Chapter 3
ELI
Stupid Nathan and his stupid handsome face, his sexy dimples, and his stupid pretty singing voice.
The world is so unfair to give this much power to one person.
I hate myself for being affected by him. I hate myself for ever having been swayed by him in the first place.
This is all a game to him. He doesn’t care about me, or anyone for that matter. This is just his sick and twisted way to pass the time, I guess.
He thinks he’s Mr. Charming Pants and gets to make every breathing person fall in love with him. Well, it’s not going to work on me. I see the real him, and his pretty exterior can’t hide the ugly within.
I sneak a peek at him, and he’s still smiling as he sings along to the radio. It’s been twenty minutes, and he’s still smug about getting one up on me.
Ignore him, Eli!
I give myself a pep talk. We only have about an hour left on this trip, so I just have to endure it until then.
The highway stretches out endlessly in front of us. There’s nothing to look at besides the long stretch of road and the flurries that are coming down a little harder now.
I pull out my phone and check the weather forecast to see that Mom’s right about the incoming storm.
There’s a winter storm alert and a warning for people to stay at home if they can.
I’m glad Mom told Ava to stay in Corio City for the night.
Nathan and I should arrive at the cabin before the storm comes full force, so I try not to worry about it.
I turn off my phone screen and slide it back into my pocket before stopping myself.
Ava’s always nagged at me for being on my phone and not entertaining her while she drove, so it became a habit for me not to use my phone in the car.
But it isn’t like I’m going to talk to Nathan, much less entertain him.
Through the years, I learned the best way for us to coexist together is for me to ignore him, so I pull my phone back out. I pull up social media to see what my bros are up to.
Conner’s posted a selfie of himself at his brother’s bakery. I drool at the pastries peeking out in the bakery case behind him.
It’s been a while since I last visited Sweet Buns, and I still think about their White Chocolate Macadamia Nut Cookies. Conner’s brother must put crack in there or something, because there can’t be any other reason I’m obsessed with them.
I pull open my chat with Conner and text him, saying I need his brother’s cookies in me ASAP. His laughing emoji reply is almost instantaneous. A second later, he shoots me another text teasing that his brother-in-law will probably love hearing about how much I enjoy the nut cookies.
I snicker and post a reply with a GIF of an animated peanut pulling back its shell.
Conner told me the story of how his brother and his husband met.
It involved my favorite cookies and a lot of mentions of nuts.
From what I hear, Caleb had been mortified, but now he and his husband both laugh about it.
There’s yet another couple who fit together so well. I don’t know how Conner can be surrounded by all these loving couples and not want to find love. He says he wants to focus on his studies and refuses to get into a relationship before he finishes his schooling.
Meanwhile, I’m stressing about graduating a virgin next semester. My bros know I’m gay, and they’ve tried to set me up with guys they know who are also into men, but they only seem to be interested in casual flings. I don’t want that.
Ava says I’m the romantic in the family. Neither she nor Zoe has a partner, choosing to focus on their respective careers instead.
But I’m not ambitious like they are. They went into higher education knowing what they wanted to do right off the bat. I’m going into my last semester, and the only thing I’m certain of is that I want a boyfriend.
My friends made me download a dating app, saying they were tired of hearing me groan about the lack of gay men who are serious about being in a relationship at our college.
I was skeptical about making a genuine connection through an app, but I matched with a guy named Alex, who seems like he’s looking for the same things as I am.
He’s a year older than me and works in Corio City.
Just like Nathan.
I don’t know why I’m even comparing them. Alex is nothing like Nathan. We’ve been chatting for a week, and we have a lot in common, but we haven’t had the time to meet up yet. He did ask me for a date once I’m back from my family vacation.
My stomach flutters just thinking about it. I’m excited but also nervous. I’m still in shock that a stunning guy like Alex is even interested in someone like me, who has no relationship experience whatsoever. But he’s been a real gentleman about my lack of dating, unlike someone I know.
I peek at Nathan, and he’s still smiling.
His finger is tapping on the steering wheel in tune with the cheerful music.
Even in his sweater, I can see the outline of his solid arm muscles.
He took his beanie off when we got in the car, and not a single strand of his hair is out of place.
The butterflies in my stomach flutter harder, and I attribute it to how irrationally annoyed he makes me.
Nathan knows I’m single, but if he finds out that I’m still a virgin, he’ll never let me live it down. He pretends to be a gentleman when he’s not. He doesn’t care about my feelings, or anyone’s, for that matter.
I angrily turn back to my phone, my leg thumping the car floor a thousand miles an hour, telling me I need a distraction. Not even the sweet lure of candy can calm my mind right now.
I pull up my message thread with Alex, and I instantly smile at last night’s goodnight texts. He’s usually busy at work, but he always makes sure to send me a text before bed.
Just as I’m about to message him about his weekend plans, the car merges onto the exit ramp and takes the exit. I figure we’re out of gas and need to fill up, but Nathan passes three gas stations and doesn’t look like he has any intention of getting back on the highway.
I may not know how to drive, but after years of vacationing at the same cabin, I know the way there. And this is not it.
“Why aren’t you getting back on the highway?” I snap at him. And yeah, fine, I do feel a bit bad about how that came out, but I’m already stressed, and him going outside the plan doesn’t help.
“Just want to make a quick stop,” he replies. He peers at me casually, still fucking smiling like all is fine and dandy with the world.
I don’t know why his response makes me even angrier. I know it’s his car, and he’s doing me a favor by driving me in the first place, but I’m unable to calm myself.
“Didn’t you hear what my mom said?” I grit out, fist clenching against my pillow.
He looks at me again and tilts his head like he’s confused. “She said to drive safely, and that’s what I’m doing.”
“Sure, but did you forget about the incoming storm?” I ask, irritated. It’s just like him to only hear what he wants. “We don’t have time for random pit stops. We need to get there before it gets unsafe to drive.”
“It’s not that much out of the way. We’ll make it to the cabin long before dark and before the storm fully kicks in. Relax,” he says with a lazy smile.
That hits a nerve and breaks the last of my patience for the man.
“Don’t tell me to fucking relax,” I spit out. “Just because you don’t care about your safety doesn’t mean everyone’s like you.”
I’m huffing by the time I finish my sentence. As if the world is also stirred up by my anger, a strong gust of wind rocks the car. It jolts me from my feelings and sends a chill of fear down my spine.
I look out the window and see it’s coming down even harder now. The piles of snow on the side of the road are higher, too, and scenarios of us being trapped in the snow run through my head.
Trapped with Nathan.
I can’t imagine a worse hell.
“My uncle’s cabin is nearby, and I figured I’ll stop by since we’re already here.” He pauses, then in a softer tone adds, “We used to vacation here with my mom. I’m sorry.”
My anger pops like a balloon, and whatever snide comment I have dies in my throat. Now I feel bad for blowing up at him like I did, but I don’t tell him that. I hug my pillow and look out the window instead.
I don’t care to learn about Nathan’s life, but I do know that he was close with his mom before losing her when he was eleven.
I lost my dad too, but he passed when I was a baby, so I never really got to know him.
But I do know if I ever lost my mom or either of my sisters, I don’t know if I’d be able to move on.
I figured he wants to stop and visit his uncle, since he’s been super busy at work—not that I purposefully inquired about his life.
I hear updates about him even if I don’t want to.
This is probably the only time he can spare to make the trip.
I met his uncle at our parents’ wedding and a handful of times after, and he’s a nice guy, so I can let this slide.
I’ll forgive him this time and stop giving him grief about going off the plan…and just as I tell myself that, a loud bang rings in the air.