Chapter Six
Of course.
It was disarmingly predictable that a kiss from the man she’d futilely crushed on for more years than she cared to admit should be earth-shattering.
Had she not been in the process of having her mind and body smelted by the great Valenti Domene, Lotte would have been deeply resentful.
She would be. At some point in the distant future, she was absolutely certain.
For now though…
She moaned deep, almost worshipfully, her breath held as her lips parted in response to the demanding sweep of his tongue. To the tease and delivery that confirmed that yes, whatever she’d experienced before had been a pathetic, pale imitation that wasn’t worth the fleeting thought.
This was a proper kiss.
This was what a real man’s hands felt like moving over her body, applying the right amount of pressure to mould and direct. To caress and pleasure.
His tongue dominated her mouth, boldly stroked hers until her knees gave way. She moaned again as he grappled her closer still, plastering her chest to his, then his fingers speared her hair, a gruff sound tearing from deep within him.
In the next moment he pulled her down onto the thick rug, their bodies barely separating as he stretched out on top of her without breaking the kiss.
He kissed her like a man possessed. One driven to the edge. By her.
That heady, powerful thought had barely lit through her brain long enough to be celebrated before he was jerking away, cursing beneath his breath as he launched himself off her. Returning to his favourite position of staring out the window. Leaving her cold, dazed.
Lost and rejected.
But slowly, thankfully, that self-righteous anger made a welcome appearance. ‘When are you going to admit that this isn’t working?’
He stiffened and even from her position on the floor, she knew his face was set in granite.
‘Or is this some sort of self-flagellation process I’m not privy to?’
His breath hissed out and he spun to face her. ‘Perhaps we both deserve a little penitence for what just happened.’
She swallowed at the bitterly recriminatory tone. ‘I beg to differ. And I’d thank you to leave me out of your self-imposed Greek tragedy.’
His jaw worked for several beats. ‘You know this shouldn’t have happened. It was wrong.’
‘Why? Because you made an agreement that no one bothered to ask if I was on board with?’
‘You were a child,’ he said.
‘I was hardly a toddler, Valenti. My opinion should’ve counted. But even if I’m inclined to let that slide, I’m a woman now. And I’m sorry but I won’t be joining in your martyrdom at the expense of my freedom.’
‘Eres increíble,’ he muttered under his breath.
Her laughter was easy, throaty. If only it didn’t burn so mercilessly on its way out. ‘Am I? Why? Because I don’t share your views that I’m anathema to you because of a connection you put in place?’
Fury lit his eyes, no doubt at her gumption. Her inability to kowtow to him as many across the world, clients, acolytes and minions alike, frothed at the mouth to do.
‘Go on then, tell me all the ways you’re a woman,’ he invited silkily.
She couldn’t bear to tell him the most important or the most vulnerable things dear to her heart.
The idea born and fuelled in part by her sister’s example of helping those in the greatest need.
So she went for shock and awe. And yes, something guaranteed to shatter his illusion of her once and for all.
Still lying on the floor where he left her because somehow rising felt weakening, she examined her fingers unnecessarily for several strung-out moments before she sighed and said, ‘I touched myself when I was in your bed last night.’
A strangled sound rumbled from his throat. The muscles in his arms bunched visibly as he grappled for control. That control strained as he prowled back to crouch next to her, his eyes burning coals drilling holes into her.
Leaning in close until they were sharing the same air, he rasped, ‘The next words out of that delectable mouth better not be that you were thinking of another man while you were in my bed,’ he breathed.
She shuddered at the primitive fury in his voice, the thrill of dancing so close to the edge of his volcano. ‘And what if I did? I’m not a nun and it’s not forbidden.’
He breathed in slowly. ‘You’re playing a very dangerous game, Lotte.’
‘If you want it to end it’s very simple. Leave. You’re very good at doing that anyway. Aren’t you?’
His eyes flicked between hers. Digging. Probing.
She bit back the exposing sob that rose to her throat when he slowly rose again and stepped back.
‘Goading me for a reaction isn’t going to work out for you, carina.’
‘Are you sure, elskan?’ she tossed back. ‘I do so love a challenge. And you’ve shown me that you’re not averse to playing dirty by finding a loophole not to answer my questions. So you see, two can play that game.’
