Chapter 26
M aureen enjoyed the feel of her daughter’s arms around her, even if Amanda was doing it only to keep warm. Maureen did not miss the blare of the TV or music playing. When they got home, she would put down her foot and curtail the amount of TV Amanda watched daily, even if her daughter did put up a stink.
The word hypocrisy came to mind because after all, didn’t she make her living on TV? Until last week anyway. She envisioned her life as a stay-at-home mother but couldn’t make sense of it. What would she do all day? How would she entertain herself?
Amanda stretched and then murmured something in her sleep. Maureen had no idea what Amanda might be dreaming about. In truth, Maureen knew little about her daughter’s life. She wondered if Amanda confided in Lydia. Yes, Lydia probably knew more about Amanda than Maureen did. She had been a crummy mother when it came down to it.
Amanda murmured something else then snuggled into Maureen for warmth. She pulled up the quilt to cover her darling child’s shoulder. Maureen shuddered to think she’d even considered aborting her precious girl after days of gut-wrenching nausea.
Her mind skipped back in time. She’d grown tired of her old steady boyfriend, Rusty. Such a sweet guy but he couldn’t compare to James. On the first few dates with James, he made it clear he only wanted casual sex. A fling. She’d gone along with his agenda—after too much to drink—only to find herself pregnant.
Maureen still remembered their horrendous conversation when she admitted she was expecting a baby.
“You’re not on the pill?” he’d asked, incredulous.
“No, you’re my first.” Her second, anyway.
“Yeah, right.” He snorted a chuckle. “You’re just trying to force me to marry you.”
“Not true.” Maureen couldn’t look him in the eye. “Never mind I’ll raise the child on my own.” She’d hoped her parents would help her. And she’d get a job. Maureen wanted it all. A career that took off like a rocket at Cape Canaveral. And a child. And if honest with herself a husband. She was confident she’d found a man like her father. Honest and dependable. She was saturated with optimism when she looked at herself in the mirror and considered her many talents.
“I’ll eventually get married,” she’d told James. “Another man will raise your child, call him Daddy.”
“Now wait a minute.” James stroked his jaw. “Not so fast. Are you sure I’m the father?”
“Yes, absolutely sure.”
“Then you’d better get cracking. Find a church and a place to celebrate.”
“Seriously?” She couldn’t believe her good fortune.
“Yes.” He’d held her close and whispered into the top of her head. “I’m falling in love with you.”
She’d called her mother to tell her the good news. “Mom, I’m getting married.” She paused. “I need to do it right away, if you catch my drift.”
“Wonderful, darling.” Her mother sprang into action as if she’d been waiting for this moment.
Maureen smiled as she recalled her bodacious actions and decisions. She had not minded losing her trim figure and blowing up like a balloon as long as James would marry her.
The flames hissed and crackled in the hearth. Maureen’s inner clock was turned on its head. It wasn’t the first time she’d suffered from jet lag. She and James had traveled throughout Europe often. When Amanda was young, Maureen had hired a nanny. But she was glad she had not left her daughter home with Lydia this time. She needed Amanda too much. Which she knew was wrong. A daughter should need her mother not the other way around. Maureen needed her own mother very much. It hurt to think like an orphan. She wondered if Amanda loved her that much. Most of the time, her daughter seemed oblivious. Maureen knew it was her own fault. She had been so obsessed with her fantastic career. A career that was plummeting to an end.
She recalled a bird flying into the glass window at home. It sat there stunned, unable to move. But when Maureen had looked later, the bird was gone. She liked to think that it had flown away, but for all she knew, a neighbor’s cat or a crow had killed it.
Amanda struggled with the covers. “Are you looking at me?” she asked.
Maureen knew her daughter was always in a bad mood when she first woke up—like a grizzly bear coming out of hibernation. But the flames casting a warm light across the bed gave Maureen courage.
“Can’t sleep, darling?” Maureen asked.
“Not when you’re staring at me.”
“I was just thinking about how beautiful you are. And how much I love you.”
“I’m ugly, and you know it.” Amanda rolled away from her.
“That’s not true.”
“And fat.”
Maureen, the plumpest member of the family, stiffened. “If anything, you’re underweight. How on earth can you think you’re fat?”
“Well, for one thing, I’m pregnant. Can’t you tell the difference?”
“But you don’t even have a boyfriend.”
“Shows how much you know.”
“But how could this happen?”
“Duh. Like how dumb are you? Do I need to teach you the facts of life?”
“But I hired Lydia to look after you.”
“She goes to the grocery store. Sometimes she’s gone for hours. And you and Dad are never home.”
Maureen had never been more taken aback. She reminded herself that she hadn’t told her own mother the truth. She would do anything to have Mom’s sage advice right now.