Chapter 16
16
ORION
Evan scooped up his son’s sleeping form from the couch and kissed his forehead. Being back in Mayport felt better than he could have ever imagined or dreamed, and it wasn’t because of Jeremy or any single thing, but rather a combination of things that had happened, coming together to build a home.
He loved his son with a passion that only another parent could understand – he would die for this boy and had gambled everything on Cherry. He’d pinned his hopes on her helping him out, fully expecting to have a strange or difficult conversation when he got home, but things had changed. They had become friends over the last few months with brief phone calls, text messages, emails, and one or two stolen kisses, but now he was home.
That friendship felt like a gentle wave lapping at the shoreline, but as he met Cherry’s eyes, saw her smile, and felt something shift within him; those waves changed. Yup. It was like watching the water getting sucked away from the shoreline in the movie Deep Impact . He was the dumbstruck guy standing on the beach, watching the fish flop aimlessly on the sea floor as he looked up to see a massive tidal wave of feelings approaching him.
A goner.
I’m not scared. It’s just intense , Evan mused silently as he lay Jeremy down in his bed. His son’s arms flung out distractedly, groggy in his sleep as he whispered ‘Daddy’ making his heart turn over in his chest.
“Shhh… it’s okay, Tiger,” he crooned softly, kissing his brow.
“You’re home?”
“I’m home. I promise. Now close your eyes.”
Evan stood there leaning over the twin bed, smoothing his son’s hair and humming to him as Jeremy finally drifted back off to sleep. He’d been so happy, so thrilled to be a father, and Kristie had resented every moment of it. She blamed him for getting her pregnant, even though it had been an accident. They had fought so much about how he’d ‘ruined’ her career, but in his mind, he’d helped her. She had been a stripper, and he wanted to rescue the beautiful woman that had captivated him – which was why he’d felt so uncomfortable at first with Pasteur’s suggestion. There was something in him that wanted to be some person’s knight in shining armor, but if it had driven away his ex-wife, he had convinced himself that it was wrong to hope for that – until Cherry.
Cherry had looked at him differently, and he recognized it. Something between them was vital, alive, and blooming, but instead of it being smothering or destructive — it was welcomed, comforting, and treasured. He marveled at how a few little changes could make such a difference to the four walls of the house, but it wasn’t the throw pillows or the décor.
It was her.
Jeremy had clung to her and was drawn to her from the very beginning. He could see the bond between the duo and had hoped for friendship, but it had changed. Cherry was fiercely protective and loving, and treated Jeremy like he was her own son, which did a number on his own heart, making him double-down and trying desperately not to ruin what she’d built here while he was gone.
Backing slowly out of the bedroom, Evan pulled the door closed gently. When Jeremy was little, the sound of it shutting, that click, would cause the toddler to scramble into a standing position in his crib, calling out for Evan. There had been so many nights where he’d just ended up falling asleep with his son on his chest or curled up next to him in the twin bed— but not tonight.
Tonight, he wanted to talk to Cherry and be alone with his new bride. He wouldn’t press himself on her but wanted to grow those feelings between them, praying that she was just as interested in him as he was fascinated with her.
“Is he asleep?” Cherry whispered as he entered the kitchen, where she was pouring cups of hot tea for them.
“Finally. I thought he might have woken up, but he settled back down.”
“Good. He’s such a sweetheart – and you are really lucky to have him.”
“Oh, I know it,” Evan agreed easily. “I never imagined how much a child could add to my life, and I didn’t know what was missing until I held him in my arms for the first time.”
She nodded and hesitated, giving him a sideways glance.
“I made you some more walnut fudge,” she began. “Do you want a piece for dessert?”
“Maaannn,” he chuckled, smiling at her. “You are going to spoil me.”
“Is that so wrong?”
“Never. I’m really grateful you are trying to do so.”
“I wanted to say ‘thank you’ for giving me this chance,” she whispered and sounded slightly unsure of herself. “I mean, I’ve been able to put away a little money giving me a cushion.”
“Good. Keep it – but you don’t need a cushion as my wife.”
And there it was.
He was throwing out the words, wanting to see what she said so he could tell her how he felt. She turned and looked so broken at that moment that he didn’t know what to say as she turned away from him. This was not what he’d imagined in the slightest. He expected her to rush right into his arms, to want to kiss him, but maybe he was reading this all wrong again.
“I can’t thank you enough for being here for us…” he began, laying a hand on her shoulder, unsure if he should pull her into his arms or not.
“We keep saying ‘thank you,’ but it’s just what anyone else would do…”
“No, it’s not,” he replied in disbelief, trying to get her to look at him. He turned her toward him, reaching out and cupping her face. His thumb caressed her cheek, marveling at how soft her skin was. “Cherry, none of this is normal.”
“I hate that things are weird between us,” she whispered, looking up at him. “I’m scared that you're back now, and I feel guilty even saying that.”
“I would never press you into something.”
“I know. It’s just for months now, I felt like I belonged, like I was in charge of this beautiful boy and had value. And now I feel like I’m struggling to see where I fit in.”
“I understand,” he replied, his voice hoarse as he spilled his guts to her. “I expected to come home and that you might need me here, but you’ve got everything under control. I’m just here, and I feel like life has moved on while I wasn’t looking.”
“Jeremy needs you – he needs his father.”
