So Into You

Chapter 1

Lights? Check.

Sound? Check.

Script? Check.

Brittany Branch placed her hand on her fluttery stomach. Four hundred fifty-six videos, seven years on YouTube, almost five

hundred thousand subscribers, comment sections filled with compliments and encouragement... and her nerves were still tap-dancing

in her gut. She gave up hoping she wouldn’t have stage fright or videophobia or whatever it was that made her anxiety reach

unacceptable levels every time she filmed content for her channel. She was twenty-eight years old and an experienced vlogger.

She shouldn’t be fretting over her job.

She sighed and made the mistake she always made before filming her content—she glanced at her black computer screen and grimaced. No matter how she changed the lighting in her room, positioned her desk, or moved the monitor, she still caught her shadowed reflection. And even though her flaws weren’t clearly visible, she knew they were there—the wiry curls she couldn’t tame, one eyebrow that was clearly higher than the other, her elongated profile that had inspired her third-grade classmate Chase Anderson to call her “Horse Face,” a nickname that stuck until eleventh grade when her fellow students finally decided to grow up a little. He’d even apologized—in a DM, of course, not in person—saying that she had never looked like a horse, and he’d been an idiot kid who liked to clown around in class.

She accepted his half attempt at an apology, but the damage was done. And it didn’t matter how many commenters said she was

“cute” and her hair was “beautiful” and claimed her squeaky voice was “adorable.” She never forgot the sound of boys neighing

behind her as she walked in the hallways.

Britt blinked, shoving the past aside. She took a deep breath, turned on her smile and her camera, and began filming.

“Hey, everyone! Britt here. If you’re new to my channel, welcome. If you enjoy the content, hit Like and Subscribe!”

Today’s video was a tutorial about perspective in anime art. Britt had recorded herself drawing a typical anime scene, so

today she only had to be on camera for the intro and outro, and the rest was voice-over. Two hours later she finished and

began the editing process, something that had initially been daunting when she’d started her channel, but she now did with

ease.

She heard her mother’s car door shut outside the window of her studio and glanced at the clock. Almost five? The video had

taken longer than she thought. She would have to upload it tonight and then promote it on her social media channels, answer

some comments, and take a stab at cleaning out her DMs and other private and public messages. Feeding the marketing beast

was a never-ending job.

Britt went upstairs to start on supper as Mom walked through the door, her leather satchel slung over one shoulder and the

other carrying her ever-present water bottle that said Teachers Rock . “Hey, hon,” Mom said, setting the bag on the table and taking the water bottle to the sink. “How was your day?”

“Productive.” Britt slipped the plastic spiral ponytail holder off her wrist and put up her out-of-control hair.

“That’s nice. Did you go outside for a few minutes? The weather was gorgeous today.”

“Um, no.” She pulled out a skillet from the cabinet and set it on the stove. “I worked all day.”

Mom stood beside her. “Now, Britt, we discussed how important vitamin D is, especially directly from the source. You need

to sit on the patio for at least thirty minutes each morning.”

“Sure.” Britt walked to the fridge and took out the ground beef for Taco Tuesday.

“And wear sunscreen!” Mom grinned and went back to the sink. She washed out her bottle while Britt cooked, their typical post-work/post-school

routine. As much as her mother’s hovering and unwanted advice grated, Britt knew she was right. Staying cooped up in her studio

wasn’t healthy, as her pale skin made obvious. But she liked her studio. It was her space, and even though she was nervous

before each video, that was the only negative feeling she had about her job. She loved drawing, loved coming up with content,

and even enjoyed most of the marketing, except for the creepy DMs she occasionally received. A quick internet search had revealed

that almost all content creators had to deal with problematic messages.

Mom made iced tea and they both sat down for supper. Britt shared her video topic of the day and Mom discussed the end-of-the-school-year

scramble.

“My advanced calc class is almost all seniors except for two,” she said, spooning salsa on top of her crunchy taco. “Things

are crazy right now while we get them and all the other seniors ready for graduation, but next week I can take a breath.”

