Chapter 21
In the two weeks before Christmas, Miller’s Mercantile was hopping.
Jenna had unearthed her Christmas decorations and even bought a few new ones, draping the store in tinsel and Christmas lights and had carols playing in the background, the air spiced with the scent of holly and evergreen, courtesy of a very expensive candle Zach had gotten her as a re-opening present, in something of a joke.
“And it’s the only one I’ll stock,” she’d teased him, and he’d laughed.
“I can certainly believe that, sis.”
Jenna might not have gone the expensive-candle route as her brother had once suggested, but she had created a whole section in the store for Christmas food and decorations, and it had proved to be a hit.
She’d had to restock the gingerbread house kits and red and green sprinkles three times already, and the Christmas potpourri mix made by a local craftswoman was also a big seller.
Her mother had offered to help in the store, restocking and ringing up purchases, admiring all the new changes, and generally being more encouraging than Jenna could ever remember her being… which might be as much to do with her, she realized, as her mother. They’d both changed and grown.
In the store, her mother was unassuming and efficient, always ready to pitch in and surprisingly easy to chat to.
Jenna couldn’t shake the feeling that her mother was desperate to make up for lost time, which made her feel guilty for fobbing her off for so many years.
But her motto now was no regrets as she forged her future, and so she pushed such thoughts aside and focused on the positive—Miller’s Mercantile was doing well, she was enjoying her mother’s company, and while she hadn’t seen Jack as much in the last few days as she would have liked, things were going well there. Life, Jenna decided, was good.
Zach had taken their mother’s return to Starr’s Fall in his characteristically easy stride, assuming it was just a normal visit; neither Jenna nor her mother had informed him otherwise.
It was up to her mom to decide when and if to do that, and so Jenna hadn’t told anyone the truth of her parents’ marriage, not even Jack.
He’d called her as promised the morning after her mother’s arrival, and they’d seen each other a few times since then—for dinner as well as some Christmas shopping in Litchfield, where Jack had half-laughingly dragged her into the dreaded deli, and Jenna had dutifully bought some asiago cheese and kalamata olives, two products she informed him pertly that she did not stock at the mercantile.
It had all been fun and good, but she still hadn’t worked up the nerve to have That Talk…
not that she even knew what That Talk was meant to encompass.
“We’ve only been dating for a couple of weeks,” she told Laurie when she’d dropped by the store for some soup for Henrietta and invariably asked about the status of their relationship. “It feels premature to demand some kind of commitment.”
“You don’t have to ask for a proposal,” Laurie replied with brisk practicality. “Just some clarification. Move from ‘let’s see where this goes’ to ‘how do you think this is going?’ A kind of relationship check-in. It’s healthy , Jenna, trust me.”
“Yeah, I suppose.” It made sense and sounded so very reasonable, and yet Jenna still dreaded the thought of confronting Jack in such a way.
Forcing him to make a decision… about her.
Yes, it had been an entire decade since she’d last had that kind of conversation, but it had been a doozy, and it had gone so horribly wrong.
Who wanted to risk that kind of humiliation and heartache again, ever? Not her.
Besides, she knew she was afraid of rocking the boat when the journey so far had been so pleasant.
She didn’t want to want more than Jack was willing to give, and she certainly didn’t want to ask him for it.
And while Jenna had told herself she was not going to settle for scraps the way both she and her mother once had, it wasn’t as if Jack was neglecting her in any way.
He was being pretty wonderful. So why couldn’t she trust it, him , and let their relationship unfold as it was meant to, however long that took?
Why did something that should be so easy and instinctive feel so hard?
“I don’t think that’s asking too much,” Laurie continued, her tone turning strident, at least for her. “And anyway, I don’t believe it’s a big risk. I can tell Jack adores you, Jenna. Everyone can. He’d probably welcome the conversation. He’s probably hoping you’ll bring it up.”
Jenna forced a smile. Laurie was an eternal optimist, and she had a man who did adore her, quite openly. She understandably saw love blossoming everywhere. Her life in Starr’s Fall was practically a rom-com, complete with soundtrack.
“I’ll think about it,” she promised, and Laurie rolled her eyes.
“And we all know what that means.”
“I will,” Jenna protested. “But right now I’m just enjoying the moment, which is kind of new for me, so I want to do it while I can.”
