Chapter 4 #3
Apparently, Joe didn’t need any more encouragement, because he immediately grabbed a slice of sweet-sweet pie and began to stuff his face.
Poor baby acted like he hadn’t eaten a real meal in months. Which…maybe was true. I’d only ever seen him buy TV dinners. I’d never spotted him at any of the local cafes or restaurants.
For all I knew this was the first meal he’d eaten since he’d moved to town that hadn’t been microwaved before he consumed it.
He’d finished eating half the pizza before he ever paused to breathe.
Like a puppy with no self-control. Perpetually starving. Though in Joe’s case, given how big he was, how physical his job was—and how young he was, I had no doubt his appetite was hard to quench.
Truthfully, as much as I liked greasy food—and god, yes, did I like it—my body did not. The pizza I held was more for show than anything, and I was nursing the single slice I’d be eating one delicious bite at a time.
Joe paused his voracious eating, lips shiny, a wayward drop of tomato sauce on his chin. I grabbed a napkin out of the box and offered it to him. He accepted it then rubbed it all over his face—and I mean, allll over, chin to forehead—cleaning himself up.
The next few slices, he ate less ravenously.
Savoring them.
“Good, huh?” I hummed around my last mouthful. “Slice of Heaven is the best!” I’d taken as long as I could consuming my piece so I’d have something to do. I figured sitting there staring at Joe while empty-handed was a recipe for disaster. Even if I personally wouldn’t have minded.
He fascinated me now more than ever.
Because you might have a—
No.
No.
Now is not the time.
“Mm,” Joe grunted in agreement. His lips turned up a little at the corners—but he quickly squashed the smile. This was the second time I’d seen an almost-smile on his face. It made my heart skip a beat.
“Why did you actually bring me pizza?” Joe asked. “Was it supposed to be another trick?”
Ah.
Now that he was full, he was apparently also full of questions.
“No. I mean, yes. Kind of.” He waited, surprisingly patient. “It really was supposed to be a white flag.” Joe nodded. “I found your list.”
I pulled the paper out of my jeans pocket after a little wiggling, and offered it to him.
Joe took it, frowning down at it like he didn’t recognize it.
Was it not his? Had I got that wrong? Shit I—
“I thought I dropped it on the way home,” he said quietly.
Oh good. At least I wasn’t totally off.
“You did. Technically. If you count the way you bolted out of the grocery store as part of that journey,” I joked. Joe glared at me. Ha. Not on joking terms yet, I should’ve guessed that. Again, oops.
“Sorry,” I apologized. “When I’m uncomfortable I make jokes.”
Joe nodded. There was this look in his eyes that said, that makes a lot of sense. Sassy. So sassy.
“You’re uncomfortable?” he asked.
I winced. “A bit?” The least I could do was be honest. “You’re hard to read.”
There was a confused tilt to Joe’s head as he regarded me for a moment.
His eyes said, I understand exactly what you mean.
Apparently, the feeling was mutual.
“You were returning the list?” He filled in the blanks. “Because I dropped it. Because you’re trying to be my…friend?”
“Yeah, and—” it was better if I delivered this nice and easy. “After seeing that, I’ve got a pretty good idea what freaked you out the other day anddddd I think I can help. Scratch that—I know I can help. If you let me.”
After what he’d said about not needing assistance, I was pretty sure that statement wasn’t going to go over well.
I was right.
Joe clammed up again, arms crossing over his chest. It was classic I-don’t-want-to-talk-to-you body language.
Did not bode well for me and my philanthropy, that was for sure.
We’d had a mini heart-to-heart, but that didn’t mean anything.
Not when I was outright telling him I wanted to do the one thing he’d said he didn’t want me to do.
“Before you say no, hear me out—” I cajoled.
“No.”
“Joe—”
“No, Jason.” He rose to his feet. “I can fix my house by myself.” He shoved the paper into his own pocket, biceps flexing as he loomed over me, all closed-off walls and stormy blue eyes. “I don’t need your pity, or your help.”
“I don’t pity you.” Despite the way alarm bells were ringing in my head, I stood too. It felt like we were running in circles. Just…over and over and over. The same problems recycled.
The empty pizza box acted as a barrier between us.
Which was probably good.
“I’m not saying you can’t,” I promised.
He wavered for a moment.
That was enough.
“Just that…” I had one chance to get him to listen. One. I had to make it count. “That list was long and home renovation is expensive.” Joe kept glaring. “Look…”
One chance, Jason.
That’s it.
Don’t fuck this up.
I scrambled to find an analogy that would strike a chord with him.
“Think about your farm.” That got his attention.
“Your apple trees,” I added. “They can produce fruit on their own, can’t they?
I mean—they do it in the wild.” I was grasping at straws here.
Apparently, what I said was making sense, though, because Joe’s posture relaxed a bit.
Begrudgingly he nodded, urging me to keep going.
At least he’s hearing me out.
“But…would you not say they thrive so much more when properly cultivated? With someone trimming their ah…branches—” My eyes darted to the piles of brambles around his property. Quick, what do people with farms do? “Someone…ah…fertilizing them. Someone watching over them. Someone helping them?”
“Yes,” Joe bit out, like he didn’t want to admit what I was saying was true.
