31. Laila
Laila
Something is wrong.
A sharp pain wakes me from my sleep. Another piercing jab hits the same spot and I sit up, clutching my right side.
I make my way to the en suite to relieve my bladder and when I sit down, blood in my panties stares back at me. It is bright red in color and my stomach drops immediately when I notice its presence.
After I finish cleaning myself up, I slide down onto the floor, the cool tiles on the back of my thighs. Blood rushes in my ears and I feel nothing but numbness.
I’m not sure how long I’ve been sitting on the floor when Bryce finds me. He sits down in front of me, taking my hands in his.
He doesn’t ask me to talk or to tell him what’s wrong, he just sits there with me, rubbing his thumbs over the backs of my hands while I focus on the newly difficult task of bringing air into my lungs.
“I’m bleeding,” I whisper, barely able to get the words out.
He pulls me into him, and holds me. My head rests on his chest and I can hear the rhythmic thumping of his heartbeat.
Bryce places a kiss on my forehead. “Let me make some quick calls and then we’ll go get you checked out.”
He helps me to my feet and walks me back into the bedroom before he grabs his phone and leaves the room.
I go to the closet to find a change of clothes and grab one of the first things I see, a cozy matching sweat set.
When I am done changing, I see Bryce waiting for me at the doorway to the bedroom.
He takes my hand and we head to the car together.
We enter the emergency room through a back entrance and we’re led straight to a private room. A nurse hands me a gown to change into and then comes back a few minutes later to take my vitals.
“The doctor will be in with you shortly,” the nurse says as she finishes jotting down my blood pressure.
The overhead lighting of the hospital is so bright, deeply contrasting with the fact that it's the middle of the night. My hands twist restlessly in my lap as I sit in the bed and I stare directly at my sock clad feet, zoning out.
It isn’t a long wait before there are two taps on the door signifying someone entering. A Black doctor with honey colored skin wearing navy blue scrubs walks in.
“Hi sweetheart,” she says with a thick southern accent. “I’m Doctor Carter and I’m going to be taking care of you. Can you tell me a little bit more about what brought you in tonight?”
She listens intently, nodding her head as I tell her everything that I’ve been experiencing.
“The doctor’s office told me that my symptoms weren’t abnormal and I shouldn’t worry, but it just doesn’t feel right.”
My voice cracks as I finish talking. I close my eyes and take a deep breath to try to steady myself.
Dr. Carter rests her hand on mine. “You did the right thing. We’re going to get this figured out, okay?”
“Based on the date of your last menstrual cycle that’s in your chart, you’re about six and a half weeks along. I would like to do an ultrasound to see what’s going on,” Dr. Carter says, her voice gentle. “Do you want us to clear the room?”
I look over at Bryce. He's sitting in a chair behind the doctor, his elbows propped on his knees and his hands clasped together. He’s been quiet since the doctor walked in but I see that he’s worried, concern etched all over his face.
The mere thought of Bryce leaving the room causes my heart rate to uncomfortably quicken so I swiftly shake my head.
“No, I would like him to stay.”
A nurse comes in with the ultrasound machine. She places a blanket over my lower half and instructs me to lay back and on how to place my legs.
Dr. Carter warns me that I may experience some discomfort before she applies lubricant to the wand and then begins the ultrasound.
Bryce stands next to me, on the opposite side of the bed from Dr. Carter. One of his hands holds mine and the other gently brushes the hair at my temple.
The air in the room is thick. It feels like all of us wait on bated breath as Dr. Carter moves the probe around and hits buttons on the machine.
I try to gauge the severity of whatever is happening to me by her face but her expression is unreadable, a skill that has probably been purposely honed for years during her career but leaves me anxiously awaiting her findings.
Finally Dr. Carter turns to me and starts to explain. She points out different parts on the screen, pointing out how things should look versus how they actually look for me but my brain can’t really make sense of anything on the grainy black and gray screen.
“Based on what I’m seeing, your pregnancy is ectopic. The baby is attached to your right fallopian tube. With your symptoms and the pain you’ve been experiencing, I’m worried about a possible rupture and I don’t want to risk that. I think it’s best for you to have surgery.”
Dr. Carter explains the procedure and I try my best to listen and take in all the information that she’s giving to me but I feel like my head's underwater and all the words are rushing past me without ever sinking in.
“Laila.”
It’s Bryce’s voice that snaps me out of the mental fog that surrounds me. I look up at him
“Baby, the doctor wants to know if you have any questions.”
I feel like I have whiplash. I had only just begun to wrap my mind around this pregnancy. The reality of it all just barely sinking in before this sudden hospital trip in the early hours of the morning on a random Tuesday.
My heart feels like it’s been ripped out of my body but no, I don’t have any questions.