Chapter 7
7
‘Where are we going?’ Josie panted behind him as she tried to keep up.
‘To the edge of nowhere.’
They reached the fence that bordered the farmhouse’s land a minute later. The sun was setting in the distance, bathing the landscape in a soft crimson glow. The lavender fields glowed cerise in the dissolving light.
Stopping to lean on the fence, Connor gazed around him, luxuriating in the last flush of heat that rose from the land.
‘What are we doing here?’ Josie asked beside him, sounding a little nervous.
He turned to look her dead in the eyes. ‘We’re emoting. It’s a trick I learned a while ago to help relieve stress.’
‘Seriously?’ She looked at him as if he was crazy.
‘Come on, Josie, show me what you’ve got.’
She raised a sceptical eyebrow. ‘We are still talking about the same challenge, right?’
He smiled. ‘I want you to shout out as many swear words as you can think of. Loud as you like.’ He wanted to see that fire back in her eyes and he knew that the only way to do that was to get her to let go of the anxiety she was lugging about with her.
She gave him a perplexed frown. ‘Here?’
‘Yup.’
She side-eyed him, folding her arms across her chest. ‘I’d look like an idiot.’
‘I won’t point and laugh.’
‘Are you sure? You haven’t set up a camera out here, hoping to record my shame, have you?’
‘No. Stop being so paranoid and get on with it.’
Her face was already pink with anticipated embarrassment, but there was a glimmer of mirth in her eyes again.
Was she going to do it? Or would she wimp out? He had no idea which way this would go.
He was about to find out.
Screwing her eyes up tightly, she took a deep breath, pushed back her shoulders and let rip, bellowing a long and truly comprehensive list of dirty words into the sky.
Birds rose into the air in a distant field, startled by the noise.
She turned back to him and he gave her an awestruck nod. ‘Impressive.’
Her face was bright red and her chest heaved as she gasped breath back into her body, but she beamed with pleasure, her eyes alive and clear, and at that moment he thought she looked like the most beautiful woman on earth. His heart hammered in his chest and his hands twitched at his sides. He wanted to pull her to him and kiss those soft-looking lips, draw out the remaining poison of her humiliation and set her free.
* * *
Josie couldn’t quite believe she’d just yelled a string of profanities into the tranquillity of the French landscape. What was happening to her? She felt strangely light and floaty, as if she’d broken free of something. She felt good. Better than she had in a very long time.
‘Pretty rushy, huh? That’s the serotonin kicking in,’ Connor said, his voice strangely rough and deep.
‘Whatever it is, I want more,’ she said, giving him a grin, no longer worried about embarrassing herself. She figured she’d stepped waaay over that line already.
‘Me first, then you again,’ he said, holding up a hand before tipping his face to the sky and yelling his own wide-ranging string of racy expletives into the air, fists clenched at his sides.
He looked back at her, his eyes alive with laughter and something else she couldn’t quite put her finger on.
‘Your turn.’
‘Okay.’ She took a step back, taking a run-up. ‘These are for you, Connor.’ She took a deep breath, braced her hands against the fence, and belted out all the words she’d called him in her head since he’d gatecrashed her holiday.
When she finally looked back at him, he was clearly trying not to laugh.
‘Feel better?’ he asked.
‘Actually, I do.’ She was shocked to find she was actually having fun.
‘It’s good to let go of that tension, right?’
‘Yes, Dr Preston.’
He chuckled at that, the intensity in his bright blue eyes making her insides jump.
‘Well, you need to get rid of that anger somehow. I’m guessing that’s what gives you all that nervous energy.’
He took a step closer to her, triggering an immediate explosion of excitement deep inside her body. ‘You need an outlet, but working hard obviously isn’t doing it for you.’
She took a step away from him, uncomfortable with both her physical reaction and his sudden change of conversational direction. ‘Go on, then, give me your conclusion, Herr Freud,’ she said, bracing herself for some more home truths. He seemed to think he knew her better than she knew herself, but there was so much she hadn’t told him. Maybe if everything were out in the open, she’d be able to stop dodging his probing comments.
