Chapter 22
Jamie
Alicia was so delicate sitting in his lap that Jamie wanted to wrap himself around her forever.
It was hard to act cool and collected around this woman.
Being with her made him reassess his concept of relationships.
What had become abundantly clear was how much he’d been settling with Katie: his emotions squashed, his natural instincts curbed, and his sex drive and sexual identity flattened into submission.
But now, everything was flourishing again in the presence of this inspirational goddess.
Jamie had meant what he said. Alicia was amazing and deserved a good life.
More words had been poised on the tip of his tongue, but he had to bite those back.
As much as he adored her, he should check himself.
Suggesting she come to Kinshore would be too full on.
He had no right to cause any more upheaval in her life after all she’d been through.
What was important was that he encourage her to focus on rebuilding her life in LA.
The fantasy of her coming home with him, if only for an extended part of her break, was exactly that.
And what sort of boyfriend would he be anyway, with his focus solely on saving Butlers before his father passed on?
He only had so much bandwidth. At the end of the week he would have to man up and let Alicia go.
During that week the snow was so thick that there was no way to leave the hotel, even if they wanted to.
Jamie got little hiking done, although he tried to walk some distance each day.
Much of his exercise comprised what he and Alicia did unclothed, and so insatiable were their appetites for each other that it more than counted as a workout.
‘Will you be going home tomorrow with a renewed outlook?’ Alicia asked, her legs resting across Jamie’s lap, as they sat on the bench on his porch.
The winter sun, having melted some of the snow, was now dimming and dusk was tinting the landscape with its inky palette.
He had convinced her that you could sit outside and enjoy yourself provided the fire pit was on.
She said she planned to do that when home, even though the thermometer in LA never hit the depths it did in Scotland.
Today, though, she insisted on the extra level of warmth generated by Jamie’s body. And who was he to argue?
‘I will look at some things differently,’ he said.
Without admitting too much to Alicia, he would view love with a new slant from now on – he would never get stuck in a never-ending relationship to nowhere – although it would be a struggle to find anyone that blew him away like she did.
‘But mainly, I’ll be plain old Jamie Butler. ’
‘You could never be plain.’ Alicia shook her head. ‘You’re too dynamic.’
‘Dynamic? Me? Ach, I don’t think so.’
‘Are you kidding? You’re funny and energetic and engaging. If I lived in your village, I wouldn’t be able to help myself. Don’t all the women want you?’
‘Not that I’m aware of, no. Most of the women in my village are married or ancient and I’m just the bloke that runs the whisky company with his dad. I’m nothing special. In fact, my ex would probably tell you I’m boring.’
‘You’re definitely not boring. I haven’t had a dull moment since I met you. If your ex thinks that, then it’s because you weren’t right for each other. Was she illuminating and exciting?’
Jamie pondered for a moment. ‘No,’ he admitted, ‘Not especially, but I assumed we were both boring, so perfectly matched.’
‘Jamie!’ Alicia spoke sternly but quietly. ‘Will you please believe me when I say you are not dull? You are so much fun and anyone with a…’
‘What?’ His entire body tensed with interest. ‘What were you going to say?’
‘No.’ Alicia’s cheeks flushed. ‘It’s nothing.’
‘You can’t stop there. Anyone with a what? Come on.’
Alicia was now giggling. ‘I can’t say it. I can’t even believe I began the sentence.’
A smile tugged at the corner of Jamie’s lips and he raised an eyebrow. ‘You are going to finish that sentence’.
‘Okay, okay.’ Alicia scratched her knee. ‘I was only going to say that anyone with a penis the size of yours could never be boring.’
Laughter erupted from the heart of Jamie, his whole body vibrating with adoration for this woman. ‘That’s what you were afraid to say? Oh woman, you’re incredible. But hang on… Is that all I am to you?’
Alicia’s response was nonchalant. ‘I know what I like.’
Me too, thought Jamie. He knew exactly what he liked, too. And without a shadow of a doubt, it was her.
The next morning the sun again won its battle with the clouds and the snow melted some more.
Jamie packed his bags, each item a weighty reminder of his impending departure and separation from Alicia.
The scent of her lingered on his skin from their morning lovemaking, the feel of being inside her was imprinted on him, and her words, ‘never stop fucking me Jamie, you’re the best I’ve ever had,’ resounded in his head like an echo through a gully.
There was an overwhelming magnetic force that pulled them together.
In the blissful afterglow, amidst the soft cocoon of cotton sheets, Alicia’s expression suggested sadness, but Jamie didn’t want to assume it was about him.
