Chapter 16
Ellie
“That was the most incredible BLT I’ve ever had in my life,” I say when we leave The Sandwich Guy.
It’s a gourmet sandwich shop located in Cherry Hill. It is near the boutique of Kara Salonga, a famous fashion designer. That’s where I just bought all the dresses I need to attend Camden’s teammates’ weddings over the next several weeks.
“So glad you like it,” Dakota says. “This is one of my favorite places to eat in all of Denver.”
We stand off to the side while Maya hugs Tyler, The Sandwich Guy. He’s tall and handsome with a killer tan and thick dark hair. They talk for a bit before she comes outside to meet us.
I turn to Maya. “You and your brother are ridiculously good-looking.”
Maya chuckles. “Don’t tell Tyler that. It’ll inflate his ego even more than it already is.”
“Their other brother is Gage Grant, the chef at Se’bon,” Ingrid says.
“Okay, it’s unfair how cool you and your family are,” I say to Maya. “You’re a jewelry designer. One of your brothers is a chef. The other is an Instagram-famous restaurant owner.”
Maya just laughs as we walk back to their cars.
“Are you ready for the next part of your bachelorette party?” Bella asks.
“What is it?”
She flashes a cheeky smile. “You’ll see.”
Twenty minutes later, we’re standing at the storefront of a sex shop.
My eyes pop out of my head as I look at the display window. There are three mannequins dressed in skimpy leather outfits. One is on their hands and knees. Another stands in front of that one, facing the third mannequin. Those two are posed to look like they’re mid-kiss.
Off to the side is a display of the biggest, brightest dildos and vibrators I’ve ever seen in my life.
“Surprise! We’re taking you on a naughty shopping spree!” Bella announces.
She grabs my hand and pulls me into the store. Everyone is laughing and chatting, clearly excited to be here.
I try to smile, hoping I don’t look as freaked out as I feel. My nerves are going haywire. I’ve never been in a shop like this in my life. I feel totally out of place. Like a horse in a crowd of panda bears.
My gaze darts around. There is so much wild stuff in here. Vibrating panties. Flavored lube. Nipple clamps. Whips. Handcuffs. Some swing-type thing hanging from the ceiling.
My skin feels like it’s on fire, and my head is spinning. People actually use this stuff in the bedroom?
Bella grabs a basket and loops her free arm in mine, leading me to a wall of sex toys. “What kind of toys do you like?”
I open my mouth to speak, but all that comes out is a strangled noise. I try to cover it up with a cough.
Don’t make it any more obvious how uncomfortable you all. Just play it cool. Most twenty-four-year-olds have been to a sex shop at least once in their lives. Most twenty-four-year-olds have had sex and use toys…
Shame roasts me from the inside out at how I’m not like most people my age…
at how I’ve never used any of the things in this shop…
because I’m ridiculously awkward and shy and I spent most of my life being the sick one no one wanted to hang out with, in and out of hospitals, so of course I missed out on stuff like this…
I clear my throat. “Oh, you know. Just the regular type of stuff,” I say, my voice pitchy.
I hold my breath, hoping my new friends don’t pick up on how weird and awkward I’m being.
Thankfully, most of them are browsing on their own, and only Bella is paying attention.
She just smiles. “So, like, a vibrator?”
“Yeah. I’m basic like that, I guess.”
She chuckles. “Oh, there’s nothing basic about a good vibrator.”
She grabs a smooth pink one off the wall and tosses it into the basket. “This one is really good. How about a dildo?” Her tone is so casual. Like she just asked if I wanted olives on my pizza.
I swallow hard. “Um, I don’t…it’s not really my thing.”
She shrugs like it’s no big deal. “So you’re a vibrator girl. That’s totally cool. So am I. Oh!” She walks over to a display set up just a few feet away. “You gotta have a butt plug.”
Dakota and Sophie, who are standing off to the side, looking at lingerie, smile and nod along.
Bella grabs a small, silicone purple toy. It’s got a bejeweled notch at the end. I’ve never seen anything like it.
She tosses it into the basket, and then a smaller toy that looks like a lipstick. “Gotta love those small, discreet toys.” She chuckles.
Ingrid, who’s standing next to us, grins at Bella. “Discreet is key,” Ingrid says. “Bella knows that better than most.”
She rolls her eyes and laughs. “God, I still can’t believe that happened.”
“What happened?” I ask.
“Braden and I flew to Phoenix for a weekend getaway, so I packed my favorite vibrator to bring with us for extra fun. And then it went off in my carry-on while we walked through security,” Bella says.
I gasp. “Oh no.”
“The TSA guy unpacked my bag and held up my hot pink vibrator in front of everyone, then shouted, ‘who does this belong to?’” Bella says. “It was so embarrassing.”
Both she and Ingrid laugh even harder. I stand there, stunned. I would have died if that had happened to me. But Bella is so cool about it. Just like she’s cool about being around all these wild toys.
I wish I could be more like her—like all of these women. It’s clear how comfortable they are being in here—how comfortable they are with their sexuality.
That shame inside of me burns hotter. They’re not wilting little flowers like me, freaked out at just the thought of using any of these toys.
I’d give anything to be more like them. To be relaxed and excited instead of paralyzed with anxiety.
“Ever since that TSA incident, I keep the heavy-duty toys at home and bring the smaller, compact ones with me when I fly,” Bella says. “Lesson learned.”
I laugh, despite how uneasy I feel.
“Hey.” I look over and see Sophie standing next to me.
“Sorry, is this too much?” she asks in a soft voice so only I can hear her.
“We can leave if you’re not into this. We just thought it would be fun for you since you’re a newlywed, but if you’re not having a good time, we can do something else. It’s no big deal.”
That uneasy feeling dials back the slightest bit. Sophie is so sweet to be concerned about my feelings.
As weird as this all is for me, I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to give in to the discomfort and hide away, like I always do. Especially when they went out of their way to plan all this for me.
For once, I want to be just one of the girls on a fun, crazy night out. I want to be like everyone else, even if I have to pretend…even if deep down, I’m really not.
I shake my head and smile at Sophie. “No, it’s okay. This is fine.”
Before she can say anything, Dakota pulls her away to look at some crazy lingerie she found.
Bella turns to me, looking so pretty and cool and unbothered. “What other toys do you like besides vibrators?” she asks. “We want to stock you up with the good stuff.”
I order all the muscles in my face to keep an easy, neutral expression, despite how awkward I feel.
I don’t know what I like because I’ve never had sex, and I’ve only ever tried masturbating with my hand, but it felt so weird that I only attempt it a few times before giving up completely and now I’m the awkward, sexually repressed girl who doesn’t know what she likes or wants.
“I have an idea!” Ingrid says. “Let’s all pick out toys for Ellie. That way, she gets a variety of fun stuff.”
“Yes! Let’s do it!” Bella says. “That cool with you?”
I nod, then let out a slow, quiet breath, relieved that the focus is off me.
I see the toys that everyone tosses in the basket. A dildo. Another butt plug. Fuzzy handcuffs. My eyes go wide.
“You and Camden are gonna have so much fun.” Bella winks at me.
I force myself to chuckle. Once I’m home, all of this is going into a drawer and never, ever seeing the light of day.