18. Angelica
18
ANGELICA
I stir awake to the crackling of the log fire. A few lights twinkle on the tree, the aroma of Christmas in the air, and Sawyer hovering above me, with a blanket.
He tucks it around me, then kisses my lips. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you. Go back to sleep.”
“How long have you been back?” The moon shines through the window, telling me it’s evening already.
“About half an hour.” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a packet. “The chemist said it can cause nausea and vomiting, cramps, headaches. There’s a list of side effects on the leaflet inside. I’m so sorry, angel.” His large hand covers his face as he hangs his head low, then he moves his palm down and rubs his finger and thumb under his eyes with a long exhale.
“Will you stop saying sorry? I’m as much to blame for this mess as you are.” I use his words, not mine. As far as I’m concerned, this isn’t a mess at all. I want this. I want him and I want nothing more than to have his baby. That’s if I’m even pregnant. I read this afternoon that there’s a thirty percent chance of getting pregnant from your first time. You’d have to be very unlucky to have that happen, or extremely lucky, depending on which way you look at it.
I throw the blanket off of me and take the box from him, then make my way to the kitchen.
“I just want to put things right and take care of you, but I hate that it’s gonna make you feel ill. I’ll be here for whatever you need.” He follows me into the kitchen and stands behind me while I fill a glass of water. His hands slide up and down my arms, and I lean back against his body, enjoying the comfort of my growly teddy bear.
He moves the blonde side of my hair back and kisses my neck. “I bought you one of those vanilla slices you like from Greggs.”
“You remembered I like those?” I tilt my head to the side, giving him more access as his beard tickles my skin and his lips caress my flesh.
“I remember everything about you. You don’t think I took an interest in art for the fun of it, did you?” He peppers my neck with gentle kisses, sending tingles down my spine.
“Well, you’re full of surprises, aren’t you?” Can this man be any more perfect?
“I’ll make dinner. What do you fancy?”
I turn the tap off and spin around with my glass of water. “We have a choice of three ready meals.” My lips lift in the corner. “Chicken curry, spaghetti meatballs, or macaroni cheese.”
“Mac and cheese with garlic bread?”
“Sounds good.” I rise on my toes and kiss his lips. “I’ll be back down in a minute.”
He nods with that weary, tormented look on his face as I take my pills and water upstairs.
In my room, I drop onto the bed and place the water on the bedside table. With my morning-after pill box in hand, I turn the packet over and read the instructions. Part of me wonders if this is for my benefit or his. He said I was his. But if he doesn’t see this working long term, that would make sense why he doesn’t want any ties with me.
Dad wouldn’t be happy if he found out I was pregnant by his best friend. But that’s one more thing to add to a long list of disappointments. Dad doesn’t know I’ve been lying to him all this time.
I lift my head and stare out of the window into the dark night. Snow drips from the trees now the blizzard has passed, but the storm still rages in my head, whirling all my emotions around and making it difficult to think.
When I told Sawyer my dad would never need to know about us, I thought we could just sleep together, have some fun, then carry on as we were, but that’s all changed now. I don’t think I’ll ever stop craving him, his touch, his lips, his warmth.
My hand caresses my stomach as I imagine what if. I’ve always wanted a family of my own. Even more so since Mum passed. I know it sounds silly, but I think a baby would fill the hole she left in my heart. And I’d be a good mum, just like her.
Dad will understand. He has to.
I place the tablets on the bedside table next to my water and make my way back downstairs. I need to chat with Sawyer about our future. He needs to know what I want.
Padding downstairs, the smell of mac and cheese fills the kitchen. I walk into the open-plan space to Sawyer kneeling on the rug, stoking the fire.
I kneel next to him, letting the fire warm my face.
“You all right?” He presses a kiss at my temple, then places the hot poker on the rack.
I know what he’s really asking. Have I taken the pill and do I feel okay? With a smile, I bob my head.
He wraps an arm around me and pulls me against his chest. “Whatever you need, I’m here for you.”
I lift my head and look into his eyes. “I need you to fuck me.”
His jaw tightens. He hums out a rumble from his chest. “Dinner’s in about twenty minutes.”
With how sensitive my clit is, I won’t need that long. “Please.”
“You said this morning you were sore.” His fingers tease the waistband of my leggings and slip inside, sliding over my belly until he finds the elastic waistband of my knickers.
Stroking the small patch of hair on my mound, he lets out a satisfied groan. His eyes stay locked on mine as we both kneel, facing each other on the rug. The heat of the fire is nothing compared to the crackling heat between us. “Open your legs wider, baby girl. Let me in.”
I stagger my knees apart, my centre fluttering as his fingertips dance lower between my thighs.
“Does my girl need some attention on her pussy?” He strokes along the seam, gentle but torturous.
“Yes.” I rock my hips into his hand, desperate for his fingers to slip between my folds.
