Chapter 18
As far as kisses went, it was pretty great. Totally great, in fact, and entirely welcome. Jenna’s whole body buzzed as her mind emptied out and she wrapped her arms around Jack’s neck, leaning into him and the kiss that wonderfully kept going on, his lips, warm and firm, moving over hers.
Okay, so she might have convinced herself that she was all right with disappointment, but this was amazing.
Then Jack broke it off, stepping back with a wry smile. “Sometimes analysis is overrated,” he said, and Jenna let out a little laugh.
“Sometimes it is,” she agreed, although part of her would have liked a little, or even a lot, more analysis.
Like, had he just kissed her to shut her up or because he’d wanted to or was this actually going somewhere?
Her once-crushed confidence was certainly doing better, but she still didn’t feel brave enough to ask.
Sometimes it was better not to know, so you could enjoy the moment.
And she’d definitely been enjoying the moment.
Still smiling, Jack ran his hands through his hair. Jenna knew that gesture. Knew it meant he was thinking through a problem, trying to find a solution, and one wasn’t jumping out at him.
She took a step back. “So,” she said, apropos of nothing.
“So,” Jack replied, in the same tone.
Then they both simply stared at each other, until Jack finally broke the silence.
“I’m not sure what to say,” he admitted, which was not the beginning Jenna had been hoping for.
“I really like you.” Okay, that was better.
“And I also really don’t want to mess you around.
And I’m usually a guy who likes to have a plan, who follows it to the tiniest detail, who knows exactly how everything is going to play out.
” He ran through his hair again , clearly agitated.
“But maybe relationships don’t work that way, and so instead of planning everything in advance, we can just see where—and how—this goes?
” The upward lilt in his voice was the sound of uncertainty. Of doubt.
Jenna swallowed the acidic taste of disappointment, telling herself she was being ridiculously unreasonable.
They’d only known each other for a few months.
Of course he wasn’t about to declare his undying love or sweep in with a marriage proposal or something absurd like that.
But the sheer tepidity of his feelings still hurt.
She’d spent three years trying to convince Ryan to love her.
She didn’t want to go into another relationship where she felt she cared more than he did at the outset.
And the truth was, she already knew she cared about Jack. A lot. But he didn’t need to know that.
“That sounds… reasonable,” she finally said, knowing she needed to respond.
“If less than thrilling?” Jack filled in with a grimace, and Jenna let out a little laugh of acknowledgment.
He’d read her thoughts so perfectly. “Sorry, I am a facts-and-figures type of guy,” he told her.
“And it feels like there are a lot of variables here… I don’t know what my future will look like.
Having a heart attack was a major setback, but whether it changes things forever… ”
What, Jenna wondered, was that supposed to mean? What variables ?
“But…” he continued, his smile adorably crooked and endearing. “I really do like you.”
Okay, she could go with that. “I like you, too,” Jenna replied with an answering smile.
It was, she told herself as Jack pulled her close for another kiss, a good start. And just as before, she was going to let that be enough, even if she knew she already wanted more… and feared she might not get it.
* * *
As soon as Thanksgiving was over, it felt as if it was going to be Christmas in about two minutes.
Jenna drove into town the next week, unable to keep from smiling because it had been a very nice weekend, spent mostly with Jack.
After he’d kissed her—again—they’d curled up on the sofa in her kitchen and drank tea like an old married couple, not that she was thinking that way, of course.
But it had been nice and something about it had felt simple and right in a way she knew she’d never felt with Ryan.
And not that she was comparing them, either, but…
it was kind of hard not to. She’d only had two serious relationships in her life, after all.
On Friday, she’d gone over to Jack’s, and they’d done a hike around Bantam Lake; she’d teased him about his hiking boots, which had looked far more broken in than before, and he’d held her hand.
They were adults, but she’d felt like a giggly teenager…
as well as an old married couple again later that evening, when they’d watched Netflix on Jack’s huge sofa, her legs in his lap.
It was kind of a nice mix, Jenna reflected, and she was glad they weren’t rushing things.
Spending time together, cuddling on a sofa, the occasional—or often—amazing kiss…
it was all wonderful. And like Jack, she was willing to wait and see where it went… or so she was telling herself.