“Well, that’s always a good thing to do.
” Laurie leaned forward, her eyes starting to sparkle.
“I’m meeting my mom and half-brothers at Christmas,” she confided, dropping her voice even though there was no one else in the store; it was almost closing time, and Jenna’s mother had gone into the house, having offered to make dinner, which was a nice change from her usual cup-of-soup in front of the computer.
“You are?” Jenna exclaimed. “Laurie, that’s amazing.”
Laurie nodded. “She finally told her husband, and he was totally okay with it. Which just goes to show,” she added, pointing a finger at Jenna, “that sometimes it’s worth taking the risk and being honest with someone, no matter how scary it seems.”
Jenna decided to ignore the rather pointed remark. “Laurie, I’m so happy for you,” she said. “So you’re spending Christmas with them?”
“The day after.” Laurie gave an abashed smile. “Joshua’s coming with me… They invited him, too. I’m really nervous.”
“They’ll love you,” Jenna insisted. “How could they not?”
“Well, let’s hope so.” Laurie’s smile wobbled slightly before it firmed. “And if they don’t, they don’t,” she said philosophically. “I have lots of people in my life who do. But what are you doing for Christmas?” she asked Jenna as she gathered up her cans of soup.
“Spending it with my mom, I guess.” They hadn’t talked about the actual day yet, even though it was only a week away, but Jenna knew Zach was going to be with Maggie and Ben.
“And Jack?”
“We haven’t talked about that, either,” Jenna admitted. Something else she’d been too chicken to mention to him. “He’ll probably spend it with his mom. It’s a bit early in our relationship to spend a major holiday together, don’t you think?”
“No, I don’t think,” Laurie retorted. “Why not spend it all together, you and both your mothers? That makes perfect sense to me.”
And so it would, Jenna thought wryly, because Laurie had this Pollyanna-ish notion that everything always worked out for the best, even though a lot in her life should have surely showed her otherwise.
She admired her friend’s optimism, even if she struggled to share it.
“You should suggest it,” Laurie insisted.
“I’ll think about it,” Jenna replied, and once more Laurie rolled her eyes.
“Life is for living,” she told her as she looped the bag of groceries onto her arm. “Not thinking about it.”
The door jingled merrily as her friend left, and Jenna glanced around the store, feeling both satisfied and just the teeniest bit restless. Maybe she should do more than think about it. She could call Jack right now, suggest spending Christmas together…
Just as she was having that thought, her phone buzzed. Was it him? Feeling as if her heart were turning over in her chest, Jenna picked up her phone only to look down, her heart now seeming to go completely still when she saw the two-word text from Annie.
She’s gone.
Immediately Jenna swiped to call her friend. “Annie…” she greeted her, only to hear a broken sob. Jenna blinked back sudden tears. This wasn’t unexpected, yet it still felt like it was. “Oh, Annie, I’m so sorry.”
“She hung on for so long,” Annie choked out. “I thought she’d make it till Christmas. I wanted to spend the day with her, our last one…”
“She really did hang on,” Jenna whispered, swiping at her eyes. “But I think she was ready to go, Annie. She seemed it, the last time I saw her…”
“I know she did.” Annie sniffed. “She told me so herself, even though she couldn’t use words. She pointed at her wedding ring, and I knew what she meant. She wanted to be with my dad.”
A tear slipped down Jenna’s cheek at the thought. She could picture Barb perfectly, gazing down at her ring, ready to meet her husband once more, somewhere in the great beyond.
“She took a turn for the worse on the weekend, and then even worse yesterday,” Annie continued haltingly.
“She stopped eating or drinking, and I think I knew it was the end, but I didn’t want to believe it.
She’d scared us before, you know? But I always knew it would have to happen.
I mean… we’ve been waiting for it for so long. I thought I would be ready .”
“I don’t think anyone is ever ready,” Jenna replied quietly.
Why, she wondered, was death always such a surprise?
They’d been expecting Barb’s for months and yet now the reality of it had the power to make her breathless with shock, everything in her resisting the notion, the brutally painful reality of it, just as Annie surely was.
“Were you with her?” she asked quietly, and Annie sniffed again.
“Yes, I held her hand all the way to the end.”
“Oh, Annie.”