Chapter 14Jack
Chapter 14
Jack
I wanted to kiss her.
Back by the lagoon…
I wanted to, but I didn’t.
I’m getting to know Hazel, just a little.
I sense that what I do know is just the tip of the iceberg. She’s pulled back the curtain just a tiny bit. She’s complex and deep. I get the feeling that she doesn’t take physical contact lightly. She overthinks things. She’s shy and cautious.
I know she has mixed feelings about last night. Her nervousness at that coffee station proved that to me.
I don’t want Hazel to feel nervous about anything to do with me. I also don’t want her to have regrets.
I only want her to feel happy.
That’s why, right now, I’m standing in line to order dessert. I get the feeling she needs a little sweetness in her life.
I glance over my shoulder and see her perched on a lounge chair. She has the back of the chair all the way up. Her legs are stretched out along the white cushions, ankles crossed. Tiny white lights crisscross along a trellis behind her.
She smooths her hair with one hand and appears lost in thought.
Is she thinking about me?
If so… what is she thinking?
I messed up a few minutes ago. I tried to explain how I’m in such a rough spot when it comes to relationships.
I tried to tell her that I’m damaged goods.
It didn’t come out right.
I don’t think she picked up what I was trying to put down. If I could try again, I’d do my best to get to the point without confusing things. I’d put it all out there. I don’t know exactly what’s happening between us, but it feels so good that it scares me. The thing is, I’m not in a good place to start something new.
I don’t even know what ‘starting something’ with Hazel would look like. Haven’t gotten that far. What I do know is I’m not ready.
Not given what I’m going through with Jess. I can’t believe Jess is engaged.
When we were together, she moved into my condo in Salt Lake City. We never talked about marriage, but I assumed it was inevitable. One day, we were living together, sharing a bed, sharing a life… then the next day, she packed her bags and left with barely any explanation.
As far as I could tell, it was more about her than me, where she was in her life, and her growth. The little she did say was about how she wanted to try living in California for a while. Apparently, it had always been a dream of hers.
I remember how surprised I was. There she was, talking about her dreams that didn’t include me. She didn’t invite me to go with her. It was like I didn’t factor in at all.
For a while, I didn’t lock the door at night because I figured she might come home while I was sleeping.
But she never came back.
How am I supposed to ever trust a woman again after all that?
I'm glad for the distraction when it’s my turn to order. I ask for a slice each of coconut cream pie and key lime. The server is friendly, so I leave a good tip.
Back at the lounge chairs, I settle in on the one beside Hazel.
I’m ready to do my best to ignore my building attraction for her. We’ll share two slices of pie, keep the conversation light…
But the minute I hold out the plates so she can choose, I sense something’s wrong.
“I shouldn’t have looked…” Her eyes are wide.
“Hm?”
“At my email,” she says.
“Wait—what?”
“I… I took a peek. It’s such a bad habit I have. It’s, like, a compulsion. I told myself not to look, but then you were over there ordering, and I did.”
“And… I’m getting the sense you got bad news. Why do I have a feeling it’s Devina-related?” With the dessert plates still extended, I raise one a little, then the other. “Coconut cream or key lime?”
The choice makes a fleeting smile break through her worried look. “You’re letting me pick?”
“If you want both, you can have both.”
“I do want to try both. Maybe we could share.”
“I was hoping you’d say that.” I pass her the coconut cream, along with a fork and napkin. “When you’re ready to give this one a shot, just say the word. Okay, what’s this bad news from off the island?”
She sighs. “Ooh, I like the sound of that too much. ‘Off the island’… like we’re in some haven here. Some bubble away from the rest of the world.”
“There’s an awful lot of ocean around us.”
“Unfortunately, that doesn't stop Wi-Fi.”
“This is true.” I take a big bite of the key lime pie. “Whoa… dang. This is out of this world.”
“Mm. This one, too.” She takes a bite and falls quiet. “I got a message from the CEO,” she blurts out. “Of—of Buzzy Digital Marketing. Fabian Lucien. Like, the founder.”
I shift my position so my back rests along the chair's reclined slope and my feet are propped up.