Britt smiled. Mom might complain about some of the hassles that came with teaching, especially during stressful times of the year, like testing and dealing with senioritis. But she loved her job, even after twenty-five years.

She felt a tap on her wrist and glanced at her watch as a text popped up.

Phone call later?

She quickly gave the text a thumbs-up, then crunched into another taco. She could eat Mexican food every day of the week,

but Burrito Monday and Quesadilla Friday didn’t sound as clever as Taco Tuesday. Although she wouldn’t mind if Sopapilla Saturday

went viral.

“Who was that?” Mom asked, sprinkling a little queso fresco on top.

“A—” She was about to say friend, but she only had one real-life friend, Savannah, and if she told Mom it was her, a barrage

of questions would follow. None of them too nosy, but usually conversations about Savannah led to the inevitable “you should really get out and meet more people” directive.

She couldn’t tell her who was really texting, not unless she wanted to send her mother into orbit. “Just a spam call.”

“Ew, I hate those.”

They finished their tacos, with Mom still conversing about school and Britt interjecting a few things about her video channel.

It had occurred to her more than once that both she and her mom were obsessed with their jobs. The only other activity they

shared, other than watching movies together on Friday nights and going to church, was reading in their separate bedrooms.

“What are your plans for the evening?” Mom asked, getting up from the table.

Britt joined her as they collected the dishes. “The usual. Answering comments, organizing my email.” After her phone call.

“You’re being careful about who you talk to online, right?”

She fought the urge to roll her eyes. Her mother constantly asked her that question and had been asking since she first started

her channel. The only thing that stopped Britt from making a snarky reply was... Mom was right. There were absolute creeps

out there in the cyberworld, and she always kept in mind that whoever she was talking to, unless she knew them personally,

couldn’t be completely trusted. Since there were few people she knew on a personal level, she always had her guard up. “Yes,

Mom. I’m being careful.”

“Good.” She opened the dishwasher, which was only partway full of dirty dishes. “I know you get tired of me nagging you about

that—”

Truth.

“—but you wouldn’t believe the things I hear from kids at school, their parents, even law enforcement, about what can happen

online. Two weeks ago we had in-service about yet another way criminals are trying to steal personal information.” She shook

her head. “Technology is so helpful, but it has its downsides.”

Britt rinsed the dishes and put them in the dishwasher, and a few minutes later the kitchen was clean. Between the two of

them it didn’t take long, and it had been the two of them for almost twenty years. They both liked things neat, and the house

never got too out of control.

“I’ve got a stack of finals to grade.” Mom yawned. “I’ll be in the living room.”

“Okay. After I’m done with a little work, I’m going to finish the novel I started last night.”

“About dragons?”

She smiled. “Nope. Not this time.”

“Anime?”

“That was last week. I decided to switch things up and read C. S. Lewis again.”

“Ah, Narnia.” Mom smiled. “Enjoy.”

“I will.”

They went their separate ways as they did every night. Britt entered her room and shut the door, then took her phone out of

her pocket and found the number in her Contacts list. He answered on the first ring. “Hello?”

She lay down on her stomach on her twin bed. “Hey, Dad.”

***

Buzz... buzz...

Amy Branch startled from a dead sleep. She sat up and looked at her cell phone on the side table, then at the crooked stack

of papers on her lap. When had she fallen asleep? She took off her glasses and grabbed the phone without looking at the screen.

“Hello?”

“Oh, hey. Did I wake you up?”

“No.” She resisted the urge to yawn, settling back in her recliner to chat with her friend Laura. She was feeling every bit

of her forty-seven years tonight. “You called at the perfect time.”

“Fell asleep grading papers again?”

“Maybe.”

Laura chuckled. “You know I’m an expert at snoozing over paperwork.”

“Yeah, because legal paperwork is boring,” she said, taking a dig at Laura’s paralegal profession.

“That’s where you’re wrong, my friend. I would rather pore over pages and pages of writs than grade one single quadratic equation.”

“These are calculus papers, not algebra.”

“There’s a difference?”

