Chapter Eight #3
‘I’m well aware of that,’ she interjected firmly, a shroud of sadness and loss wrapping around her heart.
For the sister she’d known far too fleetingly and in an almost absentee manner, even though Helga had stepped into the role of parent after theirs had perished in an avalanche when Lotte was only nine.
‘And I disagree that ignorance is bliss in this case. It’s far from it.
And since Gunnar refuses to talk about it and you’re the only other one who knows the true facts…
’ She trailed to a stop when his face set tighter, his whole body bristling with repudiation.
She held her breath, expecting him to stalk away to the window or even to his office. Hurt and disappointment tore through when he rose from his crouch, but to her surprise, he took the seat beside her, his focus pinned to the flames dancing in the hearth as he rested his elbows on his knees.
He exhaled, but his tension only continued to build. ‘You know my father is unwell, sí?’
She nodded.
‘His health condition wasn’t as serious back then, but I think he knew she was a skilled surgeon to keep around.
’ A smile ghosted over his mouth but dissolved under solemn memory.
‘We became friends. And when my father learned she was heading into dangerous territory for a humanitarian assignment, he asked me to accompany her, ensure her safety.’ His jaw clenched.
‘Sending a leading surgeon into a volatile zone, regardless of the reasoning behind it was never a good starting point. No matter the assurances anyone could provide,’ he stated with a harsh edge to his voice.
Lotte nodded but remained silent. She’d clipped and kept every article she could find about her famous big sister, the ultra-talented cardiothoracic residents who broke all boundaries and put Reykland on the map.
She’d been the envy of thousands in her field and several more grateful patients worldwide who’d benefited from her ingenuity.
‘Why did she insist? I’m assuming she’s the one who insisted on going?’
Valenti sent her a wry look before returning his gaze to the fire. ‘Because intransigence runs in the family,’ he delivered coolly, despite the raging storm beneath his tone. ‘I was left in no doubt that whether I was on board or not, she would do as she pleased.’
A sharper austerity masked his face and to her surprise, he turned away for several seconds before he exhaled again. Had she not witnessed it, Lotte wouldn’t have believed Prince Valenti Domene would ever need a moment to collect himself.
‘How did you two meet in the first place?’ she prodded in a hushed tone, partly because she didn’t want her forthrightness to halt the flow of information he seemed staggeringly inclined to grant her. Partly because she would’ve been wholly insensitive to ignore the gravity of the subject matter.
One even her brother point-blank refused to discuss. Leaving her no choice but to push for it with Valenti.
‘We first met in Cartana when she visited as part of a medical delegation invited by my father, I suspect because he was showing early signs of the condition he has now.’
She’d never met the old King or even Azar, Valenti’s older brother and the new King, his determination to keep her apart from his true family an act that still upset her more than she was willing to admit.
It was partly why she’d presented herself at the Palacio Domene on her nineteenth birthday, only to be turned away in callous rejection.
She’d thought she’d learned her lesson then. Apparently not, because here she was prying open subjects that should be left alone.
But she was my sister, she insisted to herself. I have the right.
She refocused when he nodded abruptly. ‘We discovered recently that he’s been battling heart disease but chose to keep that to himself.’
‘How bad it is?’ she whispered.
Another tightening of his features. ‘Bad,’ he bit out without elaborating.
She chose not to press. Not when her insides still churned at the original subject.
Helga would be the same age as Valenti. Had the old King been attempting a matchmaking? In her weak moments, Lotte had trawled the internet for news of Valenti. Had seen the kind of women the Prince dated with stomach-churning dismay she would admit to no one.
Although his liaisons weren’t numerous like his playboy twin brother, Valenti more than held his own on the dating scene.
Stunning, sophisticated women like her sister, all with reams of accomplishments and accolades to their names.
Each one had felt like a tiny taunt to Lotte, a reminder of her youth, inexperience and nihility.
The vice clenched tighter around her chest when she admitted Valenti and Helga were a perfect match. That they would most likely be together now if—
‘So your father was the one who asked you to guard her?’ she asked, interrupting her own frantic thoughts.
Another ghost of a smile. ‘He more or less told me to drop everything to ensure Helga and her group were kept safe.’
Lotte’s eyes widened at the clear bite of bitterness in his voice. Had he not wanted to?
As if he heard her, Valenti speared her with a pithy look. ‘It didn’t matter what I desired. What the King wanted the King got.’
‘What does that mean?’
He started, as if surprised he’d veered off the subject with his telling remark. Then his lips tightened while silence reigned.
‘You said you were friends…were you lovers, too?’ she blurted when it became clear her other question wouldn’t be answered.
His eyes narrowed on her, dark and piercing.
More than a little chiding. Whether it was because he felt she had no right to ask that or that it shouldn’t have featured in his retelling—true enough, even though she hadn’t been able to stop herself from knowing—she couldn’t tell.
But she waited, breath held as he took his sweet time to answer.
‘No.’
Lotte hated herself for the heady relief that swelled through her heart. And the need to prod at that scab. ‘Why not?’
He inhaled sharply, his eyes narrowing in cold irritation. But beneath it she spotted another emotion she couldn’t decipher. ‘Does it matter?’
Yes. She ignored her screaming senses and settled for a shrug.
‘You cared for her. Enough to…’ Spend endless years closed up in an emotional fortress no one else can touch because you’re pining after her and possible could-have-beens.
