27. TWENTY SEVEN
TWENTY SEVEN
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I sat on the cold stone steps outside, picking at the edge of my sleeve, while inside, he moved around with a glass of whiskey in his hand. Thor called Erik to take me to the doctor and said he would wait for my decision. But I hadn't given him one yet. The truth was, I didn't know. I didn't want to live with him, but I wasn't sure I could live without him either.
The sound of tires crunching over snow broke through the quiet, and I looked up to see Erik's black car pulling up. I stood slowly, brushing my hands over my legs, and I walked toward the car, but when I opened the door, it wasn't Erik behind the wheel. It was Julia.
"Get in," she said, her voice light, but her eyes sharp. Her long brown hair fell loose around her shoulders, and she gave me a small smile that didn't reach her eyes.
She knew.
I hesitated, then climbed in, and as soon as I buckled my seatbelt, she pressed on the gas.
"Erik told me what happened," she said.
I kept my eyes on the road ahead, the lines on the asphalt blurring in the headlights.
"Do you even want this baby?" she asked. "Or is this just a baby fever ever since you met Aurora?"
Her words hit hard, and I stiffened. Aurora. Her baby. Her life. I swallowed and shrugged. "I want him," I whispered.
"That's not an answer."
I didn't respond. I didn't know how to. I pressed my hands against my thighs, staring out the window, watching as the woods outside sped past.
"Bree, you're nineteen," she said. "You haven't had a chance to live yet. And Thor, he lived too much, he has seen more than anyone should."
I turned to her, my heart pounding. "What do you mean?"
Her lips pressed into a thin line as if deciding how much to say. Finally, she let out a small sigh. "He had a girlfriend once," she said. "He lost her."
That landed like a punch to the stomach. "I didn't know," I murmured.
"Not many do. And there's more to it. We still don't know if she… if she did it herself, or if he—" She stopped and shook her head. "It doesn't matter. What matters is, that Thor cares about you. He really does. But too much of that kind of care, Bree, it can smother you."
I turned to face her, "What are you trying to say?"
"I'm saying, you need to figure out if you're choosing this for yourself, or if it's what you really want. Because if you're not sure, Bree, he'll drag you down with him. Not because he wants to, but because that's all he knows."
"If you decide to keep this baby, run. Change your name, your address, everything. Just run."
"But—"
"Thor's a good guy, but there's something dark inside him. If that dark resurfaces, he'll find you. And when he does..." She hesitated, her gaze heavy. "You can say goodbye to your life."
I froze, my hand drifted to my stomach, trembling as it rested there. Tears stung my eyes. "What if I lose the baby?" I whispered, my voice breaking.
"You won't. I can see it in your eyes. You already love this child."
The words lodged in my throat. "What if I lose him?" My voice cracked, and before I could stop it, the tears came, spilling down my face.
"You already lost him," she said, her hand settling gently on my thigh. "But you can do this. You're stronger than you think."
My shoulders shook as I tried to hold back the sobs. "I can't," I choked out. "I just can't."
"You can," she said, her voice pulling me back. "And you will."
Soon she turned the wheel and pulled the car in front of a small house. A woman stood on the porch, waiting. Her long gray hair curled softly at the ends, and her face was wrinkled with worry. But it was her eyes that caught me, there was something familiar about them. My breath caught in my chest.
"That's her, isn't it?"
Julia nodded. "Erik called her. Thought you might need someone here for... when you decide..."
My chest tightened. "How did you even know?" My voice cracked. "I don't even know what I want!"
"Bree, come on." Julia gave me a smile. "It's obvious. We just didn't know how Thor would take it." Her expression turned serious. "Talk to her. Then I'll take you to him."
"I don't know if I can." My eyes stayed fixed on the woman, the distance between us suddenly too much and too close all at once.
"You can. You've got this."
I opened the car door, and stepped closer to the house, the woman's arms opened slightly. I wasn't ready for this. My feet felt like lead, and I stopped a few steps away, frozen.
Julia brushed past me, her hand grazing mine, she turned as she walked, giving me a quick wink as if to say, You'll be fine.
"Hi," the woman said.
"Hi," I murmured.
"How are you?"
"I'm okay," I said, my words felt empty. "You?"
"Okay," she said, though her tears betrayed her. "Erik told me you go by Bree now. But your real name is Zara."
"My name is Bree," I said, cutting her off. I couldn't explain why, but hearing her say my real name felt like a slap.
"Okay," she said. "Bree. It's nice to meet you."
She was trying so hard, but I couldn't meet her halfway. Not yet.
"Listen," I said, forcing the words out before I could lose my nerve. "I'm not going to pretend you don't know my story. And I'm not going to act like everything's fine. It's not." I looked her in the eye. "All I can give you right now is this... I'm going to be okay, but I need time."
She nodded, a tear slipping down her cheek. "That's okay," she said softly. "Take all the time you need."
"It is," I said, my own tears threatened again. "It is."
Her hand came up to wipe a stray tear from my face. "You have your father's eyes," she said, "He was a good man."
"Was?" I asked, my heart tightening.
She looked down. "He died a few years ago. It's just me now."
Another tear slid down my cheek. The truth hit me hard. I would never have a real father. Joe took that from me. Anger simmered inside, but instead of letting it take over, I just folded into her arms. My walls broke, and I let the sobs spill out.
"To be honest," I mumbled through the tears, "my life is really shitty right now, and I just… I need someone to hug."
Her arms wrapped around me tighter, warming me. "I'll always be here to hug you," she said softly. "I've waited fifteen years for this." She was crying now, her tears soaking into my shoulder. "My baby girl," she whispered, her voice breaking, "you're here."
"I am," I said, then, with a shaky breath, I added, "And… you're going to be a grandma."
She pulled back just enough to look at me, her eyes red from tears. "I know," she said, her lips trembling into a smile. She wiped at her face and then mine, brushing away the tears. "And you're going to be amazing."
"Am I?" I asked, my voice cracking.
"Yes." She nodded, smiling like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "You will."
Before I could say anything else, she pulled me back into another hug. I let myself sink into it, and over her shoulder, my eyes drifted to the house. Julia and Erik were on the balcony, watching us. Their faces were framed by the warm light spilling out from inside, they looked perfect, but I knew it was a lie.
I didn't know their whole story, and no one ever told the full truth about love or life. Not really. I could guess that what they had wasn't the picture they showed us, and I had seen it all before.
Still, I couldn't help but wish. I wished for a better life, one that didn't come in broken pieces. I wanted more. I needed more. And in that moment, I knew what I had to do.
This baby.
No matter how many times I have told myself I was enough, no matter how many times I put everyone else's needs ahead of my own, this time was different, this time, I had no choice.
This time, it had to be me.
For you, my baby, just for you.