Chapter 6
6
CHERRY
Those words hung in the air between them. Cherry would never know how she got enough nerve to utter them aloud, but maybe it was just all the impending pressure and sense of doom hanging over her head. That kiss in the courtroom had been so beautiful, so sweet, that she could have stood there forever basking in that warm bubble that seemed to surround them until she heard Jeremy, realizing that she was dawdling.
Evan stood there, unmoving, and his expression blank as he stared at her. The tension was there, palpable between them, and she wished she could take those words back— only to see him start to speak, hesitate, and then look away, swallowing.
“I would be happy to, but is it the right thing to do before I leave – that’s where I struggle,” his words were so quiet that she barely caught them as he turned to look at her. “If I kiss you again, it will be just a kiss. I can’t and won’t push you into more before I leave because that would be wrong. If we’re looking at this someday becoming a real relationship, I want you to get to know me better. I’ve rushed into something once before and regretted it later. But with you, I want there to be zero regrets for either of us.”
And she could have cheered at his sweet words because they were the words of an honorable, caring man. She had dated a few sleazy guys in the past that were after one thing, but this beautiful man before her would prefer to take things slow just so they didn’t mess up their relationship before it began.
Her heart soared in wonder and awareness as he took a step toward her – and she did the same. The attraction was there, alive and pulsing like some cloud surrounding them. The moment she laid eyes on him at the restaurant yesterday, she had thought he was the most gorgeous man in the world, and none of that had changed except for the fact that he was now hers – on paper.
“I understand,” she whispered, “and thank you. I don’t want to rush into things or have regrets, either. I would like us to take every chance to become friends or…”
“Or more,” he finished silently as his hand touched her cheek. Gosh, she loved how he did that because it made her feel fragile, precious, and almost treasured. It wasn’t some guy getting grabby or handsy, but he was savoring this, taking things slowly, and every cell in her body was completely aware of that fact.
His dark head lowered toward hers, his lips hovering so close she was pretty sure her blood pressure was ratcheting up several degrees as the seconds ticked by before he caressed her lower lip with his own, dragging it softly as he whispered her name.
Whoaaaa nelly she thought, nearly collapsing as she reached for him, clinging to his arms – only for Evan to close any gap between them. He kissed her before opening his mouth and sliding it possessively across hers. If her knees hadn’t failed her a few seconds ago, they were gone now.
Kaput.
Completely inoperable.
There could have been twelve kinds of impending doom hunting her down right now, and she couldn’t have walked ten steps away. Nope, she would have been dragging knuckles across the ground to try to save herself because the whole lower part of her body was malfunctioning at this point.
This was what he called ‘just a kiss’?
Those strong arms encircled her as they reached for each other with everything they had. Her arms were sliding up his arms, memorizing each muscle, each shape, remembering those tattoos on his chest. One for his father, his son, and would he put one on him for her? At that thought, she made a noise deep in her throat as her fingers sank into his hair. His lips were claiming her, imprinting himself on her soul…
And he wrenched his mouth from hers, breathing deeply. It felt like something tangible was being torn in half. They stared at each other, neither saying a word for what felt like forever, but it was only seconds before he finally spoke.
“I won’t do this to us… I can’t.”
“I’m just glad there might be an ‘us’ someday,” she whispered, her voice as husky and thick as his.
“Hey Daddy… guess what!” Jeremy came running around the corner, stopped, and looked at them strangely. “Is your belly okay?” Only to see Evan slap his face, dragging his hand down it slowly.
“My belly is fine, Jeremy. I do not have to go to the bathroom – and neither does Cherry,” he grimaced as she burst out laughing nervously. “Five-year-olds and poop – no other explanation is needed. Just a heads-up, if he’s ever playing in his room and gets really quiet – it’s okay to panic. He’s probably breaking something, eating something, or messing with something he shouldn’t be touching.”
“Daddy, I’m not that bad.”
“Uh, yes, you are, Tiger. Remember the tweezers and the fireworks?”
“Oh.”
Jeremy’s eyes were huge with awareness as Evan pointed at his hair, that was now sticking up in a few places.