“Fuck.” The tip of his thick finger slides into me, then he slides it around and back up through my folds, finding my bundle of nerves. “You’re soaked, baby girl. I’ve barely touched you.”
“I’ve been thinking about you all day and what we did?—”
He silences me with his mouth, his other hand wrapping around the back of my neck to hold my head in place while his tongue fucks my mouth in long rough strokes and his fingers treat my pussy like he’s stroking a kitten.
Whispering against my lips, he says, “Take these off.” His fingers tug at the elastic to my bottoms and I push them down my thighs, the heat from the fire warming my bare skin.
“What about you?” I nod to the bulge under his zipper.
“All in good time. Tonight, I’m going to kiss your pussy better while you ride my beard like you rode Mr. Snuggles.”
Tingles make me shiver as I think about Mr. Snuggles between my thighs and how I would always imagine it was Sawyer, my papa bear. I never thought I’d get to do it for real.
He lies back on the rug. “Sit on my face, angel.”
I straddle his belly, my aching centre weeping on his checked shirt.
His hands glide up my thighs over the dimply skin until he reaches my behind. Gripping my ass, he urges me closer to his face.
Moisture gathers above my top lip with the heat of the fire, or it could be the adrenaline spiking as my heart thumps against my ribs. “I’ve never done this before. I’m not really sure what to do.”
Sawyer lets out a hearty laugh, his chest shaking beneath me. “I’ve seen you ride Mr. Snuggles. I think you have the hang of it.”
“But Mr. Snuggles doesn’t need to breathe.”
“Let me worry about breathing. If I need air, I’ll lift you up.” His fingers unbutton my top. I help him with the upper buttons as he works up from the bottom. “I want to make up for last night.”
“There’s nothing to make up for. I wanted everything you gave me last night.” I let my top fall open, exposing my breasts with no bra. He massages them, running his thumb over my nipple. My entire body is alight with an electrical buzz, as if twinkling like fairy lights.
He stares at my breasts, his thumbs flicking over my pebbled nipples. “I wanted your first time to be special with a man who loves you and worships the ground you walk on. A man who’s always gonna be there for you and take care of you. A man you look up to and even if it doesn’t work out, you can remember your first time and know it was out of love.”
I stroke his face, his beard tickling my palm. “You just described you. My first time was everything you just said and more. I want you to give me all my firsts.”
His eyes darken. “You realise that I’m also going to be your last? Ain’t no other motherfucker getting a taste of what’s mine.” His hands move back to my ass and yank me forward. “Now come closer so I can lick my precious pussy.”
With his hands holding on to my thighs, I shuffle forward until my centre hovers above his head. My knees tremble against the soft pile of the rug. His warm breath hits my sensitive flesh, sending a delightful shiver through me.
“Closer,” he says, his breath fanning my centre.
Widening my legs, I lean over on all fours and crawl past his broad shoulders, my knees on either side of his head. I lower my body back with only his hand guiding me until I reach his beard.
I gasp at the contact of the soft bristles against my soaked flesh.
“Sit.” His tongue darts out. The tip catching my swollen lips down there and my arms tremble as he holds me up.
“Ride my face like you rode your teddy bear.” He groans from the depth of his chest. “I want to smell your arousal in my beard for days.”
“Okay.” I lower myself more.
His hot mouth is on my centre, his tongue licking at my entrance. A groan vibrates from his lips, sending tingles straight to my clit.
I gasp again, the sensations nothing like with my teddy. My hips rock to seek more friction where I need it most.
His mouth when he kisses me is heaven, but this is like nothing I ever could have imagined. Heat ripples through my veins and fire sizzles under my skin.
With each lick of his tongue, I rock my hips in rhythm, finding a pattern. Tingles build in my core, each lick adding more and more until the pressure is bubbling over like hot water in a kettle before the whistle blows.
I can’t imagine doing this with anyone else. There have been casual boyfriends in the past, but none that I ever got close enough to be intimate with. And here I am, baring my pussy and riding an older man’s face.
My body shudders, my legs tremble. “I’m close.” It’s as if I don’t want to let go as I don’t want this pleasure to be over, but the need to come is building like a tsunami and I feel like I’m gonna flood his face when it crests, but I’m not embarrassed. The way Sawyer is with me, he’d probably get off on it.
After seeing me with Mr. Snuggles, nothing I do now can ever mortify me with this man. He’s seen everything now, and he knows me better than I know myself. There’s no hiding from him and I don’t want to.
I slide back and forth like I’m on a rowing machine, shamelessly getting myself off on his entire face, his tongue licking all the way from my weeping centre to my clit and back again.
“Sawyer. Don’t stop. Oh, gosh.” I try to hold back, needing more of this, but the tsunami is getting closer, ready to drown us both, and I can’t stop it. Nor can I stop the sea of love that fills my heart. There’ll never be another man for me now.
I’m all his.