Snowed in with the Snow Cat (Monsters and Mistletoe #11)
Chapter 1 Jingle Balls
JINGLE BALLS
“JINGLE HIS BALLS! JINGLES HIS BALLS! JINGLE THEM ALLLL THE WAYYYYYY! OH WHAT FUUUUN IT IS TO FUCK IN A ONE-HORSE OPEN SLEEEEIIIGGGHH!—HEY, YOU JERK, WHAT THE HELL?! DON’T YOU KNOW THAT’S HOW ACCIDENTS HAPPEN!
FUCKING TWO-BIT REDNECK HILLBILLY! I HOPE YOUR SKIN DRIES OUT AND YOUR DICK FALLS OFF!
!— hm, hm, hm, hm, hmmmm badadum DUM DUM DUM DUMMMMM! And a MIIIDDLE FINGER FOR YOUUUUU!”
Their annual ‘Holiday Song Rewrites: Wrong Answers Only!’ competition had started a few weeks prior with a stirring rendition of “Oh Hole-y Wipes”. It had taken three weeks for Felix to get that out of his brain, and while “Jingle His Balls” wasn’t exactly clever, it was definitely an earworm.
The cat shifter sighed, muttering under his breath as his phone chose that moment to refuse to play any music whatsoever, thanks to a sudden dip in cell service.
He was relegated to listening to the radio like a peasant.
Punching buttons randomly, were-cat found himself bouncing in his seat with glee as Mariah suddenly belted out from a local radio station.
“YAAAAS, girl! SING IT!”
He slapped the steering wheel in time to the song, his single teardrop earring swaying as he bopped along.
The forest-green Subaru he drove hummed merrily down the road, engine fully warmed up after the last two+ hours navigating their way out of Friday evening rush-hour city traffic.
Felix hadn’t intended to leave during rush hour, but his shift had run late; the perils of working at the ER.
He hadn’t even had a chance to shower they were less likely to be emotionally-charged. He recognized that this wasn’t exactly a healthy way to think about texts from his boyfriend, but it was what it was.
Blake: Did you make it to the mountains yet, furball?
Felix rolled his eyes, grinning as he texted her back: Nope! Got kidnapped by hillbillies. Being forced to polish their ‘guns’. Send help! Out of lube—I mean, ‘gun oil’!
Blake: Nasty! Don’t put guns in your anus! You can get an infection that way! Did you already run out of penis? I can send you one of mine! You might have to boil it clean first…
Felix coughed a laugh. His sister was crass, but he loved her.
Now who’s the nasty one? He typed back.
What! I just want to make sure you’re getting laid PROPERLY on your vacation!
… The symbol appeared for a moment, before another text bubble popped up on the screen.
Glad you made it in one piece! Have a good time!
Send me pics, but not of your dicks; I don’t want to see those! Gotta run; on stage in 5. KISSES!
Felix chuckled, sending back a string of heart emojis and kissy faces. Blake finished off their convo with her own emoji string: eggplant, splash, peach. Felix rolled his eyes as he climbed out of the car and grabbed his bag out of the back.
He locked the car as he headed up the porch steps to the door. He’d check Evan’s messages as soon as he was inside. It was cold out here!
A huge set of carved double doors greeted him beneath the covered porch. A hand-painted sign hung off to the side next to what looked like an oversized doorbell, a bell-pull, and some kind of pressure plate?
The sign read: “Ring, stomp, or pull bell for service!”
“Cute,” Felix muttered, ringing the bell.