24. Hunter
Chapter 24
Hunter
Between the drive and the boat ride back to the mansion, there’s no way I’ll make it home without a bathroom break. As desperately as I want to get out of here, I need to pee before we leave.
I use the restroom quickly, wash my hands, then lean over the sink to snag one of the soft cotton towels. My shirt rides up slightly, and the hard, cold surface presses into my stomach, making me shiver.
I straighten, drop the used towel in the hamper, and instinctively rub one hand down my torso.
What would it feel like to have a sweet little baby growing inside me?
Emotion catches in my throat and heat gathers at the backs of my eyes.
Without overthinking it, I lift the hem of my blouse a few inches, exposing the skin of my stomach, and rest my hand above the hem of my skirt.
A baby. In my heart of hearts, I want to have a baby.
I’ve never let myself want this. It’s always been a means of self-preservation. Though I allowed myself to ruminate on the what-ifs of my pregnancy, I never allowed myself to consider if and when I might carry a child again.
Avoiding even considering the prospect was easier than facing the pain.
Now?
Now is different.
Now is not then.
Now, when I think about being pregnant, a peaceful, hopeful warmth blooms inside me. It’s subtle, almost too indiscernible to notice. If I try hard enough, though, I find it. It’s there.
It’s there, and day by day, as we pretend, it grows louder.
Is it foolish? To want to get pregnant now?
Despite feeling like I’ve lived multiple lifetimes in the last three and a half years, I’m still young. My relationship is… less than conventional, to say the least, and really fresh and new in a lot of ways.
I don’t want to miss out on moments and memories with my guys.
Only…
What if those moments and memories would feel even more magical with little ones to experience them with?
I’m still staring at my stomach in the mirror when a vision forms in my mind.
It’s a mini Levi, with blond hair and big blue eyes, grinning and reaching up for me. Another baby toddles toward me. A sweet little girl with Sione’s complexion and soulful smile. I think about what Greedy’s kids might look like. I imagine a beautiful baby with Kabir’s skin tone and his steely gray-blue eyes.
By the time I’ve envisioned all versions of our future family, there’s no question left in my mind: I want it.
I want it now.
Despite the timing and the newness and all the reasons we could and should wait, I want to have kids sooner rather than later.
I could still go to school this semester and take summer classes. I’d probably need to take one or two semesters off after and consider balancing in-person classes with online when I do go back to make my schedule more manageable.
Continuing to work toward my degree even while starting a family is not impossible. People do it all the time. Others do it without nearly the number of resources I have or multiple partners to share the load with.
I want it.
I want it so badly I ache.
I yearn to see my guys as parents. They’re all different, yet each brims with love. The fears about my own inadequacies around motherhood vanish when I consider co-parenting with Greedy, Spence, Sione, and Levi. Any child would be lucky to be born into our cohort.
The future isn’t hard to imagine, and the yearning for it in my heart is palpable. The realization that this could be my life slams into me like a tidal wave of desperate hope.
I don’t just want to get pregnant because of the situation we’re in. I really, truly want this.
I’m grinning so wide my cheeks hurt. I’m energized and alive in a way I can’t quell. I can’t wait to get home. I can’t wait to talk to the guys.
With a cleansing breath, I drop my shirt and smooth out my outfit. Then I turn on my heel. When I push through the door that leads to the foyer, I find Magnolia looming outside, lying in wait.
When she spots me, her features barely change, thanks to all the Botox she’s injected into herself. But there’s still a discernible antagonistic twinkle in her eye.
She opens her mouth to speak, but before she can utter a word, I breeze past her.
“Darling, wait,” she calls after me.
Not a chance. I pick up the pace and round the corner, intent on leaving her behind before she can so much as get another word in.
When Levi comes into view, I exhale a big sigh of relief, then break into a smile so big it hurts. For the first time in a very long time, I’m not running from something. I’m running to something.
To the men I love.
To the future I want to share with them.
To my dream of growing our family and filling our lives with all the joy, laughter, and chaos that’s sure to ensue.
To happiness and hope.
To a more brilliant version of my life than I’ve ever let myself dream of.
I don’t look back or give Magnolia another thought as I take Levi’s proffered hand and leave the country club with him by my side.