They both laughed as Amy glanced at the clock above the fireplace mantel. Ten thirty. She needed to get to bed before eleven

or she would be groggy in the morning. “You’re calling kind of late.”

“I know and I’m sorry, but I had the best time tonight, and I have to tell you all about it.”

Intrigued, Amy shifted in her recliner to get comfortable. “Do tell.”

“I joined Single Mingles.”

“What?” The papers on her lap almost fell on the floor with her jolt of surprise. “You didn’t.”

“I did. And guess what? It isn’t as dopey as we thought. In fact, it was a blast, and you should join.”

Amy rolled her eyes. “Not this conversation again.”

“This is different. I’m not asking you to join another dating site,” Laura said.

“Good, because that’s not happening.” Despite her warnings to Britt, and even though she knew the pitfalls of the internet,

four years ago she’d agreed to sign up for a dating website and was promptly contacted by a slew of middle-aged guys who only

wanted two things—sex and money. “I’m still getting over the trauma.”

“These are real people. And they like having a good, clean time.”

“That’s nice. But no. I’m not interested.”

“Amy, you can’t live the rest of your life hiding from fun.”

“I have fun. Brittany and I do lots of fun things.” Well, not lots. But enough. Her daughter was twenty-eight and Amy didn’t

want to hover. Although she considered Britt closer than a best friend, they didn’t have much in common, and never really

had. Brittany had always been an introverted child, while Amy was more extroverted. Being around teenagers all day gave her

plenty of interaction—in the case of the end-of-the-year scramble, exhausting interaction.

“Amy...”

She could feel her friend building up for another truth session, and she had to cut that off at the pass. “Laura, I’m really

glad you had a great time with your singles and that you want to include me. But I have papers to finish grading and a bedtime

to meet.”

“But—”

“I’ll call you tomorrow. At a decent hour.” Amy smiled and hung up, knowing Laura wouldn’t take it personally. That was one

of many things she liked about her friend—she was levelheaded, intelligent, and logical. Above all, she was honest, and normally

Amy appreciated that. But not tonight.

She finished the rest of the finals by eleven thirty and crawled into bed. As she turned off the light, their conversation

came back to her mind. It had been seven years since Laura’s husband’s untimely death from a heart attack, and she had entered

the dating market a year and a half ago. It was difficult to find romance in middle age, but she was persevering. “I know my other Mr. Right is out there somewhere,” she insisted.

Amy thought she’d had her Mr. Right, but he couldn’t have been more wrong. The only good thing to come out of their relationship

was Brittany. Daniel had killed her desire for a romantic relationship years ago. Twenty, to be exact.

She rolled over in bed. For years, she counted every day a blessing since she and Daniel divorced. He’d made her life a swamp of misery. To top it off, he abandoned Britt. Logically she knew all men weren’t like him. She also knew people who had successful marriages. Her parents, for example. Lots of couples at church too. And Laura wasn’t the only one wanting Amy to find a partner. It seemed everyone in her life, other than Britt, was eager for her to get married again.

She sighed. Although Britt didn’t talk about it, Amy had to wonder if she was feeling pressure from anyone to start dating.

While she wished Britt was more outgoing, she had to respect her nature, and she tried to gently encourage her to get out

more. Her daughter didn’t seem unhappy, or that her life was lacking anything. And her video channel was something to be proud

of. She’d taken her degree in graphic design and turned it into a profitable and educational enterprise.

But will she live with me forever?

Amy had to admit, she wouldn’t mind if she did. And Britt had never said anything about dating. In school she was more interested

in art than boys, and Amy wasn’t in any hurry for her to find a liar, cheat, and downright horrible man like her father.

Flopping over again, she closed her eyes and counted down from one hundred. If she continued to muse about Laura, Single Mingles,

Britt, and— shudder —Daniel, she’d never get to sleep. Only two more weeks of school left, and she could relax...

***

“You still haven’t told your mom that you’re talking to your dad?”

Britt and Savannah were taking a walk around her neighbor hood. It was a perfect day for a stroll. Savannah loved to walk, and every time she and Britt went on one, Britt promised herself that she would try to walk on a regular basis. But then she’d get caught up in her work or her art, and exercise fell to the wayside.