“I’m going to be gray if I ever see that again,” he began and pointed at Cherry. “Do you want to tell her what happened?”
“No,” Jeremy replied in a very hushed voice. “It was scary.”
“And it will never happen again, right?”
“Never, ever.”
“What happened?” Cherry said curiously, looking between the two of them and grateful for the change between the trio. Apparently, there was a story there that Evan thought she should know.
“Well, Jeremy got really quiet one afternoon, and the lights flickered in the house,” he began, and Cherry saw Jeremy’s face, Evan’s stern one, and slapped her hands over her mouth in sudden awareness and horror.
“Ohh noooo!”
“He had burn marks on his fingertips because he shoved tweezers into a socket in the bathroom – a covered plug, mind you – and nearly electrocuted himself. Even if you think everything is protected and safe, children find a way.”
“Daddy!” Jeremy said angrily, stomping a foot and obviously mortified that they were discussing it. She sank to one knee, holding open her arms as he ran and hugged her, and looked up at Evan to see his eyes melt with obvious affection for his son.
“I’m so glad you are okay,” she crooned softly. “Please don’t do things like that because you will scare me. I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“It made fireworks,” the little boy whispered. “Bad, burning fireworks.”
“I’m sure.”
Evan knelt beside them where Cherry was crouched, holding Jeremy close. He met her eyes and reached out to touch his son’s head before turning to look at the little boy.
“I love you… and I’m going to miss you so much, but I need you to be super good for Cherry while I’m gone, okay?”
“Do you have to go, Daddy?”
“I do,” he said thickly. “I would rather be here with you, but I have to go do this for work. I will take pictures and bring you something special, though, I promise.”
“I don’t want you to go to work,” Jeremy said, tearing up, and Cherry’s heart was breaking for the little boy who seemed so distraught. It had been a busy day, full of eventful moments, and he was probably at the end of his rope.
“Why don’t we go make something for dinner,” Cherry said softly, smoothing back his hair. “Then we can go kick the soccer ball if you want?”
“And how about we have a guy’s night and camp out together in your room,” Evan said quietly, glancing at Cherry for a moment as she nodded. He’d already said that he wanted to get to know each other and take their time building a relationship between them. She had wondered how this was going to go tonight, and that answered her question.
“We can all get in pajamas, watch television, and then you guys can camp out… or we all can on the living room floor,” she suggested, seeing Evan’s sharp glance. “Jeremy can be in the middle.”
“I don’t know…”
“Please, Daddy?”
Evan turned to look at her, his eyes haunted.
“Jeremy has got to be in the middle,” he said bluntly in a hushed voice. “I’m not budging on that one. He’s in the middle, or we don’t do this at all. I can sleep in his room on the floor or on the couch.”
“He’s in the middle,” she promised.
“Then, while you two figure out something for dinner, I’m going to get my things together – alone – in the bedroom,” he stressed quietly, meeting her gaze, and you didn’t have to be psychic to know he was referring to that smoldering kiss they’d shared.
“No bellyaches that way,” she whispered, a smile touching her lips as his terse look softened and the corner of his lip turned upward.
“No bellyaches at all.”
Hours later, the three of them were lying on the living room floor with couch cushions, pillows, and blankets all around them. Jeremy was in the middle, as promised and finally, sound asleep as Evan looked at her.
“Thank you again for helping me.”
“Of course.”
“It means a lot, but I’ve got one more favor – if you don’t mind?”
“Marriage was pretty high up there on the list,” she teased. “Do you need a kidney now?”
“No kidney,” he smiled, gazing at her across the pillows as he turned onto his side. “I need a ride to the carrier in the morning. Just drop me off. I can walk, but it’s supposed to rain, and I’d prefer not to.”
“Sure.”
“I can say ‘goodbye’ again to you too.”
“You know he’ll be fine, right?”
“I know. It’s just when I left before Jeremy was so small, a toddler – and when I came back, he was a boy. He barely resembled that baby I’d left behind. Things change when you aren’t home. It’s like the world forgets you are there. My first wife found someone else, and then my son grew up. I lost touch with people, my sister… it’s just a lot to leave the world behind and then pick up when you come home like it was nothing.”