‘I have a gift for you.’ Alicia reclined against the bonnet of Jamie’s car in a rose-coloured sweater, like a film starlet of old.
She was picture perfect framed by the backdrop of Ben Corrin, her eyes mirroring the clear sky above.
He’d come here thinking his well was dry when it came to women and this one had him spilling over with a torrent of emotions.
‘You didn’t need to get me anything,’ he protested.
‘Well, you gave me a bottle of whisky, so it’s only right I return the favour.’
‘Ach, I had that with me, anyway. I’d have got you something else, but there’s not exactly an abundance of shops around here.’
‘I didn’t buy this.’ Alicia pulled a large brown envelope from behind her back and passed it to him.
Taking the envelope, Jamie slipped his finger under the flap and extracted the thick sheet of paper nestled within. As he scanned it, he sucked in a breath and nearly teetered backwards.
‘Oh, Leesh…’ Jamie struggled to tear his gaze away from the paper, but he had to look at Alicia, to fortify the connection she had made with him.
‘This is out of this world.’ He exhaled and took in again the painting of Ben Corrin rendered in Alicia’s inimitable style.
Her talent as an artist was undeniable. And to present this to him – so personal, so meaningful – he couldn’t even think about how much he was going to miss her.
‘You like it?’ She shifted from one foot to the other, clearly trying to ward off the cold.
‘I love it.’ Don’t say I love you. ‘It’s the perfect present.’ He admired the painting a moment longer, slid it back into the envelope and placed it carefully on the back seat of the car. Turning to Alicia, he opened his arms wide. ‘Come here.’
She melted into his arms, her lithe frame fitting perfectly into the shape of him, her heart thumping against his chest, giving life to his own heartbeat.
‘You’re a queen,’ Jamie murmured. ‘It’s been a privilege to spend this week with you.’ He held her close for a final moment then pulled back to kiss her. But tears were welling in her eyes, and concern stalled him.
‘I’m sorry.’ She dabbed at her face with her sleeve. ‘I can’t help it. I’m just so touched by how much you love the painting, and at your words.’
‘It really is perfect, Leesh. Truly. In a week, you’ve understood me more than people who’ve known me years.
The painting is getting pride of place in my lounge.
It’s the closest thing to having you with me.
’ He wanted to tell her to come and visit anytime, but the last thing she needed was his desperation when she was returning to her real life soon.
So, with one last kiss of those perfectly pink lips, Jamie got into his car and waved goodbye to Alicia.
Driving away, he glanced in his rear-view mirror to see her standing in the car park, arm waving high like a forces’ sweetheart.
The scent of frangipani wove around him, and he wondered if he’d be able to drive home, such was the aching in his heart, his bones, his everything.
No sooner was Jamie out of the hotel driveway than the aching was replaced by a sense of overwhelming emptiness that hit him like an oncoming truck.
Alicia had never sat in his car, yet she was absent.
The passenger seat that had never known her was devoid of her.
And all along the winding roads back to Kinshore, he longed for her wise words, her infectious laughter, her captivating silence.
Finally, Jamie arrived in Kinshore, the sense of loss undiminished.
Thoughts of Alicia swirled like a dazzling kaleidoscope in the winter sun.
His instinct was to text her and say how lost he was already, but he restrained himself; he wouldn’t burden her with his emotional turmoil.
Why should he impose his intense feelings on her because he’d been repressed for years.
She should be allowed to carry on with her life.
Mechanically, Jamie prepared a pot of pasta, which he ate consumed by thoughts of Alicia. Focusing on work was going to be a struggle after thinking only of her for a week, especially since her ideas for the business begged to be entertained.
After dinner, he relaxed on the couch, the fire burning and a glass of whisky on the table and opened the envelope with the painting inside.
When Alicia had handed it to him, he’d half expected it to contain the nude portrait, which would have been quite something, but would have needed hidden in a drawer.
The actual contents were, pleasingly, something he could display.
Ben Corrin stood as a commanding force of nature in Alicia’s painting, captured in perfect shades of cobalt, moss and snow white.
Despite the bleak weather, she’d seen the mountain’s majesty and everything that endeared it to Jamie.
Through the canvas, Alicia’s own essence – all her perceptiveness and sensitivity – seemed to flow.
Dram in hand, Jamie propped up the painting on the table, leaned back on the couch and admired the scene.
Then, like a shot of neat whisky to the back of the throat, an idea struck him.