant to let someone else in.”
“My dad left us when I was a kid,” I said barely above a whisper. “If my dad didn’t give a shit, why would anyone else?” I couldn’t believe I was opening up to him.
“I care about you, but I’m not going to pressure you into anything, okay? Let’s just take things as they come, keep things casual. If you want more, we’ll go at your pace, and if not, I will respect that.”
“Okay, I’ll try.”
“I’ll take it,” he said and then kissed my nose and rolled off of me. “Now, get over here and snuggle me.”
This fucking guy. “Snuggle you?”
“Yeah, casually, of course,” he chuckled.
“You’re an idiot.” I couldn’t help the smile that had crept onto my face. And then I did something that surprised me. I tucked myself in next to Brandon and rested my head on his shoulder.
“It isn’t so bad, is it?” he asked as he stroked my back gently.
“It’s weird. Honestly, I don’t know how to act right now.”
“Be yourself. Nothing’s changed. We’re just two naked people hanging out in bed.”
“That makes it sound even weirder, you lunatic.” I slapped at his chest. “Why is this spot blank? You have tattoos literally everywhere but here.” I pointed to the only tattoo-free spot on him, the spot right over his heart. I’d noticed it before, but never mentioned it.
“You’re gonna think it’s dumb.”
“Probably, but tell me anyway,” I urged.
“I wanted to leave a place for when I meet my forever partner. I want to get a tattoo here, over my heart, that represents the one who captures it.”
“God, you’re so corny, but you’re right. I think that’s dumb. What happens when the love of your life asks for a divorce?”
“Still so cynical.” He kissed the top of my head. “Get some sleep, Sweetheart.”
“Here?” Snuggling was one thing; sleeping over was another fucking story.
“I’ll make it worth your while in the morning. Now go to sleep.” Brandon sounded half asleep already. I could’ve probably waited for him to fall asleep and bounce, but I willingly stayed wrapped in his embrace and drifted off.
In the morning, he did in fact make it worth my while.
I woke up with his face between my legs.
After several orgasms, he tried to convince me to shower with him, but I declined.
I’d already made that mistake once. Baby steps, right?
Showering together was another thing that felt too intimate.
I needed to work my way up to those things.
After I shot down the idea of showering together, he let me go first, giving me some privacy.
The shower was glorious, except for my damn brain that wouldn’t turn the hell off.
I couldn’t believe I had spent the night with him.
I tried to shake off the uneasy feeling building inside me, to no avail.
By the time I made my way back into his bedroom, I was stressed to the max.
“Your turn,” I said, not meeting his eyes.
“I put a shirt on the bed for you,” he said casually. “I’ll be quick. Don’t go running off,” he laughed. “I’m going to feed you before you go.”
“Fiiiiine. I guess I’ll let you feed me.” I said dramatically, trying to seem unbothered. Meanwhile, inside, I was freaking the fuck out.
I pulled on his shirt that he had left on the bed for me.
Although it was freshly laundered and smelled amazing, it offered me little comfort.
I paced his room, which now felt too small.
Moving into the living room, I spotted his sketchbook on the dining table.
Looking for anything to distract me, I sat at the table and opened the book, expecting to see sketches of tattoo ideas and client pieces.
What I saw knocked the breath from my lungs. I flipped through page after page, my chest growing unbearably tighter.
I had to get the fuck out of there. Brandon was clearly more into me than he was letting on. Daphne was right. I was going to break this gentle giant’s heart if I kept up my bullshit. He didn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve this broken version of me that couldn’t give him what he wanted.
I practically ran back into his room, threw on my pants and shoes, grabbed the rest of my things, and ran like I normally do. But not because I wanted to leave before he could leave me, but because I was damaged goods and not enough for this beautiful human.