Enough to reject anyone who remotely reminds you of her. Enough to reject me.
She didn’t have the grit to pose those exposing statements, so she clamped her lips shut. Waited.
‘Yes, I cared for her. Her safety was my priority. And there are a dozen things I should have done differently to ensure her safety. I let her talk me out of each one.’
Her heart lurched wildly at the black desolation in his voice.
‘Why? Pardon my scepticism but you don’t seem like the type to be talked into or out of anything you decide.
I mean, Exhibit A…’ She waved an expressive hand around the room, then at herself.
‘We’re here because you wouldn’t be swayed into any other alternative.
No matter how much I tried.’ Or did he find her easy to control because she wasn’t Helga?
Her heart lurched and canted disconsolately as tension whitened his lips.
‘Some lessons are learned too late. Oftentimes with harrowing consequences.’
Unbidden, she reached out a hand. ‘Valenti—’ Then pulled it back sharply when he jerked away from her. Rejecting her once more.
Dear God, when was she going to learn?
She fisted her hand in her lap, curling her hurt tighter so it wouldn’t bloom into larger life, humiliating her more than she was already.
An expression flashed through his eyes as he glanced at her, perhaps a hint of regret. But it was gone a moment later, smothered by bleak disregard.
‘Finish it, please,’ she rasped. She didn’t regret the question but neither did she want to dwell in the distress churning through her or the devastation of loss he was doing a poor job of hiding. If she’d needed proof of what her sister meant to Valenti, it was now undeniable.
And no, she didn’t want to contemplate whether it was a forever thing and if so, how she would cope with that knowledge.
How it would factor, if at all. That was a conundrum for another day.
And perhaps if she managed to rake through every crumb of this subject to find the closure she insisted she needed, she might find it didn’t factor at all.
The mocking voice taunting her to dream on she firmly pushed to the back of her mind, just as she ignored her dismay as he opened his mouth.
‘The country wasn’t known for being unsafe.
There’d been a spate of kidnappings and random violence in the area, but it’d died down a few years before Helga’s group decided to go.
Travellers were warned to be cautious but not prohibited from visiting.
That was all she needed to insist the hospital give its approval.
And she was right, for the most part. For the better part of the mission, it was incident free.
’ His fists bunched for a handful of seconds before he reasserted control. ‘Until the last night.
‘We were headed to the airport when she got the call that one of the patients she’d treated had taken a turn for the worse. I sent the rest of her group and most of my security team ahead and returned to the hospital with her.’
Lotte’s throat tightened, her mouth dry as her heart dropped to her toes.
‘It happened fast.’ A harsh, arid laugh punched out of him. ‘The irony was that she was putting on the bullet-proof vest I insisted she wear when the first shot came at us.’
Lotte’s gaze darted to his shoulder. To the puckered mark she’d suspected was a bullet wound but had hesitated to ask about.
‘It went through me and hit her,’ he answered her silent question. Then eyes as turbulent as a lightning storm met hers. ‘She knew instantly that it was fatal, and she didn’t waste time. She wanted to spell out her wishes for you before she…’
‘Wh-what did she say?’ she whispered.
Eyes gone haggard lingered on her, but Lotte suspected he wasn’t really seeing her. That he was firmly in the past with a ghost that very much ruled his present.
‘She regretted she wouldn’t be around to see you grow up. Regretted that she hadn’t spent more time with you. But above all she wanted to ensure you were taken care of. She requested I be your guardian, and I vowed to honour it.’
Her head bowed at the finality of it all, hot tears spilling down her cheeks. Her breath hiccupped when she felt the firm grasp of his hand on her shoulder. ‘I wish I’d known her better too. Then maybe she would’ve realised something.’ The words were barely audible, but he heard them.
His hand slid to her chin, raising it so she met his eyes. ‘What?’
‘That I may not have known her as well as I wanted but she was my hero. And that while I appreciate her making you promise, I would’ve been strong enough to survive without it.’
His grip tightened infinitesimally, his eyes narrowing. ‘Does it really chafe that much to have me in your corner, litla?’ he rumbled, a trace of something that sounded like mild upset in his voice.
She swallowed, unwilling to admit what she truly felt. That she wanted so much more than for him to see her as his weak, helpless litla. But as much as she tried to keep the emotion suppressed, it bubbled free. ‘Not if it means you seeing me as you do.’
The words ricocheted around the room, both of them breathing hard as their gazes pierced into one another.
‘I think the last twenty-four hours has proven conclusively that that is not the case.’
Despite her face flaming at the reminder of their incandescent lust, she kept his gaze. ‘Has it?’ she challenged softly. ‘What changes when we leave here?’ she asked boldly.
His eyes continued to drill holes in her even as his expression shuttered. As his solemn stillness slid back into place. ‘Lotte…’
‘Exactly,’ she echoed softly, then pulled back. That he let her go to prowl back to the window said everything she wanted to know. Or perhaps, didn’t.
She rose, bunching her fingers into fists when they twitched. ‘Thank you for telling me. I know it wasn’t easy for you.’
He didn’t turn around or acknowledge the words. But his shoulders moved as he inhaled. Exhaled.
She hated the emotions that had nothing do with her sister or the memories she’d unearthed storming within her.
Snatching the camera, she walked calmly up the stairs, absolutely not admitting she was fleeing the horrific realisation that her emotions were very much on the line where Valenti Domene was concerned. And if anything, she was getting more entrenched in a place she didn’t want to be.