It’s easy to pick up on the nervousness that tightens Hazel’s throat now that she’s talking about whatever message she just got. Her voice is higher, her words coming out in a rush. For some reason, this email from the CEO has gotten her worked up.
Or, more likely, she’s nervous to talk about it with me . We are coworkers, after all—and we’re up for the same promotion.
I should start to feel on edge right now. I wait for the tell-tale signs: the restless legs, the itchy, got-energy-to-burn feeling that sometimes takes over my body.
However, it doesn’t come.
Being here with Hazel somehow makes all the other aspects of my life seem very far away and unimportant.
I don’t care about work. Not right now.
Right now, my thoughts are all in on Hazel and how good it feels to get to know her. The real her. The her that hides behind all the false politeness and the chipper, cheerful wording.
I like the real Hazel.
A lot.
Hazel pushes the pie around her plate over on her chair a foot away from me. Yep, she’s definitely nervous again.
Falling in love again terrifies me.
That’s wild because it’s really rare for me to feel afraid. I can push the speed on my dirt bike, take big jumps, and do dangerous stunts without feeling truly afraid. But this…? I’m practically shaking.
I went through hell and back with Jess. I thought she was the one I’d spend my life with, and I hung onto that delusion for way too long.
Now, with Hazel, I can feel it: that terrifying, dizzying drop that happens when you embark on something out of your control.
It’s stronger than it ever was with Jess, which only adds to my fear.
Compared to all of that , this chit-chat about the CEO of Buzzy, Fabian What’s-his-name, is easy.
“Must be important, if the High and Mighty Fabian the Great is reaching out to you,” I offer. “He only steps in about the big stuff.”
“Yeah—it is, actually. Important, that is. It—it’s about… that thing you talked about earlier. Devina, and how she might be parting ways with the company soon.”
I chuckle as I slice into my pie with the edge of my fork. “A true Hazel-ism. ‘Parting ways with the company.’ Sounds as pleasant as strolling through a strawberry patch.”
“Hm. I guess I’m doing that thing. Softening, with words. Okay, how would you say it?”
“No use holding back—she’s not here. She’s going to get canned.”
“ Ugh . Canned. That sounds like her life is about to go into the trash.”
“Well, it’ll depend on how she plays it. It could be that she’ll move on to something bigger and better. I’ve been fired before, and it always turned out okay.”
“You’ve been fired? For what?” She brings her fork to her lips and delicately removes the tiny bite of coconut filling and crust. This is followed by a careful patting of her napkin on her lips.
She’s adorable .
“Well, once it was when I was nineteen,” I tell her. “I worked at this fro-yo place and was supposed to close at night. I was really into kickboxing at the time. So, I’d rush through all my close-down duties and then go out back and practice kickboxing the recycled cardboard boxes.”
She giggles. “Seriously?”
I nod, then laugh, too. “I told you I wasn’t made for med school.”
Even though she’s patting her lips again, I can tell by the fine lines near her eyes that she’s silently laughing.
I love making her laugh.
“Then, I was a couple of years older the second time I was fired. Believe it or not, I got caught kickboxing the cardboard again.”
Now, her laugh becomes audible.
The giggles make her bend forward. She sets her plate aside and turns a little to face me. “You are making this up. There is no way you were fired twice for the same weird thing. “
“I don’t know… there’s just something about breaking down boxes, I guess. It makes me want to throw some roundhouse kicks. And getting rowdy is way more fun than working.”
She rolls her eyes. “You are ridiculous .”
“Handsome, though. You said that, not me.”
“Handsome and ridiculous,” she agrees before holding out her plate. “Trade.”
We swap plates, and I test out the coconut.
Beside me, I hear her moan.
“Right?” I ask, gesturing with my fork. “Crazy good.”
“This is the best key lime pie I have ever tasted, bar none.”
“I want that one back.”
She hugs it closer to her. “Nope, it’s mine now.”
“Good thing this one is a close runner-up. Second place isn’t bad. It still makes the podium.”
I wait for her to chime in with some witty response. She’s good at those.
Instead, she falls silent, like she’s getting lost in thought.
Ah… right. This CEO business. I steal a sideways glance at her and wonder if it’s okay to bring it up again.