He dipped his head thoughtfully. ‘What’s it like, living under your sister’s shadow?’
His question rattled her, but she knew there was no backing away from it. ‘You think you’ve got me pegged, don’t you?’
He ignored her.
‘Tell me about it.’
It was easier to give in at this point. There was no way he was going to leave her alone until the whole sordid mess was out in the open.
Her legs shook with a mixture of nerves and lust, so she sat down to avoid collapsing in a puddle at his feet. Leaning her back against the fence, she waited for him to slide down next to her before she spoke.
‘Okay, yes, you’ve got me. I’m the second favourite daughter in the family.’ She glanced across at him but he was staring at his hands. ‘I couldn’t figure out what I was doing wrong when I was younger. I wanted my achievements noted, just like Maddie’s were, but no matter what I did, she outshone me. I was dim in comparison to her. I gave up trying to get any attention after a while and they sort of left me to it. I think they’ve all written me off as a failure.’
She tried to keep her voice light and breezy, but gave herself away at the end with a wobble on the last word.
Connor chose to ignore it. ‘Even though you’re running your own business?’ he asked.
‘They think I’m playing at it because it’s taken a while for us to get any traction in the marketplace. Abi and I spent a long time not taking a wage.’
‘That’s a tough thing to comprehend for anyone without a head – or the guts – for business.’
She pulled a long stem of grass out of the earth and ripped strands off it, keeping her fingers busy to stop herself digging her nails painfully into her palms. ‘Every time I turn up at their house they ask the same polite questions about what’s going on with the business and I have to give them the same answers and see the same look of boredom and disappointment on their faces. They want me to be so much more than I am.’
‘Your sister’s set an impossible standard.’
She let out a harsh laugh and wagged a finger at him. ‘There’s no such thing as impossible, Connor. Not according to my father anyway.’ She let out a long breath and tried to ease the tension in her shoulders.
‘What do they want you to be doing?’
‘Something world-changing.’
‘Why did you choose the business you did?’
‘Because when I met Abi through a friend of a friend, and she talked to me about her plans for the business, I felt inspired for the first time in my life. And luckily, she thought I’d make a good partner too. She’s a great CEO – all the staff love her. She has a way of motivating people and she’s good at taking risks on giving people responsibilities beyond their experience and bringing out the best in them. That’s something she and I disagreed on for a while, but it seems to have worked out pretty well so far. No one wants to disappoint her.’
‘Least of all you?’
She smiled sadly. ‘Too late for that.’
‘I’m sure my sister knows how lucky she is to have you working with her. It was a good move to surround herself with smart people.’
Josie snorted.
‘What? You don’t think you’re smart?’
‘I know I’m smart. Just not smart enough – or maybe not smart in the right way.’
‘How do you quantify that? What does “smart enough” look like?’
‘It looks solid, razor-sharp and Technicolour.’ She relaxed her clenched hands to form a cage, as if she could somehow capture this elusive beast. ‘Whole.’
Now she’d started talking she wanted to tell him everything – about all her fears and uncertainty and anger – but she knew she couldn’t. He wouldn’t want to hear it. Why should he? They weren’t even friends. She bit her tongue.
He must have sensed her hesitation. ‘Just say it, Josie. Say whatever it is you’ve been holding back. What’s the worst that can happen?’
She took a deep breath. The words wanted to escape from her lips; she could feel them pushing to get out of her mouth.
Say it, Josie.
‘I want to win. I want to bloody win for once, Connor. I’m so sick of being in second place.’ She swiped at a speck of something in the air in frustration.
‘Go on. Give it a shout-out.’
She let out a long, low sigh, pulling together the courage to do it.
‘I want to wiiiinnnn!’ Her fists were tight with tension and her body was rigid as she yelled it at the top of her lungs, eyes closed against the world.