“Well, you aren’t going to lose touch,” she said softly, smiling at him as she rolled onto her side, propping her head up on her hand. “We’ll write emails, draw pictures, and I’ll update you on everything.”
“I want you to tell me all about you, too,” he said quietly, meeting her gaze. “I want to know what you like, what makes you smile, what your favorite foods are, what you watch on television, all of it.”
“I promise – but the same goes for you too.”
“I’ll tell you everything I can, but if something is classified, then I’ll have to omit that,” he warned.
“So if it’s something classified, just insert a food in there,” she offered and heard his soft laugh. “I’m serious. If you are launching a missile, say that you launched a bunch of coconuts off the ship – and I’ll understand.”
“Or if we come about, moving into position… I’ll say that ‘I’m swinging my cart around to get more groceries?’ – is that what you mean?”
“Exactly.”
“You kill me,” he chuckled easily, his smile adorable. “I like the way your mind thinks and how everything just seems so simple to you. Like everything has a silver lining to contrast the doom and gloom in my own.”
“Opposites attract?”
“Maybe they do,” he replied. “We should get some sleep. It’s already late, and my alarm on my watch will be going off soon enough.”
She nodded and then suddenly moved slightly, extending her hand toward him just above Jeremy’s head where the child was sleeping deeply. Evan moved slightly, adjusting, and then reached over as well, grasping her hand.
“You had my back for me yesterday. Let me be the one to have yours. I’ve got you, Evan,” she promised quietly, just wanting to touch him, reassure him that she was going to do everything she could to have his back, while taking care of his son.
“I hope so,” he uttered openly, not looking away from her. “My universe is in this room, and I need to make sure it’s still here when I return.”
“It will be.”
For a brief moment, she hesitated, wondering if he was referring to Jeremy or the two of them. Noooo, that’s crazy talk, and things are already weird enough already, she mused. I had no clue that marriage, stepmom, or any of this was coming, and I’ve got a lot to learn. This was just a really fast, forced friendship between two people who both needed a helping hand and were slightly desperate, right?
Right?
“Get some rest,” Evan whispered again and finally looked away. He was closing his eyes where he lay on the floor two feet from her as Jeremy let out another loud sigh in his sleep.
She looked at the boy, marveling that this was a tinier version of Evan, and smiled. His eyelids were twitching along with the corner of his mouth. He was dreaming of something that made him happy, and that just melted her heart unexpectedly.
“Sweet dreams…” she whispered – talking to the two of them.
“Cherry, it’s time.”
Evan’s whispered voice pierced her sleep as she felt a hand touching her shoulder. Opening her eyes, she saw his red-rimmed ones and the shadows underneath, telling her that he didn’t get much rest after all. He was kneeling beside her, dressed in his uniform, smiling sadly at her.
“I wanted to let you sleep. Just toss on a sweater or something over your pajamas and drive me like that so you two can come back to bed. I’ll grab Jeremy and carry him to the car.”
“I’m up,” she whispered hoarsely. “Let me go to the bathroom really quick, and then we can go.”
“Fair enough.”
Cherry groggily stood up and made her way to the bathroom, needing a few minutes to wake up and brush her teeth. She wanted to try to sneak another kiss from Evan before he was gone for six months – and the last thing she wanted was for it to be morning breath.
Rushing to clean up, go to the bathroom, and toss on a light, zip-up jacket. As she walked into the living room, she saw his duffel bag was already waiting in the car, and the front door was open. Evan entered not a second later and looked at her.
“Thank you. I really appreciate this.”
“I really appreciate you giving me a chance to get on my feet, a roof over my head, and everything else that comes with whatever this is,” she said quietly. “Jeremy’s great, and I will try to make sure he isn’t too upset. I’ll probably have him help me bake something later. We’ll make cookies or color pictures. It will be all right, Evan,” she said again, feeling like she was a broken record, but something within her pushed to reassure him.
He nodded silently and moved to scoop up Jeremy’s sleeping form. The little boy gave a disjointed look around, obviously recognized his father, and immediately sagged against him knowing he was safe. Evan hesitated, closing his eyes for a moment as his lips pressed together tightly before drawing in a deep breath. As he opened his eyes, a tear ran down his cheeks as he looked at her.
