Chapter 11 #2
His nostrils flare. “Do you really want to be talking about my penis?”
“Not really, but I tend to ramble when presented with uncomfortable situations like this one.” He’s silent, so I continue, “Do you watch porn?”
“Shut. The. Fuck. Up,” he growls.
“My pleasure.” I clamp my mouth shut.
Coach Wood pinches his brow, clearly feeling the effects of dealing with me. Don’t blame him. Sometimes I can hardly stand myself, and this is one of those moments. “She needs to be in your room. She needs to be turned off by the constant need for her assistance from you.”
I scratch my forehead. “I see what you’re trying to do here, but I’m not making her sleep on the floor, and I sure as hell don’t want to sleep on the floor. I know you want to prove something to your daughter, but not at the expense of your best d-man’s back.”
“Then get her a cot.”
“Won’t that be tight?” His eyes rage, and I shrink just a centimeter. “On better thought, yes, what a great idea. A cot. Why didn’t I think of that?”
“Much better.” He rubs his hands together, looking like a maniacal mastermind rather than a loving father. “Now, get her out here, and I’ll come up with a list of things for you to tell her to do.”
“Sounds like a plan,” I say. I hate every bit of this.
She’s going to see right through all of it.
She already knows her dad is behind this, so what the hell is going to happen now? How is she going to act? Do I still fight fire with fire?
“Call her.”
“Huh?” I ask, looking up at Coach Wood.
“Call her right now, tell her you need her here on the next flight. And to bring some of those bagels.”
My nostrils flare. I never should have told him about the goddamn bagels. After all of this is said and done, I’ll never be able to look at another bagel the same.
I pull my phone out of my pocket and press on her name to call. I hold the phone up to my ear and hope and pray he doesn’t ask me to put the conversation on speaker.
It rings twice, and then she answers, “Hey, there,” she says casually.
“Uh, hey, Wylie.” Coach Wood studies me carefully. “So, change of plans. It looks like I will need you to come out to New York.”
“Oh, really?” she asks, confused.
“Yup, seems as though I need you here to help me. Guess I’ve become dependent on your help.”
“Okay, uh, do you want me there today? Don’t you come home in a few days?”
“We do, but since this is a longer away trip, I’m just finding that I need you here.” Coach Wood mouths bagels , so I add, “And, uh, I could really use some more of those bagels.”
“Levi,” she says in a teasing tone, and I really hope he can’t hear her. “You can’t be serious.”
“Yeah, so if you can book your flight and bring the bagels, that would be great.” And just to add something for Coach Wood’s approval, I say, “And when you’re at the airport, if you can find a book on Maine, I’d appreciate it, but remember the font.”
“Wait, really?”
“Yup, thanks. See you soon.” And then I hang up. I pocket my phone and smile at Coach Wood. “All done.”
He nods in approval. “Maine?” he asks.
“Oh, the first book I made her rewrite was about Vermont, so, you know, stuck with the New England theme.”
“Are you going to make her rewrite this one?”
“Do you want me to?” I ask.
He nods. “Yes, yes, I do.”
“Great,” I say, knowing damn well I won’t get the full book. “If that’s all, I’m very interested in eating the cold eggs on my plate now.”
“Get the fuck out of here,” he says before turning away and moving past the conference room and down the hall.
I let out a large breath and know there’s only one group of people I want to talk to about this . . .
Penny: Let me get this straight, he doesn’t want you fucking his daughter, but he’s now requiring her to sleep in your hotel room with you?
Levi: That would be correct.
Ollie: Why are men so confusing?
Blakely: Halsey isn’t confusing. He’s perfect.
Winnie: Pacey is pretty perfect too.
Penny: Eli can be an idiot a lot of the time.
Ollie: Silas is stubborn and only wants things done his way, which doesn’t settle well with me sometimes. That’s why I give him a lot of hell, and he ends up spanking me. It’s a win-win for everyone.
Levi: That’s great and all, but can we get back to me? She knows this will all be a ploy from her dad, so how do I handle this? Do I still fight fire with fire? An epic battle between penis and vagina, who will weep first?
Blakely: Ew, can we not have genitals weeping please?
Winnie: Why can I picture a weeping penis so well?
Ollie: You know, I see it too. All droopy and sad, the balls dangling in depression.
Penny: The wrinkles wrinkling even more from the sadness.
Blakely: So many wrinkles.
Levi: I can see now why Halsey gets so frustrated in group texts. You queens aren’t focusing. What the hell do I do?
Penny: How did last night go when you called her? Were you naked?