She glanced at her friend. They had met at church youth group fifteen years ago, when they were both thirteen. She’d never

had a friend like Savannah before, someone who understood and accepted Britt’s quirks, particularly her annoying bouts of

anxiety. Those had peaked during her school years, but she occasionally had issues when meeting new people and being around

large groups in unfamiliar places. Social anxiety, her counselors had called it. She’d also read several blogs online to see

if she was the only one who had that problem. Turned out she wasn’t. It also turned out that most of the people online who

admitted to having social anxiety had jobs where they didn’t have to deal with people in person. Just like she did.

Savannah didn’t have an anxiety problem, and she made friends easily. She was also beautiful. Her Hispanic, olive-toned skin

took on a golden glow in the spring and summer months under the Texas sun, and she not only walked regularly, she also enjoyed

going to the gym—something else Britt didn’t want to do. But she appreciated her friend going at a slower pace so they could

talk without Britt losing her breath.

“I haven’t mentioned it yet,” she said, finally answering Savannah’s question.

“How long have you been in contact with him?”

“Three months.”

Savannah shook her head. “That’s a long time to keep such a big secret.”

“It’s not like I don’t want to tell her. But you know how she would react if she knew.” They turned right at the end of her

street.

“She definitely won’t be happy.” Savannah tucked a lock of her long black hair behind her ear to reveal one of the gold hoops she always wore. Britt still couldn’t get up the courage to get her ears pierced. “But maybe she wouldn’t be quite as mad if she knew he was different now.”

“I doubt she’d believe me.” Britt was still coming to terms with reconnecting with her dad again. It was only last week that

she stopped calling him Daniel and changed over to Dad.

“Aren’t you worried she’ll find out?”

Britt sidestepped a huge crack in the sidewalk. Her suburban neighborhood, while nice, wasn’t without its problems, and aging

roads and sidewalks was one of them. “Definitely. I’m being real careful. I still don’t trust him completely. But so far,

he’s called me almost every night like he promised. We’re still getting to know each other.”

“I can’t imagine talking to my dad every night.”

“He’s kind of busy being a veterinarian.”

“Even if he weren’t busy, I don’t know what we’d say.”

Britt sometimes had that problem with Daniel—Dad. Especially in the beginning, after he’d contacted her through her channel

and asked if he could see her. It took a while for her to think it over, then she agreed and he’d stopped by the house during

the day while Mom was at school.

She’d felt confused when she first saw him. In some ways he hadn’t changed—he still had the same curly hair, although it was shorter than she remembered, and he was on the thin side. But he also seemed different. He looked healthy instead of gaunt, and there was a calm stillness about him, which was a huge contrast to his alcohol-induced volatility. He didn’t ask her for anything, just told her he was sorry for the past and asked if it was all right if he could call her every once in a while. How could she tell her father no? The sporadic phone calls became more frequent, and both of them became more relaxed. Now they never ran out of things to say.

She and Savannah changed the subject and chatted as they made the loop around her neighborhood. When they reached her house,

her friend hadn’t broken a sweat. Britt couldn’t say the same. Wow, she was really out of shape. Being naturally thin, she

didn’t have the impetus to exercise to lose weight. But now that she was almost twenty-nine, she needed to do something. She

couldn’t rely on her genes forever.

They went into the kitchen and Britt filled glasses with ice water, and then they sat outside on the patio. Britt had just

taken a gulp when Savannah spoke.

“Justin and I are engaged.”

Water spewed out of her mouth. “What?” Britt wiped the back of her hand over her lips.

“I don’t have a ring yet, but he proposed last night.” Savannah beamed. “The ring is on layaway since we don’t want to have

any credit cards.”

Engaged? Britt knew they had gotten serious pretty quickly—they’d only been dating for a few months.

Savannah’s smile widened, showing perfectly straight white teeth. “We’re planning to get married in August. I know it seems

fast, but I’ve known all along that Justin and I would end up together. It was love at first sight for both of us.”

