Chapter 15 #2
“It’s the regret that is the hardest to deal with,” he admitted in a low voice, without looking at her.
“I spent twenty years being too busy to see my own mother. And part of that was motivated by how I saw my dad live—stuck in some mid-level job he hated, counting down the days until retirement, and then he died of heart failure just three years into it. I was so dismissive of them both, of the choices they’d made, and yet…
he and my mom were so happy together, that whole time.
” His voice choked, and tears stung Jenna’s eyes.
Slowly Jack shook his head. “I thought he’d missed out all these years, because of his job, and it wasn’t until I had the heart attack that I realized maybe I was the one missing out, all along.
” He turned to give her a bleak, level stare that made Jenna ache with sympathy for him.
“Do you know, I haven’t had a single serious or meaningful relationship in twenty years?
I mean, a couple of dates, a few casual things, but nothing memorable.
Nothing real . I was just too damned busy. ”
“Oh, Jack…” Jenna shook her head, her heart breaking for what he felt he’d missed.
He’d been so painfully honest with her… how could she still hide from him what she’d been feeling?
“I know what it feels like to worry you’ve missed out,” she said quietly.
She hesitated, and then, compelled to an emotional honesty by his own, she confessed, “When I was twenty-six I fell in love with a guy who… who broke my heart, but worse than that, he crushed my confidence.” She swallowed, still unable to look at him as she continued, “And I’ve spent the last decade trying to get over it and also telling myself it isn’t worth it, to try again.
Not that there have been a lot of options, but maybe there haven’t been because I haven’t been willing to look.
To try, simply because I was too scared of getting hurt.
” She fell silent, wondering if she should have said all that, and yet also strangely glad she had.
“At least,” she tried to joke, “you’ve made millions in the process. I’m still broke.”
“They’re cold comfort sometimes,” Jack replied with a crooked smile.
“They don’t keep you company, I’ve learned that much.
I didn’t realize how lonely I was until I moved to Starr’s Fall.
” Something in his tone made Jenna finally turn to risk looking at him.
He was gazing at her with a new intentness that made her catch her breath.
In a single second, it felt as if the mood had completely shifted between them, from heartfelt and emotional to… exciting and expectant. It was a lot to take in.
“So this guy who broke your heart,” Jack said after a moment. “What was he like?”
Jenna smiled crookedly. “A rich city slicker.”
“ Ah .” The single syllable held a wealth of understanding.
“We dated for nearly three years. I thought it was going somewhere. He just saw it as… I don’t know.
A distraction?” She shook her head slowly.
“Nothing serious, anyway. Nothing remotely what I’d thought it was.
The night he broke up with me I thought he was going to propose.
It turns out he’d actually gotten engaged to someone else… more suitable.”
Jack pressed his lips together, anger on her behalf flashing in his eyes, which was kind of a nice feeling. “He sounds like a total jerk.”
“He was, but I only realized that in retrospect. He could be very charming when he wanted to be. And I was heartbroken, but worse than that…” Jenna paused.
She had thought she wasn’t brave enough to go into all this, but maybe she was, after all.
Maybe Jack had helped her to be. “I was just so mad at myself, both for convincing myself this guy was worth it and also for—for changing myself for him. I tried so hard to be what he wanted—this sophisticated city woman, and that just wasn’t me.
So… when I came back to Starr’s Fall, I doubled down on being me.
Country bumpkin who refuses to impress anyone.
And that’s when I started to get personal about the store…
and feel like it shouldn’t have to change, either.
That no one should, and especially not for some rich jerk.
” The words burst out of her, and she bowed her head.
“I understand why you would react that way,” Jack replied after a moment, his tone gentle. “No one should feel like they have to change to be loved.”
Loved . The word seemed to shimmer in the air between them, with possibility, with promise.
Jenna was afraid to say anything, to break that golden silence.
Words, any words, might spoil it, and even though she felt emotionally flayed right now, she wanted to enjoy the sense of hope and even expectation that Jack’s words had caused her for just a few seconds…
“Jenna…” Jack began. His eyes seemed bluer than ever, and his expression was both intent and serious. He took a step toward her, one hand reaching out. Jenna’s heart lurched with hope—and terror. What was he going to say? Was she ready for this… whatever it was?
“Hey, sis!”
Jack took a jolting step back as Zach waltzed through the back door, insouciant and oblivious—until he caught sight of Jack.
“Oh. Uh, hey.” He laughed, cleared his throat, laughed again. “Did I, um… interrupt something?”
“Just some brainstorming about this barn dance,” Jack replied lightly. He sounded remarkably unaffected by what, Jenna was fast realizing, had been essentially nothing. Nothing had happened between them. Nothing had even been said.
And yet…
Zach looked between her and Jack, seeming as if he was trying to assess the mood, and then he raised his eyebrows and gestured to the door. “You want to have a look at the space? It’s got some junk in it at the moment, but I can clear it out.”
“Okay.” Jack glanced back at Jenna before turning to Zach. “Sounds good,” he said, and with Jenna watching, he strolled out of the kitchen with her brother, as if seconds ago he hadn’t been about to tell her he loved her… which of course he hadn’t.
What had just happened? Nothing, Jenna realized, and for the first time in a long while, she wasn’t at all relieved. She was just disappointed.
Which, in its own way, was progress. Unfortunately.