5. Alexandra #3
Mom just throws herself at any event that comes up, trying to keep her mind off of the fact that Dad left, and wanting us to marry some rich man with ties to “high society,” whatever that means.
She grew up poor. The kind of poor where food was sometimes an unknown, and she doesn’t want that for our futures.
She takes starving artist in the literal sense. Maybe one day she will believe in me.
James places his hand on my thigh, bringing me back to the now, and I turn my head to meet his stare. “Where’d you go?”
I sigh. “No-where I’d like to go again.” I rest my head on his shoulder. He lets my thigh go and makes soft swirls on my leg.
The SUV slows to a stop, and Thomas looks back at us. “We have arrived. Would you like me to circle the block?”
I giggle. “That’s not necessary. Thank you for the ride, Thomas. I’ve enjoyed your company.”
James places a hand on his chest. “I’m hurt! What about my company?”
I shove him playfully. “I think it’s pretty clear I’ve enjoyed your company too.”
Thomas chuckles, opening his door then James’s.
I reach for my door handle, but James pulls my hand into his. “Let me get it for you?”
“Okay,” I whisper, his mouth close to mine. He steps out and walks around the SUV, speaking quietly to Thomas, so all I can hear is mumbled voices through the vehicle. Then my door is opening, and James is offering me his hand again.
“I don’t think I’ve ever had a boy get my door and walk me to my apartment before,” I tell him.
James tucks me in close to keep me warm on our short journey to my apartment building. “Like you said. You were with boys. Men take care of the women around them.” He pulls open the door to my building and we start up the endless stairs. My cheeks are on fire despite the cold temperature outside.
Maybe he’s right. Maybe I haven’t been with a man.
I glance at him out of the corner of my eye. “Just how old are you?” I probably should have asked sooner, you know before he walked me to my apartment, but it never seemed like it mattered. Everything has felt so natural .
He smirks. “I’m twenty-eight.”
I scoff. “Well, that isn’t much older than me. You made it seem like everyone I’ve been with is an infant compared to you. I thought you were going to say mid-thirties or something.”
We make it to my floor and I stop to look at him.
James places a hand on either side of me boxing me in as he looks down at me. “And what if I was mid-thirties? Would that scare you away?”
My stomach flips and heat spreads down. I have to fight hard to resist the urge to rub my legs together. I lift my head higher, taking in his green eyes flaked with gold as he holds my stare, waiting. “No. I didn’t even know how old you were before I got in the car with you.”
He tilts his head at me. “And what would make you run for the hills?”
I think for a moment and hum. “Probably if you were the type of man my mom tries to set me up with. Rich and pretentious. Flaunting wealth at every social event in the vicinity.”
He laughs, unboxing me. “We’d better get you inside.”
“Why?” I ask.
“Because if I stay in your orbit any longer, I’m definitely going to want more, and I don’t think you’re quite ready for that.”
There goes my heart again. He backs down the hallway, never breaking eye contact .
“Wait! You forgot your jacket.” I start to shrug it off but he holds up a hand.
“Keep it. It looks better on you anyway.”
I slide my hands down the expensive jacket and can’t help but smile.
James stops at the top of the stairs, waiting.
I smirk. “I’m safe. You can go home now.”
He leans against the wall like he has all the time in the world. “I’ll stay until you’re safely tucked in your apartment with the door locked. I’ll sleep better this way.”
I shake my head and slowly open the door, slipping inside even though I’d rather stay in the hallway all night. My front door snicks shut and I lean against it, sighing. What the hell just happened?
I pull the pizza out of the oven as the timer continues to beep. “Ugh Shut up! Stupid thing.”
I reach over, silencing it. I open every drawer in my small space looking for a pot holder, but can’t seem to find one. I just can’t win lately .
I grab a dishrag off the counter using it to grab the hot pizza pan. “FUCK!”
Throwing the sheet across the counter, I rush to the sink and throw cold water on my aching hand. I hiss as the water hits the growing red mark and rest my head on the cool metal ledge of the sink. “Why?”