“Assisting them is fruitful.” I did my very best not to laugh at the pun I’d accidentally just made. If Joe noticed he didn’t react. I pushed onward.
“It’s like that! Yes, you could definitely accomplish this on your own. I know you can—you know you can. But…wouldn’t it make more sense—given the timeline at the bottom of that paper, that you…allow me to…fertilize you?”
Joe made a face.
“Not like that.” Oh god. Visions of me jerking off onto Joe filled my head. I did not need that in there. Not right now. Not ever. Jesus. “But—”
Joe held up a hand to stop me, palm out.
He dropped it by his sides, clenching his fists rhythmically for a moment.
“I get it,” he grunted, staring out at his long, winding driveway and the orchard to its left. His lips pressed into a thin, tight line. A bird fluttered through the sky, interrupting our talk as it headed from the forest toward the apple trees. Joe’s apple trees.
His expression softened.
I was so close—so fucking close to breaking behind his walls and getting him to say yes.
I could practically taste it.
Which was…amazing considering how full of strife the rest of this little visit to Joe’s side of town had been.
“Hypothetically,” Joe started, just as quiet. “If I were to accept your help, what would that entail?”
I resisted the urge to do a victory dance.
“There’s this program that I’m scouting a recipient for called the “Santa Fund”.
It’s its first year. A large amount of money was donated by a local benefactor, who prefers to stay anonymous.
” This, I hoped Joe would buy, simply based on the fact that I’d told him I knew everything about everyone the very first day we’d met.
“This…ah…secret person—“Santa”, has asked me to find someone he can help.” Joe continued to watch the bird in the sky, though he was listening.
“His goal is to offer financial assistance. He wants to ease the burdens on Belleville’s delightful citizens, as a way of giving back to his community.
” I had not had time to rehearse this, so I seriously hoped I didn’t sound like a total idiot, or that Joe realized the “secret benefactor” was in fact me.
“He told me to pick someone—so I am. I want that person to be you.”
I was nothing if not an excellent bullshitter.
It was a blessing, and a curse.
I picked every word carefully, attempting to side step even more emotional landmines.
“What’s the catch?” Joe crossed his arms.
“No catch,” I promised. “Just a lonely guy with too much money, and no family, who wants to play Santa.”
The look Joe gave me made it pretty clear he was still wary.
I kept my body positioning neutral and my expression friendly as I tried to convince him, “I know it sounds a bit far-fetched, but it’s real. I know this guy pretty personally—and he’s only after one thing.”
“Helping people,” Joe filled in.
“Yep! Helping people.” There wasn’t anything I loved more than taking care of my town and the people inside it. They were my family. The family I’d always craved. The friends I’d always wanted.
“If this…secret millionaire guy is Santa what does that make you?” Joe asked, still perplexed, still wary.
“Think of me as his elf,” I replied.
I didn’t need the credit. In fact, I didn’t want it.
Didn’t want anything from Joe except to make his life better.
And also…yes, his friendship would be pretty nice, too.
Though I wasn’t about to buy that from him, even if I had just bribed him with pizza, and that’s what this would feel like if he knew I was the one providing the cash.
Joe narrowed his eyes, waiting for me to yell psych! If the expression on his face could be believed.
His eyes said, I don’t know if I can let go.
My heart skipped a beat.
“It’s free money,” I said, even more calmly.
“Free money that’s yours if you want it.
” My voice dropped a little, turning slow and steady the same way it had when I’d held him at the grocery store.
“You should take it. There’s no shame in taking it.
Accepting help doesn’t make you weak. In fact, sometimes it’s the bravest thing you can do.
Life is about choices, Joe. This is a good choice. ”
He regarded me for what felt like a lifetime, gauging my expression, his own face as unreadable as ever. A goddamn enigma. I never knew what he was thinking.
“I’ll…think about it.” Joe finally said, then paused. “How long until the offer expires?”
I hadn’t thought that through.
Fuck.
“A week,” I decided, because that seemed like a good amount. “Then he’ll have me pick someone new.” I really would, too. I had every intention of using the money I had put aside for it to help someone. I could only hope that person was Joe.
I could practically see him counting down the weeks until Christmas in his head. We both knew time was not a luxury he had. He couldn’t sit on this for a whole week. He needed to decide far sooner than that.
“Think about it,” I smiled, figuring now was the perfect time for a tactical retreat. I headed back down the porch steps, maintaining that same friendly air. “Mull it over. And if you’re interested, you know where to find me.”
Joe nodded, expression still guarded.
This had gone…way better than I’d expected.
I hardly knew what to do with myself.
I kind of wanted to perform a victory dance—but that would have to wait till I got home.
It took everything in me not to try and convince Joe to accept immediately with the timer ticking over our heads. I could feel it as strongly as he probably could. The countdown to Christmas was daunting.
I’d just have to bite back my instincts and see what he chose.
Joe would need to decide to accept my help.
As I pulled out of his driveway and headed back into town I couldn’t help but wonder if what I was doing was totally unhinged.
Probably.
But…I was too stubborn to back out now. And for the first time since we’d met, Joe didn’t seem to dislike me. I had to count that as a win.