Chapter 29 Char #2
The following morning, my heart hammers as I find Ellie out on the porch, herbal tea in hand, the mountains still draped in early fog.
“Hey,” I say, my voice small. “Can we talk?”
She turns, nodding once, like she’s been waiting for this.
So, I do. I tell her everything.
All the secrets I’ve been carrying like a heavy weight tied to my chest. The things that made me run. The reasons I can’t stop looking over my shoulder.
Ellie doesn’t say anything right away. She just listens. Really listens. Like she always does. I’ve told her everything now. Every secret, every lie, every scar I’ve tried to hide under layers of deflection and distance.
“Kendal?” She shakes her head. “You don’t look like a Kendal to me.”
“That’s the part that got your attention?” I huff out an astonished laugh.
“Haha. No.” She guffaws. “But it’s so normal. And you’re this magnificent creature who steals the attention of everyone in each room you enter. That name isn’t grand enough.”
“I think Kendall Jenner might have a thing or two to say about that.”
“Okay, it suits her. But not you. That’s all I’m saying.
” She pulls her sweater tighter across her chest. “I’m so sorry your mother was so awful to you, Char.
Mine wasn’t there for me growing up. But I guess I can give her a pass since she was so young when she had me.
And didn’t live long enough to grow into the type of mother I deserved.
But there’s no excuse for how that horrid woman treated you. ”
My head falls. “I know.”
“All of those years. Feeling trapped.”
My head pops up. “It wasn’t so bad.” I feel grateful to be alive.
That I was protected for all of these years.
“This is the life I’ve accepted in order to stay safe.
There are just too many obstacles in the way if I venture outside of my comfort zone.
And I didn’t want to risk bringing harm to any of you.
It’s bad enough that I have to live this way. ”
“But you’re already out of your comfort zone. You left Florida behind you and took a chance.”
She crosses her arms over her chest as if gearing up for a lecture.
“If you look in the dictionary under the word possibilities, you’ll see a glossy 8 x 10 photo of me.
” She rubs her swollen belly. “I never imagined the life I have right now was possible. The biggest thing on my horizon was simply winning a Christmas in July contest, hoping I could open an eatery in the town I was trapped in.”
She looks over my shoulder, as if trying to recall how pitiful things were back then.
“Now I’m living an incredible life in an angelic place.
” She reaches over and grabs my hand. “You deserve all of that and more. Don’t sell yourself short.
Look at what you accomplished given all you were struggling with.
And you hid it all from me. From almost everyone. ”
Her face scrunches. “I should be angry that you didn’t feel you could trust me enough to share, but I get it. It only underlines how incredibly brave you are.” There are tears shining in her eyes, and I can feel the warmth of her pride radiating toward me.
I squeeze her hand. “I’m so grateful to have met you when I transferred to Christmas High.
That time in my life was so tumultuous. It was all I could do to get from one day to the next.
Who knew I’d have the gift of your friendship all these Christmases later?
” I dab the tears from the corners of my eyes. “I’m sorry.”
“What on earth for?”
“Potentially bringing my demons to your doorstep. Back then… and now.”
“You listen to me, Char. I adore Matt. I’ve yearned for him since before I knew what love was. But mark my words. You are the true love of my life.”
“What?”
“You’ve had my back through thick and thin.
I don’t know how I would’ve survived my senior year of high school and those awful bullies if it hadn’t been for you.
Some of the most defining moments in my life happened with you by my side.
You dried my tears when my grandma Joan died, held me when Pops joined her, and kept my head held high when Matt moved back home and took my heart to Sycamore Mountain with him.
You are my rock, Charlene. And don’t ever doubt I’m the same for you. ”
Tears tumble down my cheeks at her declaration. “I love you, Ellie.”
She exhales softly. “You’ve been carrying all of this alone.”
I nod, blinking hard. “It was safer that way.”
She studies me for a long moment, then says, “You know, for someone who’s been through hell, you’re still pretty damn strong. But even the strongest people need somewhere to land.”
I look away, the lump in my throat growing. “I’m not sure how.”
Her voice softens. “Then maybe it’s time to let someone catch you.”
I know who she means. She doesn’t say his name, but I can feel it hanging between us.