Blakely: I was wondering the same thing. Did you strip for her?
Winnie: Did she like the massage?
Levi: The massage was supposed to be today, but she’ll miss it now that she has to fly here.
Penny: Ooo, what a wonderful opportunity for erotic torture.
Blakely: I think I know where you’re going with this, and I couldn’t agree more.
Ollie: Oily massage performed by Posey? Yup, this is erotic torture all right.
Levi: You want me to massage her? You do realize how hard that’s going to make me, right? And since she’s staying in my room, I can’t really take care of the hardness.
Penny: Sure you can. Are you scared to come in front of her?
Levi: Penny, you know I love you and your ideas, but that is inappropriate. No way am I going to jack off in my bed while she’s sleeping on a cot next to me.
Ollie: Although it would be really hot.
Winnie: Weird, but hot.
Blakely: What if she started feeling herself up at the same time. A mutual masturbation. Maybe that’s what you guys could call it. Instead of a work meeting, it’s mutual masturbation time.
Levi: Jesus Christ. If I wanted such ridiculous advice, I would have asked my teammates. I expect better from you.
Penny: Please note that it’s been a few days away from our men. We’re not thinking clearly.
Ollie: She’s right. Silas and I tried to have phone sex last night, and for some reason, it was more frustrating than satisfying. His phone kept falling, and the video kept pausing. It was a nightmare.
Blakely: Halsey and I seemed to manage. I just think a mutual masturbation party seems like fun.
Winnie: I think we need to remember what we’re doing here. She knows about her father’s plan to make life difficult. In return, she has tried to make your life difficult, which we have learned she was successful at. To counteract her play, we chose to battle with the same fire. Which means . . .
Levi: I massage her?
Winnie: Correct.
Penny: Winnie is right. You walk around the hotel room practically naked. You massage her. You ask her to massage you. When you’re moving around the room, you touch her back, her hip, anywhere you can.
Ollie: Have a half-hardy and motion toward your bulge.
Blakely: You walk around in a towel, water dripping down your chest.
Penny: You make sexual innuendos that would get her hot.
Winnie: Compliment her. Tell her how pretty she is.
Levi: This feels a lot like I’m trying to woo her, not erotic torture her.
Penny: There’s a fine line. You must walk carefully because going too far would be like placing your penis on her pillow. But not going far enough would be like, hey, let’s play Go Fish.
Levi: Those are very different ends of the spectrum.
Winnie: Find the happy medium. You came to us for help. So this is the chance to do so.
Levi: And if I get hard?
Blakely: Show her first . . .
Penny: Then take a shower.
I glance at the text from Wylie that I received when I was in the middle of our game.
Wylie: Arrived at the hotel. Watching the game at the bar.
We’re riding in the bus after a tough loss.
That’s not sitting well with Pacey since he let three goals go by, meaning he’s in a shit mood.
I’m in a shit mood because they never should have even had a shot at scoring through me and Eli.
And now I have to try to put on a performance for my assistant who can see right through me.
Not to mention, the fucking list that Coach Wood sent me right before the game that put me in the worst of moods.
Idiotic tasks that are a pointless waste of time.
This is stupid. Really fucking stupid and I almost went up to him after the game to tell him that, but he wasn’t in a position to speak to anyone.
I think he hates a loss more than we do, and I’m sure if I approached him about his daughter, he’d really have something to say about it.
But this one item on the list, it’s fucking terrible.
He wants me to ask Wylie to help me pick someone up at the hotel bar.
That’s . . . that’s not cool with me.
For one, I don’t need help.
Also, I don’t want to pick someone else up.
And last, what the hell am I supposed to do if I pick someone up? Do I bring her back to the hotel and tell her not to mind my assistant in the cot next to my bed?
Jesus Christ.
I drag my hand over my face just as we arrive at the hotel. Solemnly, we all start climbing off the bus in silence. No one heads toward the lobby as we make our way through the back entrance because we all know the last thing we should be doing is hanging out at the bar.
I text Wylie to meet me at my room.
A bunch of us pile into a service elevator, and we ride up together to our floor.
When we arrive, I just nod at my teammates and walk over to my room, where I open it with my key card. A cot has been placed next to the window, off to the side, and I let out a heavy sigh.
This is so fucking stupid.
Really fucking stupid.
I toss my key card on the dresser and kick my shoes off just as there’s a knock on my door.
Here we go.
I open the door and find a smiling Wylie on the other side. “Sorry about the loss,” she says as I step aside, letting her in.