“Let’s go,” he said thickly, his face stoic, and she recognized the move. It was easier to deal with the pain of something if you tried to put on a brave face or pushed it all aside. She had done the same thing so many times.
If she had no money for food, she told herself that fasting was healthy, and it wouldn’t harm her. If she had no gas for her car, then it was a perfect day for a long walk. She had always been an optimist, looking for a silver lining. It was just something harder to see when you couldn’t look up because of all the struggles you were currently fighting.
“You know, I’m going to pester you with a ton of emails,” she whispered, walking past him and meeting his gaze directly. “It will border on harassment; there will be so many. Get ready to be sick of it and daily life updates.”
She saw that stoic mask falter as he swallowed, nodding.
“Do your worst, Cherry.”
“Oh, I will,” she nodded, walking ahead of him to open the passenger side door so he could put Jeremy inside. The little boy was limp and laid down immediately on the seat as Evan buckled him. The moon was glowing overhead, and she saw another person down the street putting something in the trunk of his car, too.
Traffic would be bad shortly on base and she imagined it was about to get pretty lively with cars, people walking, and a rush of families to see the ship off. Standing there on the pier, watching for it to sail away, would not be healthy mentally for either Jeremy or her. No, she would take him to the beach on base later so they could talk about what was happening, make plans to keep each other entertained and focus on living their best lives in the meantime.
She listened as Evan gave her directions, turning down a few darkened streets before pulling onto the main road.
“When you are coming back, look for this building… and make a left,” he said, and she almost said ‘I know’ – but this wasn’t for her. He was telling her the directions for the third or fourth time because he was worried and fretting on the inside.
“Thank you,” she whispered. “I will text you once we get back to the house, so you don’t worry.” And saw his head turn to look at her as she stared ahead to the rapidly crowding dark streets.
“Pull in here and follow this around,” he suddenly said, pointing. “You’ll follow this all the way around the basin. The first few ships are the other destroyers in the group – and the carrier, where I’m stationed, is at the very end where this road dead ends.”
“Gotcha,” she acknowledged, looking around at all the activity in the darkness, realizing this was really a massive undertaking about to happen. Spotlights were set up, motorized vehicles were moving things around on the pier, men were climbing the walkways, and pennant flags were strewn across the ships from the mast to each end.
“And that’s where we are going,” he said in a quiet voice just as the carrier moved into view. The ship was massive and growing in size as they got closer. There were metal shipping containers on the pier, and a flurry of activity around the base of the stairs that led up to a gangplank bridging the gap between the ship and dry land. There were lights illuminating the bold numbers on the side of the tower, giving its designation, and she was surprised to see large openings in the sides – also alive with activity.
“Pull right over here,” he instructed, and she did so, putting the car into park. “This is my stop, and when you pull forward, this lot circles at the end so you can come out, make a left, and it will take you back the way we came.” Yet he didn’t move to exit the car. They just sat there for a moment in the lamplight illuminating the area as he looked at her.
“Evan…”
“May I kiss you again?” he said hoarsely. “Before I leave?”
Cherry nodded gratefully.
She had been about to ask him to do that very thing and was glad it was his idea. At her nod, he unbuckled and moved toward the center of the car, with her doing the same. This time, he hesitated, his hand circling the back of her neck as he dropped a featherlight kiss on her cheek, brushed her nose with his own, and moved to finally capture her lips. The kiss was poignant, gentle, bittersweet, and painfully short. He drew in a shaky breath, nodding, and met her eyes.
“Thank you for everything,” he whispered emotionally. “I’ll see you both in six months.”
“We’ll be here with bells on,” she promised, her voice thick with emotion. “I’ll keep Jeremy busy, so please don’t worry about him. You just take care of yourself, okay?”
Evan nodded, looking like he didn’t trust himself to speak, and opened the car door. She immediately pulled the lever, popping the trunk where his rucksack was waiting. He leaned into the backseat and said something to Jeremy, kissing his son’s cheek; only for the boy to start crying groggily.