I look over my shoulder at the offending pizza. It seems to have survived the throw only bouncing slightly on the pan. Pulling my hand out of the water, I take a good look at it. The redness has gone down slightly. It looks like I’ll live to survive another attack from the world.
I slide my too-hot-to-eat pizza onto the chair I dragged next to the bathtub, with my large wine glass and glass of water. It’s called balance. A sigh slips from my lips as I slide into the water and lean back.
My phone starts buzzing its way dangerously close to the edge of the tub, and I contemplate letting it fall for half a second before grabbing it.
“Hello?”
“Oh, honey. I was disappointed to hear you didn’t get the promotion.
” I reach for my wine glass, rolling my eyes as I imagine mom pacing the kitchen, wondering how she is going to fix her problem daughter.
“I’m sure you will prepare better for the next one.
” She pauses, “You are applying for another one, right?” I can feel the judgement seeping through the phone.
“I don’t know, Mom. Right now, I’m just trying to get through the day. I don’t know what I want.” I can’t tell her I quit. She will freak out, and I’ll never hear the end of it.
“Don’t be so dramatic. That’s no way to plan your future. You should be telling Taylor it’s time to propose, so I can have grandchildren. I’m the only one in my friend group who doesn’t have any!” Her voice goes up an octave, and I have to pull the phone away from my ear.
Here we go again. “Well Taylor is no longer in the picture, so there’s no wedding in the future. You may have to look at Annabel for all future grandchildren.” I take another drink and eye my pizza. “Look, Mom, I’ve got to go. I have an important work call coming in.”
“You’d better explain about Tay…” Mom starts talking louder to get me to stay on the line, but I’ve had enough drama for one day.
“Sorry, have to go. Love you. Bye!”
I throw my phone into the hallway watching it ricochet. I wince, hoping I didn’t just shatter it. “Shouldn’t have answered. I know better.”
I try to relax back into the tub, but all I can hear is mom and her comments. Ugh. Pulling the plug, I quickly towel off, put on sweats, and take my pizza into the kitchen.
I inspect my phone after I snatch it off the hallway floor. It looks to be in perfect condition. Bummer. I still don’t have a new couch, so I plant my butt on a kitchen stool and pull open my computer search bar .
QUIET GETAWAY FOR ONE.
The first few listings that come up are less than ideal.
ROOM FOR RENT, SHARED BATHROOM.
“Who knows who lives there. Potential serial killer. No thank you.” I take a large drink from my glass.
CONDO IN THE CITY
“No.” I run my fingers through my hair then reach for a slice of pizza, scrolling with my other hand to the bottom of the listings. “Wait,” I whisper like someone might take it from me.
SECLUDED CABIN IN THE WILDERNESS
EVERYTHING YOU NEED FOR A QUIET WEEKEND TO DISCONNECT
NO WI-FI
Perfect.
Before I can put too much thought into it, I select a whole week, starting in two days, and type in my credit card information.
It might not be the smartest decision I’ve made, given I just up and quit my job, but I’ve found that if I want to get anywhere with my art, I’m going to have to invest in myself.
This getaway will be the perfect reset I need to dive back into what I want in life.
The money will be a future me problem. I’ll just have to bust my ass when I get back and apply for every job available in the marketing industry. All I need is someone to take a chance.
Finally closing my computer, I lean back with my pizza and smile.
I send a quick message to my sister, Annabel, expecting her to answer in the morning.
Alexandra: Mom’s on a warpath. Avoid calls for a while.
My phone immediately starts ringing for a video call, showing a photo of Annabel from our last vacation together. She’s underwater with snorkel gear, her hand in a peace sign. We had both died laughing at it when we got to the room. It has been her photo ever since.
“Yessss.” I plaster a smile on my face as my sister comes into view. Her blonde hair is piled on her head in a bun with makeup still on, but she has changed from her normal work clothing into a sweater.
“Dude. You could have sent that like two hours ago. I could not get her off the phone.” Annabel rolls her green eyes. “What did she tell you because I have so much to fill you in on.”
I slide further down in my stool, getting comfortable. “She just started on the usual… ‘I need grandkids’ blah blah blah. I cut her off an d hung up the phone.”
