16. Sonny
Sonny
Laila lays across my couch, cuddled under a blanket that has gained a permanent spot on the back of my couch since she’s always cold when we’re watching tv. Her feet are resting on top of my thighs. The comfortable routine that we’ve fallen into every time she comes over.
After a week in Baltimore, I was more than ready to be home. I was finally ready to formally make music again which led to the studio session with Blue, but this is what I was most looking forward to getting back to.
Back to my routine. Back to … Laila.
We spent time on FaceTime while I was away, but the thing I missed most was the days spent with her doing the simplest things like watching her favorite show.
“Oooo I love this episode,” Laila says after the theme song plays.
I learned very early on to never try to skip the theme song for this show.
I did once one of the first times we watched the show together and you would have thought I kicked a puppy by the look of betrayal on Laila’s face.
Now we listen to the song every single time and Laila hums or sings along.
I’ve even found myself doing the same from time to time.
“You say that about every episode,” I say, teasing.
“I know, but I really love this one.”
My phone buzzes loudly drawing both our attention to where it sits on the kitchen counter.
“You don't want to get that?” Laila asks when I don’t make any move to get up.
“Nah, it’s probably nothing and if it is they’ll call back.”
Truthfully I’m just not in the mood to talk to anyone. After coming back from performing with Dez in Baltimore, it’s felt like everyone has wanted something from me.
News outlets want statements, or interviews about the performance, and what I’m up to. Essence reaching out more to get me on her album. Even Dez asking me to come back out for more stops on his tour because the buzz has been so crazy. So many questions that I really don’t have the answer for.
Does this mean you’re back?
Are you going to do more performances?
When’s your next album coming out?
So many questions.
The quiet, simplicity that I had just a few weeks ago now nonexistent. I had to tell Morgan to stop telling me about everything that’s been going on because I just don’t have the answers.
Everything combined has put so much more on my plate and I don’t even know where to begin.
Laila waves a hand in front of my face, trying to get my attention. I hadn’t realized I was zoned out, battling with all the things in my head but when I look up at the tv, the show is paused halfway through the episode.
“My bad, what did you say?” I say, focusing my eyes on Laila.
She has on one of my hoodies that she stole out of my closet, something that has become a frequent habit of hers when we watch tv on my couch.
They usually end up leaving with her but in the small chance that she leaves them, her lemon and vanilla scent clings to the fabric reminding me of her even in her absence.
“What’s got you zoned out?”
“Thinking about the meeting I had with that label.”
Laila scrunches her nose. Performing with Dez made me realize that I wanted to get back into music sooner rather than later and so I decided to take a couple of meetings with labels.
I filled Laila in on the most recent meeting while we split a cinnamon roll from her favorite place, so she knows exactly how terribly that encounter went.
“Everything feels the same. I’ve met with so many executives, and so many labels, but it all feels like the same bullshit just delivered from a different person. I haven’t met anyone that has made me feel like I can trust them with not just my music but me as a human.”
“Maybe you just have to trust yourself instead.”
My phone starts buzzing again on the counter. It stops and then immediately starts again. I guess that means it's important. I tap Laila’s ankle for her to move her feet and when she does I stand to go answer my phone.
“Hello,” I say into the phone when I place it against my ear.
“Hey Bryce,” Lauryn says.
“What’s wrong?” I ask immediately.
Lauryn never calls me ‘Bryce’, I can’t even remember the last time she’s used my first name. It’s always ‘B’ or baby bro, or even Sonny, but never Bryce.
She doesn’t say anything for a minute and my worry and impatience grows.
“Lauryn?”
“Mommy is in the hospital,” Lauryn says, her voice quiet and quivering on the last word.
My vision goes blurry as I try to process Lauryn’s words but I can’t. I can’t understand because it can’t be true.
I place my free hand down on to the edge of the counter to brace myself, my entire body going numb.
“What?” I croak.
I hear Lauryn take in a deep breath, trying to contain her own emotions, before she speaks again.
“Shannon called Mommy’s phone but she didn’t answer.
She called again and a nurse answered her phone and said she was in the hospital but she didn’t give any more information.
I have to go pick up RJ from the sitter and –”
I don’t hear the rest of Lauryn’s sentence, the words fading into the background noise of my brain. The pain in my chest rises as the eerie sense of deja vu heightens as I remember the last time one of my sisters and I were on a call so similar to this one.