“Dave’s a good man,” she continues. “One of the best. He doesn’t do things halfway. If he’s in, he’s all in. And I’ve never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you.”
That ache in my chest returns, sharp and unrelenting. I wrap my arms around myself and shake my head. “I can’t… not right now. I’m just too overwhelmed.”
Ellie sighs but doesn’t argue. “Okay. Then what do you need?”
“I just need space. To think. To breathe. To remember who I am when I’m not running or falling apart.”
She frowns, clearly worried. “Where will you go?”
“I don’t know yet. Maybe somewhere quiet. Somewhere no one knows me.”
Ellie studies me, her expression a mix of compassion and unease. “You don’t have to disappear again, Char. You can stay here while you figure things out. We’ll give you space.”
I shake my head. “I’d only drag you all into my mess.”
Her hand finds mine, squeezing gently. “You already did,” she says with a gentle gleam in her eye. There’s no accusation there, only concern. “And we’re still here.”
I force a smile. “I’ll stay in touch. Promise.”
Ellie searches my face like she wants to believe me. “You’d better.”
Heading to my room, I pack my things and grab my cell phone. It may not be for long, but I need a visit to my fairy godmother.
“Hey, darlin,” Betty drawls, sauntering over to greet me at her restaurant like the redneck royalty she is.
“I’m so glad you decided to come and pay me a visit.
I’ve been missing you.” And the craziest part of this new relationship with my self-appointed fairy godmother… I believe she means every word.
“What brings you down here? I thought you were enjoying the mountain life.”
“I don’t know.” My voice cracks under the strain of my overwhelm. “Everyone was really nice. And I loved being able to spend so much time with my best friend. But my ordinary life was easy. And now I feel a bit like a fish out of water.”
Betty wraps her arm around me, steering me toward a quiet table in the back.
Pulling a chair out, she motions for me to sit down.
She has her hair down today. Her long tresses are wild and over-processed.
The almost-platinum locks bring a stark contrast to her pale skin, cherry red lips, and black cat eye makeup.
She resembles an actress from a John Waters movie.
All of a sudden, she raises her hand in the air and snaps her fingers. “Gerald! Bring Mama a Jack and Coke. And get this little lady a margarita with a salty rim!”
Leaning in, I give her a pointed look. “Okay. I need to know your secret.”
She mimics my pose, whispering back, “What secret?”
“How the hell do you snap your fingers and bark out orders and get men to do your bidding?”
“Because I deserve it.” She grins proudly.
“And one day you’ll figure out that you do too.
” She leans back in her chair, her eyes never leaving mine.
“Stick with me, doll. I’ll teach you everything you need to know.
” She nods as Gerald rushes to her side with her drink before running back to the bar like a man on a mission.
“You’re truly impressive.”
“That I am.” She takes a sip of her cocktail. “But I wasn’t always.”
My brow lifts. I can’t even imagine this.
“I was a pathetic old cow.” She places her drink down in front of her, the expression on her face one of sheer disgust. “When I was young and stupid, I fell for this really handsome boy. He promised me the moon. And I believed him. We got hitched, and it didn’t take long before we had a baby on the way.
” She stares off in the distance briefly before continuing.
“He told me he wanted to take care of us, so he took a job on an oil rig. Was gone a lot. Working hard while I struggled to raise our son alone. My parents didn’t approve of our relationship.
They wanted me to marry a nice boy from back home.
One who went to college and church on Sundays.
Not the high school dropout I was over the moon for. So, I was on my own.”
Gerald rushes back over with my cocktail, his eyes flashing longingly at Betty before striding back over to his station behind the bar.
I take a sip of my drink as Betty continues.
“Year after year, it was the same. I’d raise our son.
He’d work on the rig. Harlan would be away for weeks to months at a time.
Most of his time off was spent hanging out with his friends at the bike club or at the bar.
He made it real clear he wasn’t interested in family life. ”
She takes another sip, her expression more forlorn this time.
“It wasn’t long before it took its toll on us.
Once we split, I made the decision to be the best mother to Charlie I could.
I took a job as a waitress once he was in school.
My life was completely dedicated to him.
I baked cookies for his class, chaperoned field trips, attended parent-teacher association meetings. I was the model woman.”
With my chin in my hand, I sit transfixed, listening to her story.