Chapter 23
“Lesson one.” Jason blew out a breath, the hand in my hair pulling tight for a moment before softening once more. Pleasant tingles shot down my spine, making heat pool between my legs. There was something devastatingly intimate about this.
About asking him for this.
Not even the kissing bit—though that, too.
But asking him to talk this through with me. Like communicating about something so private was normal and good—and there was no shame in my inexperience. Jason had been nothing but understanding when it came to that. Open-minded. Giving. Patient.
Leading me when I needed to be led.
Letting me have these moments of calm where I could simply be. Rather than holding the weight of the world on my shoulders, the only thing I had to worry about was him. The pressure I was under disappeared entirely.
I wasn’t concerned about impressing my family, about making my farm sustainable, about proving to myself that I could be a proper functioning adult.
I could just be me.
Joe.
Warm and sweet and needy the way I’d always been scared to be.
And I wasn’t ashamed.
Jason didn’t make me feel ashamed.
Not for being who I was, and not for needing him.
When we kissed the first time, it’d certainly been eye opening. And since then, I’d done a lot of soul-searching. I was feeling more sure of myself now. Still inexperienced, but far less confused.
Earlier, I’d called George on the phone. Spoken to him about my feelings. Asked him questions that’d been plaguing me surrounding my sexuality—and the lack of both romantic and sexual feelings I’d felt. Been vulnerable in a way I never would’ve been had Jason not showed me I could.
If he’d been surprised by my admissions, he hadn’t acted that way.
George had assured me that what I was feeling was normal.
He’d introduced the idea that I might be demisexual.
Which was not a word I recognized, and had made me squirm when he explained.
It was weird applying a label to myself when I’d never been the kind of person who’d really thought about them.
George was George. Who cared if he liked men?
Alex was Alex. And Roderick was Roderick.
I’d never batted an eye at any of their choices in partners.
Never really applied that to myself either.
The idea that I might want a label one day was weird. That it might bring me comfort to put a word to the feelings I’d always had—the feelings I’d lacked.
It was validating too, though.
Incredibly validating.
And it was nice to understand myself better. Through that, I could be objective. I could pick apart my feelings. Could really think about what I wanted. And I had. I’d spent four days with my thoughts revolving around Jason. Chewed over George’s words so much they nearly lost their flavor.
And now…here…alone with Jason again, I couldn’t help but be even more sure than before that I’d made the right choice.
I’d told Jason I wanted to show him how I felt about him.
That had never been truer than now.
Sex wasn’t the gift I was giving him—that was just a bonus.
The gift I was giving him was my trust.
“Joe,” Jason admonished fondly. “Are you listening?”
“I am,” I croaked.
“Alright.” Jason’s other hand cupped my cheek, gently tipping my head to the side to demonstrate how I was supposed to move. “There are a lot of ways to kiss. Different styles. Purposes. Some people prefer to be aggressive. Some people enjoy soft kisses. And some people employ a mix of the two.”
I was genuinely curious which one he was. My bet was both. At least…based on the two kisses we’d shared now. Jason was too fluid of a person to be predictable.
“As for logistics…an angle will make any kiss better.”
Ah. So that’s why he’d moved my head.
“Why?” I asked.
“Less nose bumping.”
I nodded, not enough to jostle him, but enough to show him that I was listening.
“The rest is hard to explain. It’s better if I show you,” Jason murmured. “Just…follow my lead, yeah? I’ll demonstrate what to do. If you mimic me, rather than trying to do your own thing, you’ll catch on.”
Again, I nodded.
This time when his mouth brushed mine, it was better. He was right. The new angle was far more comfortable. I could really press close. Could see his eyelashes and everything.
“Close your eyes, baby,” Jason murmured.
“Relax.” It felt weird for him to talk against my mouth like that, but I didn’t mind.
I enjoyed it, actually. The tickle of his breath.
The vibration of his words. I closed my eyes.
Jason held still, letting me get used to the feeling before his lips began to move.
The moment they parted, teasing against mine, I immediately understood what he’d meant.
Before I’d just been kinda smashing our mouths together. But this?
Heat coursed through my body.
Woah.
Wow.
Kissing was—wow.
“Remember to mimic me,” Jason whispered between our mouths. “You need to move, too.” I grunted in reply, then did my best to do as I was told. It was still clumsy. But certainly less awkward. Warm and a little slick and—mmm.