“What hospital?”
Hearing that, Laila turns around on the couch and looks at me with concern written all over her face.
“Shannon didn’t want me to tell you because she doesn’t want you to worry and I’m on my way there already.”
“What hospital, Lauryn?” I ask, frustrated that even now as a grown ass man, they’re treating me like a kid who only gets little bits and pieces of information.
“Jasper Heights.”
I pull the phone away from my face and end the call, dropping the phone onto the counter next to me I squeeze my eyes closed, trying desperately to get my rapidly beating heart to slow down.
I feel Laila’s presence when she comes up next to me. Her signature lemon and vanilla scent infiltrating my nostrils and offering my body an ounce of calm and reprieve from my mind that was set on conjuring up every worst case scenario.
Scenarios that I hope with every fiber of my being aren’t true. They can’t be true.
“Breathe,” Laila says softly.
I inhale deeply, holding it for a moment and then exhaling before repeating the process several more times. Through the cotton of my t-shirt I feel Laila rub my back in slow comforting circles.
“I have to go to the hospital,” I whisper.
“Then let’s go.”
***
I stare at the numbers on the elevator as they climb, feeling like they’re moving in slow motion. The entire drive to the hospital felt so much longer than the actual half an hour it took to get here.
Laila steps closer to me and slides her hand into mine, her palm soft as her fingers entwine perfectly with mine. She gives my hand a gentle, reassuring squeeze. I look from our hands to her face and give a small half smile that I hope conveys how grateful I am that she’s here with me.
The elevator finally stops and the door slides open. We follow the signs in the hallway towards the room number the hospital’s receptionist wrote down on the slip of paper that’s in my pocket.
415.
As we approach the door opens and my sister Shannon steps out, shutting it softly behind her.
“What’s going on, is everything okay?” I ask.
“Mom is fine,” Shannon says agitated. “I told Lauryn not to tell you and get you all worried.”
“Get me all worried?” I echo back frustrated and confused. “What else should I be when I get a call that our mom is in the fucking hospital.”
The words come out louder than I intended and a nurse walking by gives me a side eye.
“See, this is exactly why I didn’t want you to know.”
“And that’s for you to decide?” I counter.
Shannon cuts her eyes at Laila beside me.
“Can I talk to you?” she asks before turning to Laila and directing her next word to her. “Alone.”
“What is your problem?” I ask, confused at the unwarranted hostility.
Shannon frowns and crosses her arms over her chest.
“No, it’s fine,” Laila says. “I was going to go to the bathroom anyway.”
Laila takes her hand out of mine and steps away from me and Shannon.
I want to argue back, to tell her that she doesn’t have to go anywhere.
Tell her that I want her to be right where she is, but before I can get any words out she’s stepping away walking down the hall to the nurses station.
The station is too far away for me to hear the nurse’s response, but she points down a hallway and Laila walks in that direction until she turns a corner out of my view.
“Why would you bring her here?” Shannon asks.
Her tone laced with such contempt, that it draws my eyes away from Laila and to my sister.
“Really? That’s the first thing you want to say to me right now?” I ask, shaking my head in disbelief. “Mom is in there lying in a hospital room and you want to talk about why I brought Laila?”
“Exactly, mom is in the hospital,” Shannon says, her tone harsh. “Which means this is family business, not somewhere where you bring your little fuck buddy to.”
Shannon is the oldest and has always been the bossiest. She always wants things done her way and thinks that she knows best about everything. Even when she’s loud and wrong.
I step closer to Shannon, getting in her space to make sure my next words are crystal clear. “Listen, I get that there’s a lot going on right now, but don’t you ever say some disrespectful shit like that about Laila ever again. She’s here because I want her to be, and that’s all that matters.”
Shannon’s nostrils flare as she prepares to argue back with me but Lauryn’s voice from down the hall breaks the tension.
“Hey, sorry, I got here as soon as I could,” Lauryn says, coming up beside the two of us. “Fill me in. What’s going on?”
“Since Shannon knows everything, she can tell you. I’m going to go see mom,” I say.
I don’t wait for a response from either of them, I step back and walk to the door of Mom’s hospital room. I knock gently before I let myself in.