Chapter 29 Holly #2
“All I knew was, I couldn't stay away from you." His voice is tortured and thick. "Day after day, night after night, I went looking for you. Just to see you. To watch you. I became sick with urges to be near you. And you don’t know what that does to a man who prides himself on always being in control. You brought me to my knees. Yet, you didn’t even know I existed. No one has ever had power over me like you do, solnyshko.”
“I don’t know what to think,” I whisper.
But Nikolai keeps going. “I knew Yuri would send someone to eliminate you. I had to do something to protect you. Because I had fallen in love with you.”
“You’re lying,” I whisper, without any conviction.
"I would die for you, solnyshko."
The words hang in the air between us, and I want so badly to believe them. Want to believe that somewhere beneath all the secrets, there is something real.
“The night at the gallery—”
“I went there to meet you. I couldn’t stand not being in your world. I wanted you to see me. I wanted you to feel what I felt. If I could make you fall in love with me—”
“But then you got a phone call…" I frown as more of the puzzle reveals itself. “Who was the man you left me to go and kill?”
“Yuri had sent him to kill you. I knew then that I had to act. I had to take you with me. I couldn’t leave you vulnerable to another hitman.”
I let out a shaky breath. “You didn’t kidnap me because I witnessed a murder. You kidnapped me—”
“To keep you safe.”
Feeling overwhelmed, I shake my head. “How could you keep all of this from me?”
“I didn’t want to frighten you.”
“When were you going to tell me?”
“Once I had eliminated every threat, I was going to tell you everything.”
I think of the three men lying dead in this house and let out an angry breath. “Clearly we’re not there yet.”
“That’s why I told him to come here.”
“Who, my grandfather?”
“Yes.”
I stand up so fast, I make my head spin. “Why would you do that?”
Nikolai also stands. “To tell him face to face that any further attempts on your life will cost him everything. Beginning with his pulse.”
Conflicting emotions crash about inside of me. What Nikolai is saying is a lot to process. I don’t know if I’m being played. I just feel like a pawn being shoved around the board in a game I didn’t even know I was playing.
“This is insane.”
“No, this is reality.”
“Everything we have has been built on a lie,” I say, holding back tears.
“What I feel for you isn’t a lie.”
“Maybe if you had told me everything sooner, I might believe you when you say that. But you’ve kept this from me the whole time. That tells me you have something to hide. That none of this was real.”
He moves fast, closing the distance between us before I can react. His hand closes around mine, and he presses my palm flat against his chest.
His heart pounds beneath my fingers. Hard and fast and desperate.
"Feel that." His voice is raw. "Feel how hard it beats for you. How it breaks for you when I think I might lose you."
For one moment, I let myself feel it. The thunder of his heart against my palm. The warmth of his skin. The way his eyes search mine with something that looks so much like love, it makes me want to scream.
I yank my hand free. “I need time to process all of this.”
“How can I help you do that?”
“Give me time to make it make sense.”
He nods. “I can do that.”
“When is my grandfather coming?”
“Tomorrow.”
I nod. But don’t say anything. I’m too numb. Because my life has just changed again.
“Malyshka—”
“Please, just give me some time.”
I don't wait for his response. I walk away from him and climb the stairs to the guest room.
The moment the door clicks shut, I slide down to the floor and let my emotions burst out of me. Tears for the man I thought I loved. For the fairy tale I believed in. For my parents and their secrets and the lies they built to protect me from a truth they never told me.
I cry until my throat is raw and my eyes are swollen and there's nothing left inside me but a hollow, aching emptiness.
I don’t feel safe.
When the tears finally stop, I just sit there in the gray morning light, staring at nothing.
I feel caged and numb and fuck… I need to get away from here.
Away from him.
From the lies.
From the danger.
But how do I get out of here?
"If you ever need anything. Anything at all. Call me."
Andrei.
I dig through the pockets of my jeans which are on the edge of the bed and find the piece of paper. My hands shake as I unfold it and stare at the numbers scrawled in blue ink.
Nikolai took my phone. But there's a landline in the kitchen.
I unlock the door and listen, and when I’m sure Nikolai isn’t outside my door, I slip from my room.
I hear his voice down the hallway in his study. He’s on the phone, speaking Russian and talking fast.
Moving as quietly as possible, I hurry along the landing and sneak down the stairs to the kitchen.
The phone is across the room on the wall.
Standing in front of it, I pause. My mind is spinning with everything I’ve just learned.
Again, my world has flipped and I’m probably not thinking straight.
I’m existing on pure adrenaline. Because I’m in danger.
Because there is someone out there looking for me, and when they find me, they’ll kill me.
But they already know I’m here.
They’ve already breached Nikolai’s walls.
Already hunted me in the darkness.
I think back to the man stalking me as I hit under the bed.
About the fear that took over my body as I waited for him to find me.
They will come back.
With a shaking hand, I quietly pick up the receiver and dial Andrei's number with trembling fingers.
It rings once. Twice. Three times.
"Hello?" His voice is groggy with sleep.
"Andrei." My voice comes out as a cracked whisper. "It's Holly."
"Holly?" I hear him sit up, suddenly alert. "What's wrong? It's five in the morning."
"I need your help." The tears start again, sliding silently down my cheeks. "Please. Can you come get me?"