She’s frowning at her dessert plate, so I decide to jump in. After all, if she’s already worrying, it’s not like steering us back to it will make things worse.
“You want to talk about the email you got?” I ask.
“I do, but it’s sensitive. Given—er—what’s going on with us. How we’re both up for that promotion…”
“Okay, well…” I lower the plate to my lap and set the fork down.
My priority is Hazel.
Not work.
I haven’t spent the last forty-eight hours falling head-over-heels for freaking Buzzy Digital Marketing, after all .
Shoot.
I am…
I’m not just starting to like Hazel Thorpe and wondering where it will lead…
I’m falling for her in a dangerous way.
“Whatever it is, I think we should talk about it,” I say. “I’ve known Devina’s on her way out, moving on or whatever. It’s been hanging over all of us Sales Leads’ heads for a while. Or at least, most of us. I figured you or me would be up for the promotion.”
She bites her lip.
I forge ahead. “I’m guessing that if Fabian reached out to you , he’s leaning toward picking you. Is that what it was about?”
She stares down at her pie and nods. I can tell she’s torn about how to feel.
Heck, I’d be in the same spot if this was happening to me.
I’d feel happy to be ‘the chosen one,’ and at the same time, I’d worry about Hazel.
That’s a side effect of being on this roller coaster of connection and bonding for two days.
When you start to get to know someone and care about them, you want the best for them.
Her golden-brown eyes find mine. “He says he wants to have a virtual meeting about it once I’m back from Hawaii.”
“Wow.”
“It’s not like it’s a done deal or anything. He just said he thinks I’d be a good fit, and we should talk.”
“What’d you say?”
“I haven’t responded yet. I will tomorrow morning… I’ll probably say thank you and that I’m looking forward to the meeting.”
“Sounds like a good, diplomatic answer. That way, you’re not promising anything, but it shows interest. You might even have some negotiating power if he wants you in the position enough. In that case, it’d be better not to seem too eager.”
“Are you disappointed? I hate to be the bearer of bad news. You sounded excited about the raise, and I think you’d be good at the job, too. Maybe even better than me. You’re better at ‘peopling’ than I am.”
“You’ll get there.”
“No, I won’t. I’ll find ways to work around it, but there’s no way I’ll ever be as socially at ease as you. That’s not how I’m built.”
“Then you’ll do the work your own way and knock it out of the park.”
“You’re taking this really well.” She narrows her eyes at me as if waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I ditch my plate to lower the back of the chaise lounge.
I want to stretch out. I want to look at her, and then at the stars, and then back at her.
I stretch my arms over my head, then roll to my side. When I crook my elbow and prop my head in my hand, I have a spectacular view.
Hazel takes another dainty bite of pie, then licks her lower lip. Stars twinkle behind her. The lit-up pool looks otherworldly, like it belongs in a fairytale, and might spit out a magical frog at any moment.
Or a princess.
I might just be looking at the latter. Hazel seems positively regal as she tilts her head to look at me.
“Maybe that’s a perk,” I tell her. “A perk that comes with being good at socializing. I get to know people, and then I get to like them. Some people in particular. Then, I want the best for them. Feels good.”
I’m glossing over the fact that I have never clicked with someone like I’ve clicked with Hazel these past couple of days.
Yeah, I make friends in the bread aisle. But this —this is new to me. A whole new level.
“So… you’re saying you want the best for me,” she whispers.
“I do.” Because you’re special, Hazel.
I’m not going to go there. We’ve only known one another for forty-eight hours. I can’t tell her just how hard and fast I’m falling.
Not now.
Maybe not ever.
Heck, I can barely admit it to myself.
“That’s really nice of you,” she says. Her voice catches. She examines me as she tucks a stray wave behind her ear. “Are you sure ? Sometimes people say things they don’t mean.”
“Not me. I tell it like it is.”
“I appreciate that.”
I appreciate you.
When a guy has a great dinner and then the best pie of life with a woman he’s enamored by, things like that flit across his mind.
“Congrats,” I say, “on the opportunity knocking on your door. I hope the meeting with the CEO goes well when you get home.”
“Hm... home. Back to work, right?”