There was a resounding silence as the echo of her voice faded away into the dusk. Opening her eyes slowly, she saw Connor was looking at her intently.
‘It’s going to be fine, you know. You’ll work it out,’ he said.
The kindness of his tone almost broke her. Tears welled in her eyes and her throat felt so tight she thought she might choke.
He leaned in and gently stroked the back of his hand over her cheek, as if brushing off a stray eyelash. The gesture was so intimate and unexpected she gasped. His eyes were dark as they stared into hers, filled with concern, and her insides twisted.
She caught the fresh, masculine scent of him, mingling with the nearby lavender on the breeze. He smelt wonderful – earthy and hot and spicy. She wanted to lick him he smelled so good.
The intensity of his expression was unnerving, but she had no idea what would happen next. Her body burned with need. How could he possibly want her after everything she’d just told him? Her petty jealousy must be a real turn off.
The dying rays of the sun deepened the planes of his face and she watched in fascination as he moved towards her.
He was so close to her now she could almost feel the touch of his mouth against hers. He’d tilted his head to angle it down towards her, so they were on a level, and his eyes looked clearly into hers. Their breath mingled as his hands cupped her face, drawing it closer to his.
‘What are you doing?’ she whispered, forcing the words past her constricted throat.
He paused, his mouth only centimetres away from hers. ‘I figure we’re stuck here together, in the middle of nowhere for a week, without much to distract us,’ he murmured. ‘It seems like happenstance that we’re both here right now, and I really, really want to kiss you.’
Her heart thumped against her chest. ‘Happenstance?’
‘Okay, sheer dumb luck.’
‘I think your sister may have something to say about that.’
At the mention of his sister his shoulders slumped and he sighed, pressing his forehead against hers.
Way to break the mood, Josie.
God, what was she like? She knew she was a useless flirt. It had always felt counter-intuitive to flirt with men when she’d spent so many years battling to establish her position in the business world on merit, but that was just an excuse.
She was afraid of what was happening here. This was Abigail’s brother – a loner who didn’t appear to care about anyone. The worst person in the world to be getting emotionally involved with.
She was terrified that once she gave in to these burgeoning feelings for him it would be a slippery slope down to disappointment. She really didn’t need to add Connor to the long list of her mistakes. She needed to maintain her focus in order to get her life back on track. Connor was going to ruin that by kissing her. She was sure it wouldn’t really mean anything to him. He just felt sorry for her. It would be a mercy kiss.
He moved his forehead away and for a second she thought he’d changed his mind – given her a reprieve – but he hadn’t. He moved his mouth closer to hers again, until their lips were barely touching, sending tingling currents of pleasure across her skin.
‘Connor…,’ she whispered against his mouth, closing her eyes so she didn’t have to see the pity she felt sure must be there. But before she could say any more, he crushed his lips against hers, taking her breath away.
Her veins filled with fire as the kiss deepened, his lips insistent against hers. Strong fingers stroked down her throat, then across her shoulder and round to her back, drawing erotic circles against her skin. Waves of longing ripped through her and she instinctively opened her mouth against his, letting him in.
With a groan of pleasure Connor traced his tongue gently against hers, probing the soft depths of her mouth. His body was wrapped tight against hers now, and his arms were pulling her into the dip of his body as he pushed her down to the ground. Taut muscles pressed against her belly and with a shock she became aware of his erection hard against her.
Frustration swamped her. She was being torn in two. Her body was telling her one thing and her mind another. She wanted him – there was no doubt about that – and yet it would be a disaster to go any further. She knew it. But couldn’t she… for a short while… let herself have a bit of fun? That was all it would be. She couldn’t see Connor wanting any more from her – not if he was as emotionally closed as he appeared. But – oh, God – she didn’t want this to stop. His mouth was hot against hers, softer now she was yielding to him, but just as persistent.