“Oh God. I can only imagine. I heard the same, but then she went on and on about you and your interview for a while. When she switched back to her drama with her friends, I just put her on speaker and let her talk. I think she’s coming up here next weekend.” Annabel raises her eyebrows at me.
“Don’t look at me like that. I already booked a vacation. I’m getting out of here for at least a week. I need to take a much-needed break.”
“What! Where? Can I come?” She laughs. Her blue eyes sparkle in the Christmas lights she already strung up all over her apartment.
“It’s a secluded cabin in the woods up north with no Wi-Fi. I should probably check the weather, but it shows a nice big fireplace. I’m going to try to reconnect with myself and make a plan.”
Annabel scrunches her face at the thought of being completely disconnected.
She’s more of a city girl with an all-the-amenities kind of vacation.
That’s probably why she chose to go to school in the largest city in our state.
It’s about an hour from where I live, so we don’t hang out as much as we’d like. But video chats make it easier.
I pause wondering if I should tell her, but we tell each other everything, even when it sucks. “Don’t tell Mom, but I kind of quit my job after the interview.” I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding.
Her eyes widen slightly before she chuckles.
“Good! Thank God. It’s time you got out of that shit-hole.
It just wanted to bleed you dry by making you do three people’s jobs and calling it preparation for future opportunities.
I honestly can’t believe you made it this long.
I would have been gone the second they kept piling, who was the lady who left?
Susie? Whatever her name was, her job onto my plate. Red flag, you know?”
I groan. “You’re right. I just hate change and wanted to stay within my bubble to move up in life. But it clearly wasn’t ever going to work out,” I say as she smiles back at me from the camera.
“What are you going to do now?” She asks as she drags the camera into the bathroom and starts re-doing her makeup.
I run my fingers through my hair. I honestly have no fucking clue what I’m going to do, but I can’t tell her that. So instead I tell her. “That’s what I’m hoping this vacation will help me figure out. I want to try diving back into my art, but that’s terrifying.”
“You know what they say, life starts at the end of your comfort zone, or something like that.” Annabel winks at me then goes back to applying heavy mascara.
I rub my eyes. “Yeah, I just need to make myself comfortable with being uncomfortable…”
“I think you can do it, and if you fail and run out of money, you can always sleep on our couch. I’m sure Jess won’t mind!” She pops her big blue eyes open comically wide like she hopes I’ll say yes, but she knows better.
Yikes, moving in with my younger sister and her roommate sounds like hell after living alone.
Not that they’re bad per se. Just that they’re well in their party years and trying out the guy scene.
Not to mention she’s living an hour away from my friends and everything I love about my mini city life here.
Whereas I’m happy to relax in my quiet apartment after a decent evening.
Oh gosh, thinking about this evening reminds me of James.
I am so not ready to tell Annabel about that whole encounter.
She doesn’t miss a beat while I’m stuck in my head. “Well, Jess wants to go out tonight. Do you want to come? We will be leaving in a couple hours?”
“I actually just got back… so no. Plus I’ve been drinking, so I’m really not getting on the road and driving an hour to drink more.” I grimace knowing the reaction that’s coming.
“Wow, thanks for the invite.” She pretends to pout but shrugs it off.
Thank goodness. I can’t deal with more family members being upset with me after everything.
“It’s ladies’ night at some bar Jess found.
She really wants me to meet someone, so why not?
Sure you don’t want to come back out? I’m sure I could talk one of Jess’s guy friends to come get you.
” Annabel starts batting her eyelashes, and I can’t help but laugh.
“No, no. You have fun. I’ve got to plan and pack and wallow.” I look at my mess of food and dishes in the sink, sighing. “I should probably get on that. You should finish getting ready, unless you’re going in sweats.” Like I did. I look down at her shirt causing her to wince.
“You’re right. Well thanks for the chat, I’ll send you the location of where we will be in case you change your mind. I love you.”
“Love you, too.” I end the call and put my phone on the charger to stay off of it for the rest of the night, choosing to bury myself in cleaning before I pass out for the night.