The truth, Jenna acknowledged ruefully, was that she was falling fast and hard and she knew it. She just pretended she didn’t.
As she drove into the town, she couldn’t help but notice that the world had definitely got the memo it was coming onto Christmas, and the sight of Starr’s Fall decked out in all its seasonal glory lifted her spirits.
All along Main Street, brightly colored Christmas lights were strung along the holly wreath-bedecked lampposts, and Mike had already set up the thirty-foot-high Christmas tree on the village green, bushy and glorious, ready for its lighting on Friday.
Midnight Fashion had color-coordinated Christmas outfits in the window—“perfect for your holiday party!”—and The Starr Light was strung with garishly festive red and green sparkly tinsel.
The Winter Wonderland Weekend was in less than two weeks, and Jenna was excited for it, more than she ever had been before.
Miller’s Mercantile was going to be a big part of the festivities, kicking off the weekend with its grand opening and hosting the dance on the final night.
She and Jack had worked all day Sunday, decorating the barn with hay bales and Christmas lights, setting up tables for the potluck dinner food and laying in gallons of eggnog and mulled wine.
Afterwards, they’d gone into the kitchen where Jenna made hot chocolate and Jack built a fire.
“Are you going to get a Christmas tree?” he’d asked as Jenna had handed him a mug.
“I don’t know, maybe?” She’d frowned in thought. “I don’t usually.” Even if this year she was definitely feeling more festive.
His eyebrows had risen. “Why not?”
“When you’re on your own… Christmas isn’t all that fun.” She’d curled up on one end of the sofa, cradling her mug in her hands. “What about you? What did you do for Christmas all these years?”
He’d grimaced slightly. “Worked straight through last year. Year before was a solo sail in the Everglades.”
“Why do you look like you regret it now?” Jenna had asked curiously. “It sounds better than Christmas-for-one in New York, if that was the alternative.”
“Well…” He’d paused, staring down into his mug.
“I really should have been with my mother. She was all alone for Christmas… and I don’t think I really realized back then how she would decline so much, so quickly.
I… I wish I’d had that time with her. I hate thinking of her in that depressing nursing home, alone at Christmas, but back then… I didn’t even give it a thought.”
“Oh, Jack.” Jenna’s heart had both ached and softened at the sight of his eyes shadowed with sorrow, his mouth turned down in guilty regret. She’d covered his hand with her own. “You’re here for her now.”
“Yes…” He sighed his agreement. “And I know that’s what I need to focus on. The present as well as the future, not the past, which I can’t do anything about.”
“Very true.” It was advice Jenna had known she needed to heed herself… and she was trying.
Now as she pulled up in front of Laurie’s store, Jenna told herself to focus on the plans for the weekend, not her burgeoning relationship with Jack. Although she suspected Laurie would want to talk about that more than the Winter Wonderland Weekend, if she knew her friend at all.
“Hey, stranger.” Laurie’s smile was wide, her eyes bright as Jenna let herself into the pet store. Laurie’s dog Max trotted up to her, wagging his tail hopefully, and she bent down to scratch his ears.
“Stranger?” she repeated with a laugh. “I saw you for Thanksgiving.”
“I know, but then you were AWOL all weekend, and I have it on good authority that your car was not in front of the mercantile all day Saturday.”
Jenna laughed again, shaking her head. “Good authority? And who might that be?”
“Liz Cranbury. She came in here for some dog treats for Frou-frou and she told me all about it. So.” Laurie leaned her elbows on the counter as she regarded Jenna with hopeful eagerness. “Let’s hear all the details.”
“About the plans for the weekend?” Jenna answered innocently. “The barn decorating is coming along nicely?—”
“Jenna.” Laurie rolled her eyes. “I couldn’t care less about that right now. Tell me about Jack.”
“How do you know there’s anything to tell?”
“Because you look,” Laurie told her with a grin, “like the proverbial cat who got the cream—or is it a canary?” She frowned. “Or a canary dipped in cream, I don’t know, but I can tell you are practically floating five inches off the ground, so spill .”
Jenna couldn’t help but laugh then. She did feel happy, and she didn’t mind her friends knowing it. It was a fun, fizzy feeling, to be excited, to share her happiness. “ Well …” she began, her voice laden with meaning, and Laurie’s eyes widened as she leaned forward.
“Yes?”