“Vacations can’t last forever.”
“I wish they could.” She sighs, then gets her feet. “I think I should head to bed.”
“I’ll walk you.”
Just like last night, we meander along the walkway in silence for the most part. That’s something I’ve noticed about Hazel: she doesn’t fill every moment with chit-chat. I’m glad she feels comfortable enough around me not to try to fill every moment with small talk, like so many people do.
A hush has fallen over the area where the bungalows are hunkered down amidst stubby coconut trees. My feet know the way to her door.
She slips her keycard through the panel, then turns to face me. “If I get the promotion, that’ll make me your manager.”
Her words land heavily on my shoulders.
All I want to do is forget about work. I want to enjoy Hazel's company and try to get a handle on how I feel about her personally.
I want to figure out if I’m ready to patch up my wounded heart and move forward. Am I ready to try this whole ‘relationship’ thing again after everything that happened with Jess?
Definitely not.
No… wait.
Probably not.
That’s better.
Then again, my reluctance is just due to fear. I’ve never let fear steer me before, so why start now?
I should open up to what’s happening here. It could be something amazing.
I want to give this blossoming feeling I have toward Hazel a real shot. I want to let roots burrow down in my being so something great can grow.
But now, her mention of becoming my manager has cast a cold chill over my body.
She’s right.
We won’t just be coworkers—which is bad enough—but she’ll be the person I report to. She’ll assign all my tasks, monitor my hours, and give me an annual review.
I scratch the back of my head. “Yikes.”
“Yeah. Yikes.”
She props her door open, then lingers there with her fingers brushing the door handle. “There are policies against dating, too. I am sure you know that.”
“I—um?—”
This woman is on the brink of becoming my supervisor. Admitting that I’ve never actually read the company policies might not be the wisest move.
Not word for word.
She knows me too well. One eyebrow arches. “Tell me you read the policy, Jack.”
Her tone tells me she’s already guessed I haven’t.
“I skimmed back when I got hired.”
“Hm…”
“I bet you know it well enough to recite it,” I guess.
She nods. “And I brushed up on it after our… our goodnight, last night.”
I know exactly the good night she’s referring to.
It is front and center stage in my mind, now that my flip-flops are once again planted on her bungalow’s front stoop.
I have a sneaking suspicion that tonight will not end in the same manner—despite how much I’m dying for a repeat.
She holds up three fingers. “There are three reasons Buzzy Digital Marketing prohibits romantic relationships among staff. The first one has to do with potential harassment lawsuits. The second is that they can present a conflict of interest. Third, they decrease productivity.”
“You didn’t just brush up on the policy. You memorized it.”
“It’s easy to commit information to memory if it’s extremely relevant to your life.” She stares at the keycard in her hands, then looks over her shoulder at her empty bungalow. “I—I think we need to be careful. Also, if you did post a photo of us online, it might be wise to take it down. Even though we were just posing, it’s better if people don’t get the wrong idea.”
“Right. That could get messy.”
I want to go inside with her.
I want to sit on that white, puffy couch I can see from here and talk with her for hours .
All I know about her is that I don’t know nearly as much as I want to.
I want to hold her, and kiss her, and fall asleep with her.
Hawaii is a romantic place. Maybe that’s why, right now, all I want to do is step closer to her and place the curve of my palm along her neck. All I can think about is lowering my lips to hers like I did last night.
The door behind her is open. I can imagine too well how it would feel to stumble backward together and land on her couch.
I really want that. Desperately. Uncontrollably.
I don’t want to stand here and think about some stupid, stuffy work policy.
We are here , now , and I want to let the present moment consume me and forget about all the rest.
But Hazel won’t let that happen.
She’s thinking about the consequences for both of us. “I really should go to bed. Good night, Jack.”
For a split second, I see desire swim up from her depths. Her eyes are dark as she rubs her lips together, once. Her lips part, glistening and perfect. She draws in a sharp breath as our eyes lock.
I want to kiss her… but I can’t. Not given what we just discussed.
“Good night, Hazel.”
It feels so wrong to leave her on the stoop without sealing our evening with a kiss.
So wrong.
But I make myself do it anyway.