“And he’ll always have him… but what about you?”
The words hung there as they stared at each other. There was a growing awareness there, unspoken and palpable between them. Her lips parted like she was going to say something, and her eyes filled with tears as his stomach churned painfully.
“Cherry…”
“You’re needed here,” she whispered, and he felt something wither inside of him. That wasn’t an affirmation that she wanted him here or that she needed him. Maybe things were much more different than what he’d imagined and hoped for. He had heard, and they had counseling on the base, bracing the sailors for possible problems coming home, but he never expected this.
“I think I’m gonna skip the tea,” he whispered, feeling sick. “I’m tired, and it’s been a long day.”
“Okay. I’ll get a blanket and…”
“Cherry, we’re adults, and I won’t touch you. You can sleep in the bedroom. It will probably save us from some questions from Jeremy, too.”
“That’s true,” she replied, and her voice lackluster. That was like rubbing salt in a raw wound over his heart. How had he been so very wrong about them?
Nodding, he walked away, leaving his cup of tea on the counter. Brushing his teeth, he quickly disappeared and lay down on the far side of the bed. He heard her moving around in the distance, feeling his heart breaking all over again. What was wrong with him, them , that Kristie had left, and now he couldn’t make Cherry happy? How long would it be before he had to explain to his son that…
“Evan?” Cherry’s frightened voice echoed in the silence as he lay there, curled and turned away from the doorway to give her some privacy. “Can we talk?”
“Sure,” he whispered hoarsely, feeling his heart clench painfully as he lay a hand on his chest. The bed moved slightly, indicating that she’d sat down on the opposite side.
“Is something wrong with me?” she asked tearfully, and he rolled over to stare at her in shock. Her shoulders were slumped, and her whole aura was one of rejection, like she was bracing herself for the worst, wrapped in this godawful floral robe.
“What? Why would y-you a-ask that?” he stammered in disbelief at her words mixed with his own reaction to her appearance. When had a floral robe become the hottest thing on the planet? Skip the satin or lace. He wanted to peel that thing from her, kissing every inch of her skin and reveling in how soft it might be.
“I’m just… I don’t understand,” she murmured, her voice thick with tears. “I’m trying to look appealing to you or give you some sign, but I’m lost and failing miserably. How do people do this?”
“Do what exactly?”
“Start things in the bedroom,” she croaked out, looking over her shoulder at him. “I don’t know what to do to tell you that…”
Maybe he was dreaming? Or perhaps he was having a stroke or died from heart failure a moment ago. Was Cherry wanting to make love to him?
“Huh?” was all he could manage as she turned fully to look at him, tears cascading over her eyelashes and onto her cheeks. Her beautiful eyes were nearly frantic with worry – and that look alone was killing him.
“How do I tell the hottest guy in the universe that I’m not some loser or loose woman, but I want my husband to touch me and pretend that he cares for just one night,” she wept – and he nearly died on the spot.
“Hang on,” he stammered, getting up and walking across the room, his mind racing. I’m the luckiest man in the world, and if you give me this chance, Lord – I promise that I’m not going to mess this up , he prayed silently, and locked the bedroom door.
Taking a seat directly beside her, Evan took both of her hands in his and looked her in the eyes. Those glistening brown orbs were tearing holes in his soul, and he vowed never to make her cry again.
“Cherry, I wanted to take things slow because I care about you…”
“Evan, I think you’re incredible, and I want all of this to be real, not some dream where I might wake up someday. I just don’t know how to make you happy, and I thought that…”
“Cherry,” he interrupted her, bringing one of her hands to his lips and kissing her palm. “You make me incredibly happy,” he whispered hoarsely. “You’re so special to me that I’m scared to mess things up with you. I don’t know if I could handle you ever leaving me like my ex-wife did. I never want you to resent me or grow to hate me and…”
“I love you,” she interjected passionately, her eyes searching his as she let out a nervous, tearful laugh. “I know this is crazy, but I feel like I’m finally home when I look in your eyes – and I love the feeling.”
“I love you too,” he confessed, his own eyes getting misty as he realized what a true miracle this was. “And if it’s crazy, I don’t ever want to be sane.”
They shared a small, nervous laugh as they sat together. At that moment, he could see forever in her eyes. He could see them sitting together, just like this, when they were eighty, knowing that life was perfect at this moment. His own eyes stung as he looked at her, swallowing humbly. This was his heart, his chosen soulmate, and there would never be another person in the world like his beloved Cherry.
“Sooo,” she whispered in exaggeration, her cheeks turning pink before him. “How do we start things? Because I distinctly remember some sexy sailor promising to break that headboard.” And he threw back his head, laughing in sheer delight and wonder, marveling at her.
“Well, we start things slowly,” he smiled.
“I’m listening,” she replied, nodding. “Should I lie down? Get rid of my robe? Should I be undressing you?”
“Shhh,” he breathed as his heart staggered in his chest with excitement, stunned at the turn this evening had taken. “You can’t rush making love…”
“Then make love to me… and take all the time you need.”
Evan leaned forward, releasing one of her hands to reach up and cradle the back of her neck, pulling her slightly toward him. He wanted so badly to kiss her, to hold her close, to leave his mark on her heart and soul.
“I’m going to love you forever,” he promised passionately, his breath mingling with hers as he finally kissed her, tasting heaven.