Chapter 27
STEVEN
Waking up with Becca tucked beside me, knowing that my son is just down the hall from us … This still doesn’t seem real.
I’m waiting to wake up from this wonderful dream only to find that it was my own wants playing tricks on me.
It’s been a few days since they moved in with me, and everything has been as perfect as I imagined it would be. Even before Damian was just Becca’s son, before I knew the truth, I would imagine what it would be like living with them.
But knowing that he’s actually mine only makes this experience that much better. And today is the first time I get to bond with him alone.
He’s been so excited since I brought up the idea of going on a nature hike around the bay. I figured it would be nice to give Becca some alone time to unpack or just relax. And since my company is closed until after the holidays, I have all the time in the world.
Damian had stayed up a little later than usual to set out his warm clothes and his magnifying glass. I wasn’t sure that he needed that, but he insisted it was to see the rocks up close to know if they were rare.
He reminds me so much of myself when I was young. Back before life chewed me up and spit me out. My goal is to shield him as much as I can from that. My father was never around enough to know what I was going through with school and college. I was on my own.
Damian will never know the pain of not having a father ever again.
With a gruff noise, I climb out of bed and wander into the kitchen. My bare feet freeze against the cold tiles. As quietly as I can, I fetch all the ingredients for pancakes and begin to mix the batter. I hope to finish cooking and surprise them before they wake up on their own.
The kitchen quickly fills with the smell of syrup and orange juice as I set the table, neatly placing all the plates and silverware in front of each chair. Once everything looks right, I tiptoe back down the hallway, stopping at our room first to wake Becca.
She groggily follows me down to Damian’s room, rubbing her eyes as the door opens before I have a chance to reach for the knob. “Oh, already awake?” I ask and begin to chuckle as I take in his appearance.
He’s fully dressed, even down to his winter coat and snow boots, with a book bag in his hand. “What’s that for?”
“It’s my outdoor bag,” he replies with a grin. “It has everything I might need while we are on the hike.”
Shaking my head, I bring them to the table and begin divvying up the flapjacks. My eyes widen, so do Becca’s, as we watch him try to fit a whole pancake in his mouth.
“Buddy, maybe take smaller bites.” Becca tries to correct his absurd eating habits. “The trail isn’t going anywhere, and neither are you until everyone is done eating.”
I do my best to hide my smile as I take a drink of my orange juice.
As we all finish eating, Becca takes the dishes to the sink, and I follow with the glasses. Damian stands impatiently by the front door, his bag in hand. “I guess it’s time to go,” I laugh, placing a kiss on her forehead before walking to the door.
“We shouldn’t be too long, but try and relax today. You need it.”
Boy, does she. This week has probably been one of the worst for her. I can’t believe she’s held herself together as well as she has. She’s stronger than I am, that’s for sure. She lost a good chunk of what made up her life in less than twenty-four hours.
My situation is different because I am the one who removed myself from my family. I was able to make that decision; Becca was forced out.
It still doesn’t sit right with me that her father acted like that—like a child.
“Bye, Mom!” Damian shouts as the door opens. “Love you!”
He beats me to the car and climbs into his booster seat before I have a chance to help him. “Easy, buddy, we’ll get there soon enough,” I say as I buckle him up. My plan for today is to take him to a nice trail I often walk during the summer months, which is right by the water.
In the winter months, it’s still beautiful as ice covers the lake. I figured it’s a nice alternative until we can actually go camping when it warms up. I’ll do anything for the chance to spend some quality bonding time with him.
He needs to know what it’s like to have a father, and I plan on reminding myself that this is how it should’ve been for me.
“Hey, we have to make a quick stop at the store for snacks and drinks,” I call back to him.
Damian takes my hand as we walk through the parking lot of a small convenience store that’s only a few minutes away from the trail. The doors slide open, and we find the snack aisle that holds the chips and sugary treats that I know I’ll regret getting for him later.
He runs over to the gummy worms, and I kneel in front of the different flavors of trail mix. It’s nice to only hear the soft music playing throughout the store because Damian was talking my ear off the entire drive.
The conversation consisted of the different things we might find and what we would do with them. It’s adorable, but something that takes time to get used to.
I don’t mind one bit, though.
As I scan through the flavors and finally find the barbecue, which is my favorite, I nearly drop the bag as I hear Damian yell out.
“Grandpa!”
I freeze in place, but my head shoots over to see Damian in Russell’s arms, hugging him tightly. Standing to my full height, Russell steps further into the aisle, and I step back, not wanting to fight again, especially in front of Damian.
It’s not that I couldn’t handle my own; it’s that I have my son with me, and that would shine a bad light on both of us in his eyes. That, and Russell is still my best friend, even after all that’s happened.
Russell nods before setting Damian back down on the ground. “I love you, buddy,” he says before turning around to walk out of the aisle.
“Wait,” I call after him, causing him to stop walking. As he turns to face me again, it’s evident that he wants to be anywhere but in front of me. I step closer to him so I don’t have to yell through the store. “I … I just wanted to apologize. It wasn’t my intention, but I fell in love with her.”
Russ’s face reddens as I continue. “Why is it so wrong? I will take care of her and our son. I can provide for them and give them both unconditional love. I want nothing more than their happiness.”
I turn my head to keep an eye on Damian, who is still trying to find the perfect candy to buy, so I keep talking.
“It’s not my place, but Becca is devastated and only wants to explain herself.
As her father, you should at least give her that chance, whether or not you’re mad at me.
Christmas is in less than a week, for God’s sake. ”
After my spiel, I feel out of breath as I tried to get it all out before he decided to storm away. To my surprise, he remains long enough to hear me out and nod before he walks off and exits the store.
I have no idea whether he is going to come around to the idea of seeing Becca or not, but at least I can say I tried to get through to him. It just kills me to see the woman I want to spend my life with so heartbroken.
“Alright, you ready?” I ask as Damian runs over to me, holding a snack and a drink. He nods, and once we pay, we are on the road again toward our outing.
“Whoa!” he exclaims, pulling up the magnifying glass to his eye as he inspects a medium-sized rock he found hidden under a pile of old snow. “Look at this one.”
He immediately puts it in his bag, saying that his mom will love it, and he continues walking, not at all trying to take his time. It’s comical to see his excitement and interest in the outdoors. It’s almost identical to my own.
After another hour, we loop back to where I’d parked the car, and judging by his red skin and shivering body, I tell him it’s time to get back home so we can thaw out. As we walk to the car, he rambles on about how much fun he had and how he can’t wait to show his mom the cool rocks.
On the outside, I smile as I listen to him, but on the inside, I still can’t get the confrontation back at the store out of my mind. It wasn’t physical, but I could tell that he didn’t want to hear anything I had to say.
I just hope that eventually, he will forgive me for what happened. But I was honest with him. I plan on taking care of my family for the rest of my life, making sure they are loved and happy.
That should count for something, right?
Before I can open the car door for Damian, he runs to me and wraps his little arms around my leg. “Thank you, Dad. I love you.”
My heart nearly explodes in my chest, and the chill that had sunk into my bones is long gone from the warmth that’s now replacing it.
This is the first time he’s called me Dad and said that he loves me. I didn’t prepare myself for this, and I am stunned as I look down at him. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to hearing that from him …
“I love you too.”