“Hey Tiger,” she crooned quietly, trying to step in. “We need to show Dad some smiles before he heads out. This is hard. It’s a lot for you both, but it’s going to be okay. Now, big smile so he remembers that face – not the crying one— okay?”
“I don’t feel like smiling, Cherry,” Jeremy sobbed, and she leaned down to whisper in his ear.
“I think we should have a burping contest later. Did you know I won a sticker one time for the loudest burp?”
The disbelief in Jeremy’s gaze combined with the startled, tearful laugh, was exactly what his father needed to remember. She turned to Evan and gave him a thumbs-up bravely.
“I’ve got this… go.”
He nodded and leaned forward to kiss her cheek once more before hefting his bag out of the trunk and shutting it. As Evan walked away, she looked at Jeremy’s stricken expression. The poor boy was beyond terrified because his rock, his foundation, was walking away and leaving him behind. That face would be something she would never forget because that was what terror looked like – and she needed to help him through this.
“Tell Daddy ‘bye,’ and we’ll write him tonight,” she prompted gently, wrapping her arm around the little boy’s tiny frame. “Wave and smile through the tears, sweetie. I know your daddy would rather be at home, but he has to do this, and our job is to make sure he knows how much we care, because he’s sad, too – just like you. Let’s try to cheer him up, okay, sweetie?”
“Bye, Daddy!” Jeremy called out bravely, waving his arm. “Love you!” and he let out a horrible, soul-shaking sob before he sucked it in and waved again. “Byeee!”
“That’s my brave boy,” she crooned tearfully, kissing his cheek. It was so strange to think she had never been around children before, but this new set of ‘shoes’ was starting to feel normal.
She was treating Jeremy how she would have wanted someone to have treated her when she was younger, struggling, and the world felt like it was too much to handle. That child years ago had dealt with so much, but she was going to do everything in her power to make sure Jeremy didn’t have those same problems growing up. He would never feel lost or unloved while she was here no matter how long that was for. Hugging him again, Jeremy turned to her and buried his face against her shoulder, sobbing.
“Shhhh,” she breathed tearfully, “I’ve got you, and it’s going to be okay – I promise.”
They knelt there together by the car for five to ten minutes before she managed to talk him into getting back into the vehicle. Driving home, she kept looking in the rearview mirror at his somber little face streaked with tears. It was breaking her heart, and she could only imagine how overwhelming it felt to him— and pulled over.
"Hey, Jeremy?"
"Yeah?" came that glum little voice, his reflection unmoving as he stared out the window like his entire world was crashing down – and it was to him.
“Listen, I have a crazy plan…” she began and saw him turn. “I know we are both wearing our pajamas, but I’m kind of awake now and I want something to look forward to so I feel better. How about you?”
And he nodded in the mirror’s reflection, watching her.
“How about we run to the store in our pajamas and get a few supplies to make some things together. We can tell jokes, talk about Transformers, and maybe put together a box to mail to your daddy.”
“In my pajamas?” he squawked in disbelief, his eyes widening.
“If you don’t tell anyone – I won’t,” she smiled. “In fact, let’s make a rule to go with it.”
“What’s that?”
“Each time someone looks at us weird, we have to start dancing wildly, shaking our butts, in the middle of the aisle – no matter where we are in the store,” she grinned… and saw a small smile on his face.
“Deal.”
“You’re on,” she smirked. “I want to pick up some craft stuff to decorate his box. Should we do stickers or…”
“We could cut out paper shapes and tape them to the box.”
“I like that idea.”
“Maybe a sunshine to cheer my daddy up? He likes sun-shiny days.”
“I like sun-shiny days too,” she smiled tenderly at him, pulling back onto the road and driving directly to Walmart, before six in the morning, in her Pokémon pajamas like this was an everyday occurrence.
Her hair was tucked under a baseball cap; she probably looked terribly beyond belief, but by golly, they were going to have JOY in their lives, no matter what. She needed a distraction from thinking about Evan’s kisses and how she was now this child’s stepmother, responsible for another human being when she was barely able to care for herself forty-eight hours ago.