Britt’s head was spinning. “You never told me that.”

She gave her a sympathetic look. “I didn’t want you to... I don’t know. Be jealous? And I definitely didn’t want to be

one of those friends who changes when they have a boyfriend.”

She’d achieved that goal, because Britt was realizing she didn’t know much about her best friend’s relationship with her boyfriend.

Scratch that—her fiancé.

Savannah turned in the lawn chair and faced her. “Will you be my maid of honor?”

Britt couldn’t find the words to answer. More than anything she wanted to be there for Savannah’s big day. But immediately,

the obligation of the role plucked at her anxiety. She’d have to get a fancy dress and stand up in front of everyone. Then

there were the bridal showers. And a bachelorette party. She’d have to coordinate things, talk to people, be around people...

She rubbed her hand on the arm of the chair as she gripped the slippery glass in her hand. “Can... can I think about it?”

A flash of disappointment crossed Savannah’s face. “Sure.”

Suddenly a wave of regret washed over Britt. “I’m sorry. I... I want to say yes. I really do. But...”

Savannah reached for her hand. “I understand. And if you can’t be in the bridal party, that’s okay.”

Britt squeezed her hand, fighting back the urge to flee. “I promise I’ll let you know soon, okay?”

“Yeah. Sure.” Savannah let go. “There’s something else I have to tell you. Justin got a job in Missouri. It’s with a prestigious

architecture firm. He’s getting a promotion, raise, the whole package. He starts work next week.”

At first, Britt nodded, happy to hear that Justin had gotten a great job. Then the full meaning of Savannah’s words sank in.

“You’re moving?”

Savannah nodded, her eyes sparkling with excitement. “That’s part of the reason why we’re in a hurry to get married.” She

glanced at her watch and stood. “Sorry, Britt, but I’ve gotta run. We have less than four months to plan the wedding and I’ve

already got a list a mile long.”

“Right.” Britt stood and faced her best friend. Not only was Savannah tanned, gorgeous, and six inches taller than her, but she was also the sister Britt didn’t have. Tears burned her eyes. “What am I going to do without you?”

Savannah’s excitement dimmed for a moment as she seemed to register Britt’s reaction. “We’ll find time to hang out together

before I move. I promise.”

“That’s not what I mean.”

Savannah hugged her. “You’ll be okay,” she said, her voice thick. “You’ll find your way.”

Britt nodded, not wanting to let her go. But she had to. Soon Savannah would be embarking on a new chapter. Without me.

“Missouri isn’t that far,” she said, stepping away. “You can come visit. We’ll be in Springfield, near the Ozark Mountains.

Justin says it’s really pretty there. Lots of trees and hills. And mountains, obviously.” She smiled. “You’ll always be my

bestie, Britt. You know that.”

Britt nodded and walked Savannah to her car, a used but still in good condition red convertible she’d gotten for high school

graduation ten years ago. As her friend drove away, she swallowed the boulder in her throat.

Savannah’s words were true—at least for now. But being an introverted wallflower had given Britt the opportunity to observe

people, which was always easier than interacting with them. She’d seen her peers at church pair off, get married, have families,

move away. They were living their lives, and she knew some of them didn’t even talk to each other, despite being close while

growing up. Missouri wasn’t just around the corner, and even though Savannah had kept her relationship with Justin fairly

private, Britt knew she wanted a family. She wouldn’t marry him if he didn’t want one too. She would move on from Allen, Texas,

and create a new life in Springfield. That’s how it always worked.

She stared at the convertible as it disappeared down the road. If she were Savannah’s maid of honor, she would get to spend a lot of time with her before she left. Surely, she could get over her anxiety enough to be by her side. All she had to do was be... social.

Her stomach clenched at the thought. Now the nausea was coming in for a landing. Her palms grew slick, and spots danced before

her eyes. It was all so ridiculous, but she couldn’t help it.

If she couldn’t overcome her social anxiety for Savannah, would she ever be able to? Or would she always be stuck in her small

universe, engaging with the world from behind the safety of a computer screen or vicariously through adventure novels? Will I ever grow up?