“This is slow,” Jason murmured, lips parting mine in a smooth caress.
“And this…” His hand tightened again and his teeth nipped at my lip.
“This is aggressive.” He took my mouth then, in a way that made me melt.
Sifting like sand right through his fingers.
It was almost mean, the way he devoured me, all tongue and teeth. Slipping, sliding, eating me alive.
I loved it.
With him looming over me, I felt my head slipping into that fuzzy place it often occupied when he was around.
I don’t know how, don’t know when. But as we kissed, Jason lowered me onto the couch cushions and climbed on top of me.
He was between my legs now, still looming, his arm bracketing my head as the slick sound our lips made together filled the room.
His other hand was low now, hot skin bunched around my hip beneath the fabric of my coat.
It was embarrassing.
And so…so…
My hips jumped forward, pushing into Jason’s of their own accord.
“You like that?” he purred between harsh kisses. “Fuck yeah, you do.” Jason was confident here in a way that made me feel small and protected. I didn’t have to speak at all, he just knew.
Knew me.
Knew what I wanted.
What I needed.
Knew how to take care of me.
The hand on my hip slid to my lower back, dipping beneath my shirt. Skin on skin. I shuddered, unable to help myself. No one had ever touched me like that. Spoken to me like this. Kissed me like this. Like I was delicious, delightful, addictive.
Like he didn’t want anything more than to be inside me in whatever capacity he could.
Made my mind conjure up images.
Sweaty, naked, foreign images.
Ideas of other ways Jason could invade my body.
Fantasies about how I’d let him.
When I opened my eyes again—just a peek—Jason was even more gorgeous up close.
Our mouths kept moving in that hypnotic, slick glide.
They grew hungrier, wetter again. A loop of soft and hard and soft again that kept me guessing.
At first, I tried to match him. Tried to mimic him the way I was supposed to.
But…I soon found what I preferred was to simply lie back and take whatever Jason gave me.
Like he sensed I’d disobeyed, Jason’s eyes opened, too.
His eyebrows twitched disapprovingly, and I quickly shut my eyes.
“Sorry,” I whispered, the words achingly vulnerable. “I just…wanted to see.”
Jason pulled back a little. “You can open your eyes,” he promised. “Look all you want. It’s okay, Joe.”
I sighed, eyes fluttering open again. His eyes were even prettier this close. They had flecks in them. Gold around the pupil I’d never noticed before. It reminded me of the corn fields during autumn back home. Brittle stalks on a never-ending horizon, dappled between trees and a blue, blue sky.
“You’re so pretty,” Jason murmured, still meeting my gaze. “Are you nervous?” My breath hitched. My lips pressed into a thin line, words failing to escape. “You don’t need to be,” Jason promised. “We can stop at any time. Hell, we can—”
“No,” I replied, voice gruff. “I want more.”
Jason’s eyebrows shot up. Then down, furrowing as he regarded me for a moment. Felt like he was digging around inside my brain. Unpicking the knots inside it. Figuring me out. Clarity made his eyes sharpen. Now it was his turn to suck in a breath.
“When you said you’d never…you meant…”
“Never,” I swore.
It took him a second to power through that particular realization. I knew the moment he did because rather than make me feel self-conscious or like I needed to justify myself, mischief glittered in his pale gaze. I was only spared a second of gratitude before Jason was on the move again.
Tricky as he was.
Deliberately, Jason pressed upward on my lower back, urging me to grind my hips against him. My head was swimming.
“Is that why you can’t stop peeking?” he teased.
“I like looking at you.”
Jason made a sound at that. Half groan, half growl.
He pressed my hips up again, this time hard enough my dick made direct contact with his.
Electricity zapped through my body, making my limbs tingle, making the heat between my legs build and build and build.
I was panting into his mouth now, my cock throbbing as it bumped his.
My dick is touching Jason’s.
Fuck.
My dick is touching—
Wow.
My dick is—
Fuck.
I’d never been harder in all my life. Balls tingling. A heartbeat between my goddamn legs. Hole twitching as I felt Jason’s cock—Jason’s cock—rubbing my own. Through double layers of pants, yes. But that didn’t matter. I’d never felt more naked. Or more whole.
Still panting, shaking now, I spread my legs a little wider to accommodate his hips better. I didn’t dare move, worried he’d take this away.
Apparently, my face hid nothing.