Instinctively she moved her hands to scoop around his shoulders, feeling the tense muscles move beneath her touch. The strength of him thrilled her.
The last remaining sane part of her brain gave her a kick. No. She had to stop this.
She put her hands against his chest and pushed. It was like trying to move a brick wall. His hands tightened around her for a second, then relaxed, setting her free.
Shuffling back out from under his body, she forced herself to look at him. He gazed at her, a confused frown marring his rugged face.
‘What’s wrong?’ His breath came out in short gasps as he tried to regain his cool.
‘We shouldn’t be doing this. It’s crazy. I can’t afford distractions right now.’
Connor raised a questioning eyebrow. ‘I think distraction is exactly what you need.’ He leant in towards her again, bracing himself on both arms above her, and brushed his lips against her jaw.
Josie found she could barely speak. ‘I don’t have time for them,’ she struggled out.
‘It seems to me you have plenty of time.’ His mouth moved down to caress the pulse-point on her neck.
‘No. I need to be thinking straight. I can’t be sidetracked by a relationship.’
He drew back and looked at her, a frown creasing his brow. ‘Wait a second. At what point did I suggest we started a relationship?’
Josie blushed fiercely at her slip.
Rolling to the side, and anchoring himself on one forearm and one hip, he tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear before running a finger gently along her jawline. This simple action sent shocks down her throat and deep into her highly sensitised body. She could barely concentrate on their conversation; he was upping the static in her already befuddled brain.
She shuffled away from him again, giving herself the physical distance she needed to be able to think straight.
Her lips were still tingling from his punishing kiss and they gave a sudden throb, distracting her for a second. Bringing her hand up to her mouth, she could feel how swollen it was. She caught him watching her fingers as they brushed against her lips and his own parted as if in recognition.
* * *
Connor wanted to kiss her again, to hold her soft body against him, to break down those ironclad barriers.
He’d thought he could fight the urge to touch her, to kiss her, but he’d been wrong. When it came to Josie it seemed he had no willpower.
She’d seemed so lost, sitting there gazing up at him with her beautiful, troubled eyes, and he’d found he couldn’t bear it. Kissing her had seemed the only option.
She was one of those people who needed a nudge to cross her constricting boundaries and he wanted to see that control break, for her to surprise herself with how good it could feel to give herself permission to ignore the rules she clung so tightly to.
He knew there was no future in this. She was too work-focused and he wasn’t going to be around for much longer. But that hadn’t stopped him kissing her. There wouldn’t be enough time for an affair with her to become a problem, he assured himself. Anyway, perhaps he was doing some good here? The emoting had already yielded spectacular results.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said, her voice tight. Sitting up, she looked him straight in the eye, as if to challenge him to defy her.
‘Why?’
Josie’s discomfort was evident: her fingers drummed against the ground and she scuffed her toes through the grass. She clearly needed a little push in the right direction, but logical argument was his only option.
‘You know why,’ she said.
He sat back on his haunches and ran a hand through his hair, gaining a moment to collect himself. ‘Okay, Josie, listen. Let’s cut the bull. We can dance around each other for the rest of the week, or we can be honest and stop wasting the little time we have together. I like you. You’re a bit strange and uptight, and far too wrapped up in your career, but, hell, everyone’s got their down sides.’ He waited until she caught his eye again, then grinned.
Josie reluctantly smiled back. ‘Thanks,’ she said dryly.
‘Seriously…’ He took a breath. ‘We’re totally wrong for each other, but I reckon we both understand what’s going on here. We don’t have a future. We live in different worlds. But we do have a connection.’
He put his hand out to rub his thumb gently along her jawbone and felt her quiver beneath his touch.
Vindicated.
‘The whole point of this holiday was for you to step away from reality, right?’ he said, dropping his hand down to her waist and moving his thumb in gentle circles around her hipbone.
‘I guess.’ Her breath came out in irregular gasps. She didn’t seem to be able to meet his eyes now.
‘So go with it.’