Tables, you are a-turnin’… she mused, looking at Jeremy once more.
“We should get cinnamon rolls for breakfast too – and a pizza for dinner. Maybe we can go look for shells on the beach or do something else too. You and me, we are going to make so many memories and email your daddy together every… single… night. Are you with me, Tiger?”
“Yeah,” he said quietly, smiling at her.
“I can’t hear youuuu…” she drawled. “I said, are you with me ?”
“YEAHHH!” he shouted, beaming, and she nearly wrenched her arm out of socket reaching around the driver’s seat so he could give her a high-five.
“Let’s do this.”
Walmart was a riot – and there was no other word for her to use to describe it. Cherry completely ignored the fact that she was wearing pajama pants and a zip-up jacket covering the tank top of her pajama set. Jeremy strutted in, wearing his socks on his feet. Honestly, it was probably the most un-motherly thing she could have done. They probably looked homeless or like they were on drugs, but she would do anything to make that kid smile so he could get through this traumatic event somehow.
Every time someone looked at them, they broke out dancing silently. She raised a foot and looked like she was doing the twist, and Jeremy held up two fingers on each hand above his head, standing on his tippy-toes like Jim Carrey in a movie. They both looked at each other, cracked up laughing loudly, and then hurried to another aisle.
Someone was probably going to call the police on them , she thought nervously, gathering items left and right. Construction paper, pool noodles, glue sticks, glitter, a calendar, Sharpie pens, snacks and more snacks, and if they looked at it twice – it went in the cart. Twenty minutes later, they were back at the car, loading their haul into the trunk and laughing together.
Yes, this was just what they needed.
A distraction.
“Go ahead and get in the car before the police come to get us for making a scene in the store. We’ll tell your daddy about this in our first email together, okay?”
“Can I tell him about the weird lady who shook her cane at you?” Jeremy giggled. There would be many, many distractions today, she thought silently, smiling at Jeremy.
“Only if I can tell him that you laughed so hard that you tooted in the middle of the store,” she teased, chuckling as the little boy’s laughter pealed out in sheer delight. Oh gosh, Evan - I think this might be okay, and I hope things are going well for you too.
Hours later, they were sitting in the sand on the beach together. They could see the carrier on the horizon, and both sat there mutely. Their toes were shoved into the sand, the surf washing over them, and it was a little overwhelming that this was it.
Them.
She and Jeremy.
It was just the two of them for the next six months – and she would need to be this little boy’s everything for quite some time.
“You think Daddy already misses us?”
“I know he does,” she whispered. “He was really worried about you. Let’s take a picture of our toes and text it to him, so he knows we’re here, but okay.”
“We’re going to take a picture of our dirty toes?” Jeremy chuckled, his bright eyes dancing.
“Why not?” she smiled, immediately leaning back awkwardly to get their toes and the carrier on the horizon. It was such a simple yet amazing photo that kind of captured the three of them – as a new yet very strange family dynamic.
Jeremy’s okay, and I’m keeping his mind off of things. I hope you got settled in and are doing all right, too. Thought I would send this picture to you. Take care, and I’ll email you soon.
She was surprised to see a text back a moment later.
I’m about to lose signal, so I’m not sure if this will go through or not – but I cannot tell you what this means to me. I’m beyond grateful for you, Cherry.
This is all kind of strange and weird, isn’t it? I hope you keep feeling that way as we figure this out between us…
She clicked send and saw that her phone was trying to send the text message but popped up with a red triangle saying, ‘failed to send.’ Evan was out of range. She looked up to see that the carrier was now out of sight, and her stomach fluttered wildly.
They were alone.
She was a stepmom – and married.
“I think I’m tired, Cherry,” Jeremy said quietly, interrupting her thoughts, and she looked at him. It had been an emotional day for everyone, and they didn’t stop all day long. Going to bed early wouldn’t be such a bad thing for either of them, and they could cross off the first day on the calendar.
“Then let’s go home and email your daddy. Do you want to camp out again tonight?”
“Yes. Can I use my daddy’s pillow?”
“Absolutely,” she smiled, hugging him easily around the shoulders. “Let’s go, Tiger.”