He smiled a purely predatory smile. ‘And have you thought about the consequences of those actions, or do you merely exist in the moment? Unable to grasp the big picture?’
She shook her head. Right in this moment the big picture was too depressing to contemplate.
Any picture where he didn’t feature, even abstractly, commanded a swell of sadness so profound she wanted to curl into herself and beat her fists against the ground.
But she was damned if she would let him see her crumble.
‘You say consequences like it’s a bad thing. Some consequences are born through soul-changing adventure.’
His whole body froze and between one nanosecond and another his expression turned cold and austere. ‘And others shatter joy and wreck lives forever.’
The bleak devastation in his voice shrivelled every last ounce of defiance in her. She was barely holding herself up when with one last arctic glance, he stalked away. She was still there repositioned on her backside and hugging her knees when she heard him open and shut the front door.
For a full hour, she remained alone in the cabin. She had no idea where he went but when he returned his mood was no better improved.
It became clear that lunch would be a chillingly silent affair when he icily and blatantly ignored her after setting a bowl of her favourite kjotsupa in front of her. The hearty lamb stew was tasty, but she barely took a few bites before she lost her appetite completely.
Setting down her cutlery, she cleared her throat. ‘Are you going to tell me what you meant?’
Grave silver eyes clashed with hers. ‘You know very well what I meant.’
‘If you’re talking about Helga, I would—’
‘Is there anything else that has shattered your life beyond not having a phone within easy reach so you can revel in false praise from faceless strangers?’ he mocked icily.
She forced a smile to hide the wounds of his words.
‘You want me to appreciate and respect you instead of my devotees, Valenti? Here’s a tip.
Stop playing at being a guardian from afar.
Show me the role means something to you besides writing a cheque once a year or sending a trinket on my birthday.
Those I can have with a click of my fingers from my raft of admirers. ’
She tossed that last one in just to gauge his reaction.
Predictably, his nostrils flared. The high of getting a reaction from him barely lasted.
Valenti might be possessive and proprietary over her—for reasons she desperately wished were angled more in her favour instead of her dead sister’s memory—but until he did something about it, it truly meant nothing.
‘All of this over questions I don’t feel inclined to answer?’ he derided.
But she saw through that haughty scoffing.
She’d rattled him, somehow. She would go as far as to surmise that nothing had gone as he’d predicted since they’d boarded his helicopter.
And perhaps that was her solution. To keep him destabilised. Long enough…
For what, exactly? A slither of apprehension wormed its way through her bravado. Did she have what it took to knock him off his foundation long enough for him to throw in the towel? Either accept her for something other than a burden or…let her go?
She had to. She refused to live in limbo for another three years.
‘If that’s what it takes. The better question is, what are you afraid of? Who will know the answers to these questions besides you and me?’ she challenged.
Charged silence pounded through the small space.
Lotte wanted to believe she’d won the small battle when after a string of seconds with his jaw clenched tight, he threw down the napkin he’d swiped across his lips and rose to take their plates to the kitchen before resting one lean hip against the counter, arms folded.
His gaze snagged hers after that.
‘Your sister loved Gunnar, just as she loved you,’ he said abruptly, the words torn from deep within him.
‘But as the eldest she had a duty to ensure she wasn’t blinded by that love when it came to your welfare.
She knew Gunnar’s strengths and weaknesses.
It didn’t include being responsible for a challenging teenager on top of pursuing a fledgling medical career. ’
She set down the water glass she’d been toying with, drawing her legs up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. If he saw that as a defence mechanism, so be it.
Since his reappearance in her life, he’d seen her at her worst.
He would be gone again soon enough, anyway. But if nothing else, she’d managed to pierce Valenti Domene’s seemingly impenetrable armour. Sure, it wouldn’t keep her warm at night, but it was a win she would treasure nevertheless.
‘But why you when you clearly didn’t want the job?’
His eyes narrowed. ‘You persist in believing wants and needs were relevant in my decision. They weren’t,’ he stated bluntly.
‘Your sister died before an alternative could be found besides your brother. And her last wish was that you be taken care of. I just happened to be the person she expressed that wish to.’